Don't Flirt With Me by @ErigizzyE13

The first chapter started off colloquial. Normally this would annoy me but in this case it wasn't so bad - it fit with the style. I would, however, be careful with it.

Comma splices - this is where you have to sentences and you've put a comma between them. You need a semi colon or a dash.

Numbers look more formal when spelled out completely.

Thoughts should be in italics.

Some good detail about the anniversary. I think you could have added more description - especially of the last scene with the wine. It would make it more real.

You need commas before names.

Sometimes you had brackets that contained unnecessary information.

When writing dialogue, keep the dialogue tag in lower case (saw a lot of examples of this).

Overall, a good attempt. I can see it going somewhere.

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