[*waves around a lemming* Hallelujah! You kept your promise! Thank you! :)]
P a r t T w o (scroll back for part one XD)
Jeff The Little Killyah

Like a slow-motion scene out of an epic kung-fu movie, Yzen kicked open the surgery's front door in a blaze of glory.

The little Jeffykins clinging onto her other leg didn't like it. He started crying, wailing for someone to feed him a biscuit.

Yes, apparently he'd forgotten all about his 'peenie butter' sandwich, forfeiting its memory in favour of demanding biscuits.

But not just any plain 'ol biscuit.

A butter biscuit.

Upon reading the word biscuit one more time, it will begin to sound strange to you. But that has no bearing on the plot whatsoever, so let's move on.

"Biscuit!" Jeff screeched, snapping his jaws like a carnivore. "Digest a biscuit, me wanna."

"I'll let you know - you won't go far with all that screaming, Jeffy boy. And let go of my leg, for goodness sakes! Let it go!"

"Nuh! I won't let go!" The little killer insisted, chewing on her trouser leg.

Yzen resisted the temptation to kick him like a football. She reminded herself that Jeff had probably lost all common sense.

Probably.

He wasn't purposefully acting annoying, purely because he could, right...?

Hmm.

Jeffykin's tiny lips suggested a smirk, as he shrieked in shrill demand while tugging the lower end of Yzen's top.

"Butta biscuit! I want a butta biscuit!"

Yzen's eyelid twitched.

Was it really child abuse to punch a minor in the face, if the kid in question was actually a full-grown creepypasta, egging for a fight?

She shook herself out of those dark, dark thoughts and forced herself to bear a rather snarl-like grin.

But no amount of sugarcoating could disguise the dripping venom in her voice. "I'll get you a biscuit later, Jeffy boy."

Wrong answer.

"NUUUEH! I WANT MAH BUTTA BISCUIT NOW!"

Her other eyelid started twitching too.

"Sweet mother-in-law of Zalgo, where the hell is Smiley?" Yzen groaned, (colour) eyes scanning across the suspiciously vacant room.

Behind her, a sleek voice cut in.

"I assure you that my mother-in-law is neither sweet, nor in possession of knowledge about the wicked doctor's whereabouts."

Casually, the prince of darkness slipped past her. He gave a curious glance towards the tantrum-throwing Jeffykins, and smiled slyly.

"My, my. So the viruses were effective after all..."

"If you know something about this, tell me now or I'll punch your lights out," Yzen hissed, still twitching like a madwoman.

Anyone would be driven mad by the way Jeff was screaming.

Zalgo defensively raised an arm to shield his face.

"I've done nothing evil; I'm thinking about helping you imbeciles for a change!"

Dubiously, Yzen crossed her arms. "Explain."

"The ghost cat did it. He looted my fairy godmother's top secret laboratory and made a getaway with several creepypasta viruses."

"Know what? That's so ridiculous that I believe it."

"Yes, well... I found some smashed vials in the garden. They had the lab's brand on them, so I went and reviewed some security footage to see how they ended up there."

"Wait, we have security cameras?" Jeff interrupted, in his normal voice.

"I didn't say they were yours. And, correct me if I'm wrong; aren't you supposed to have the mental age of a five-year old?"

After a nervous giggle, Jeff quickly punched Yzen up the gluteus maximus and resumed his temper tantrum over biscuits, complete with more babyish chatter than ever before.

Zalgo raised his head and audibly cleared his throat.

"Ahem, as I was saying: that spectral feline somehow managed to drop the lot of them over the breakfast table and it infected-"

"Save me the sob backstory; I need a cure!" Yzen snapped, lifting Jeff by the armpits and thrusting him at the demon's face.

"Bah. Brewing antidotes is too simple an affair for a genius like me." Zalgo scoffed, turning aside while waving her off.

This guy's ego is twice the size of his head. Yzen fumed.

Zalgo took just one departing step-

-And found himself facing the sharp business end of a gleaming sword.

"Make. The. Antidote." Dark Link snarled slowly, dragging out every syllable.

The demon used a claw to delicately push the blade down and tilt it away from his throat. He eyed Darkness disdainfully.

"Mm, alright, alright. No need to be pushy... darling."

Darkness clenched his - or rather, her - teeth. "My body may have changed, but my swordsmanship hasn't. Do you wish to be cut and diced?"

(For consistency's sake, we'll continue referring to the shade as a he.)

"It takes an awfully long time to stick myself back together again - so no."

"Then I suggest that you shut your mouth and start using your mind to create the antidote, before you feel the kiss of my sword on your neck."

Zalgo raised his hands in a submissive shrug. "If you insist."

Then his expression became a bit more serious.

"Find Laughing Jack and BEN. They've both come in contact with one virus or another, and the results could be devastating."

Yzen, who'd used the exchange between demon and shade to sneak away and chuck Jeff in a closet, straightened up and saluted.

"I'll find the crazy clown."

Yven, presently assisting Yzen by putting a padlock on said closet's handles, turned around too.

"I'll go! BEN's not a threat; I'm sure I can lure him here with snacks."

Placing his hand on her shoulder, Dark Link began: "I'm not sure that's such a good-"

"I'll leave some snacks for you too!"

Hormonal cravings overtook all his(?) common sense.

"Bye, bye; have a nice trip!"

And so it was, that Yzen and Yven departed as a tag team to round up the diseased pastas of creepy.

While Dark Link stayed behind to supervise Zalgo, just in case he tried doing something shady.

Jeff remained stuck in the locked closet.

Oh, don't worry. He had Smiley's secret collection of masquerade masks, and Smirky's hidden stash of demonic bedtime storybooks for company.

BEN Drowned... On a wrecking ball?

For some unfortunate (or very fortunate, depending on your point of view) reason, nobody called the police to report BEN for public nudity.

He'd tried to cling onto the speeding car for dear life, but it didn't work.

"Never let go, Jack! Never let go!" The little elf sobbed, addressing an imaginary potato.

A masculine imaginary potato.

Wearing a French beret.

The next thing you know, he was tumbling off and approaching the road; fast.

If it weren't for Yven and Yzen hanging out of a tree with a gigantic fishing net in hand, he would've been roadkill.

"Gotcha! One down, three to go."

"Let's use him as bait to catch a bigger, stupider, swirlier fish..."

"Miley may die, but twerking legends will endure!" squeaked BEN, flailing around in the net like a guppy.

Yven looked beseechingly at Yzen. "... Can we knock him out first?"

"Allow me to do the honours." Yzen smirked, cracking her knuckles.

Birds fled from the treetops and flew away as the black belt's voice boomed throughout the forest's outskirts.

"THIS IS FOR MY FRIDGE!"

Thwack!

"AND THIS IS FOR MY OTHER FRIDGE!"

Thwhack!

"AND THIS IS FOR THE FRIDGE AFTER THAT ONE!"

Thwhack!

As you can likely guess, this went on for a long time.

In fact, Yven had time to enjoy a nice cup of tea and some scones, after balancing a dainty chair between two sturdy branches.

Thwhack!

By the end of it, the madness-twerky-hybrid-virus was thoroughly whacked out of BEN's corrupted 'lil brain. So was his living daylights. And his I.Q itself.

Dark Link~

Darkness' self-discipline suffered a severe blow thanks to the genderbending virus.

That would explain why he was dividing his time between keeping a vigilant eye on Zalgo, and popping into the kitchen to feed himself snacks.

Currently, the shade was shamefully hunched over a bowl of Doritos, guiltily blushing mad lilac in response to resorting to such desperate measures.

He just couldn't stop eating.

And at the same time, Yven and Yzen were emptying BEN onto the lounge floor. They were taking a lunch break before tackling the big fish, you see.

Still intending to use the little elf as L.J bait, naturally.

BEN stumbled around in circles - winged laptops were flying around his head.

He fell back on his rump and blinked in confusion.

"... Where am I?"

It would appear, that Yzen's version of the 'cure' had given him short-term memory loss too. That might be for the best.

After a full five minutes of sitting on the floor looking cute, he got hungry. So naturally, the little elf gravitated towards the kitchen.

He froze in the doorway.

The genderbent Dark Link looked over his shoulder in a swish of snowy hair, upon hearing someone enter the kitchen.

The shade was wide-eyed, lashes fluttering as he clutched the bowl of Doritos to his, ahem, "full-figured" chest.

His mouth and hands were covered in cheesy dust.

BEN's eyes went wide as saucers.

... And then his red pupils turned into big hearts.

He wrung his hands in delight, jumping for joy.

"My wish came true! It's the second girl of my dreams, next to Y/N!"

The little elf zoomed to Darkness' side in a trail of sparkles, vaulting onto the table to nuzzle him (and the bowl of Doritos) affectionately.

