The Moon is Our Sun by @someauthorhuh

I would make more use of italics for emphasis. And use italics instead of bold.

Dialogue tag needs to be in lower case.

Some occasional tense jumps that need fixing.

You mad many long sentences that I think were combinations of many shorter ones. Together they didn't make sense (since you'd used many comma splices too).

Comma before names.

Some typos like quite instead of quiet.

I found Axel to be better developed as a character than Millie. Millie I found annoying at times.

Great cliffhangers at the end of chapters. It made for good suspense.

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