•Wednesday, October 10, 2018•

I was sitting alone on my bed, and my lights were off. My door was shut and locked. My mind was screaming. What is this feeling? I ask myself, knowing I wouldn't want the answer. The answer to my feelings would break me even more than I already was. What am I even doing? I looked out the window. Their car still isn't here. Different thoughts rolled into the back of my mind, but I pushed them farther back.
"I don't need them right now," I told myself. "Those thoughts bring me down. Down to the deepest pits of sadness."
The thoughts tried to push their way, front and center. They failed as I thought about other things. What did they say they were doing? I checked my phone. Gone for a week... Business trip... I had let out a sigh. Standing, I found my way to my window. I opened it, and the cool air brushed past my face and through my hair. My long, strawberry blonde locks tangled and swayed. The wind feels nice. I though as I leaned forward slightly, being careful not to fall.
I felt a small smile find its way upon my lips. My lips chapped, and cracking from the cold air. I jumped back as my phone's ringtone went off. I turned around and picked the small iPhone up. Mom... I answer.
"Tallia!" my mom's voice said.
"Hey... Mom," I said, my voice came off sad, not what I intended.
"You okay, Sweetie?" she asked. "You sound sad."
"I'm okay. Don't worry," my voice went quiet at "don't worry."
"Tallia, I'm here for you if you need help."
"I know, Mom. I'm just-- I'm just stressed... About school, you know?"
"I understand. Remember, you have an appointment with your therapist tomorrow."
"I know...," I sighed and heard a beep.
"I have another call. Good night, Tallia," my mom ended the call.
I flopped back onto my bed. The soft cushion made me groan. I hate this... My thoughts started. I hate myself... I tried to push them back, but I failed. If only I was a different person. I desperately tried to push them back again. Fail. Maybe I should-- I finally succeeded in pushing them back. No! No! No! I can't think that way! I mentally yelled at myself. I held my head, small sobs came from my lips. Why?
I moved my hands to my face. My cries began to become louder. I tried to wipe the tears away, but that only allowed more to flow out. My green orbs were blurry and watery. I couldn't see anything beyond the tears. I frantically tried to wipe the tears away as more flowed out. I silently begged for the tears to stop, the sobs to silence. Why won't it stop!? I yelled in my mind. Why won't the plain go away!?
My hands finally succeeded in wiping all the tears away. My eyes burned, and my throat hurt.