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Killer. Jeff the Killer.

Your idea of bonding time started with sparring practice. Followed by a good cup of coffee. Ending with a movie. Preferably a (genre) one.

Jeff's idea of bonding time was to sit at home and paint your toenails.

"Do you want Prism Red, or Blood Red? Which might be real blood. Just sayin'. Jane has some pretty weird beauty products in her room..."

"Er- I think the Prism Red is calling to me most..."

Enter our present scene.

You; on a squishy armchair with your foot propped up on an equally plump footstool. Him; sitting on the carpet, delicately swishing a red-stained polish brush back and forth over your toes.

Also, he wouldn't shut up about his grandmother.

"-Nana always got me to paint her toenails, you see. She told me her back was too stiff or something. The polish was a really ugly color, mind you, but I didn't have the heart to tell her..."

"But you seem to have plenty the heart to tell me about it."

"There shouldn't be any secrets between us!" He quickly plunged the brush back into its bottle. "It's important to share everything. So anyway, Nana..."

Sighing, you sank lower in the armchair and looked around; desperate for distraction.

Oblivious to your boredom, Jeff continued to fuss over your feet. He seemed determined to apply the last coat perfectly. Sticking out his tounge in upmost concentration, the crazy killer leaned in closer...

Your mind was still fresh from the Mary Sue invasion. So when you thought you saw a flash of movement behind the window, your body sprang into defensive action.

Or, to be more specific, you suddenly jerked upright and kicked Jeff square in the face.

"YOWZA!"

You were otherwised engaged. "What was that thing by the window just now? Did you see it? You must've seen it! Jeff? Jeffy boy? Why are you- oh."

Unfortunately, the thing you'd spotted was nothing more (and nothing less than) a hungry blonde midget trying his luck with the window lock. You figured that out when you heard him scream:

"OH MAH GOD! THERE- THERE'S BLOOD ALL OVER YOUR FACE! YOU'RE DYING, JEFF! YOU'RE DYING!"

The 'blood' in question? It was just nail polish that'd transferred from your toenails mid-kick.

But, in his dazed state, Jeff was incapable of putting two and two together.

He swiped a finger across his cheek and took a look. A copious amount of bright red oozed down his fingertip. His pupils shrank back in silent horror.

BEN's hysterical shrieking did nothing to help the situation.

"MAN DOWN! WE'RE ONE MAN DOWN! CALL AN AMBULANCE! GET THE PARAMEDICS! CALL MILEY CYRUS! HAVE THE WRECKING BALL READY FOR HIS FUNERAL!"

All you could do was slap a hand across your forehead and watch as an act of incomprehensible stupidity unfolded before your eyes.

Jeff shrieked, ran for the shut window, and knocked himself out when his head smacked into the glass.

D/N ran up to him, tail wagging furiously. She/He didn't try to to help him, but instead turned around and sat on his unconscious face, looking up at you with the overjoyed expression that only a dog could manage.

BEN Drowned... In himself?

An intervention had been called for at your house. All the creepypastas had barged in. Almost all. It was an intervention for BEN - or more specifically; BEN's yum-yum eating habits.

"He's out of control!" exclaimed Dark Link, "Breaking into other people's houses? Stealing their food? Just the other day he was caught trying to squeeze through the Mac Donald's drive thru window!"

You bit back a nervous laugh, reasoning it best not to mention that you'd been the one driving the getaway vehicle (a cranky cameo-painted golf cart).

"I agree. He must be stopped," Slenderman murmured gravelly, his tentacles swaying gently in keen thought. (Five points to Gryffindor if you misread tentacles and had to double back!)

"Can't we just kill him and chuck his body down a volcano before he revives?" Smirky groaned, clearly unhappy about being dragged out to attend the intervention. "I doubt it would be a heartbreaking loss."

"Be helpful, or I smack you," L.J warned, raising a hand to show he wasn't kidding.

The sharp toothed crazy thing opened his mouth to retort, thought better of it, and settled back in his seat with a defeated shrug. "Tch. Tch. So violent."

