40 [apology]
The drive towards Treasure district is accompanied by Hwayoung singing and dancing excitedly at the back seat about having a ponytail. Yunho asks her where she learnt it from and apparently according to her, she had seen both her Uncle Yeosang and San dancing and singing like maniacs to that song at the living room, so she had picked that up.
Yunho shakes his head at her answer as she continues on and he gives a signal to cruise into the exit, mumbling to the person on the passenger seat, "Kids learn and pick up quick, don't they?"
"I don't have much experience with kids, but I guess they do," Byul chuckles. "She's so precious it's no wonder that her uncles love her so much; I'm glad to see that." As she says that she throws her view out the window, enjoying the scenery on a Saturday afternoon.
Yunho drums his fingers against the steering wheel as he throws a look to see his child at the seat, still happily singing and making the plushie she brings along dance with her. "I'm sorry you had to come together," he bites his lower lip, "because I know that you said you were uncomfortable about being pulled into the picture. And... for the DNA test, thank you. I just-" He looks at Hwayoung again, and it seems that the child is really oblivious to them chatting in the front seats. "Hwayoung's mother went away so suddenly and you reminded me a lot of her, so it's just me being stupid and hoping it was real. After you suggested the test, it made me realize how I shouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable. I'm sorry, truly."
She takes off her shoes and crosses her legs on the seat before shaking her head. "You don't have to apologize for anything. I can't imagine how life is like there..." she trails off as she sucks in a deep breath, "so to know that you're wishing Hwayoung will finally have her mother back is completely understandable." She takes one look at the rearview mirror and can't help but smile. "You take care of her so well."
"I wouldn't be able to manage if it weren't for the boys honestly," he admits. "Though some of them were really careful around her when she was just a baby. Yeosang didn't want to even touch or hold Hwayoung at first because he said she looked like raw chicken, but thankfully he warmed up to her." He finds it easy to talk to her that he starts sharing how it went on at the facility, "Seonghwa and Wooyoung were fighting because they wanted to name the baby, so I ended up giving her a name as a combination of both." He looks exhilarated as he keeps telling stories about his only daughter, "Oh and!" he exclaims, "Hwayoung meant a pretty flower so I thought it was fitting. I told her mother that our children would be the flowers-"
He presses his lips together and sighs, "I'm being stupid again, I'm sorry. I really should stop talking about her mother. Argh these days I tend to overthink a lot because Hwayoung is growing up so fast and I'm scared I'm not doing a good job at being her father. Sorry," he grimaces.
"Seonghwa told me to stop apologizing so much, so you should too," she utters, playing around with the string on her hoodie. She pulls them all the way until her face is all scrunched up under the hoodie, amusing herself as she takes sight of herself in the side mirror. "I can tell that you're trying your best to take care of her. I'm sure her mother would be proud seeing Hwayoung and you right now."
"Yeah, I really wish she could," he mumbles under his breath. "We're here."
The car pulls up in front of a boom barrier at the lane where visitors to the middleclass apartment can pass through, with the guard coming up to their car and asking for identification. He produces his identification and the guard jots down the car's plate number and his details, giving him a visitor's pass and letting him go under the barrier. They park at the visitors' parking bay; Hwayoung hops off the car, with Byul helping to unload her tiny luggage.
Hwayoung hops towards the direction of the lift, holding Byul's hand with one and hugging her plushie with one. She tiptoes to press the button to go up, humming again to the ponytail song.
"You must have been here a lot of times," Byul comments as Yunho joins them in front of the lift. "Looks like she knows her way around."
"Whenever we have our missions and all of us are busy, we would ask help from Akira and Emira to watch over her, so she's grown fond of them. At first Hwayoung is a little bit scared of them because of their tattoos, but Seonghwa managed to convince her they're not bad people. Now they hang out like they're best buddies."
Since last night they'd come to a decision that all 9 of them will be involved in the mission at the party tonight, Seonghwa had called Akira and asked for help to watch over Hwayoung for the night. Apparently they're used to it, because the tattooist agreed without asking so much, and even the little kid didn't seem to mind.
