"I know," Lucille whispered before kissing my cheek. 

Even though her expression was the softest and most honest I've seen in what felt like years, I couldn't feel anything. I barely felt the touch of her hand as she lead me up to our room. My limbs moved on their own accord and my mind went blank. I felt like one of my toys, feigning the impression of life and movement only to actually be hollow inside.

Lucille placed me on the bed, my eyes dropped to the ground as she changed into her white billowing nightgown and released her hair with a sigh. Her hand untied the cloth around my neck and then strayed down to the buttons on my vest. Finally, she slipped it inside the collar of my shirt. 

"Thomas," she tilted my head towards her, "I know she meant something to you."

A spark of emotion flickered in my chest. Fear? Resignation? Guilt?

She stroked my face but it felt like I was feeling it through a thick blanket. 

"She was different from the others. She was young, energetic, and naive like that obnoxious dog. She followed you around and showed off her tricks, but like with all pets, you'll get sick of them after awhile. They don't survive for long. I'll put her down quickly. She won't feel any more pain, Thomas." 

Was. Dog. Pet.

Tears blurred Lucille's face. I can't see Edith as though she was already dead, much less a dog or a mere pet. 

I'll put her down quickly.

The image of Mr. Cushing's bashed in face flashed in my mind and sent a shiver through my body. 

Is that her idea of putting someone down quickly? What has she done to Enola, Pamela, and Margaret? What is she going to do to Edith?

A sob tore through my body. Lucille brought my head to her bare shoulder as she started singing the lullaby, shushing me between verses. I didn't notice she undid my trousers until I felt her hand grab me. I hardened under her touch but I felt no pleasure. Just a reflex. My tears stopped as the numbness sunk its teeth into me again. 

The skin against my lips was soft. I reached my arm around and pulled further on the laced fabric. This felt familiar...

"Thomas!" Edith giggled, playfully slapping up at my chest. I hovered over her, her hair completely released from her bun and was a golden silk halo around her head. The floor above us creaked under heavy footsteps, probably someone getting a drink of water. Even though her gown was disheveled, she never looked more beautiful. I touched my nose to hers.

"Don't..." She struggled to keep a smile at bay, a lighthearted warning.

"Don't what?" I retorted, smiling. 

She tensed up, bring her shoulders closer to her neck.    

I tickled her sides and she flailed with laughter. I seized my moment and brought my lips to her shoulder, wrapping my arm under hers and holding her still. 

"THOMAS!" she squealed, trying to push me away. I couldn't help but laugh with her, causing me to lose my grip. I kept my head against hers, her voice in my ear.

As our laughter slowed, I met her gaze. She ran her fingers through my damp hair. I touched my nose to hers again. This time, I had a different intention. I kissed her softly, deepening the kiss with each breath. Edith held me closer to her. I reached for the straps on her shoulders and gently slipped them off...

This shoulder was not ticklish. Even as I kissed it, Lucille doesn't stop singing nor release her grip on me. I can never be completely numb. I can never fully escape the memories Edith and I created together nor the feelings tied to them. I continued to kiss Lucille's shoulder, trying to relive that memory to its entirety but it wasn't the same. It can never be the same. I breathed heavier, causing Lucille to slow down. I just wanted this over.

The creak of the door caused me to stop and turn towards the sound. I know the door was securely shut behind us which could only mean...

Edith.

She stood before me, pale and trembling. 

Now you know how imperfect I am, Edith. Impure. Broken. This is who I am.

Lucille finally turned, sighing in pleasure as if she was relishing a victory while Edith backed away into the shadows.