Fight For Her by @MarlenyAgustin

You had some tense jumps but they were understandable. I would still change them though just to be sure (change them back to past).

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.

New speaker = new line

Commas before names.

You had some comma splices which was where you had two sentences that made perfect sense on their own but joined them together with a comma. What you need to do instead is join them either with a semi colon or a dash.

I liked how you portrayed Lucas' ruthless character through his dialogue in that last line. I also liked the way in which you made the POVs cross.

Overall, a really good attempt. Very intriguing and not many errors!

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