Before sending Hwayoung off, Hongjoong came back to the dorm with a DNA kit in hand, saying that it would only take a mouth swab from both Byul and Hwayoung to confirm whether they're related- or not. The child seemed curious but didn't question it, letting her mouth get swabbed. With all of them watching, the DNA kit was sealed and sent off. Like what Byul had mentioned, the lab promises a 24 to 72-hour result, so they could find out once they're done with the mission tonight.
Hwayoung wanted her to come along to send her off, and although Yunho tried to coax her into stopping in fear of her growing uncomfortable, Byul agreed nonetheless, taken in by the child's eagerness. She would just have to pretend that it's not awkward when they'll be alone in the car on the way back to the dorm without Hwayoung together with them.
They go up to the 8th floor, with Hwayoung getting ready to ring the doorbell but since she's too short, Yunho has to go over and pick her up. She presses once on the bell and he puts her face near the peephole so the house occupants can see who's visiting.
The door swings open and Byul's automatic reaction as she sees Akira at the doorway is to think hot damn, Seonghwa is one lucky bastard. Akira is wearing booty shorts with a loose top, her tattooed skin glistening with sweat and highlighting her rich skin tone. It looks like she's in the middle of working out, with her curly hair put up in a bun and muscles popping out.
"You're here," she greets. "And you too, Byul! It's so nice to see you again. I would hug you right now but I currently stink with all this sweat. Come in, come in. Emira's in her bedroom, I'll call her to come out."
All three of them step into the unit, and with Hwayoung looking like she's used to the ways around the apartment unit, she plops down on the sofa. Yunho and Byul are more cautious as they put on the guest house slippers and sit on either side of Hwayoung.
Byul looks around the unit, enjoying the fact that even though the sisters have decorated their house as much as they can, the unit feels spacious and homey. She sees a treadmill at one corner of the living room so she's guessing that's where Akira had been working out at. They take care of a garden at their balcony, from the smallest cacti to the largest plant you can fit in a pot. There's a long strip of metal board where they put up souvenir magnets from different countries, with the souvenirs almost filling up the whole length. The built-in bookshelves at the living room are stuffed with different kinds of story books, and she remembers back at the tattoo parlour about how Emira mentioned that Akira likes to read.
"Welcome to our humble house," Emira appears, bringing two cups of tea and another cup of warm milk. "The garden," she starts, stealing a glance to the short pathway that leads to their bedrooms, where Akira is currently at, wiping the sweat off her face and body, "wasn't even my idea. I don't think I have it in me to take care of plants, it was all Akira and Seonghwa's idea. I think out of all the cacti, 6 of them are Seonghwa's."
"I can hear that, Emira!" Akira shouts from her bedroom. "Can't you find something else to talk about rather than about me and Seonghwa?"
"Fine," she grumbles. "How's our little champion doing?" Emira lifts up a fist for Hwayoung to bump.
"Great! Byul-ie is teaching me a lot of interesting stuff, and I love them. She is really nice to me, and I want her to become my mother-"
"That's great, Hwayoung," Yunho pulls Hwayoung close to her, subtly telling her to stop talking. He looks at Byul while silently apologizing with his eyes. "Thank you," he says to Emira, "for agreeing to take care of her even under short notice. I won't know what to do if you guys aren't here."
"Ah, it's no big deal. I enjoy having this little bundle of happiness in our house," Emira pinches Hwayoung's cheek and pulls her so that she'll sit on her lap. "We're going to have so much fun, right, Hwayoung?"
Hwayoung nods as Akira comes out of her room, her sweat wiped off and a smile plastered on her face as she joins them at the living room. She takes a moment to observe the three; Yunho, Byul and Hwayoung. Something plays in her mind but she pushes it away, turning to Yunho.
"Seonghwa said that you guys were planning to go to a theme park tomorrow, right?" Akira asks. "Just to spend time with Hwayoung."
"Yeah," Yunho says, ruffling Hwayoung's hair, "we feel really bad for having to leave her here for today, so we'd like to make it up to her tomorrow. Would both of you like to join? Just a Sunday out with us."
