(Warning mentions of rape)

             I want a perfect body

Dread had settled into his stomach. A permanent resident. He didn't know why but all he knew was that he was scared.

"I swear to Merlin, Regulus, if you don't back the fuck out of here I'm going to kill you." The words were a snarl, Padfoot's usually relaxed face was twisted into something of pure rage.

"Fine. I came because a certain mud...muggleborn was being tortured but if you'd rather her die than I'll just leave." Came the reply.

"Who?" James looked like he was about to have a breakdown. Which made sense as Lily was a muggleborn.

But Peter's girlfriend was also a muggleborn. Which meant he felt the same way as James.

"Mary MacDonald. Now can you please remove the wand from my throat?"

Peter couldn't think straight at this point. Mary was in danger. His Mary! She was going to die. He couldn't live without her. She was an angel. She was his angel. And he couldn't live without her. He wouldn't live without her. He shouldn't live without her.

"How do we know you're not lying?" Came a reasonable question from Sirius.

"I know you will never trust me, but wouldn't you rather get set up than have one of your own's girlfriend die... or worse?" Regulus responded calmly.

"If she truly was in danger, and you're playing the good guy, why didn't you save her?" Sirius asked accusingly.

The younger Black boy ripped his left arm sleeve all the way up. He flipped his arm over to reveal what everyone suspected. "I can't do anything, Sirius. Maybe you were able to leave the family behind, maybe you could become a 'hero', but I'm on a different path now. And most of the people on the same path as I am, believe she deserves it. I obviously don't, which is why you should stop wasting time and do something to save her!"

Remus groaned at the noise and Sirius glared at his brother.

Before Sirius could do anything else, Peter surprised everyone, including himself, by talking first. "Where is she?" His voice was scratchy, not it's usual squeakiness.

"Peter," James said quietly wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

The boy's lip trembled as he looked at the Slytherin. "Where is she?" He asked slightly louder.

"Under the Quidditch bleachers." Regulus cast an apologetic look at the shaking boy.

"I'll go with you, Peter..." James muttered before grabbing onto him and Regulus.

"Hurry back Prongs. I dunno if I can manage Moony on my own." Sirius called back.

James merely nodded as he took off running, Peter and Regulus were sorts of being dragged by him but they also were running.

When they got out of the Shrieking Shack and had closed the door, Regulus removed Prongs' hand from him.

"I'm sorry. But I can't. I'm sorry Peter." His eyes flashed with genuine sorrow.

James didn't even respond and continued running, forcing Peter's shorter legs to keep up with him.

Peter couldn't think clearly. He certainly couldn't think enough to move his own legs. All he could think about was Mary hurt. She couldn't be hurt. She was his angel. He loved her. She was his everything. Without her, he was nothing. He couldn't lose her.

They reached the Quidditch field soon enough which was when he spotted her.

Peter ran to her, the adrenaline pumping, hin pulling James along.

Mary MacDonald was covered in scratchy red marks and literally nothing else. Her eyes were closed, but her body was steadily moving as she breathed. She was alive.

The first thing he did was to take off his sweater and wrapped it around her like a blanket, to retain her decency.

He didn't remember what else had happened up to this point.

It was the second day of his everything being in the Hospital Wing.

He wanted to visit her but Madame Pomfrey had been strict. Nobody was allowed in.

Which was why James and Peter were now under the invisibility cloak. James as a human, Peter as a rat.

They planned to break in and leave Peter in the hospital wing as a rat, so he wouldn't worry about her anymore.

A solid plan.

Except Madame Pomfrey was a light sleeper which was why Peter had flown through the air before coming to a stop exactly where he wanted to be, underneath Mary's bed. James was good at throwing.

The next morning, Mary was awake and had noticed Peter.

Even though Peter had never told her about the animagus forms, he was sure she knew. Her eyes looked at him kindly and with recognition.

"Miss MacDonald, it's good to see you up. Now would you say your pain is the same as yesterday or does it differ?" The Healer certainly was down to business.

"It hurts like yesterday but in addition, I'm feeling more pain higher up... Also, my breast is bleeding and I don't think it's supposed to do that." Mary sounded different. Like she wasn't herself. Was she intoxicated? Whatever she was, it was loopy and he didn't like it.

She shouldn't be loopy after what happened to her...But maybe that was actually a good thing. She probably was in a lot of pain and no matter what caused it, a little weirdness in her life was probably reassuring.

He still didn't like it.

"Your wound reopened." Madame Pomfrey got to work resewing together a wound that stretched from Mary's shoulder to the top of her right breast. "It's some dark magic. Dreadfully dark magic for a young girl like you to go through. You'll probably be permanently disfigured."

"My boyfriend is going to hate that. He thinks I'm like a goddess." Mary started humming lightly. There was definitely something off about her. Maybe she had a bad reaction to a healing potion or something.

Well, at least she was sort of right in her thinking.

Peter hated that wound with everything in his being. Why? Not because it ruined her, which he was ashamed to admit was his first thought. Because it was a permanent mark that someone had put on the fake Gryffindor's Mary, which symbolized how pathetic Peter truly was. He couldn't save her in time. She had gotten multiple visible wounds, not to mention the wounds on her spirit.

"Mr. Pettigrew may not be the smartest person but I truly believe he would love you no matter what. He's a good person whether he believes it or not. I've sent for Miss Evans. She will be coming to take you back to your dorm room. Is that your rat?" The sentimentality, that Pete would have never suspected coming from her, faded into the brisk no fooling around attitude.

"That rat is most definitely mine." Mary smiled, still seeming out of it.

It was unnerving for the boy to hear her voice like this. He didn't particularly like it.

He was scooped up into the woman's hand before being tucked into a pocket. This pocket was an inner pocket in Mary's robes.