"I shall call you... Doritoette!"

As we all know, Dark Link became tongue-tied when he was flustered. Judging by how his face now resembled a violet, this was one of those times.

"No- wait- it's me, you idiot!" He squeaked, his voice going high-pitched.

"I know it's you, angel of all yum-yums! My darling Dorito queen!" BEN sighed dreamily, sneaking a hand into the bowl.

There are many reasons we could give, to try and explain how this situation occurred. But at the end of the day, it simply surpassed all logic.

Somehow, BEN was so lovestruck that he didn't notice that his 'darling Doritoette' looked exactly like a female Dark Link.

Somehow, Dark Link was so swept away by all the crazy things going on at once that he couldn't care less.

Somehow, we ran out of things to say 'somehow' about.

Once the embarrassment wore off, he grabbed a pint of cookies 'n cream ice cream from the fridge and trudged back upstairs to check on Zalgo - accompanied by his unwanted 'lover'.

The prince of darkness didn't ask questions; he laughed.

Don't ask how or why - but he just knew what happened.

"I've almost finished the antidote for your- ahem- unfortunate aliment."

Mumbling something approving under his breath, Darkness shook BEN off his lap, (the little elf had tried to drape himself across it, again).

"In the meantime, take this." Zalgo mockingly handed him a box of tampons.

Dark Link didn't appreciate his thoughtful gesture.

He threw it at BEN's lovey-dovey face, then deadpanned.

"No."

"But you're exhibiting the symptoms of coming close to-"

"Then you'd best hurry up with that antidote, no?" A cutthroat gesture accompanied his vaguely threatening words.

The prince of darkness swallowed dryly, and quickly turned back to his work, tail curling into loose swirls.

He was wearing his cloak now, and had the hood up, shrouding the upper half of his face. However, his glowing irises still stood out like sore thumbs, and made it easy to track where he was looking.

BEN continued trying to claim Dark Link's undying love (and ice cream), until he was hauled away to be used as bait by an amused Yzen and Yven.

Laughing Legolas

".Do you think it's safe to come out now?" Yvion whispered.

With much difficultly, Yulynn poked her head around the T.V stand. Her range of vision was narrow, due to her face being kinda squashed.

"Um... Maybe?"

"Good enough; I can't breathe any more!"

The two girls hastened to escape their cramped hiding place, and almost knocked over a very expensive T.V in the process.

Tumbling out onto the floor after a complicated game of human jenga, they paused to regain their bearings.

Yulynn jumped to her feet like a video game character, proclaiming (quietly) that her stamina bar had refilled.

On the way up, she hit her head on something irrelevant and promptly fainted.

Yvion propped herself up on elbows in a daze. Someone offered her a hand, and she took it without thinking.

"T-Thanks..." She trailed off offhandedly, busy checking the room for any sign of a crazy creepypasta.

"You're welcome, my delicious gumdrop."

No real concern showed on Yvion's face. She absentmindedly petted L.J on the nose, then walked off to try waking up Yulynn.

The monochrome clown came up behind her, sat down cross-legged, and started shaking a pepper shaker over her head.

"A-Achoo!"

"Bless you." Shaky. Shake. Shake. He deftly swapped it out for a salt shaker.

Just before L.J laid down a final seasoning of basil and got out the cutlery, a lightbulb of dawning realisation clicked inside Yvion's head.

"I'm not your dinner!"

She yelped in horror and dove over Yulynn's semi-conscious form, shaking garnishes out of her hair.

Laughing Jack just stared ahead blankly, albeit a bit disappointed-looking.

"... I measured all that stuff for taste."

"You need professional help! Just- Just let me call Doctor Smiley; he'll know what to do."

That perked him up. "I've always wanted to eat him!"

"No, you haven't. That's just the madness virus talking..." Yvion cautioned, backing away slowly.

She was only a short sprint away from the door.

But she couldn't leave poor Yulynn behind. The poor girl already had a sucky life; she was BEN's girlfriend.

So instead, Yvion gingerly kept L.J at arm's length and slowly dialled Smiley's number in his view.

"See? I'm going to call him. He's going to come over and-"

"-I'm going to tie him up, bleed him dry, gut him, skin him, chop him into itty-bitty pieces, and eat him with a side of salad?" L.J questioned, not-so innocently cocking his head to one side.

"-He's going to help you," Yvion said gently, taking another step back, holding up the phone.

"Let Smiley give you some medicine, and then you can barbecue him. Okay?"

Thoughtful dots loaded over the monochrome clown's head.

He carefully nodded, and sank back to the floor, hands on lap. "Okay!"

"Good boy!" Yvion took a deep breath.

Now all she had to do was wait for the not-so-good doctor to pick up his phone, explain the situation as it stood, and he'd arrive shortly with the chloroform.

... Right?

Yulynn stirred to the sound of the phone giving a loud error message.

Call timed out; Smiley wasn't picking up.

"Urgggh. What happened? My health bar's down to two hearts..."

L.J sharply looked over his shoulder. And smiled politely.

"You'd look tasty on a plate, with an apple in your mouth."

"Er... Thanks?"

"Welcome!" With that, he went back to staring into oblivion.

Yes. Believe it or not, the hyped madness virus drove him too crazy for his own mind to handle.

So instead of a bloodthirsty maniac, he became... that thing. Who would've guessed that L.J's madness had a limit?

It would be so unfortunate if someone else was affected by the ultimate madness virus, someone who could actually handle its effects....

~*~*~

Smiley sneezed. "My nose feels itchy..."

"Ooh~!" Evelyn giggled. "You know what that means; there's someone talking about you!"

"It's probably Smirky, planning to use every single method of torture known to creepypastakind on me."

"He'll get over it. Once we find out what happened to him, that is."

"My only reassurance is that he's thoroughly capable of beheading someone if he gets his hands on anything sharp and shiny."

An awkward pause.

"Smiley, that's... that's not good. You're not supposed to kill a girl on your first date."

"Oh." Smiley fidgeted with a button on his coat. "... No wonder I've been single for so long."

He was slapped upside the head by his girlfriend. Gently. It was more like a light smack.

"Come on; we'll check the parking lot. Someone might've seen something. Or heck - they might still be there!"

Evelyn took his hand and reeled him in the general direction of the lot.

Unaware that his muted phone was buzzing with notifications from every name on his contact list, the not-so-good doctor stumbled after her.

~*~*~*~

"He's not picking up!" Yvion hissed to Yulynn.

"Whelp, we're doomed. Hang on, lemme nip downstairs and grab a farewell pop tart..." She uncrossed her arms and moved to hightail it.

Promptly grabbed by the scruff, the little elf's girlfriend was swiftly yanked back into hell by the girlfriend of the craziness-high killer clown.

"Oh hell no! This isn't the right time to use that. If help isn't going to arrive; we'll just have to knock him out ourselves!"

"-And maybe the fourth season of Sherlock will be released before our next Ice Age." Yulynn deadpanned.

Not the best situation to be in. Both of the girlfriends doubtfully glanced over their shoulders.

L.J was still sitting in the exact spot. Save for the rise and fall of his chest, he was motionless.

Just staring.

And staring.

Unblinking.

"I have a demon hunting gun. Can I shoot him?"

"Shoot him?" Yvion's voice went higher than a whisper. "No! You can't do that; he's still my boyfriend!"

"Look, sentimental bonds-"

"Besides. He hasn't said where he keeps his treasure trove of candy yet!"

"Point taken. We need him alive."

They lapsed into silence, unsure what else to say. Then something came to Yvion's mind.

"Wait... Where the hell did you get a demon hunting gun?"

Yulynn became immensely interested with the ceiling. Between inconspicuous whistles, she coughed a vague response.

It included BEN's name.

Yvion dropped the subject like a flamimg potato.

Awkwardness engulfed the land.

And then someone popped in through the television.

"Hiya, Yulynn! I'm supposed to find Laughing Jack and be a distraction!" said BEN.

"Oh! Thank god! I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad you're he-"

"Got any more snacks? I'm trying to impress my future wife!" He waved.

A vinyl record screeched to a halt.

"Future... WIFE?"

"Her name's Doritoette!"

A pin dropped.
Phantom hastily picked it up, and turned back to spying on them through googly binoculars, using the pin to stab the seal of a stubborn apple juice box.

Yulynn aggressively rolled up her sleeves, one after the other.

She stormed forward.

Yvion jumped out of her way, hands raised in surrender.

"You've brought this one on yourself, BEN. You shouldn't have said that."

"Eh?" The little elf was too busy trying to yank a leg out of the T.V's rippling screen.

Five minutes later, even L.J had turned his creepy attention towards the potential murder scene. He cocked his head to one side, listening.

