[Eeep! D'ya know how long it's been since I last updated? Too long! Bringing you awesome readers a new segment of insanity, suggestion courtesy of LyricRoyal, who receives another virtual cookie to add to her growing collection! (.:::.)] 

Jeff the Killer

It was "that" time of the month again, and this time you were having a supernatural craving for cookies. But not just any cookies. Little tiny cookies that came in bite-sized proportions.

You had had an ample stock of the succulent crunchies on hand. And yes, had had. You'd had those cookies until BEN came along and munched them all away, hence the past tense.

Tragically, it had been a massive jar, big enough for the average dachshund to curl up in. It weighed a ton, and might've broken a world record or two.

On that fateful night when you'd opened the lid to satisfy your case of the munchies, BEN was the only thing left, surrounded by crumbs. You mistook him for a cookie in your sleep-deprived state and tried to eat him.

Naturally, you'd given an earful to Jeff about it the next day. Something about "expensive product" and "control your *bleeping* friend, you mother*bleeping* idiot."

Anydoodles, it was about one in the evening. You were sitting cozily in the lounge, watching reruns of Naruto Shippuden and chuckling at Hidan's loudmouth habits.

After awhile, you began to notice that D/N wasn't curled up nearby. Or above. Or below. Hell, the bloomin' dog wasn't there at all.

It might've been the erratic hormones acting up, but you were instantly worried and feared the worst. The worst being that D/N had been doggynapped by the Akatsuki. Or Zalgo. Both were plausible.

You reluctantly dragged yourself out of bed and towards the kitchen. That's when you registered a strange smell - a strangely delicious one.

And so you stumbled upon the most startling scene of seeing Jeff pulling a piping-hot tray of itty-bitty cookies out of the oven. Seriously. They were this small. (.::.)

Disturblingly, he wasn't wearing oven mitts. But since his hands were covered in scarred, leathery white skin, it didn't effect him. Or at least, we all hope so.

D/N was sitting by his feet, dissolved into a gooey-gooey state of lovey-dovey, feed-me-whatever-that-is-because-it-smells-so-good-I'm-probably-gonna-reject-it-anyway-or-burn-my-tongue-and-get-a-stomachache.

Jeff happily went over to the gigantic cookie jar and tipped the cookie tray over, successfully filling the thing all the way to the top. Then the crazy killer turned around and noticed you.

"Oh, hiya Y/N!" He chirped happily, leaning a hand on the terrific achievement that was the smokey cookie jar.

"J-Jeffy boy... What is this?" You asked, gobsmacked.

You weren't shocked out of your mind about the thousands of cookies, oh no. You were shocked that the whole house hadn't blazed down to the ground again.

"Didn't I tell you? My momma taught me how to bake and I found some old recipes inside her coffin!" Jeff announced, with a cocky grin on his psychopathic lil' face.

BEN Drowned... In chocolate hearts?

You were feeling quite... Unwell, after eating a full course of sushi at a questionable eating establishment as a dare from one of your friends.

After sprinting as fast as a Foxy to the bathroom sink to throw up for the umpteenth time the next day, you swore never to eat another maki roll for as long as you lived.

The only consolation was that you had company in the bathroom. BEN was bent over the toilet, hacking and spluttering. There was a reason why those cookies had a recommended serving size.

Looking pale and sickly, the little elf raised his head.

"On this day I, BENjamin Drowned, swear to never ever ever ever ever eat another cookie ever ever ever ever again." His eyes bled neon green blood as he spoke.

You just moaned and sank against the sink, looking poorly. "Know what? You're not so bad, BEN. You've got your moments of- Bleh!"

The inspirational speech was cut short by another wave of nausea. Turning green, you quickly ducked back into the sink, your resolve against sushi strengthening by the second.

In the end, BEN recovered faster than you due to his creepypasta status. However, he didn't immediately go rushing for more yum-yums. Instead, he stayed behind and actually made sure that you were okay.

Dark Link~

Darkness had taken you to a fancy restaurant for a date, vowing to treat you like a queen. There was a full course meal - and a delicious one at that.

For the record, no. There was absolutely zero sushi involved. This dining place specialized in gourmet dishes with hard-to-pronounce names.

Phantom would go into details about the food, but then she'd get hungry herself and possibly salivate all over the screen. This is a bad thing. Therefore, that part has been omit- er- skipped.

