Forbidden by @cool_reader_

The opening paragraphs were very vivid - I could really envision what you were trying to say.

Jessica's longing for Daniel is really evident too.

Some words could have been spiced up a bit (look at the "normal" example I commented.)

More description would be nice. I felt some parts were a little bland and could be worked.

With the end of chapter one, I felt like there could be a LOT more desperation in the way everyone was handling the situation. There was a lot of potential to make it more dramatic.

Noun/adjective + gerund = hyphen in between.

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