"I'M SOOOOORRY!"

"NOT YET, YOU AIN'T!"

BEN screamed and dove to the floor, head covered by hands. His girlfriend furiously threw the contents of the vegetable box at his head.

Now, you might have some questions. Like, how did she get the box out of the fridge? Why didn't she just beat him to a squishy pulp?

We don't know.

We honestly don't know.

"IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING, YULYNN, I SWEAR! DORITOETTE TEMPTED ME WITH HER DARK SEDUCTIVE CHARM!"

Steam coming out of her ears, Yulynn grabbed a (weaponary) bow off the table and started firing off carrot sticks.

She had excellent aim.

"I'VE BEEN STRUCK BY THE HEALTHY FOOD! I TOOK A CARROT TO THE KNEE! HEEEELP!"

BEN screamed dramatically to the ceiling, as partially thawed carrot sticks ricocheted off his body in slow motion.

Their monochrome onlooker covered his ears with a wince. "Idiot."

Yvion's eyes went wide, hopefully. Could the virus have worn off...?

"L.J?"

"Yes, my delicious gumdrop?"

Nope. Never mind.

"Um... I think you have some cannibalistic issues that we need to work through?"

He took the beginning as a genuine compliment, beamed and said thank you, and blatantly ignored the rest.

"When is Smiley coming over? I'm getting hungry! I wonder if he'll taste like disinfectant? Or blood and chloroform?"

He's nuts. Edge away. Yvion's inner voice advised.

And that's precisely what she did. She did have to duck though; to avoid airborne broccoli.

BEN continued to scream like a little girl, trying in vain to evade the attack of vegetables, shaking his head in despair.... Oh. Did we forget to mention? He still wasn't dressed.

The little elf's holy grail of all fusses, became a brilliant stroke of luck; it told Yven and Yzen exactly where to look.

They simultaneously kicked the door down, net at the ready.

"Yvion, stay away! Your boyfriend's got the madness virus!"

"I noticed," Yvion chuckled nervously, taking cover behind the gaming room's luxury couch.

Things were about to get ugly.

Oblivious to everything but a hellbent urge to vent frustrations, Yulynn carried on with her vegetable assault, firing them straight from the bow.

She'd upgraded from carrot sticks to broccoli, broccoli to onions, and onions to potatoes.

Big 'n lumpy potatoes.

They were thudding off various pieces of furniture, hitting BEN in the face, and rolling all over the place.

But enough about the ledgendary plight of the potatoes. Let's focus more on the monochome clown, who'd just risen to his feet.

"Is it my birthday? There's... so many edible delicacies in this room." He mumbled. "Can I still have a birthday, even if I was never born?"

"Yep, it's your birthday!" Yven raised the net.

"And your present is the sweet, sweet gift of payback! This is for drugging my hot chocolate, you marshmallow-crazed maniac!" Yzen exclaimed.

Without another word, the girls threw their net straight over his head.

It draped anticlimactically over his figure, and just dangled there. L.J crossed his arms (after some shuffling), looking unamused.

"Really? This is the best you've got?"

"Time constraints. We had to improvise," Yzen shrugged.

L.J yawned.

He poked a claw through the net.

Then he violently ripped it off himself and tore the thing into pieces, all in the span of five seconds. "Try harder!"

Panicking, Yven grabbed the nearest thing she could find (BEN), and flung it towards the snarling monochrome clown.

BEN clung onto his face like a little nude parasite, screaming down his ears and punching him in the nose repeatedly.

"ASSAULT! THIS IS ASSAULT! I'LL SUE YOU IN COURT FOR THIS!"

"Stop yelling...!" L.J groaned unenthusiastically, clamping his hands over his ears, trying to shake him off.

Unfortunately, his demand was something that the little elf did not want to do.

"NO; I WON'T BE SILENCED! I HAVE MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH!"

"-And you'll also have my medical bill if you give me permanent damage!"

The four girlfriends sort of banded together and stayed in the corner.

With Yzen present, they could've knocked him out on the spot and killed the virus in a blink of an eye...

... But where's the fun in that?

Yulynn, for one, was happier to exchange her bow for a tub of popcorn and watch the show. Sharing her bounty, of course.

She also made a mental note to find this 'Doritoette' and give her a piece of her mind.

Oh, dear, oh dear. If only she knew.

Now, I think, we need a brief glimpse of what was going on backstage, so to speak. For our next act:

We're going to check up on our kidnapped illusionist.

Unknown Time, Unknown Location, Unknown Everything.

Rendered terribly groggy from the drugs (which sounds so wrong), it took ages for Smirky to come back to his senses.

First came hearing; and devastating, crushing silence.

Next was feeling; his wrists were shackled above his head, one hand over the other. Connected to... something like a pipe, or a steel beam?

Wherever he'd been thrown into, it was pitch black; and suffocating.

And it all smelt like blood. Everywhere, impossible to miss. It wasn't overpowering - rather, a shadow of a metallic odour.

He choked on stale air, but the coughs and splutters were all but silenced by a cloth gag. It reeked of blood too. And floral perfume.

The rosy fragrance reminded him of funerals, therefore death.

But more importantly, the familar fragrance reminded Smirky about who had kidnapped him.

Ironic. A trickster, caught in the trap of a wilier trickster. By the looks of things, they'd both been playing innocent during their date.

For the life of him, the illusionist couldn't do so much as snap the cuff's thin chains. What had she slipped in his drink? It was so strong...

Useful to know the name of - for future reference.

Maybe he'd get an opportunity to ask her.

She was coming right this way, after all. His sharp hearing left nothing to be desired.

Footsteps; a confident gait.

The telltale jangle of keys fitting into a lock.

Swift as a falling apple, Smirky bowed his head and feigned unconsciousness once more.

The ominous turn of a creaky door's handle announced the arrival of a she-wolf in sheep's clothing.

Yandree minded to shut the door at once. With a flourish of her hand, she flipped a light switch. Electricity fizzed, and the bulb popped into life weakly.

"Dreeeeevon~! It's time for you to wake up, my darling."

An echo bounced around closely-packed walls.

Her way of talking unnerved Smirky.

It wasn't just the voice of a person derailed - this was a train that'd tumbled off a bridge, spontaneously combusted, crashed into a river, and blown up in a great mushroom cloud of shattered laughter and sanity.

Aware of a bright light hanging somewhere above (making his every move visible), he stayed absolutely unresponsive.

Yandree sighed. All of a sudden, her hand grazed against his cheek. She lifted his jaw with a silky finger, tilting his head towards the light.

It took four words, mouthed slowly and softly, to break his illusion.

"I know you're awake." she lied.

Smirky inhaled sharply, realized his own mistake too late, and reluctantly opened his eyes. I fell for a simple bluff! What's happened to me?

The only time he could remember being gullible, was as a child. So trusting, always believing in second chances... Bah!

He'd drastically underestimated Yandree's intelligence.

With self-scolding thoughts in mind, his attention returned to the Queen Of Hearts killer herself. He only had half of his vision; his other eye had gone completely blind.

What a nightmare.

Yandree studied him carefully, much like an artist collecting details for a sketch. She brushed some hair to one side. His expression was priceless.

Beautiful dismay.

Just like all the rest of her victims.

"Tee-hee! You have captivating eyes; I could stare at them all day. But..." She leant in closer, almost bridging the gap between them.

"... They've lost their radiance. Why?"

Her fingernails dipped slightly into his skin. It stung. He winced.

In a mute plea for her to believe that he honestly did not know, Smirky shook his head.

If the cramped room had included a mirror (a reflective surface of any kind), the illusionist would've known what she was talking about.

One of Smirky's eyes had changed, from brilliant scarlet to a ruddy, rusty shade of red with no lustre. Dull; cloudy; almost brown.

Yandree dragged her gaze from that part of his face. She reached around his shoulders with both hands, and began untying the gag's knots.

Knots. Plural.

"No noise, and we'll get along happily," she explained in a matter-of-fact way. "You won't be bad, will you?"

Smirky realized; his voice had deserted him. It was like a terrifying dream, when your words become blocked in your throat, your breath draws short and fruitless.

He gave up trying to speak, and tucked his chin down to make her work a little easier.

Yandree took his lack of talking back as a yes.

Delighted, she melodramatically tossed aside a swish of tricoloured cloth. A tiny trumpet solo accompanied her laugh of 'ta-da!'.

The tiny trumpet was being played by an invisible lemming. There were dozens of invisible lemmings dangling from the ceiling, as creepy observers.

Yandree looked up in puzzlement. Nothing to be seen.

At that point in time, Smirky noticed a glint of gold at her throat.

A moment later, she reached for the shiny thing, and pulled a necklace over her head.

