Don't do cocaine kids.

I was lying on my back, watching the clouds when I heard Todoroki's car pull up. All three of my friends rushed towards me, taking a seat on the ground near me when I didn't lift my head to greet them. 

"You gonna tell us what's going on?" Todoroki asked me, his voice uncharacteristically filled with emotion. He'd probably been yelling at Shinsou in the car, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. 

I giggled, bringing a hand to cover my mouth to try and muffle them. 

"Izuku?" Uraraka's worry-filled voice asked. 

I broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. I could stop it, or muffle it, or quiet it down. It ripped through my mouth without my knowledge. 

"Are you... are you fucking high right now?" Shinsou asked, his face suddenly appearing in front of me with a scowl present

"As a kite," I said in between my fully-bellied laughter. I sat up on my elbows so I could see the rest of them. Todoroki's face was blank, the kind of blank it went when his dad was yelling at him. 

Uraraka just wore a frown as she looked me over. "What'd you take?" 

I let my head tip back, enjoying the dizzy feeling it gave me. "What I managed to sneak past my mom after she raided my room," I laughed again, finding just about everything funny. 

"Holy shit, you did cocaine again, didn't you?" Todoroki asked me, absolutely dumbfounded by my actions. I fell back on the grass when I couldn't control my laughter enough to hold myself up anymore. 

"That's it, I'm calling Ashido," Uraraka declared, pushing herself to her feet. "You two get him in the car." 

I couldn't care less who she called. My mom was gonna ship me off as soon as I got home anyway. I'd already made peace with that. Everything that happened between now and then, didn't matter to me. Which was why I had planned on hiding out in my friends' hotel room until they left. Then I'd go home and face the music. 

"Buzz kill!" I shouted after her as she walked away, shooting me a stern glare as she went, phone to her ear. 

"This isn't how we deal with our problems, Midoriya," Todoroki had decided to lecture me while Shinsou helped him pull me to my feet. "Not anymore." 

"Why not?" I asked back, looking up at him with a doped-up smile. "It works so well." 

"What about us?" He asked as I was forced towards his car, a scowl on his face. I had gotten him to crack his icy-stone exterior. Oops. "Do you think we like seeing you like this? This almost ruined you a few months ago." 

"Hm," I hummed as I thought about it, leaning back into Shinsou. "I think Hito actually prefers me like this." 

"Is that seriously what you think of me?" Shinsou asked, appalled by the suggestion and pushing me off of him and back to Todoroki. 

"Mhm," I mumbled as the world spun for a second. "I kiss you when I'm like this." 

He just stared at me, absolutely defeated. I laughed again, getting pulled by Todoroki towards the car. I was placed unceremoniously in the back seat, Uraraka joining me a few moments later. The boys were in the front and we were off. The car was full of tense silence. 

"If you're just gonna be dicks about it, I'll go home and wait for my mom," I grumbled, trying my hardest to stuff down my laughter that was begging to come back. 

"We're going back to the hotel," Todoroki said shortly. "You're going to drink your weight in water and then you're gonna sleep it off. You can make your own decision when you're sober again." 

I mimicked him quietly in my seat. He could be such a dad sometimes. I scratched at the side of my neck, a feeling of dread sinking in through the drug-filled haze. I hadn't taken much, so I shouldn't have been surprised by how quickly the overstimulation and itchiness were setting in. 

"You'll make it worse," Uraraka gently scolded from beside me. 

"Saying that doesn't make it go away," I snapped at her, furiously digging my nails in as I continued to try and make the feeling go away. My window was rolled halfway down a few seconds later, Todoroki flashing me a quick glance in the review mirror. I let out a sigh of relief as the air hit my face. "Thanks," I said quietly. 

True to their words, I was brought back to their hotel, ushered into their room, handed glass after glass of water, and told to sleep. It didn't take much, I was exhausted from everything. I woke up a few hours later, feeling like myself again. Well, as much as you can after coming down from coke. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, spotting all three of them sitting on the other bed in the room, quietly whispering to each other. 

"You're awake," Todoroki said, all of their eyes directed towards me then. 

Uraraka was on my bed quickly, fusing over me while simultaneously threatening my life if I ever did that again. "Shinsou told us what happened," she admitted eventually. "What happened after we all left?" 

"I did cocaine, that's the biggest I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it ever," I mumbled back, avoiding her eyes. 

I felt the bed dip again and knew that Todoroki and Shinsou had joined us. "You did cocaine, you forfeited your right to not talk about it." Todoroki's voice was stern, I knew he wouldn't budge on this. 

"Bakugou heard everything," I admitted, just to get them off my back about it. "He was going to tell Eijirou when he got back. I decided I didn't like the pit in my stomach at the thought of hurting him and life was easier when I didn't care about other people's feelings." I turned my head into the pillow once I had finished, signaling that the conversation was over. I wasn't going to say anything more on the subject and if they were really my friends, they wouldn't ask me to. 

"You should have just called me first," Todoroki said with a sigh, I felt him shift to my right and assumed he'd leaned back against the headboard. "We could have gotten drunk, or just smoked or something. Why didn't you just call me first?" He was genuinely perplexed by the question. As mentioned before, he wasn't the best when it came to feelings and emotions. Every day it was like he was trying to figure out some complicated puzzle that was missing half the pieces. 

I sighed, knowing I'd have to explain myself or he'd be stuck thinking about it all day. "Because, Todoroki, I was in such a blind panic to just make it stop, I didn't think to call you until after." 

"Oh," he mumbled as another puzzle piece snapped in place. 

"I called Ashido," Uraraka said quietly, waiting for me to freak out at her. 