Mary put on the robes.

He was extremely close to her. It was startling to be pushed up against her body. He felt wrong about it. Like she was dirty or something.

But he shouldn't feel that way. She was his girlfriend. He was a horrible person for thinking that everything was ruined because she had been hurt. He needed to be there for her. Not push her away. He needed to prove that he was a semi-decent person. He needed to prove that he was not a horribly pathetic person. He needed to prove that he was worth a James. Or a Sirius. Or a Remus. He needed to prove that he deserved to live on this earth. He needed to prove that he was compassionate, and a good person that people should want to hang out with.

He needed to prove it for his own sanity.

So he stayed there.

They were in Mary MacDonald's dorm soon enough.

The rest of the girls had classes so it was just Peter and Mary. Alone. In a place that Peter was not supposed to be in.

After safely making his way out of her pocket he transformed.

They stayed for a while without talking.

He didn't know what to say. He would let her speak at her own time.

"Peter?" Mary started off. Her voice had become small, reflecting her body at the moment. She wasn't a short person, but at the current moment, she was curled into the most compact position. Her face was hidden except for her two eyes, which were bare, she hadn't put on 'mascara' for a while.

"Yeah?" Was all he could say. His voice was quiet as well.

"Everything hurts. Not just physically." A pause before she turned to look at him directly. "I'm sorry. I'm ruined. I'm disgusting. I'm broken."

Hearing his angel call herself broken, made Peter feel something close to what he felt when he saw her under the Quidditch stands. His voice was sharp, perhaps too sharp. No, he knew it was too sharp. He couldn't even comfort her properly. "Don't you dare say that about yourself. Don't you dare apologize. You are a goddess. You are a work of art. I admire you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. You are perfect and you will always be perfect. You're my Mary."

"You don't want me. He....did things to me. They did things. They ruined me. I'm filthy. Everything hurts. I just want to stop the pain."

"What did they do to you?"

"I can't." Mary shook her head, her eyes flashing with a pain that he could never understand.

That didn't stop him from wanting to understand. Wanting to know what the hell she had gone through. Wanting to know how much he had to hurt those monsters who hurt her.

"Mary tell me." His own behavior surprised himself. He had never been this forceful in his life. Probably because he had never been this angry in his life.

Her entire body stiffened. The boy had done something wrong... like always. He felt bad. No. Bad was too tame of a word for this occasion. He felt like a monster. A pathetic, hurtful, horrible, stupid, monster.

When she spoke, he had to lean in to hear her. "There was two of them. One who did the things and one who watched. They disarmed me. They vanished off my clothes. One of them, I can't remember who said how I deserved this. The one who was watching asked if he really wanted to touch such filth. The first one said that I was just like a sex toy."

Peter felt a weight sink in his stomach, filling it with dread among other emotions.

Her eyes had stopped concentrating on him. Her focus seemed to be very far away. "They laughed. They laughed so much. He approached me. I clawed his face with my hands. He brought out his wand. He cut upon my body with a spell, I don't know which one. He wrote mud-slag on me. He tied me up. He cut a couple marks other places on my body. And then when I really couldn't fight back...." She cut off, curling up into a tighter ball, shaking her head more. "I can't do this. I don't want to relive it. I don't want to live just in general. Everything hurts. They ruined me. I can never live a normal life. I'm forever ruined. I don't want to be broken. I just want to live my life. But that's never going to happen. I can't live anymore."

Peter didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to comfort her. He wasn't good at being a decent person. Maybe because he truly wasn't a decent person. He was pathetic. Mary had always helped him when he needed it, but he was letting her down. He couldn't do anything right.

Mary had been slowly moving to now, where her head was in his lap.

He very gently stroked her hair, it felt like the right thing to do in this situation. At least he hoped he was doing something right. For once in his life.

They remained like that for a couple of minutes.

"He took my virginity, Peter. He took it without my okay. He stole it from me. He used my body like I was nothing. And worst of all... my body didn't shut down. I had an orgasm. My body did something it was supposed to do if I wanted it to. But I didn't want this. I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want to have anything shoved in there. But my body acted as I wanted it. My body betrayed me. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserved being entered without my will. My body doesn't work right. Maybe I deserved to be broken. Maybe I was already broken."

It was at this point that Peter noticed tears started to slide down her face.

He was so filled with rage from her words. He couldn't believe that those Slytherin monsters had hurt her like that. He couldn't believe they had used and then tossed her away. But he needed to calm down. Mary didn't need him to go and kill the monsters responsible for this right now. She needed someone to reassure her that she was the most perfect human being in the history of the world. And that was his job.

"You are not broken. And no one deserves that. Especially not you. You are perfect the way you are. It's not your fault that despicable, horrible, inhumane, creatures dressed as humans, roam the world. It's not your fault that they hurt you. You can't blame yourself. You are the victim. The only people who deserve punishing are those," he couldn't even think of another word to describe them, "horrible beasts. You deserve everything good. You are an angel, forced to walk this torturous earth. You are my angel, and I love you no
matter what."

She didn't respond.

Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and the other girl had entered at this time. Peter didn't know what the other girl's name was, as she didn't interact with them very much, but he thought he might have remembered something starting with a G or something.

Mary was asleep in Peter's lap. He didn't want to move.

"What the..." The G girl muttered. She turned to look at the other three girls. "Is no one else surprised by this? There is a boy in our dorm."

"Greta. Get over it. There's also a Ravenclaw in our dorm, it's not like it matters." Marlene muttered before patting Peter's shoulder reassuringly.

Greta huffed but then got over it.

"How is she?" At this question from Dorcas, all of the girls looked at Peter for an answer.

"I don't know," Peter replied honestly.