Jeff: I met a couple of Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is "In not here to fuck spiders". It means "I'm already doing that" or "Obviously, yeah". So like, example usage:

Jeff: At the bar with a friend.
Friend: do you want to get a beer?
Me: well, I'm not here to fuck spiders.

BEN: I've literally never heard someone say that what fucking Australians did you meet

Y/N: mate those Australians introduced you to the grand Australian tradition of fucking with foreigners and making them believe anything about Australia

Jane: this is a seriously a thing Australians do. Like, automatically. Someone will say something that is complete bullshit in front of a foreigner and everyone will instantly jump on board and confirm it. Like it's some kind of built-in reflex.

Liu: my step-dad actually convinced my mom that there were no trains in Australia. And he didn't end this conversation with a 'just kidding' or anything like that. He just let her think that for years until we moved here and she saw a train and was like DAMN IT *INSERT LIU'S DAD NAME*