The USO (unidentifiable shiny object), was a small key, with its edge filed down.

The Queen Of Hearts killer stood up to her full height, and reached down. He couldn't see what she did, but he heard the dainty click of a lock.

An immense pressure drained from his freed wrists.

They dropped to his sides instantly, blood rushing back into numb fingers. He wasn't afforded the luxury of freedom for long.

As soon as he had stretched out his stiff arms (feeling remarkably like a puppet boy), Yandree took him by the hand and yanked him to his feet.

Like an overexcited puppy tugging on its leash, she dragged him a few paces forward at once. "Hurry! I told you I'd show you the quilt!"

"The... quilt?" (He still had difficulty talking.)

"My pretty patchwork quilt. I mentioned it earlier and you thought it sounded nice, remember? So come on; it's in the lounge!"

Smirky obediently 'followed' (read: stumbled after) her. Then again, she didn't let him choose otherwise.

~*~*~*~

The pandemonium with BEN and L.J was reaching its climax. Do not think dirty thoughts. Now then...

Laughing Jack wasn't laughing anymore. He was enraged - even more than Jason had been.

He tore the nude mad elf off his face and viciously threw him to the floor, raising a leg to stomp on him for good measure.

BEN rolled out of the way as the monochome clown stamped. And then rolled again. And again. And again.

"SCREW THIS! I'M OUTTA HERE!"

The little elf scrabbled wildly at the floor, like a dog trying to flee. He sprang to his feet and ran like his behind was on fire.

Which, to be fair, it was.

Maybe it had something to do with floor friction. Or something that L.J did.

Whatever the reason, it was pure fact, that BEN's rump was going up in flames.

This sight filled him with determination, and caused him to hop right off the top step. He descend downstairs like a inferno (wearing his signature hat).

The resulting trail of smoke was a glorious sight to behold, all poofy and illuminated by heavenly light.

BEN flew. BEN fell. BEN got back up and ran for dear life, clutching his hat for dear life too.

Fire alarms did go off; dousing every room he passed through in a spray of water from built-in sprinklers.

His gluteus maximus was miraculously spared from third-degree burns, for the water put out the bottombound blaze at once.

They also created a helluvalot more smoke.

And a panicked BEN.

None of it deterred L.J, who teleported right over the obstacle course of smoke, sprinklers, and upturned furniture.

Cackling with malicious delight, he chased BEN 'round and 'round Yulynn's garden, and drove him right into the garage.

The garage was more like extra storage for all of the gamer girl's stuff. Mostly broken consoles, games, and microwaves.

BEN almost drowned in the sheer amount of dust that went flying around, once he started disturbing things (in every sense of the saying.)

L.J advanced with an aura of evil. He giggled like a maniac, he reached for the little elf with his freakishly long arms.

Cornered between two cardboard boxes and a rusty (game platform), BEN screamed like a little girl and jumped, just as the clown made a grab for him.

"Nope! Nope! Nope!"

Doing the nope chant like it was a demon repelling charm, BEN held onto his hat and made a blind rush for the ghost of C/N's tricycle.

Yes. The ghost of C/N kept the tricycle, and parked it in Yulynn's garage. That's just a thing that happened.

The little elf hopped on.

In a comical poof of dust, he peddled through the garage door, leaving behind a BEN-shaped hole.

L.J furiously whipped around and gave chase, although he had the common sense to teleport out of the garage first.

Imagine BEN, completely in the nude save for his hat, frantically pedalling at full speed on a little pink tricycle with a honky horn, while being chased by a madness-virus driven Laughing Jack.

It was like an episode of Tom And Jerry.

Yzen, the only one fast enough to keep up with the creepypastas, ran in hot pursuit to provide live commentary.

Zalgo knows where she'd gotten the microphone from.

"-And it looks like the fridge raidin' blonde midget is heading for a steep left turn! Oh no! He made it alive!
Never mind, Ronald MacDonald's demented brother is on the case! He's preparing to make a lunge, ladies! He tries! He misses! What an idiot!"

That last part was a taunt, in hopes of rilling up the hellbent monochome clown. And it worked.

He sped up.

BEN looked over his shoulder, and started peddling faster.

The tricycle's flag and handlebar tassels flapped like crazy in passing.

~*~*~

Houdini was rustled awake by the commotion (of Yandree towing Smirky).

The little spider was unhappy.

He scuttled around in circles, dragging his spindly legs over the bare nape of Smirky's neck, kicking up an uncomfortable tickle. Smirky jerked a shoulder and gave a quick, subtle shake of his head.

Unfortunately, it didn't deter the tickles.

To be truthful; Houdini was the strongest weapon imaginable. His venom had brought down Slenderman in one bite, during the takeover of chapter fifty.

But, as long as Smirky's sight remained half-blind and his power exhausted... he wouldn't dare put him in danger.

There was a bit of warm heart, locked away under all that icy villainy. It wouldn't be a far throw to say that Houdini was the only thing he cared about.

So, when given a choice of action, the illusionist just folded an arm behind his head and pushed his creepy pet back to the collar fold.

Behave yourself, and I'll feed you a treat later. He didn't say this out loud, of course. It was more like a silent communication thing. They'd done it for years.

He managed to stroke Houdini on the head with a finger, for a few seconds.

That seemed to fully calm the venomous arachnid, who settled down and didn't make another peep for... roughly twenty minutes. Tis' was time enough.

Yandree tugged her trailing 'shadow' through a doorway, and came to a stop.

She unceremoniously dropped his hand, and left Smirky behind while she flounced to the center of the living room.

Did she trust him to stay and not run?

Or... (A different thought ran through his head; a bone-chilling one.)

Confident that she didn't need to keep a hold on him, to stop him from escaping?

The living room had a modest setup, with nothing special or fancy.

Save for the abundance of paper hearts hanging above. And the shrine of photographs pinned to a wall, all of which had slashed hearts painted over them in red ink.

Pacing further into the room, Smirky pivoted slowly on heel in morbid curiosity.

There was a collection of human hearts, floating in jars on the mantelpiece. Not so many as Smiley had, but a worrisome amount nevertheless.

A vase of wilted roses on the coffee table, filled with bloodshot eyeballs instead of those little decorative gel thingamajigs.

And lastly; several breathing... fluff balls.

Lounging on the couch, on the aforementioned mantelpiece, in the fireplace, inside the shrine, below the carpet, etc.

Premonition prompted Smirky to look down at his feet. He sharply sidestepped, making a narrow miss from trampling one of the fluff balls.

The ball unfurled, and yawned cutely. Then it kicked carpet dust onto his shoe, and trotted around him with head held high, out of sight.

What he had mistaken for questionable décor, was actually a pack of chihuahuas.

Come to think of it, didn't Smiley mention about his date being obsessed with some kind of dog? At the time, he hadn't listened.

Smirky gingerly took a step back. Now that he'd 'offended' one of the pack, the rest were turning their heads to glare at him.

Imagine one of those cute pictures, when a beady-eyed dog gives someone that 'judgmental side look'.

Now multiply it by thirty.

And triple the judgment.

There we go.

Oblivious to her pets' instant dislike of her precious, Yandree gathered up an armful of textile fabric and spread it out, arm to arm.

"This is the one. Gorgeous, don'tcha think?

For someone who'd been expecting it to be made of human skin or some other gut-churning thing, it was a relief. For someone who'd seen photos of all the missing murder victims, it was... not so much a relief.

The textile was made out of their old clothes. The ones they'd gone missing in.

/Almost/ all the scraps were burnt, bloodstained, or torn. And here they were, sewn into a multicolour heart pattern, on a memento quilt.

Those implications, made him shudder.

"It's... um..." Horrifying. "Beautiful." He croaked, offering a weak smile.

Lies always slipped off his tongue so convincingly, once he knew what to say.

A flattered Yandree shyly drew her hands back together, folding the grim quilt in the process.

"You... you think so?" Her voice went all syrupy and sweet.

"Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. You've put a lot of thought behind it, haven't you?"

That's all it took for her to start jumping on her heels, clapping her hands while squealing in joy. Smirky's bluffs were really getting to her head.

"You noticed!" All of a sudden, she stopped hopping and looked down, solemnly crossing her arms. "Nobody's ever bothered to do that before..."

"They all treated your work as something terrify- er- ugly?"

"Every time!" A few tears twinkled, caught in her long lashes.

Yandree wiped her face with a sleeve, sniffing. Then she looked up. Her lonely eyes pierced an invisible lance straight through his soul.

"I think... I think you're different."

Her gaze hardened to the likes of steel, filled with d e t e r m i n a t i o n.

Smirky clasped both hands behind his back, blinking innocently in the frost of such a freezing look.

"... Is that so?"

