8
i wanna find my own happiness too
☆*:.｡.☆彡.｡.:*☆

a month passes by in what seems like an instant.

jeno and jaemin were still not on good terms. renjun, jisung, mark, chenle, and donghyuck still don't want to talk to jeno, and lucas is still pestering jeno to join the basketball team.

a month passes by and yet nothing has changed.

and maybe it was because jeno was being stubborn, or that he was anxious. maybe it was cause he wanted to let go of his past and focus on his present.

but that didn't mean he was over jaemin. not at all. you'd think that after a month or so of no proper interaction you'd be able to move on from someone, right?

well not jeno.

"do you ever just sit and think..?" yeeun asks while she picks at the grass on the ground, jeno watching her hands with his lips pursed before he speaks.

"no." he answers, but he knows it's a lie. "i don't think. i just sit and stare at the nearest wall. why?" jeno's eyes move up to yeeun's face that of which has a sour look on it.

she scoffs and rolls her own, tiny blades of grass between her fingers. "you don't always have to be edgy and emo about this, you know that, right?"

jeno bites his inner cheeks.

she was right.

all he had been doing recently is moping over jaemin. how he was never batting an eyelash at him, how he was always with that dejun kid.

that's all his mind was. all he could do was think.

today he thought he could clear his head with yeeun on the soccer field, but he was wrong. for even when he was staring at nothing but the sky, painful memories of jaemin would come rushing in.

they were so many of them. so many things he could think of by staring at the sky. the sky that of which was the color when he and jaemin were walking to the 7/11 and swatting a bee out of his face, or copying him when he walked.

a small laugh escapes his lips causing yeeun to look at him with confusion written all over her face. "hello? earth to dork?" she pushes his forehead back forcefully with her finger causing jeno to fall back onto the grass.

"hello." he greets, his thoughts of jaemin going over his head now as he tried to focus on yeeun. the girl with short blonde hair sighs.

"jeno, i get you're sad over jaemin." she begins while she lays her head down on jeno's stomach. "but you either gotta one, stop being sad over it, get him to want to hear your explanation, and be all kissy kiss with him, or two, get over it."

for a small moment, it was silent. the only thing that could be heard was jeno and yeeun's small breaths along with the feeling of jeno's heart beating out of his chest along the back of yeeun's head.

when yeeun opens her mouth to speak, her eyes are met up with dark chocolate ones. words getting stuck in her throat. "jaemin?" she questions and the young boy's knuckles turn white.

jeno on the other hand nearly chokes when he sees his figure towering over them with a manila folder in his hands. jaemin immediately drops it over yeeun's face while grumbling a small, "lucas wanted me to give this to you. it's about basketball."

"and you couldn't wait to give this to me later, why?" jeno asks and jaemin freezes in his tracks.

he silently curses before he turns back around and clasps his hands, looking jeno directly in the eyes. "he said it was urgent."

but jeno sees right through him.

you wanted an excuse to see me, huh?

the older of the two simply hums as he picks the folder off of an astonished yeeun's face. "alright, jaemin. whatever you say. thank you, you're free to go now."

as soon as the words leave jeno's lips, jaemin tries turning around to leave. but for some reason, he can't move his feet.

yeeun and jeno can only wait patiently for him to leave so they could continue their conversation, but jaemin wasn't moving.

"you okay?" yeeun asks despite being slightly annoyed with the way jaemin had looked at her and dropped the folder on her face. "you look sorta pale?"

"p-pale?" jaemin questions softly and the two laying down nod to the best of their ability. "i ate enough today though..."

jeno only stares up at the younger boy with a sigh. nervous. jaemin was nervous. anxious about something, though he had no idea what it was about.

it's when a familiar face comes up behind jaemin and a small, "hey!" from an unfamiliar voice greets him that jaemin finally snaps out of it, turning his body around to face the one person jeno despised.

the only person he despised without actually having to get to know him.

xiao dejun.

not this headass again.

jeno simply gives the boy with freshly bleached hair, yellow contacts, and a plain green tshirt a tight smile.

dejun raises an eyebrow at yeeun and jeno, before he sees where jeno's eyes are looking at. his hand beside jaemin's. entertaining. he was jealous, wasn't he?

with a cocky smirk, and not even bothering to say anything to the two, he takes jaemin by the wrist and pulls him away.

jeno's jaw hangs wide open and his folder crumples up in his hand, he throws a hard glare towards dejun's back knowing exactly what he was doing.

bitch. you're lucky jaemin likes you or i would've—

he stops the thought before it can get any worse.

yeeun on the other hand scoffs at this as she sits up properly and shoots lasers towards their backs. "that dejun kid has an attitude." she then looks down at her watch and puckers her lips out.

"you're late, aren't you?" jeno sighs as he too copies yeeun's movements, the older of the two nodding.

at this point, yeeun had been so late to so many of her classes, her professors have lost it in them to give a shit. just as long as she showed up, they didn't care.

hell, she could be running 20 minutes late, bust in through the door in her pajamas, hair all over the place, donut in her mouth, mismatched flip-flops, a bottle of chocolate milk in her hand, and a pen tucked behind her ear, and all she'd get told to do is sit.

being pretty has its perks, she thinks. but she knows that isn't the case. it was more of a, 'they've written me up so many times for being late now, they just stopped trying.'

she stands up ever so casually, holding a hand out for jeno who takes it graciously. "are you still gonna go in?"

yeeun nods, "of course, dumbass." she hits the back of his head with a roll of her eyes before brushing herself off of any grass or dirt. "isn't there somewhere you have to be, too?"