("Hypocrite!" Phantom's spy lemming squeaked in the background.)

"Where is BEN anyway?" Jeff wondered, peering out the window. He was on lookout duty with Jane, you see. But so far - there was not a trace of the little elf to be seen.

"S-someone c-cou-could've t-tipped h-him o-off?" Ticci Toby suggested meekly.

"Nonsense. Who'd wanna do that?" Masky and Hoodie scoffed in unison.

"M-Maybe h-he s-saw t-them a-acting f-f-funny a-and b-b-bribed t-t-them w-with w-waffles t-to t-tell h-him w-what w-was g-going o-o-on?"

Somewhere in the world, a vinyl record screetched to a halt. Everyone started looking at Toby; some in disbelief and others in... well...

"You fool!" Dark Link growled, upsetting his chair as he stood up. "Don't you know you probably accepted stolen goods? And besides - this was our only chance to stop the damn midget!"

"B-But I-I d-d-didn't t-tell h-him i-it w-was a-a-an in-intervention!"

At that moment, the front door swung wide open.

"Hi, guys 'n gals! Sorry I'm late!" BEN chirped, walking in with an armload of cheeseburgers.

He looked around, saw how everyone was staring at him like a pack of hungry vultures, and came to the wrong conclusion in a flash.

"You canz NOT havez mah cheeseburgers!" he howled accusingly. "They're MINE!"

"Oh for the love of- someone grab that elvish idiot!" you groaned, rising to your feet.

The pile of burgers bounced and jiggled in his arms as he took off like a bullet towards the staircase (one tumbled off and The Tails Doll flew straight for it).

Sonic.exe and Lost Silver were first ones to pursue BEN, and promptly fell over each other with the grace of a catapulting chicken. L.J sprang over them.

His heavy footsteps thundered up the stairs, then up on the ceiling. Yes. The chase was like déjà vu of the milestone mayhem, only without all the stuff that made it fun.

"NO!" BEN's shrill voice shrieked shortly thereafter. "LET GO OF MY CHEESEBURGER! LET IT GOOOOO- OW!"

They heard a thud.

A minute later, L.J casually strolled downstairs, carrying an unconscious BEN. Carrying as in, dangling his limp body upside down by a twitchy foot.

"He stubbed his big toe, freaked out and fainted," the monochrome clown replied, with a rather cheerful expression.

Sally giggled and waved Charlie in the air, whacking BEN in the face with the demonic teddy bear. Repeatedly.

"Woah," Jeff breathed.

Dark Link~

After the disastrous intervention, everyone unanimously agreed to pretend that it never happened. They scattered, lickedy split.

Which brought Dark Link all the way to your house (he crawled in through your kitchen window and rolled onto the checkered tiles with a groan.)

"My... angel...?" A leaf slid out of his hair.

You barely turned your head, deeply engrossed in watching the ghost of C/N unsuccessfully trying to hotwire the broken microwave. 

"Hello."

"It happened... again."

"There's a couple of band-aids in the fridge, and a jug of herbal tea in the first aid kit," you said.

The ghost of C/N triumphantly stuck his head inside the microwave to see if his dastardly plan worked. All he got was smoke. Thick and suffocating grey smoke.

Dark Link dragged himself over to the fridge and reached up, grabbing for the door handle.

It took a few tries for him to yank it open; he seemed unwilling to move any other part of his body except his pinky.

You glanced over your shoulder. "Need any help with that?"

The shade didn't answer, preoccupied by his attempts to swat down the box of band-aids from the second shelf.

An awkward three minutes passed by.

"Y'know, Darkness..."

He looked away, for a moment, to fix you with a stern stare. You made a zip gesture across your lips and span on heel, just in time to see-

The ghost of C/N frustratedly yanked the microwave out - sparking wires and all - and hurled it out a window (coincidentally, the one which Dark Link had left open at the beginning of this scenario). 