Yandree dropped the quilt, and put both hands on his shoulders. They were roughly the same height, but on tiptoe, she was taller.

"I want to keep you." She stated.

"Now, now..." Smirky took her hands in his own, delicately pushing her off his front and backing up a little. "No need to rush."

How long can I stall for time?

Unaware (or not caring) that she was stepping on the crumpled heap that was the prized patchwork quilt, Yandree swooned over him.

"You've been asleep for hours; you must be thirsty, darling! I'll show you the kitchen and make us a drink. Any special requests?"

"Nothing with sugar in it, please." Or poison.

"Why?"

"Your love is sweet enough, my dear." And it's killing me already.

Flattery of the highest degree. It was painful to say out loud. My dear. He almost choked on his own words.

~*~*~*~

Getting an armchair from the living room up the stairs, and into Smiley's surgery, had been no easy feat.

But it was very rewarding.

Dark Link made himself comfy on the chair, curling up with a hot water bottle on his lap. Smile Dog sat by his feet, chewing up someone's pink slipper.

He checked his watch, which kept slipping the wrong way round like a faulty saddle. The band was meant for a thicker wrist, but a gift from Yven too.

An exclamation mark popped into existence over his head.

"The others will be back from their hunt in thirty minutes! I'll never be able to explain this to them!" Dark Link cried out in despair.

At that exact moment, Zalgo (who'd been hunched over his makeshift workable), sprang to his feet, shouting in grand excitement: "Hallelujah!"

He held up a large beaker of amber-coloured liquid. "I've found the cure!"

It looked like watered-down honey, and gave off a strong ashy smell. Dark Link greeted it with understable skepticism.

"... That's the antidote?"

The prince of darkness slumped his shoulders. "Why else would I suddenly yell about finding a cure, spoilsport?" he sulked.

"It's just... It doesn't look very... Cure-ey."

"Wait until its shoved down your throat, then decide." Zalgo deadpanned.

Out of context meanings struck. Darkness sank lower in his seat, laughing nervously. His face was going lilac. "Um, I'll take it normally, thank you very much."

"Hm?" It clicked. "Ugh! How deplorable. You're- You're even worse than Kagekao!"

The blush spread all the way to Dark Link's elven ears.

"Anyway..." Zalgo gave him a scorching sideways glare. "Drink up, and wait. It won't eradicate the disease straight away."

"Why not?" The shade whimpered, accepting the beaker he was offered.

"Why not? I've just rushed a medicine that should take months to concoct! Of course it'll be weak and riddled with potential side effects!"

"S-Side effects!?"

"Ah- Um- Ahem, you heard nothing. Drinky drinky, now~!" With that, Zalgo pushed the beaker to his lips and tipped it up like a milk bottle.

Dark Link choked and spluttered, flailing his arms; whirling windmill style.

The hot water bottle went flying.

Smile Dog began chasing.

The slender slipper was kicked aside in mere tatters, never to be seen again.

Whether Darkness liked it or not, he gulped down his medicine. It didn't taste like anything he knew. Just mouth-meltingly spicy. It burned.

By the time it was over, and Zalgo had stopped force feeding him like a stubborn demonic infant, Dark Link collapsed.

The shade's skin was flushed, especially around the nose and ears.

He crawled on surgery's cold floor, tongue lolling out.

Then pulled himself up by the sink, turned the blue faucet, and stuck his head under the tap, sucking up merciful gulps of water.

Zalgo rolled his glowing eyes, but also shook the beaker with curiosity, swivelling the leftovers to marvel at their glimmering colour.

"I've prepared more, enough left for six doses..." He murmured, to no one in particular. "But first, I'll add something to bring the heat levels down..."

Dark Link emerged for air, gasping. Opaque droplets dribbled from his chin and snowy fringe, back into the silver basin.

"Too ha-ha-hot!" Splash! He reunited his head with the below-freezing water.

"Shall I insert an ice cube into your mouth, milady?" Zalgo inquired, bowing mockingly. His cloak fanned out on the floor.

".....!"

Before Dark Link could give him a very specific set of instructions about where to insert that aforementioned ice cube, the doorbell rang.

"Now what? Who is that?" Darkness snapped, whipping around.

"How would I know?"

"I wasn't talking to you!"

"But there's nobody else in the room with us." Zalgo pointed out.

"Just- Just- Arrugh!' Dark Link pretended to strangle an imaginary neck

Ding-dong!

Ding-dong!

Dong-ding!

Ding-dong!

"You should probably answer that," the prince of darkness chuckled gleefully, on his way to the closet to administer some of the antidote to Jeffykins.

Grumbling under his breath, Dark Link disappeared.

Leaving a puddle of spilled water on the floor. Which was lapped up by Smile Dog. Who had a hot water bottle lodged between his ears.

Downstairs, Darkness flung open the door. "Can I help y-"

He froze. Are you kidding me?

"Oh, hello darling! Don't think I've seen you around before; are you Dark Link's sister?" Trendy waved.

The shade sighed in relief. He wasn't recognised. "... Yes."

"Me-ow! You're rocking that outfit, kitten. If only that tiger of a brother of yours had as much fashion sense..."

Trendorman walked in without any further comment. The purpose for the surprise visit?

He'd 'somehow' gotten wind that they needed help organising some fireworks, for a special occasion. Without a doubt, things were going to get sparkly.

Dark Link sweatdropped.

On the light side, at least he wouldn't have to deal with any more unwanted-

Rose in mouth, a purring Offendy slid his pale tentacles around the shade's waist and turned him around.

~*~*~*~

Yandree's kitchen had tiled countertops, and a knife rack by the sink. Pungent was the smell of blood and death. Just what every kitchen needed!

"Seat yourself at the dinner table; I'll make us a nice hot cup 'o coffee."

Out of politeness, Smirky concealed any trace of being revolted at the metallic stench, and took a seat farthest from the appliances.

More small talk commenced, in which he tried his best to both win her affections and find a way out of the house.

"There's a lot of windows around here, aren't there? You've decorated them with blood-red curtains! How tasteful."

"S-Stop it, you...!" Yandree dissolved into giggles and almost dropped the kettle. She obviously enjoyed the flattery.

"And, the pattern on them. It looks beautiful. Are they made of reinforced glass?"

"Yep. All around this place. The last tried to smash one with his fist, and he ended up with a broken wrist. Ooh! That rhymed! Hehehe~!"

"I see."

The windows are nearly unbreakable, and the doors always stay locked. If I want to escape, my best chance is the skeleton key on her necklace...

... But how do I get it?

Yandree set down a mug of coffee in front of him, then pulled up an adjacent chair for herself.

"I only drink bitter black. Do you like it too?"

"Yes." No.

"A-ha! We have so much in common. You aren't just making things up as you go along, are you Drevon?" She asked jokingly.

"Who? Me? Most certainly not." Too transparent?

"Mm, okay. I trust you."

He lifted the coffee mug, and gently blew over the rippling surface, fanning a wave of swirling steam.

I didn't see her put anything into this. But can I trust my eyes, in this unusual situation?

Yandree's distorted reflection appeared in the mug. She was resting her head on his shoulder, interested in whatever he did.

"I was wrong."

"About what?"

"I thought you'd be the same as all the other guys. But you're not. You're so much... so much like him."

"Him?" Smirky carefully set the mug down, and pushed it to a side.

By the looks of it, she hadn't meant to let that slip. "No! For-Forget I said anything!"

"I'd love to hear the story behind that."

A vinyl record screeched to a halt.

(An invisible lemming came flying off the record and plopped right into Smirky's coffee mug.)

He tried to ignore this - along with the odd fact that his churning coffee seemed to be possessed- and opted to push the mug further back.

"Sincerely, I would." Smirky added, noticed her hesitation.

Yandree started to fidget with her necklace, as if debating whether to confide in her 'darling' or not.

In the meanwhile, Smirky tapped fingers on the tabletop, and wondered if Smiley was dawdling or just plain stupid. How long does it take for an idiot to find his kidnapped brother?

His eyes were drawn to the key, that dangled so tormentingly before his eyes. Only inches away.

Could he just...?

Reach out a little...

And take it?

Before the temptation overwhelmed Smirky, Yandree made up her mind. She dropped the skeleton key, and let the piece of shiny metal fall back into a place where he wouldn't dare try to snatch it from.

"Where do I begin? I don't even remember his name! But his eyes... Oh, how could I ever forget his beautiful golden orange eyes? Every day, their shine was brighter than the sun!"

Her passionate descriptions, past every millimetre of her 'ex-senpai's' 'glorious' eyeballs, included a bountiful flow of tiny, but revealing details.

Revealing, in the sense that nobody else would take notice of such irrelevant things in a person. (What else were you thinkin'?)

