***Trigger warning for further mentions of Josh's sexual abuse later on in the chapter as well as mentions of suicide. Please be safe.***
Wait to start the song.

The weeks leading up to the end of Josh's junior year presented themselves with a missing persons report. Elle Weekes disappeared on a Tuesday morning before school, and no one seemed to know where she went. Dallon beat Josh mercilessly for an entire week, not once letting Brendon help him. For the second week, Officer Dun kept Josh out of school simply to protect him from the sheer amount of rage being directed at him for reasons he couldn't understand.

Josh was sitting on the couch with his dad, using a knife to cut slices off of an apple, when the news came. He handed one of the slices to his dad occasionally, but no conversation passed between them. The swelling in Josh's jaw had just started to go down after Dallon had fractured his jaw bone a few days prior. He didn't feel much like talking, and eating was pretty much out of the question. He'd only started cutting up the apple to have a distraction from what he'd rather be doing with his knife.

They both looked up when Officer Dun's radio went off in the kitchen. "Dun, we got a 10-54 in your area. The witness reported it to be the 10-57. You think you could swing by and check it out? Over." A voice said.

His father's eyes widened as he shot up out of his chair and hurried over to his radio, grabbing it off of the kitchen counter. Josh watched his father curiously as he responded quickly.

"10-4. Send me the coordinates. Over." Officer Dun said as he carried his radio into his room, most likely hurrying into his uniform.

Josh set the apple down on the coffee table before turning around to look over the back of the couch. His father came out of his room in his uniform a few minutes later, looking more concerned than he usually did before work.

"You just hang tight, okay, bud?" His dad told him, ruffling his hair as he passed him. "If I get home late, you make sure your baby sister eats some dinner."

Josh nodded, still not wanting to talk. His father hesitated before leaning down and kissing the top of Josh's head. He hugged Josh for just a moment too long before sitting back and looking at him. Josh's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"What?" He asked, making his jaw ache.

His father shook his head, taking off the cross necklace he always wore before fastening it around Josh's neck instead. He smiled sadly before kissing Josh's forehead again.

"I love you. Be good while I'm gone. I ain't gonna be happy if I hear your name on the scanner again tonight," Officer Dun said with that same unhappy smile.

Josh smiled back, holding the little metal cross tightly in his fist. He nodded his thanks before turning back around in his seat. His dad patted his back before leaving the trailer quickly. Josh listened to the sirens turn on before his dad drove away. He didn't think anything of it until the next morning when the news came out and he learned what those radio terms meant.

Elle Weekes was found drowned in the swamp with a stomach full of sleeping pills. She'd been there for the entire week they'd been looking for her apparently, and her death was ruled as a suicide. She was fourteen years old and five weeks pregnant. Josh went back to school the next day. Dallon didn't.

--
Start the song. It's Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens.

Elle's funeral was held at the church, although Dallon's family almost never attended. It had to be closed casket because of how long she'd been in the water, which was kind of disappointing to Josh. He'd never seen a dead human body before, and he was curious.

Abbie had known Elle from school, claiming that she was really nice. Debby sat with them during the service, crying quietly. She sat on one side of Josh while Abbie sat on the other, squeezing Josh's hand and earning herself a lot of dirty looks from him whenever she wiped her tears on his shirt. Debby wrapped both of her arms around one of Josh's, crying against his other shoulder. He gave his father a pleading look, hoping to have the two young girls pried off of him, but his dad just ruffled his hair and kissed Abbie's forehead.

If Officer Dun had been overprotective of Abbie before Dallon's sister's death, he was borderline possessive after. Josh was used to being the one his father always spent time with, but he'd been stuck to Abbie like glue for days. Never in Josh's life had he been given the sex talk this many times, and he was pretty sure Abbie was traumatized by having this week be her first time getting it. She'd been asking Josh questions for days. It sucked.

Dallon didn't cry at his sister's funeral. Josh had been hoping he would bawl like a baby, but he just sat next to Brendon and Ashley, chewing gum and avoiding eye contact with anyone. His parents kept looking worriedly at him, and his mom didn't leave his side for a second.

None of this made a lot of sense to Josh. So many people that he was pretty sure hadn't even known the dead girl were crying. Even her brother wasn't crying. Josh wondered if he'd cry if this was Abbie's funeral. He doubted it, but he secretly hoped he would. Abbie deserved to be cried over. He kissed her forehead, holding her a little closer. She sniffled, clutching onto his shirt.

Josh glanced at Dallon again. His head was down, and Brendon was leant over slightly, whispering to him. Ashley was chewing at her thumbnail, staring at the casket with tear-filled eyes. She kept looking to Brendon for comfort, but he wasn't paying attention to her. He was talking to Dallon.

