We Didn't Start The Fire by @scribbledpizza

I really liked the first paragraph. It showed us great character development and the ruthlessness of the father all in one small block of text. That's how it should be done, so well done. :)

The main character was well-established. She was bad-ass but it was handled well and with reason. I'm saying this because in lots of books you see the MC as flawless and cocky and bad-ass and it's just infuriating. Anyway, Renda wasn't like that.

Some comma splits which could have been solved with a semi colon or a dash (in the cases I saw, all of them looked better with a dash so that's what I suggested.)

When you have an adjective followed by a gerund, you should have a hyphen in between.

The style was great. You've really found your voice and it shines through the writing.

When writing dialogue, you need to put the dialogue tag in lower case. I commented in most of these for you but it would be a good idea to practise doing this for later chapters.

As I mentioned in the comments, that first part before the asterisks I think would make a great prologue. But I mean it's your story so your rules.

Overall, a great start. I didn't have much to say because everything was great apart from the things mentioned above.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which be found at the beginning of this book.