"You're kidding, right? Seonghwa was begging for her to come together, there's no way he would let her sit this one out," Emira replies. "That boy is head over-" she cuts herself off when she sees Akira giving her a warning to her. "Sorry, I think I just tend to talk a lot about my sister and Seonghwa because honestly, my love life is a desert and it's very uninteresting."
"Like you couldn't talk about anything else," Akira rolls her eyes before smacking a palm on her shoulder, to which Hwayoung giggles at.
They chat for a while until their drinks are finished, and Yunho decides that it's appropriate for them to leave. He gives a reminder to Hwayoung so that she'll not give her aunts a hard time, and she gives her promise by peppering kisses to her dad's face. Hwayoung demands kisses from Byul next and as embarrassed as she is, she lowers herself down so that she'll be able to fulfill his daughter's wish.
The ride back home isn't as awkward as they anticipated, because it appears that Yunho is the type to talk a lot when he's comfortable with someone, and clearly he is. She never would have thought that someone would be capable of telling their complete life story during the journey from Treasure district to Light district. At first it's only him talking about where he grew up in, but when he sees that Byul looks interested in what he's talking about, he starts opening up more.
According to him, he was born and raised in an orphanage at Treasure district, and he never knew who his parents are or how they look like. The orphanage was the only home he knew; that's where he spoke his first word, that's where he found friends, that's where he learned about life. His life was nothing out of the ordinary before KTC, because he was just a normal kid who liked playing games and went to school with kids his age. He jokingly said that he was a popular kid too, because everyone admitted to liking having him around.
Byul nods while listening, occasionally acknowledging him, acting as if this is the first time she heard about it, when in fact, she knows. She enjoys listening to him talking excitedly about himself, not affected the least bit even after he was subjected to the harsh life at KTC.
She can't lie; she misses this Jeong Yunho.
He then mentions something about his lifelong crush, but abashedly presses his lips shut when he realizes he has strayed too far and it might cause her to be uncomfortable again.
As he turns quiet, she offers, "You must really love her... Hwayoung's mother."
He grips the steering wheel as he enters the slow lane, deciding that they're in no rush to go home. There aren't many cars on the road so he takes his time to drive. "You must be tired of hearing about her, when you're in no way related to her. I always feel the need to talk about her because I feel that I don't appreciate her enough when she was alive. I took her for granted."
"She... passed away..." she trails off, looking at her shoes as she scuffs the heels on the mat.
"Right in front of our eyes. That day I learnt that humans can be so evil without restraint. That day I also learnt how a mother's love can break down everything, even when she had to sacrifice her own life. She went away knowing that I betrayed her, that I was only a product of a system that was made to deceive her. I wish I could turn back time and dealt with it some other way. I should have known a system as evil and inhuman as the KTC wouldn't let her live no matter what I do. I was stupid."
"You're not," she pronounces as her eyes follow a bird flapping its wings to take off. "You're not stupid for having feelings; that means you're a normal human."
He chortles, but it sounds so pained that she has to resist the urge to hold his hand to comfort him. She can't- she doesn't have the rights to.
"I shouldn't have talked about this when I keep reminding myself that you're uncomfortable."
"It's fine," she purses her lips, then gives him a quick smile, "frankly this might sound weird, but I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to share with me. When I said I was uncomfortable, I didn't mean it as that I didn't want to hear about her at all, it's just that I don't want you to think of me as her," she stops scuffing her shoes, "I'm just an outsider."
"I don't think you are anymore," he says lightly, but full of purpose. "When Hongjoong has accepted you as a part of our team, that means you are. You know," he exhales, "before KTC I thought life was so simple, so carefree. I used to walk the long way to the orphanage from school because I wanted to see my crush." He laughs, then proceeds to shake his head, "ah, life was so much simpler back then. My biggest fear was not knowing how to confess I had a crush on her."
Her mind stops working as this is the first time she knows this about him, so she turns to look at him with a newfound curiosity. "Don't tell me... that your crush was Hwayoung's mother?"
"Ah, I got caught now didn't I?" She swears she could see him blushing and it's definitely not from the afternoon sun. "I think I first saw her when it was raining heavily but she was playing around happily under the rain although her parents kept calling her to come in. She's the type who finds joy in the simplest things. It was the first night I saw her, and that was how I remember what moon phase it was. It was a crescent."