Josh raised an eyebrow when Brendon's dad, who was sitting in the pew behind theirs, sat forward and squeezed her shoulder, giving her a supportive smile when she looked back at him. She smiled back sadly before facing forward again. Josh smirked when Ashley reached her hand back behind the pew discreetly, letting the middle-aged man hold it. That wasn't normal, and even Josh knew that.

Debby sniffled, reaching across Josh to hold Abbie's other hand. Josh didn't understand why they hadn't just sat next to each other, but for whatever reason, they'd both wanted to sit by him. He was pretty sure that Debby forgot sometimes that he wasn't her brother. She was always at their house, and she constantly asked him for advice on things or for help with homework. Maybe that was normal though. He didn't know. He'd always thought those were just things he was supposed to do for Abbie.

Josh rolled his eyes when his little sister climbed into his lap, releasing his hand to hold Debby's more comfortably. She leant her head against Josh's shoulder, pulling his arms around her waist. His father took her place, moving closer to Josh on the pew and laying his arm along the back of it.

When the pallbearers carried Elle out of the church, most of the procession followed. Josh's dad went, but he allowed his children to stay. Ashley stayed sitting in her pew too, even after Brendon followed Dallon out. Brendon's dad moved up to sit beside her in her pew, letting her cry against his shoulder.

Josh couldn't help keeping an eye on the situation. He wasn't sure if he was just curious or something else, but he kept watching. Maybe he shouldn't have.

A week before Elle had disappeared, Josh had told Mrs. Gardea that he didn't want her to touch him anymore. It felt weird to say "anymore" at the end of that, as if he'd wanted her to touch him at some point. He'd never wanted that, but he added the extra word on for the sake of being polite.

She'd cried when he told her and repeatedly asked him if he was going to tell anyone what they'd been doing. He hadn't really been doing anything that he'd have to hide, but he promised her he wouldn't tell anyone she'd touched him. He didn't hate her like he hated his mama. His mama had been a monster. Mrs. Gardea was just pathetic.

Josh's tipping point that led to him calling the whole thing off was when she'd asked him if he thought he was old enough to touch her back. He was old enough in some ways, but he didn't want to touch her. That was asking too much. He could stand still and close his eyes and shower when he got home if she wanted to touch him, but he wouldn't touch her.

She was sitting a few pews away, crying despite having barely known the Weekes family. Dallon never showed up to her class anyways. Why was she crying? Surely she wasn't this affected by the loss of an innocent alone. Or maybe she was crying because whoever had knocked Elle up before she died hadn't had to be manipulated into it. Or maybe he had. Josh didn't know.

All Josh knew was that he didn't want to be here when Mrs. Gardea realized he'd been a few pews away this whole time. He glanced back over at Ashely's pew, only to find it empty. Brendon's dad was gone too. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, but Abbie was half asleep on his lap, so he couldn't do much about it.

"I can't believe she was pregnant," Debby whispered, not really directing the words at anyone as she stared blankly at where the casket had been.

"Is it even possible to be pregnant at fourteen?" Abbie asked quietly, looking to Josh for an answer.

He nodded, not willing to risk further hurting his jaw for the sake of talking. The girls let out quiet noises of interest before looking at the front of the church again. Josh glanced at Mrs. Gardea again. She was talking to an old woman that Josh didn't know. He wasn't going to have to talk to her, right?

He slid his sister out of his lap as he glanced at Ashley's empty seat again. She was in no way his responsibility, but he couldn't help feeling a little on edge. Where was Brendon's dad?

Josh looked over at the church door when his own dad came back in. A few people trickled in with him, but Josh was mostly looking at his dad, who was still in his uniform after being at work until this morning. He was probably exhausted, but he'd never show it. He ruffled Josh's hair when he passed him, handing him some of the old dusty fake flowers that the church had used to decorate for funerals and weddings ever since Josh was a baby.

"Can you help me take the rest o' this shit down and run 'em on upstairs to the storage room? Pastor got enough to worry bout without havin to clean up," Officer Dun told Josh as he handed him another handful of flowers.

Josh nodded, standing up and helping his dad take the rest of the flowers down from where they'd been hung. Mrs. Gardea never dared to look at him while his daddy was around, especially when he was in uniform, so that was one less annoyance for Josh to deal with right now. He simply gathered up the fake flowers and headed upstairs.

The closer Josh got to the storage room, the more obvious it was where Ashley had gone. Josh wasn't sure what was worse: having sex at a funeral or having sex in a church. It didn't matter though because Ashley was doing both if the moaning coming from the storage room said anything.

