Kids Playing Soldiers by @__A__Poets__Heart__

Interesting aesthetics - they were different from what you'd expect.

I thought the elements of Alice and Wonderland were clever.

More description would have been nice. I felt like I really didn't know what the scene looked like or any of the characters. Rather bland.

I don't think the title fits with the prose. Maybe have something to do with the Queen in there? I'm not sure.

Some unnecessary commas.

Tenses jumps (only like one).

Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.

Commas splices can be fixed either with a semi colon or a dash.

Emotion was nicely conveyed.

You had paragraphs of dialogue and immediately following that, action from another person. It got really confusing at times because I couldn't tell who was doing what.

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