Only, he forgot to let go with both paws. So, being the weightless spectre that he was, the ghost of C/N went flying out too.

Glass broke.

Tyres screetched.

A cat meowed.

Dark Link successfully batted down the box of band-aids.

The box was lightly frostbitten, but otherwise okay. He grabbed it without question, and started rummaging.

You gingerly stepped over to the window and leaned out. "Wow... I think he actually broke the fence this time!"

"Ah-ha!" Dark Link triumphantly held up a band-aid. Then he looked down, frowned, and quickly swapped it out for a slightly bigger band-aid.

Then he gave you an imploring, puppy eyed look. "My darling, sweetest, prettiest, loveliest-"

You signed and plopped down next to him, expectantly holding out your hand to receive the band-aid.

"Alright. Where's the oopise?"

Dark Link gave a cheer under his breath and gave it to you. He rolled down his glove and showed you the tiniest cut you'd ever seen - barely bleeding - on his forearm.

"Please be gentle," he gulped. "I got snagged by a tree branch on my way here."

This wasn't the first time he'd done something like this, and you certainly knew it wasn't going to be the last.

You carefully peeled the band-aid and pressed it firmly over the cut, holding his wrist tightly lest he flinch away.

"I've seen you shrug off slash wounds as if they were nothing. Just sayin'."

"Even the greatest warrior can fall to the tiniest of cuts! Didn't you hear about that man who died from stepping on a rusty nail?"

"Actually, he died from tetanus- oh, never mind! You're my silly abomination of nature!" You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and tried not to giggle. He mistook it for concerned sobbing.

Laughing Jellybean

Standing under a mist-like spray of warm water was inspirational. While showering, you started singing, and you sang like a nightingale.

"Doolah, lah, lah..."

Unbeknownst to you, L.J was standing at the other side of the door, listening to your musical exploits through a glass cup.

His face was nothing short of pure bliss, eyes half closed, seemingly lost in a different dimension.

One day, I'm marrying that voice... He mentally sighed, fluttering his eyelashes.

Unbeknownst to him, his eyes were starting to change colour - to a brilliant sparkling blue, rich as a lagoon.

L.J, so lost in the swathe of your voice and his own thoughts, completely forgot to move when the faucet creaked and the water slowed to a trickle.

You had no idea he was there.

After bundling your hair up in a towel, and tying a blood red bathrobe around yourself, you waddled to the bathroom door and...

Laughing Jack snapped out of his lovestruck daze when he heard the handle turn.

His first instinct was to drop the cup. It thudded onto the bathroom rug, miraculously staying intact.

Then, the semi-monochrome clown tried to teleport, but..

On the bright side, you didn't hear a thing. Well, there was a thump and a squeal, but the towel muffled its sound.

Puzzled, because the bathroom door met some kind of resistance (L.J), you pulled it shut and then flung it open with all your might.

Whump!

The monochrome clown was squashed flat against the wall, moaning in pain. You didn't hear that either.

"Weird."

Whump!

He'd just straightened himself up when you did it again. His nose got the full blunt force of it this time. Ooof!

Whump!

"Maybe the hinges are a bit rusty?"

Whump!

Whump!
Whump!

"Oh well. I'll get L.J to look at it later. Speaking of the devil... why haven't I seen him around today?"

You tried the door a few more times before giving up. You leisurely strolled off, still wondering where your boyfriend was.

I hope he's keeping himself out of trouble...

Laughing Jack staggered out from behind the door, tripped over the cup, and landed flat on his face. When he looked up, the happy colour had drained from his eyes.

"Ohhh my sweet gummy bear; you're going to be the death of me."

With that, he lay like the dead for an entire afternoon, waiting for his nose to un-crumple itself.

Meanwhile, At The Local Mac Donald's...
(A little lengthly!)

Laughing Jack did not go to Doctor Smiley for help, and for very good reason. No one was approaching the not-so-good doctor or his surgery.

Well, except Smirky, because he didn't have a choice.

