What the hell am I doing here?

"Peter. Look at me, you're okay. We're safe." Dorcas stared at him, placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

He shrugged it off. He was undeserving of comfort. He was a monster.

"Peter. You're in shock, it's okay. I just need you to focus up here. Focus on me. You're safe," Dorcas reassured him.

He shook his head.

"You are safe Pete."

"No one is safe," he barely managed to speak. His throat was tight, he felt as if he could not breathe.

And perhaps he did not deserve to breathe.

If he truly was safe, which he wasn't because there was a war going on which meant no one would ever be safe again, he did not deserve to be. He deserved to be in danger. To die.

He was a monster. He was as bad as a death eater. He was a killing machine.

"Not permanently safe, but you're safe for now Pete. It's okay. We completed our mission," Doe sat down next to him.

He looked down, hoping the fact that he was uncontrollably shaking would go away if he didn't think about it.

"You're okay," she reassured again in a calm voice, believing him to be delirious because of shock.

He was sane though. He heard everything she was saying. He was in his right mind. He just knew that he was a murderer.

"I shouldn't be okay," he muttered, still looking down.

Dorcas turned towards him, "It's a good thing you are Peter. You deserve life."

Doe always had a way of findingout what was bothering a person. She was a great friend, a great human being.

Peter didn't deserve to be in her presence. He didn't deserve to be alive. He had killed somebody. He had willingly fired a killing curse at somebody and watched them fall to the ground.

He was a monster.

"I killed him."

"It's okay. He would've killed you. I'm glad you survived." Dorcas didn't ask any questions even though her face was scrunched up in confusion. It was obvious the man's death meant nothing to her.

Pete did not understand how she could be fine with the idea of someone dying. How she could be fine with the idea of one of her friends killing someone.

Unless of course, he wasn't considered one of her friends.

Perhaps she had been fine with it because it didn't matter if an acquaintance killed somebody. Because he didn't matter.

"Peter Pettigrew, you look at me," she said softly but assertively.

He looked up, scared of what would happen if he did not obey her. She was extremely intimidating.

"It's okay that you killed someone. It doesn't make you a bad person, it was self defence. The fact that you are letting it eat at you means that you're a really good person. The fact that you care so much about the person who would've killed you means you're a good person."

He shook his head. He started to say something but stopped.

"It's okay. You can speak freely. I mean it is your house," she smiled a bit at him.

"My life was not worth more than his. I was not more deserving of life than than than him."

Great his stutter was making an appearance. That's exactly what he needed.

"Mary needs you to survive," was all Dorcas responded with.

"She could find someone else," Peter voiced his internal doubts.

Doe stood up, "She loves you. Don't put her through hell by dying. You needed to stay alive to protect her. We both need to stay alive."

He nodded.

He really didn't want to leave his Mary behind, alone, defenseless. He didn't want her to get hurt and the best way to guarantee that would be staying alive.

"We're making difficult choices for them. So that we can have a future together. A future where people don't hunt down people like Mary for sport. A future where no one has to kill each other," Doe had gotten the leader of the Order look in her eye at this point.

"I'd do anything for her," Peter responded simply.

She smiled. "I know. Wanna join me for a glass of butterbeer while we wait for them?"

He nodded and followed her out into the living room.

He still didn't feel right about killing but he supposed he would kill anyone for his love.

And that person's life was worth much less than Mary's.