It was sometime during the wait for the main course (Roasted lamb garnished with spices and a cream of mushroom soup), that something out of the ordinary happened.

You were boredly looking around, curiously watching the table next to you, where a family of three were "trying" to enjoy their meal. The teenage boy had somehow spilled spaghetti all down his front.

Dark Link was leaning back in his seat and eying a lady who was sitting at the other other table. How some reason, the lady was still dressed as a fire goddess and was getting plenty of looks.

All of a sudden, an electrical hiss replaced the classy music that was being pumped out of the speaker system. A crackle. A flicker. And then the lights burst out, plunging the restaurant into darkness.

There were a few screams, all of which were womanly. You spotted a silhouette fleeing past the table, but what remained of your line of sight was immediately cut off when something heavy landed on your lap.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

You felt limbs wrapped around your choked neck, and whatever had landed on your lap was... Vibrating? Or was it shaking? Same difference, right?

Luckily, the backup generators booted into life pretty quickly, and the lights were restored.

Curiously, you looked down and was suprised to find Dark Link sitting on your lap, hugging you tightly while whimpering and burying his face in your hair.

Once it dawned on him that the evil... Darkness was gone, he vaulted across the table and resumed his seat like nothing happened, just in time for a waiter to arrive with your main courses.

He remained perfectly composed for the rest of the date and simply didn't let you bring up the topic.

You, on the other hand, wished that you'd brought along a camera to add that moment to the album.

Laughing Jakku

After coming to the weirdest realisation that L.J had never given you a proper kiss before (apart from the first one - but that doesn't count no more) it became your life's mission to steal one from him, straight from his lips.

This proved to be a harder task than you anticipated, purely because L.J had chosen that day to cosplay as Slenderman. Actually, he only decided that after you'd brought up the whole kissing issue.

Currently, he was sitting in front of a desk (which was a DIY one made out of tampon boxes), and stared with absolute seriousness at a window.

Keep in mind that his cosplay was hindered by his swirly cone nose - so the stretchy faceless mask looked more like a carnival tent. On his face.

You sat cross-legged on the floor, trying to talk some sense into him. "I mean, every time you do kiss me, it either feels like you're treating me like a sour lolly or trying to take a nibble!"

"I have my reasons, gummy child." His muffled voice came out in a deadpan.

You'd never known that he could pull off a Slenderman look and perfectly reenact his boring attitude so well. But it definitely made communication a pain in the arse.

Phantom would add more details about all this, but she's pretty sure that she's already walking a thin line with her mother's tolerance for questionable humor.

So um... Yeah. L.J remained like that until you finally gave up and conceded that his "reasons" had better be good. Then you immediately went off to wash your face, since you'd been craving to do so all day.

Meanwhile, At The Creepypasta Mansion (Does Anyone Still Read These?)

Slenderman - the real one who was naturally boring - was teleporting around with Charlie. He had the demonic teddy held far away, at tentacle's length.

"Sally? Sally, child? I've fixed your... Friend!"

Eventually, he found the little girl in the playroom. To his suprise, there was no mess of dolls or crayons or Legos or tea party remnants. In fact, she was already tucked into bed.

Someone was sitting by her bedside, reading her a bedtime story. Judging by the raven-coloured hair and mask around their face, Slendy assumed him to be Smiley.

After dropping off the creepy toy, the equally creepy faceless creepypasta went off to do something constructive that may or may not have involved a selfie stick and one of BEN's many iPhones.

Sally snuggled down with Charlie, looking happy as a little girl could be.

"... A garbled scream became her dying cry she choked on a cascade of oil from above. The hidden creatures had gotten their revenge on the industry that tore down their forest, and all was silent once more."

With that, the creepypasta closed the book with a soft snap. "The end."

______________________
A/N: Was it really Smiley who was reading? Or was it Smirky? But then again, it could've been Smiley with a tired voice... Who knows? Kekeke~

My chapters are getting longer! This one was over one thousand five hundred words long, so writing 2K words per day is working out well for me!

I won't be able to update tomorrow as we're going out somewhere. Anyway, I also have to go to bed early. Here's hoping that I don't have any more weird dreams involving Five Nights At Freddy's and Fireball Jutsu-ing Springtrap into the next dimension! O.o

Toodles!

~ TheNightPhantom