(But lately, the illusionist seemed uneasy; especially during nighttime. Once, Sally found him sleeping downstairs in the lounge. Under the couch).

A serious private meeting was called.

At Mac Donald's.

They didn't want a chance of Smiley overhearing them - or so BEN had argued. Unable to think of any better ideas, the creepypastas caved in and went along with it.

Smirky had been lurking inside the surgery at the time, and asking him to come along surely would've roused suspicion. It was a necessary evil to leave him out of the circle.

So, squashed in a corner booth, the creepypastas whispered and murmured amongst themselves. A lone happy meal sat on the table, but no one touched it.

"-danger to all of us, I swear!"

"-gotta do something..."

"-chance that he might've contracted the madness virus? I mean, this all started after that hullabaloo..."

"If he has, it may be far too late to seek an antidote. I've never heard of a case where infection wasn't immediately apparent."

"I don't care how he hid the damn virus from us - JUST FIND A WAY TO GET IT OUT OF HIM!"

BEN anxiously reached into the happy meal box and comfort ate a french fry, pupils darting back and forth between the two speakers.

Laughing Jack had risen from his seat and was glaring at Slenderman, his features scrunched up in a snarl.

"Child..." the faceless creepypasta began.

People were glancing over, their attention drawn by the shouting. Jeff smiled at them. They quickly went back to whatever they were doing.

"Doctor Smiley is one of us, and we do care deeply about his welfare. We are all extremely distressed by the fact he has taken ill," Slenderman said simply.

BEN took a big bite of his cheeseburger and moaned blissfully.

"-So please. Sit. Down."

L.J slowly sank back into his seat. Then sank deeper. And deeper. Until his slightly-bent swirly cone nose stuck out over the edge of the table.

"I want my friend back..." he whispered sadly.

BEN took a second bite of cheeseburger and moaned again.

"It's decided then," Dark Link said firmly. "We're going to lay an ambush for Smiley and do whatever it takes to knock him out."

"We'd better warn Evelyn; he might try to kill her," Jeff reminded.

Toby, who was already holding the phone to his ear, gave a thumbs up and rose from his seat to make the call outside.

"What about Smirkykins?" Sally piped up, swinging her legs. She couldn't quite reach the ground.

"Nah. Smiley didn't take those attempts on his life too personally. The madness-driven Smiley probably couldn't care less about-"

"No, silly! What if you accidently ambush him instead of Smiley?"

"... Oh."

"We should probably get Smirky to say something password-ey," Dark Link suggested.

BEN took a third bite of the cheeseburger - now half devoured - and gave another moan.

(Dark Link, who was seated next to him, awkwardly tried to turn a blind eye.)

"But we may as well be blabbing the whole plan to Smiley, and be none the wiser. Okay. Who's good at telling them apart?"

No one moved a muscle. BEN burped in the background.

"BEN it is, then!" L.J chirped, giving the blonde elf a pat on the head.

"Who, me?" he squeaked, gripping he remanants of his cheeseburger fearfully, crinkling the yellow wrapper.

"Just get a look at his teeth. Smirky's are all pointy like this, see?" The monochrome clown opened his mouth wide to demonstrate.

Sadly, BEN assumed L.J was trying to eat the cheeseburger and conked him over the head with it, screaming obscenities at the top of his fun-sized lungs.

_____________________________
A/N: Well, well, doodley well... I, personally, can't wait to see how that turns out!
Now let me consult the magic ball. Oomm, ohmmm... The magic ball has spoken!

There might be a special Halloween short story being planned. Starring all the creepypastas you know and love in a crazy adventure involving dead people!
(And their costumes are being designed by Phantom (moi) and LyricRoyal !)

That's it for today, folks! As always, thank you for picking The End of Sanity Road for today's dose of laughter and giggles! Please deposit your comments and votes in the donation box.

... What's that? You want your brain and personal belongings back?
Well don't we all? Go have fun, free of mortal possessions! Buh-bye now!
(*yanks curtain down* Toodles!)
~TheNightPhantom