"I know, I remember." I still didn't care who she'd called, I was sticking to my plan. I would hide out there for a few days and then head home once they left. My mom would have me off the next morning at some boarding school, far away from everything. 

"She said that Bakugou and Kirishima want you to go over to their place... to talk about everything." She was trying to approach the subject as gently as possible and it made me realize how fragile those boys had actually made me. 

"Don't care," I responded flippantly. 

She paused, thinking through what she should say to that. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes," I confirmed, my arms wrapping around my pillow. "I'm done with them. I got too close, too fast and it blew up in my face. I won't be making that mistake again." I turned my head away from her, signaling that the conversation was over. 

"Let's get your mind off it then," Shinsou said suddenly, something heavy being dropped onto my back.

I rolled over and looked at the box, not being able to stop the small laugh that left my mouth at the sight of it. "Uno? Do you really want to start this?" I asked him, a brow raised in question. Our group was vicious when we played Uno, almost to the point of breaking up the group.  

He just nodded towards the box, silently telling me to shuffle and deal. I complied almost instantly. I had missed our group game nights the most. Sure, all the other stuff was fun and exciting, but when I thought of my friends, I thought of nights like these. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Uraraka and Todoroki were gone before I woke up. Shinsou, who was sitting up in the opposite bed on his phone, had told me that they'd gotten to get us breakfast. He got stuck behind because they wanted me to have a babysitter. 

We fell into easy conversation, no underlying means or tension hung in the air, I was just hanging out with my best friend again. It was amazing. Until my phone started buzzing like crazy on the desk, where I had tossed it before crawling into bed. Our conversation came to a halt while we both stared over at the device. 

"Who's your money on? Bakugou, Kirishima, or your mom?" the tired boy asked in humor, and I forced a laugh from my lips. I knew he was trying to ease my anxiety, but it hadn't worked very well. 

When I made no indication I would be moving for it, Shinsou spoke up again. "Do you want me to check?" It was hesitant like he was worried about crossing some imaginary boundary. 

I slowly nodded, watching as he rose from his spot on the bed and moved across the room. He picked up the buzzing device and started to scroll, pausing every few seconds to read the messages. I didn't even care what he saw, I just knew I wouldn't be able to check it. 

"It's mostly Bakugou and Kirishima," he admitted in a quiet voice. "Your mom sent a few asking where the hell you are, but not since last night." 

I nodded, settling back into my spot. I was silently grateful my mom had been expecting this so much, she wasn't even surprised. 

"Iz," Shinsou's soft voice brought me out of my thoughts. "You should really read these." 

"I don't want to," I said with a shake of my head. I was holding firm to my decision for a full cut-off. 

"Are you sure?" A simple question they all kept asking me. They knew that arguing was pointless and they knew that I needed them to respect my decisions right now. I needed to feel like I had some semblance of control over my life. 

"Positive," I confirmed. I motioned to the phone with my hand. "I meant what I said. I'm done. It doesn't matter what they say now." 

He looked between my phone, which was still receiving countless text messages, and me with a skeptical look. "I don't think they're gonna stop any time soon." 

I shrugged, leaning back with crossed arms. "Then shut them up or turn it off. I don't care." 

Even though he was trying to play the amazing best friend at the moment, he couldn't stop the evil glint that shone in his eyes at my permission. "Are you sure you wanna let me do that?" 

I sighed and pushed myself to sit up once again. I motioned to the bed in front of him, a silent request for him to join me. He did so with only a moment of hesitation. "I love them, Hitoshi." I knew from the look on his face when he mentioned Bakugou, that something in those texts he'd read had betrayed the true nature of our relationship. "Not only does that thought scare the shit out of me because of the power it gives them over me," I took a deep breath, silently wondering why the hell I was telling him all of this. Other than the fact I thought he would be the only one to understand. "But I'm a walking train wreck. I destroy everything I touch. I can't keep my promises. I can't be a good son. I can't even be a half-decent boyfriend. The last thing either of them needs in their lives is me and all my problems. I'm doing this to protect them just as much as myself. I've thought this decision through and I'm not changing my mind." 

Shinsou stared at me, his eyes wide and a frown on his lips. "Izuku, you don't-"

"Stop, I'm not ready to unpack the rest of it right now. Please just make the buzzing stop," I said with a groan, dropping myself onto my pillow. 

"Got it," I heard him respond faintly, then the buzzing became further apart. "Sorry about this," he spoke and suddenly my shirt was pushed up and his hand slid up to rest on my waist. 

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him in shock. 

"They want proof you're alive," he stated simply, holding the phone up to try and take a picture. "So I'm giving them proof that'll shut them up." He wore a wicked look that spoke volumes about his true intentions. 

"You're so embarrassing," I grumbled, holding my hands over my face as the camera shuttered. 

"Embarrassing, but effective," he said smugly as the phone went silent. 

"Well," I mumbled, grabbing the phone from his hands and reading what Shinsou had said in the group chat Eijirou had made with all three of them. Nothing above. 

Deku~

He's busy

Kacchan~

THE FUCK? GIVE HIM HIS PHONE

Deku~

Can't 

He's busy

Kacchan~

Which fucking extra are you?  

Give him the fucking phone right now

Deku~

The ex boyfriend that succeeded at breaking you up

Tho I can't take all the credit, you played a pretty big role too if Iz told me correctly

Kacchan~

You're fucking dead eye bags

Give Izuku the fucking phone

Now

Deku~

Like I said

He's busy

Eijirou~

Is he ok at least? 

Deku~

More than ok actually

Kacchan~

Like I fucking believe you

Deku~

(photo attachment)

Seen by Eijirou and Kacchan

The chat went dead after that. I took a deep breath, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that they both probably hated me. I was officially irredeemable. My decision had just become final.