It was a big alarm bell to Smirky.

He was her new obsession, her next beloved. Soon, she'd be sleuthing for details about him. The illusionist ceased tapping the tabletop.

Everyone had hidden weaknesses, and he, Smirky, was no exception. That wouldn't do. Oh no, not at all.

He had an uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach; Yandree had already discovered one.

All the time - she'd made sure to stay on a certain side. She chose to be in his line of sight, and never any other way.

Was it the strange change in eye colour that alerted her? Her own common instinct, chalked down to keen observation? Did she wonder why he span around the lounge, instead of simply turning his head?

No matter the explanation, it didn't change the bad truth; Yandree knew that he'd become half blind.

And she didn't question it.

Once again, we repeat the 'no matter the explanation' bit.

"We were like partners in crime, him and I. Soulmates. We trusted each other with our very lives. Or at least, I thought we did..."

Smirky rested his head in his hand, propped up by the elbow. He nodded for her to go on, and listened with feigned intent.

"Our wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, but he turned it into nothing but devastation, shame, and a burnt cake!"

"... The wedding was called off due to a smouldering confection?"

"He left me at the alter!" Yandree howled, wrenching the necklace's loose chain around her clenched fist.

"Please, go on." The gears turned in Smirky's head. "-And do forgive me for my rude interruption."

The next words were spoken through the girl's gritted teeth. She was getting awfully emotional.

"I ran out of the church and tracked him down at midnight. He thought he'd be safe, he was all bundled up in his friend's apartment..."

All of a sudden, her fist banged on the table.

(The invisible lemming had already 'taken care' of the coffee, but the mug toppled over and shattered.)

"HE WAS WRONG! I MADE HIM SORRY! BUT SORRY IS NEVER ENOUGH, SO I TOOK HIS HEART TO SHOW HIM HOW HE'D BROKEN MINE!"

Smirky cringed, and hesitantly patted her on the back. "There, there..."

Yandree slowly recovered from her outburst, and regained composure shortly thereafter.

"S-Sorry! I didn't mean to shout!"

She dove off her chair and fetched a broom, double speed. Without another word, she swept the floor furiously.

Smirky (who was still capable of seeing through all of Phantom's invisibility charms due to his own knowledge of illusionary power), watched the bloated lemming roll its way across the floor.

"...!"

In a flash of inspiration; he got an idea; a cruel one.

Verrrrrry cautiously, the sharp-toothed crazy thing reached down to pick up the lemming as it wobbled its way over his foot.

It felt like a water balloon. A furry one. How on earth the tiny creature had managed to suck up all that coffee was beyond him.

He began tossing it up and down in his hand, exactly like someone who was about to throw a ball.

One for villainy, two for the show...

The lemming took on the properties of jelly, with its stomach swinging in the opposite direction of its head with every toss.

Three for pure luck, and off you go~!

Smirky hurled the lemming at Yandree's head. Full force.

His aim was a little off, but the coffee-filled missile somehow guided itself towards her by total accident.

We shall not speak of the utter calamity that befell the kitchen. But at the same time, we definitely will.

The lemming flew (presumably to the tune of 'I believe I can fly'), and its bulging gut guided it like a weight, hitting it straight for home.

Wham!

The balloon-like creature smashed into the back of Yandree's head.

(A cry of shock emerged from her rosy lips.)

The Queen Of Hearts killer lost her footing, and stumbled forward, dropping the broom handle. Clatter!

She stole a glance behind her shoulder, before she fell to the field of broken glass below. Between the willowy strands of animate hair, she saw Smirky bolt from his chair and disappear beyond the doorway.

"NO! YOU CAN'T LEA- Aah!"

She landed on her stomach, lying amongst glittering shards. The light fell across her face, lit every drop of red that mingled with the glass.

The lemming flopped away somewhere irrelevant, though undoubtably nearby.

Chihuahuas barked. Some of them went to check out the kitchen, some stayed behind, the rest slept, and none went after Smirky.

Yandree raised her hand, and watched a ruby rivulet weave down her finger as she plucked out a triangular shard from her fingertip.

Her gaze fell upon the rack of sharp things by the sink. In a hypnotized-like trance, she rose to her feet and lurched forward.

Gleaming knife.

A killer ready to end a life.

~*~*~*~

We now cut to a short commercial break, courtesy of the creepypasta mansion- forest- surrounding area- thing!

BEN peddled like a BEN possessed, shivering in the thick fog.

The little elf's green hat acted as accessory to a crime.

A crime against fashion. A crime against humanity. A crime against Miley Cyrus, and all readers who shook their heads in disbelief.

But enough about that.

So, there he was. Peddling along on a hot pink tricycle belonging to an elderly ghostly cat.

In the middle of the woods.

With no clothes on.

Despite how the absurdity of the situation should've shielded him with its incomprehensible levels of stupidity, he was still being hunted.

No matter where he went, L.J followed. (Like that creepy lamb from that nursery rhyme about an unsuspecting girl called Mary).

Zalgo knows what the monochome clown was planning to do to BEN if he caught up with him.

Yzen was still jogging along, with her microphone and eager commentary.

"Will this be the doom of the infamous fridge raider and his twerking career? We always knew it'd end in tragedy!"

L.J made a swipe; his claws managed to rip out a handful of tassel from one of the handlebars, but that was it.

As a result, they now left a small trail of glittery tassels in their wake. Who knew a decoration could be so clingy to one's swirly cone nose and claws?

Jeff's girlfriend was enjoying all of this far too much.

"What a heartbreaking close call! But there's still time for Pop Goes The Weasel to become the next, You Shouldn't Have Done That, so stay tuned!"

Commercial break over: relaunching Smirky.exe.

~*~*~

In Zalgo's report, Smirky's speed and stamina had been gauged as nine out of ten, higher than anything else on his chart.

(Except perhaps, 'Kagekao's suspicion level', which had a solid 10/10 written in bright red, courtesy of the Japanese demon himself.)

But today, the illusionist's inhuman abilities were switched off. A self defense mechanism to keep them safe from the virus.

Which -if you'd like to know- was being met with vicious retaliation. Something else in his blood didn't want to share. Something... with a lot of Zalgo-ish influence.

Smirky's pace dropped as he hastily explored the rest of the house, searching for an exit that he'd missed the first time.

An unlocked window, the front door, a dogflap, anything will do!

(Though, how he dreamt of utilising a dogflap to escape was a bit out of our brain's understanding.)

The illusionist darted in and out of hallways, checking left-hand windows as he ran past them, trying to find any sign of an exit.

All around Yandree's home, he saw caution tape and concrete. Demolition sites. Nearly abandoned neighbourhood.

Grey skies on the cloudy horizon.

He thought quickly; if it was still evening, Yandree couldn't have taken him very far. So where was this place?

At the moment, a convenient map would've been nice. But he got something better; a ripped cloth billboard, billowing from one of the intact structures.

Smirky stopped and pressed his hands to a cracked window, trying to make out what the billboard said. He read it. Somehow.

WELCOME TO NOWHERESVILLE.
POPULATION: NOBODY EXCEPT YOU!

"... That's not comforting."

He stepped away from the window, sighing in disappointment.

If Nowheresville lived up to its name, it wouldn't be marked on a map. Unlikely to be found. Escape relied on his own devices.

How bothersome.

It was a narrow hallway, so another long step back was all he could take, before his back was to the chipped wall.

Then he noticed the scratches. Long lines between the peeling paint, all heading along the long space.

Somebody else had been dragged down here. Unwillingly.

With that in mind, the illusionist uncrossed his arms. An anxious feeling bubbled up, and told him to find a different place to think.

... Or find out where the scratches led to.

Curiosity didn't kill the cat; Dark Link did. So, in an act of morbid fascination, Smirky followed the hallway's eerie path. It was something he hoped he wouldn't regret.

The scratches didn't lead into the hallway; they were coming out of it. That was promising. Could an exit be ahead? If so, it had to be close by, if the victim had had enough strength to struggle.

Unfortunately, he really should've listened to that little voice in his head that told him to leave. Hurry to the end.

(Ah well, too late now...)

Behind him, a door opened.

Squeak.

Smirky whipped around as light spilled into the gloom of the hallway. Just as he completed his turn, a knife flung towards his face.

It darted past his shoulder, and struck the window.

(A crisp ring of cracked white glass, bursting into a million pieces.)

In shock, he reeled backwards a few extra paces. (His footfalls were soundless on the carpet.)

Another knife followed.

It flew dangerously close to where his foot had been a second ago, sinking into the floor like a misaimed dart.

Smirky dove to his knees like a shot. With a quick twist of his wrist to dislodge it, he took the bladed weapon for himself.

The whole procedure only took five seconds.

