#153 When The Lights Go Out
When The Lights Go Out by @AtashaSwan
Some places where you needed paragraph breaks.
I would normally say you need thoughts in italics but most of the story was thoughts anyway. All I can say is to keep it consistent.
Tense jumps - keep it all in one tense.
Dialogue tag needs to be in lower case (so the "he said" part.)
Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.
You captured the atmosphere of the dead of the night brilliantly! And I liked how you portrayed the frightened mind of the mc.
Good suspense and realism about the sleep paralysis too.
Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!
If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book. :)
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top