"Were you the one who named the cafe as that?"
"The boys let me name the cafe because they thought I was good at giving names," he says playfully, but the mood turns sombre as he utters, "I was hopeful that maybe one day the crescent would be the guide for her to come back. I know, I know," he quickly refutes, "it's wishful thinking when I know she had died. Just some sort of stupid symbolism that I wish was true. If you don't realize, Byul," he says, her name coming out of his mouth bringing some sort of solace to her, "we're not exactly the smartest."
A crescent moon was out the first night you saw Lee Eunbi, not the night you saved her from the fire.
"I kept making excuses to go out from the orphanage so I could catch a glimpse of her. I mean, I can't see her anywhere else besides the area of her neighbourhood because we go to different schools. I went to a normal school while she went to a private prestigious one, so I'm definitely out of her league. I was the only person around when the fire took away her house and her parents..."
She clenches her fist.
"I wasn't thinking about anything else and I came in straight into the fire because I wanted to save someone at least. I called the ambulance, the firefighters, the police, everyone, before I jumped straight into the fire. I could only manage to save her, but it was short-lived too because she was then taken away by the Bifidensis to go to KTC."
"So you followed her," she says.
He looks surprised that she manages to catch on. "I did. I searched for her there but I couldn't find her among the other trainees. She was locked away in another section, because they deemed her a threat. I managed to bluff my way through to meet her, but it also became the reason she died."
She watches as they pass under the sign that indicates they are currently in the right direction towards Light district. "Would you... turn back time if you could?"
He takes a while to think about her question, as his eyes focus on the road even though it's currently blurry with the tears pooling in his eyes. "If I turn back time I probably wouldn't even meet her, if I turn back time Hwayoung won't be here. I regret the fact that a system like KTC exists; I regret that the last thing I managed to say to her is that 'we need to go back before they kill us' instead of 'I love you'." He winces, "She gave me another life when she decided to give away her own."
When it seems that Yunho was the one who would break down first, the opposite happens as Byul's tears drop onto her hoodie and she buries her face in her hands, mumbling, "I'm sorry- ah right, no apologizing," she manages through tears.
Yunho wipes his own tears and in a state of panic he utters, "Fuck, I didn't mean to make you cry from my sob story. I was just- I thought that you seemed like a person who listen to others well and I wanted to let it out- oh fuck. Damn it, stop cursing Jeong Yunho. I'm sorry, please pretend that you didn't hear me cursing."
Even with tears pouring down her cheeks, his panic made her laugh in between sobs, that she's alternately choking between tears and laughter. She has to stop herself from laughing too much as she wipes away the tears.
Yunho peeks at her. "Now that you practically heard my whole life story, would you like to share yours? If you want. I mean, I can't just be the only one talking about myself."
She presses her palms onto her eyes until it becomes dark then releases them. She blinks a few times and verbalizes, "I would love to but it's really nothing interesting. I told you I'm just a normal girl from Utopia district- oh with a lot of debt. I know that I just said to stop apologizing, but I'm going to do it again. I'm sorry for turning out into a disappointment."
He shrugs, accepting the fact that she won't be sharing anything about her previous life. "I hope you didn't mind me talking just now. That went deeper than what I thought I would share."
"I told you it's fine. Isn't it good if I know my partner for the mission better? So that we can make our act believable later on."
It takes 5 more minutes for them to arrive at the warehouse, with Yunho dropping her off because she still can't use the main entrance through the cafe. He drives off to park the car in front of the cafe as to make sure no one behind the cameras would catch on with anything.
Left alone at the warehouse, she walks slowly towards the headquarters, where the rest would be busy preparing for their mission tonight. She can't count the amount of times she cried, she can't count the amount of times she apologized, because she feels those are the only things she feels that she's capable of.
Yunho had asked her if she wanted to share anything about her life, and she apologized saying that she had nothing of importance to share. Her apology wasn't because she was scared he would find that her life before wasn't interesting.
Her apology was because she was scared that he would know that the person he's been sharing his stories with, was the person he had been sharing his life with.
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