Five seconds was enough for Yandree to take aim, and throw another gleaming knife. And another. And another. And another.

How, and when, did she include throwing knives in her kitchenware? One of the many mysteries of the world.

The illusionist swerved to a side, back once more pressed to the wall. Houdini retreated to his front pocket, complaining in spider language.

More knives.

More deft evasion.

Smirky's footwork was risky and unstable. Any moment, he was set up to trip, and subsequently be turned into an (in?) human pincushion.

Yandere span two final knives (by their holed handles) on her fingers.

"Liars like you... Liars like you, don't deserve a heart!"

She flipped them to her hand for the attack, and charged.

It was such a narrow hallway, that Smirky had nowhere to dodge, and no time to think of ducking.

Nimble and quick, Yandree kept a firm hold of her knives. She stabbed both of them forward.

At the same time, Smirky reflexively jumped back.

Ting!

The first missed, and buried itself into the wall.

Splat!

And the other sank straight into his chest, splashing the blade red.

Yandree victoriously seized the knife's handle, as he doubled over in pained surprise, and wrenched it full circle.

"Heartbreak hurts!" She announced happily, twisting it back, twirling the tip deeper and deeper. "-But not nearly as much as this will, darling~!"

Her unmasked voice, dripping with love and insanity. The talk of a psychopath who honestly believed she controlled the situation.

The illusionist gave a ragged gasp and folded down. The Queen of Hearts killer pulled the knife out. She took a step back, and Smirky tumbled to the floor.

A spreading red stain on the carpet assured her that she'd got the job done.

Or so she thought.

Yandree offhandedly shrugged her shoulders and let go of the bloody knife. "It was good while it lasted. Guess you weren't that different after all."

Prepared to thoroughly wash her hands of the affair, figuratively and literally, she turned to retreat back towards the kitchen.

She heard someone clear their throat. She froze in her tracks.

"Leaving so soon, my dear? And after all that fuss you went through to keep me... it hurts my feelings."

It was her turn to whip around in utter shock.

"How- How did you-!"

Smirky was back on his feet, looking strangely unaffected for someone who'd just been stabbed through the chest. "What's the matter, love? You're going pale. Have you seen a ghost?"

He covered the dripping wound with one hand, and held the knife at his side with the other, almost fully concealed behind his back.

Yandree's breathing skyrocketed. Between rapid exhalations, her stance wobbled and her shoulders tensed.

"You can't be- it's not- how- why- why..."

She picked up her dropped knife and held it above her head threateningly.

"D-Don't come any closer, or I'll kill you again!"

"Again? Adorable. I haven't died yet - but you're welcome to try and change that."

Smirky's head tilted to a side. He watched her reactions carefully. A dangerous shadow cloaked his face, no matter which direction he turned. His eyes, both of them, were glowing a brilliant shade of red, and decorated with a ring of black around each iris.

"But... I think you won't."

Yandree violently shivered. Her fingers loosened around the knife's handle, while her face remained a perfect picture of horror.

"What are you...?"

Smirky smirked, showing off sharp teeth. He left her question unanswered, which was rather impolite.

(For example, he could've made one helluva Taylor Swift reference with something like 'darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream.')

~*~*~*~

Ten minutes after being force-fed antidote, a change failed to materialise in Darkness' unfortunately-timed predicament.

Squashed into a corner of the couch, he'd spent the entire time shying from Offendy's unwanted romantic gestures.

"Roses for my sweet?"

With an impressively catlike hiss, Dark Link swatted at a bunch of reds and blues.

"No!"

He twisted around and kicked off the arm of the couch, intending to melt into the shadows.

The shade faceplanted onto the floor. "Oof!"

His shadowy powers didn't work. But that hadn't stopped him from attempting this stunt multiple times, you see.

Offendy leaned forward to get a better look, smiling broadly.

Somewhere in the background, Trendy was burning a pile of his brother's near-identical slendy suits indoors.

It... didn't contribute much to the firework preparation, but apparently fixed a terrible fashion faux pas, as far as the trend-obsessed creepypasta was concerned.

He burnt everything in Slenderman's closet-

-And restocked the shelves with stuff that even pre-monochrome Laughing Jack would be embarrassed to wear.

For some bizzare reason, he left the chewed-up slipper in there too.

The lesson learned? Probably not a good idea to let Trendorman run about unchecked and unsupervised.

Smiley - the 'in charge' resident, absent from the scene of this crime - was really in for a whooping.

If Smirky didn't get payback for roping him into such a disastrous date first.

~*~*~*~

Speaking of the devilish doctor, Smiley was at the end of his rope. No more patience. No more tolerance. No more energy.

Him and Evelyn had run in circles for hours, trying to find someone who knew Yandree's address.

But the people at her ex-work office, seemed to be going out of their way to be as lazy and unhelpful as possible.

The following montage is only the tail end.

"Talk to Martha. She's in charge of all that stuff." said one.

"A girl called Yandere? Never heard of her. Try the department downstairs. It's one of the unmarked rooms. We have fifty of them." Martha scoffed.

They did.

"Sorry, we can't help you. Have you tried talking to Martha?" A poker-faced employee questioned.

"MARTHA IS THE PERSON WHO SENT US TO YOU!" Evelyn and Smiley yelled in unison.

"Oh. Wait here for half an hour; I'll see if the boss is available for a meeting."

They did.

"Our company has a strict policy about our employees' privacy, past and present. If you do not have a warrant, we will not divulge any information." The boss announced, in the most superior tone imaginable.

Smiley, who was idly playing with a pen, made a growling sound and snapped his fidget toy in half. Superhuman strength.

He was about to deliver (and follow up on) a threat of grievous bodily harm to the tight-lipped manager, when Evelyn grasped his sleeve.

"Psst! We're in a crowded office and everyone's staring at you! Don't start a scene!" She whispered worriedly.

The not-so-good doctor flicked away the remains of his pen. They span across the polished tabletop, falling off the edge and out of sight.

"Fine. I'll make it a little clearer."

He gave Evelyn a loving peck on the cheek, then lunged over the desk and grabbed the front of the manager's expensive plum-coloured shirt.

"Tell me where this girl lives..." He actually lifted the red-faced top dog clear off the seat. "... And no one has to die!"

"Nowheresville! Nowheresville!" The manager squeaked, ego deflating like a balloon. "It's not marked on the map, but I'll give you directions! Don't hurt me!"

Evelyn looked torn between mortification and laughter.

So much for the company's 'strict policy.'

~*~*~*~

The knife didn't stand a chance of reuniting with the illusionist's flesh again.

Her movements sleek as a black cat, Yandree launched at him, swinging her bloodstained weapon at his throat in a frenzy.

Smirky's own movements were sped up tenfold.

He dodged faster and faster, energized by every missed stroke of the blade.

He even found an opportunity to strike back - lashing a kick towards her stomach. It connected.

The crazy girl was thrown off her feet. Her guard was dropped. It was a perfect window of time to knock the knife out of her hands. It landed several feet away, with a dull thud, quivering.

Just like that; their eventful confrontation was done.

An unsurprising turnout.

Yandree was just a human girl. A complete nutjob of one, yes, but mortal nevertheless. Smirky was a Smirky.

The illusionist exhaled a long sigh, somewhere between yawning, relief, and a groan of pain.

Houdini - in an act of sensing the fight's end, or plain laziness - disappeared from the pocket. He was a distinct shape, shuffling back up to his usual perch.

Yandere sat up in a daze, shaking her head free of fuzzy confusion. She didn't seem to feel the pain from taking a kick to the gut, as she tried to sit up moments later.

Smirky did something that nobody was expecting.

He bowed down and offered her his hand. The charisma oozed off him in droves. "A creepypasta."

"Huh?" Yandree let him pull her back to her feet.

"You asked me what I was. It would be rude of me to leave a question hanging, yes?"

It took a moment for it to sink in.

"You're a... a..." Her eyes went wide as saucers. Happy saucers.

"A member of the nightmare-inducing horror story group, whose name was likely conceived over a drunken game of bingo with an Italian chef, yes-"

She cut him off with a delighted squeal and hugged him. Anime-esque hearts surrounded her.

"I know all about them! Zalgo, Jane the Killer, Offenderman, Jason the Toymaker, Laughing Jack, Doctor Smiley - all of them are real?"

A twitch in Smirky's neck (at the mention of Smiley's name), made a joint click.

"Real as real can be, in storytelling..." He dropped his voice and mumbled the the last bit.

Yandree nuzzled the side of his neck, erupting into a tirade of breathy, defeated laughter.

"Killed by a creepypasta! What could be more romantic than that?" (This, was the final clue about the lengths her deranged thinking went.)

"Mm. Maybe this?"

