I want to have control

"I've decided that I really, really, really, really, like spending time with you. Especially now that you're more comfortable around me." Her smile was as beautiful as ever.

"I really, really, really, really, really, like spending time with you too." Peter offered a shy smile in return.

They had been dating for about three weeks now. And Peter had felt the happiest he had ever been. Mary paid genuine attention to him. She always valued his opinion. She patiently waited for him to say what he had to say without any rush. He wasn't invisible around her. He wasn't a tagalong around her. They were... equal.

And that certainly was an unusual feeling.

She was helping him understand what it was like to be a person. What it was like to be an individual instead of part of a group. What it was like to be an individual even in a group of people.

"So. I have a proposition for you. Lily's been bugging me since she and James have been third coupling a lot, you know with Marlene, Sirius, Dorcas, and Remus."

Peter nodded. He understood what she was talking about. Marlene, Dorcas, Sirius, and Remus, often went on double dates together. Sirius and Marlene pretended to be going out, while Dorcas and Remus did the same. It was the safest way for them to be able to go on dates. After all, most Hogwarts students were not comfortable with the idea of same-sex dating. For the two couples safety, they had to remain hidden.

According to Remus, it was annoying, but they did pull it off rather well.

Probably due to the fact that Marlene and Sirius were very dramatic actors.

"Peter? Please focus on me for a moment, I need your opinion."

Peter focused back up, looking at his girlfriend. "Sorry. Got distracted."

"I know," she paused. "Anyway, Lily wants us to double with her and James. In the village."

"If you want to we can."

She offered a smile before looking down hesitantly. "Also it's kind of tonight."

"Tonight?" Anxiety was building in him. He didn't have a lot of time to prepare. "Formal, semi-formal, semi-casual, casual, work casual, work-formal?" He rattled off extremely quickly.

"Dressy casual. Also, breathe. It's okay. What colour should I wear tonight?" She asked him as he reached for her hand. She gave him her hand.

"You should go for that blue turtleneck with that really nice gray skirt you own."

She pulled him into a hug. "Brilliant, I love it. You should wear that gray Gryffindor polo with just normal black slacks."

"I love your fashion advice." While the hug was comfortable, and he felt extremely happy to be this close to such a marvelous woman, he still felt a bit weird about it and quickly let go.

"Why thank you, kind sir," Mary laughed a bit, she didn't look bothered by the fact that he had wormed out of the hug.

Even though they didn't know each other that well, well he knew her extremely well from all the years of watching her, she still managed to understand him. It was bizarre. She just seemed to get it. She knew him better than the Marauders.

It was refreshing to be actually seen by someone for once. It wasn't that his friends didn't see him. They just assumed he was the fine old dependable Peter and so they left him alone so they could figure out the obvious problems. He wasn't vocal about his problems, and with Mary, he didn't have to be. She understood him and he understood her.

"Anyway, we should get changed. I'll be with Lily, I assume that she's already told Potter where to meet her."

"I'll be with Prongs. I assume that he's already been told where to meet up with you two."

"See you tonight." Mary didn't reach for a hug or anything before walking up the girl's staircases.

She was a very physical person. Always hugging people, or holding their hands. It wasn't in a way like Padfoot's where he was commanding about it. She had a more gentle way about it. Sirius' way demanded that everyone pay attention to him, hers basically told people that they were being paid attention to.

So it made him wonder.

Why didn't she do anything for a proper goodbye? Did she hate him? Did she not want to touch him?

His mind raced until he finally figured out an actual reason.

She remembered how he had pulled away and didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

The boy sighed in relief and amazement. She truly was an angel. An actual angel sent here from Heaven to bless everyone with her presence.

After letting his mind wander a moment, he shook his head suddenly. This was not the time to daydream about his...his...his... girlfriend. That sounded so weird in his head. Peter Pettigrew was not supposed to be linked to the way girlfriend in any way. But now that he was, he kind of really really really liked it. But anyway. On task. He needed to be on task.

He headed up the stairs, ignoring the snickering coming from a couple of people in the common room. He eventually reached the dorms which he entered after knocking twice and hearing a "you can come in if you're quiet."

He found Sirius reading a book, whilst Remus was laying on the floor. Well at least, Peter assumed it was Remus. He couldn't really tell because of the pillow over the body on the floor's head.

"Is Moony okay?"

"Yeah. He's just extremely hungover." Sirius didn't look up from his book.

"Extremely hungover implies that I drank a fucking ton earlier," Remus muttered from the ground. His words were extremely hard to hear due to the fact that he was talking quietly, his face was in the ground and a pillow was on top of his face.

"I tried to warn you."

"Well, maybe I didn't listen because you're not the responsible one.."

"Why am I not the responsible one?"

"Because you're the partier. You're the most likely to do something stupid."

"At least I don't drink...Except at parties."

"I swear to Merlin, if you fucking start the body is a temple speech again I will cut you."

"I'm the only one that's allowed to cut me. Anyway, I don't like this Moony. Wormy make him go back to normal. He's making me be the responsible one in this relationship cause he's being an idiot and getting drunk." Sirius whined mockingly, still reading the book.

"You get drunk one time and next thing you know your boyfriend, the idiot, is calling you, the smart one, an idiot. Wow, I guess it's fucking opposite day." Remus remarked snarkily still underneath the pillow.

Peter had stopped listening to the quality banter coming from them at this point and was rummaging his closet from the outfit Mary MacDonald had told him to wear. The specific outfit.

It wasn't there.

Why wasn't it there?

Everything was going wrong.

Mary would break up with him.

She would hate him.

She would never talk to him.

Prongs would kick him out of the dorm.

Everything would go wrong.

Everything always went wrong.

No.

It wouldn't.

It was just an outfit.

Everything was okay.

But was it really?

He spotted the outfit and quickly changed into it. He combed his hair and headed for the door.

"Have fun. Tell Prongs that he owes me 30 galleons." Sirius remarked.

Remus stuck his head out from under the pillow, the rings around his eyes were especially dark. "Tell Mary that I am eagerly awaiting the next Tolkien book and I have a book to trade with her."

"Will do." Peter managed to say in a calm confident manner. That really surprised him that all the words came out in the right order and the way he intended them to.

He left at this point, to find Mary.

The last thing he heard was "you bet on what?!?"

He smiled. While some things changed quite a bit it comforted him that some things would never change.

One of those things being Remus and Sirius' relationship.

Peter hoped, one day, that he and Mary would reach the same level of happiness.

Little did he know the future that was awaiting her.