After a brief moment of consideration outside of the door, Josh opened it, walking directly past Ashley and Brendon's dad, whose pants were around his ankles where he stood between her legs. She squeaked and shoved him off of her, pulling her dress down as she scurried off of the washing machine she'd been sitting on.

Josh didn't say anything to them as he pulled down the box the flowers were stored in, stuffing them in there calmly. Ashley was less quiet.

"Josh, you can't tell anybody," Ashley whimpered out fearfully as Mr. Urie zipped his dress pants and hurried out of the room without a word. "Please, Josh. Promise me you won't tell anybody."

Josh didn't say anything as he put the box back up on the shelf. He flinched away when she touched his arm, glaring at her, but said nothing. She wasn't worth the pain in his jaw.

There were tears in her eyes when they met his, and she was shaking profusely. She was genuinely afraid that Josh was going to tell on her. Who the fuck would he tell? He didn't talk to anyone. She answered that for him.

"Promise me you won't tell Brendon," she pleaded, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt.

He tugged his arm out of her grip and headed for the door, already bored with this entire situation. His jaw hurt. He just wanted to go home and go to bed.

"Please say something," Ashley sobbed out, reaching for him again. "Call me a slut or tell me you hate me or whatever, just say something. You have to stop ignoring me. Please, Josh. Say something."

Josh rolled his eyes. He hadn't been ignoring her. She was the one who'd been pretending he didn't exist. He'd just let her because he didn't care if she was in his life or not. He'd already adjusted to life without her. This was all so unnecessary.

He groaned in irritation when she pulled him back into the storage room. "I need you to promise me, Josh," she insisted.

Finally, he broke his silence. It killed his jaw to do it, and he almost wished the fracture had been bad enough for his teeth to be wired shut so this wouldn't be necessary.

He glared at her as he spoke irritably. "Why would I do that?"

Ashley sobbed. "We used to be friends."

Josh laughed. "I don't do that shit, and I never have. I was only nice to you so my dad wouldn't yell at me. Fuck you for holding that over me."

"Jo-" Ashley tried, but he cut her off.

"Go to hell," he told her before heading to the door again.

"I'll let you sleep with me if you don't tell," Ashley whispered shakily.

Josh stopped, laughing coldly to himself. He turned and faced her. "Finally figured out what you're good for then, huh? Just like your mama."

"Is that a yes then?" She asked quietly, pulling her dress down nervously.

Josh scoffed. "I don't want nothing Brendon's already had. For all I know, you're a fucking cesspool of diseases by now."

All of the colour drained from Ashley's face as she looked down at her feet. Blue hair fell in front of her eyes like a shield, hiding her away as she cried again.

"What happened to you?" She whimpered out.

Josh shook his head, laughing to himself again as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Nothing happened to me. I've always been like this. You're the one that got fucked up."

"Are you gonna tell Brendon?" Ashley asked as she sobbed again.

"That you're a fucking slut? He already knows that. That's why he's dating you," Josh told her coldly.

"Josh-"

"I'll let you know," Josh replied, leaving Ashley terrified and crying in the storage room as he calmly went back downstairs to the chapel.

His dad smiled tiredly when he saw him. "All good?"

Josh gave him a thumbs up. His father nodded, ruffling his hair and wrapping an arm around him before leading him out of the church. Abbie and Debby followed behind, holding hands and whispering conspiratorially to each other with dried tears on their cheeks.

Josh made eye contact with Mrs. Gardea as he was leaving. She gave him a small smile, but he just looked to his dad.

"I'm glad you're my dad," Josh told him.

His dad would never sleep with girls his age or touch him wrong or leave him or anything like that. His dad smiled, his eyes bright as he looked at Josh.

"Believe me, bud. Being your daddy is the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me. I musta done somethin right in the eyes o' God to get the kids I got."

Josh held the cross around his neck as they walked to the truck. He thought about Ashley. She didn't even have a dad. What the hell had she done to make God pissed enough that He'd taken away both her parents? Something was seriously wrong with her. Of course she fucked everyone she came into contact with. God had already given up on her. Might as well have fun on her way to Hell.

That thought caught Josh's attention though. He was going to Hell, wasn't he? He'd been killing animals, hurting people, fucking around, and getting drunk for years. Maybe he should have fun on his way to Hell too. He glanced back at the church when he got back to his truck. The cruiser was parked beside him, but the girls both climbed into his vehicle instead of his dad's. He sighed. He'd let Ashley panic for a while, but he might as well use her for what God made her for. It didn't make sense for guys as shitty as Brendon and his creepy ass dad to be the only ones getting to fuck her. He'd fix that real soon.