And then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, luring her to lift her head, whereupon she fell under his spell, in the form of a bewitching kiss.

Time stood still.

The illusionist kept her in his embrace, running the palm of one hand over her back, while his fingers were hooked around the knife.

A lovesick Yandree returned every move he made, melting into his arms like warm chocolate. Her fluttering heartbeat, close enough to feel his own.

I was wrong again. You do have a heart; and it's racing! Is it because of me, or because of what you're about to do...?

She closed her eyes, flying away into the bliss of peace. She'd always been good at deluding herself, live in a world of her own making.

So why couldn't she do it again, one last time, give herself a happy ending, and believe that someone finally loved her?

A joyful tear trickled down her face.

Well-learned in the ways of vital anatomy (courtesy of Smiley's cruel practices), Smirky sealed Yandree's fate in a single twist of the knife.

~*~*~*~

"I'm gonna break you heart, and get away with murder~!" BEN sang, as he peddled his way through the darkest part of the forest.

"I'm gonna break your spine, and get away with slaughter~!" L.J's singsong voice cackled right back.

The monochome clown was out of sight, blending in with the light-lacking environment like a chameleon. But he was there. Oh, most certainly, he was there.

Yzen had had enough common sense not to venture into the dangerous side of the woods, so she'd retreated to join her friends.

The author missed her commentary.

So she sped up time, skipping past a good extra half a hour of BEN unintentionally leading L.J in circles, thoroughly lost.

The little elf found an exit eventually, of course.

In a flurry of leaves (and partial nudity), he burst free of the forest and rocketed up the mansion's pathway.

"Wheeee!"

L.J clawed his way out of the undergrowth, snapping a lot of things violently, like twigs, vines, his teeth, etc...

"YOU'RE TOAST, KIDDO!"

"With butter and jam?" A distracted BEN looked over his shoulder.

"NO! BURNT TO A CRISP, WITH THE CRUST STILL ON!"

"Ew! No thanks!" he shuddered.

Then the little elf experienced a head-on collision with the front door.

Everything turned gray. The scene paused. A caption scrolled past the screen, in big bold letters.

DON'T BECOME A VICTIM OF DISTRACTED DRIVING.
(Keep your eyes on the road, not the food!)

Colour flooded back into everything colourful. The universe unfroze itself, and things continued as abnormally as they usually did.

Including BEN's new black eye.

He was forced to dismount the battered tricycle, and stagger through Smile Dog's dogflap, rubbing his head profusely.

L.J caught up to him in seconds, appearing in the kitchen (where the madness had all begun) with a pop. No candy.

"Nowhere to hide now, dear BENNY boy~!" He chimed, outstretching his arms like a ringmaster of the circus (or Mephiles using hand gestures to add emphasis to some obscure point).

BEN, who'd made a beeline straight for the fridge, dramatically kissed an ice cream tub fresh from the freezer.

"I will return one day!" He promised the inanimate object, his voice muffled.

The little elf tried to break away from the kiss, but found that his lips were stuck firmly to the frosty lid.

(Ever heard of licking a cold pole and getting your tongue stuck?)

He had no choice but to make his grand escape, with a giant tub of ice cream dangling from his face like the world's coolest moustache.

Worry not. Laughing Jack didn't care. His infected brain could only think of one thing; playing this odd little game of cat and mouse to the end.

BEN ran out of the kitchen, passed Darkie and Offendy in the lounge (they both stood up in disbelief), and headed for the stairs.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" He announced, ascending the steps one at a time, at an impressive distance of twelve per minute.

"GOOD! I'D LIKE YOU DEAD, CHOPPED UP, AND ROLLED INTO SPRING ROLLS!" L.J yelled back, thundering up the staircase.

"WELL THAT'S ODDLY SPECIFIC, DON'TCHA THINK? I MEAN- I'VE ALWAYS ENVISIONED MYSELF AS A PIZZA TOPPING KIND OF GUY..."

BEN was climbing the set of stairs backwards. And he was good at it, which was both impressive and disturbing.

The ice cream tub swung to and fro.

He reached the next floor before L.J did, and promptly glitched himself into the nearest electronic device; the security system outside Smiley's surgery.

L.J had to screech to a halt. The monochome clown angrily stood on tiptoe, peeking at the camera's lens.

"Come out and fight like a creepypasta!"

"No thanks - I prefer spaghetti and meatballs!' BEN's distinct voice squeaked from the other side of the surgery door.

He shouldn't have said that.

"That does it; I'm busting in!" L.J shouldered the door, preparing to ram his whole weight against it.

"Meep!"

Hurried footsteps faded, and something slammed.

Laughing Jack had a lightbulb moment when the fury wore off, remembering that he could teleport, after he'd broken the entrance beyond Smiley's repair budget.

In a true act of not giving a damn, he treaded over the demolished piece of wood anyway, (No splinters snagged his feet.)

"Now... Where's that midget?"

He made a beeline for the adjoined bathroom, and politely knocked.

"Are you-"

"Go away; there's no one here!"

"Oh? Then who am I talking to?"

"A ghost!" He actually sounded quite proud of himself for coming up with this explanation.

"Are you an edible ghost?"

"Well, I've got this ice cream tub stuck to my face and it won't come off...."

"GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!" Like a rabid cat, L.J sprinted in (the door wasn't even shut), and flung himself at BEN, claws first.

They crashed into the sink, and the marble countertop.

Spare items, emergency disinfectant bottles, and a plethora of dental hygiene products, were knocked down as the two scrambled to balance themselves.

In their struggle - trying to catch BEN was like trying to grasp a bar of wet soap - the faucet was turned on.

Onto the hot water setting.

Things got scalding. And frantic.

L.J screeched in pain and rolled off the counter, thudding to the floor to join the scattered belongings.

BEN yowled and jumped a foot in the air. Then gravity took effect, plopping him straight back into the steamy water.

He wailed louder, and soared higher.

Consequently, falling heavier.

This cycle continued for an embarrassingly long time. (L.J teleported off; came back with popcorn.)

Zalgo overheard the whole thing, while bouncing Jeffykins on his lap, trying to sweet-talk the stubborn creature into taking his medicine.

"If you don't drink it, you'll never see your girlfriend again," he cooed condescendingly.

"Blah!"

Jeff scrunched up his nose, stuck out his tongue, and blew a holy mother of all raspberries. The spittle flew into Zalgo's hood.

Zalgo's eyes glowed eerily bright. The room darkened ominously.

"Listen here, you little brat...!"

"I can't hear you; the tooth fairy made me deaf!" Jeff teased, "She won't take your hearing though; even she has standards!"

"Rrrrrrr!" Blood-red lightning flashed outside the window. Zalgo raised a clawed fist, tail whipping behind him (it broke a desk leg).

Just then, Yzen strolled over the broken down door. Her eyes surveyed the damage, then moved to the attention-catching scene in front of her.

"What are you doing with Jeffy boy?"

"I- uh- he- he won't take his medicine!" Zalgo spluttered, looking guilty as h-e-c-k. "I- I was going to convince him!"

Yzen put her hands on hips. "Doesn't look like it to me."

The confused prince of darkness looked down.

A picture of innocence; Jeff was obediently slurping up the beaker's contents, an angelic halo floating over his head.

"Hewwo!" He waved to Yzen, smacking the flat of his hand against Zalgo repeatedly,

~*~*~*~

Smiley's speed was ten of ten. He ran like a shot, the moment he left the eyesight of potential onlookers.

"I'll see you back at the mansion in five! Don't be late!"

"Um... Have fun then!" Evelyn took being left behind as a sign that he didn't want to risk putting her in danger. Probably. Maybe. Of course!

They parted ways.

The not-so-good doctor had a particular affinity for finding shortcuts and hidden places, so the rescue mission was a short one.

In fact, it only took five minutes.

Because he bumped into Smirky in the outskirts of town.Tripping to the ground in front of him, to be specific.

"You're alive!?" Thud. "Ow!"

"Please, I beg of you to get up and make yourself look professional. You're hurting my intelligence."

The illusionist stepped back and gave his brother plenty of room to straighten up.

Smiley dusted off his coat, brimming with delight. Then he noticed the bloodstains...

"Y-Your clothes! What happened to- have- have you been stabbed?"

"No," Smirky coughed inconspicuously, fixing up a button on his collar. "And even if I were, it would've healed by now."

"I don't trust a word you say. Let me take a look at it."

"No trust? Good. Touch me, and I'll bite your hand off."

Y o u h a v e r e a c h e d t h e e n d o f p a r t t w o.
P r o c e e d t o f i n a l a c t?
[Y e s] [N o] [Maybe] [Apple Juice] [I am Groot]

... A b a n d o n a l l h o p e , y e w h o e n t e r s h e r e!