His Majesty's Ballerina by @PenelopeMagdalene

There were many many tense jumps in this story. You need to keep the whole thing in the past tense as you kept switching to present - sometimes even in the same sentence!!

Comma splits sometimes.

Normals spelled out look more formal.

You kept saying "view" instead of "a few".

The dialogue really wasn't very realistic. Kitty said Brad's name in every sentence to a point where it became almost as though she were trying to be patronising towards him.

Articles were sometimes forgotten.

It's good that you weren't afraid to be realistic about some horrors of the world.

I think the plot was extremely cliché. It followed many of the romance tropes which made the story quite bland and boring.

Plot-wise, when Kitty had diarrhoea, it appeared too soon. You'd need to wait at least a few hours.

The chapters I found were too long. Maybe cut them down so they're smaller. I get you want it to be a short story but I think it would do the story some good to cut it down into smaller and more manageable chunks.

Everything seemed to go right for Kitty in the end. That's a good thing to an extent but after a while it became tedious and a little unrealistic. She also seems to have sex with everyone. Like everyone.

More description would have been nice and would definitely have enhanced the writing more.

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