"not that i know of. my classes are every monday, wednesday, and friday. i'll probably just go back to the dorms and chill for a while..." jeno mumbles, as he looks up at the sky with a sigh. "you should get going now."

the girl hums while she gets ready to finally leave. "oh and jeno?"

"yeah?"

"make sure you take what i said into consideration."

- 🍒 -

jeno does just as yeeun says.

he ponders on it for a while as he mindlessly watches your name on his laptop. any work from any of his classes were finished and he took some time to clean up the dorm and stock up on food at the supermarket earlier.

of course he went alone. he tends to forget he, jisung, mark, and renjun don't talk anymore. cause he most definitely would've taken them with. maybe chenle and donghyuck too.

it's times like this jeno forgets the only friends he really has at the given moment are yeeun, jiwoo, and lucas. truthfully, he's not too bothered by it. jeno had always had friends growing up, but he never really had too many.

so 3 was enough.

he knows his old friends would never come around. jaemin would never either.

but the last thing he expected to get was 3 knocks at their dormitory door that night. he thinks maybe it's jaemin who forgot his key again, or if chenle forgot something from the other night cause jaemin is always having him and hyuck over when he wasn't there.

with a groan, jeno massages his temple softly trying to stop an oncoming headache before he swings his legs off of his bed and walks over to the door, grabbing a shirt and slipping it on along the way.

there's another set of knocks that come his way and jeno grits his teeth, "i'm getting it hold the fuck on!" he exclaims in annoyance before unlocking it and pulling it open only to see 3 idiots with shit eating grins on their faces. "we—"

"jeno!"

"yes, yukhei?"

the last thing jeno expected was yeeun, lucas, and their other friend jiwoo to be at his door.

if he has to be honest, he was expecting renjun, jisung, and mark. but as mentioned earlier, they're no longer friends. and jeno has to learn how to move on.

cause if any of yeeun's words stuck in his head from earlier, it was the part about moving on. and if his old friends and his ex boyfriend were happy doing what they were doing, then he should try to be happy as well, shouldn't he?

jiwoo kicks jeno in the shin when he doesn't move over to let them in and strides into the place with a skip in her step, "your place is so prettily decorated!" she giggles while jeno scowls at her.

lucas snorts seeing his friend in pain as he too walks in, but he was holding a cooler of wine coolers while yeeun brought take out sushi in with her. "we were guessing you were probably hungry and! that you needed some companionship since... you seem lonely."

"thanks for pointing that out miss. i'm friends with the whole university." jeno spits as he finally feels the pain in his shin subsiding, closing and locking the door behind them while he follows his friends that have set up their food on his desk, jiwoo humming while she looks around, a specific item on jaemin's nighstand catching her eye. "hey, who's this?"

all heads turn towards jiwoo who was holding up a polaroid picture of none other than xiao dejun. jeno has to stop himself from saying anything vulgar as he shuffles over to jiwoo and plucks the picture out of her hand.

"none of our business." he mutters while he opens the drawer to the small nightstand and throws the picture inside, completely missing all the envelopes labeled with his name on them.

jiwoo is confused, "i just asked who he was." she whines while going back over to the group of people and resting her head on yeeun's shoulder since lucas was way too fucking tall for her 5'3 ass.

"dejun, right?" lucas questions as he pops open a blue colored wine cooler and hands it over to jeno with a small smile. "i hear he's pretty sweet. but he's definitely not who he portrays himself as. jaemin has been hanging out with him for the past month, correct?"

jeno can only roll his eyes while he takes the bottle from lucas thanking him under his breath as he takes a long drink out of it. yeeun taking the box of sushi and carrying it over to the jeno's bed and jumping on it, legs crossed with look of disgust. "that fucker has an attitude issue. jeno and i were trying to be nice to him earlier and he just acted as if he was better than us."

"and for what?" jiwoo scoffs while she sits next to yeeun on the bed, jeno placing his drink down and grabbing his laptop to shut it and place it on top of jaemin's unoccupied desk.

yeeun shrugs while she shoves a piece of nigiri sushi into her mouth. jiwoo simply watching while she rests her chin in the palm of her hand. the two boys sit in front of them, all with a drink in their hands and chopsticks to accompany them.

jeno was thankful he still had people who cared about him in his life. most definitely. yeeun, lucas, and jiwoo (who was almost always busy studying so she was never really there) were the 3 people he was especially thankful for.

they were the only ones who really bothered listening to jeno's explanation for why he left. though only lucas would really be able to understand, yeeun and jiwoo tried their best to sympathize. knowing someone from his youth was still willing to be his friend after he had told him was reassuring.

he wishes that one day he could come around his old friends and explain to them. it was a conversation topic that jeno liked to think was drowning in quicksand.

for if he didn't get to it sooner, it would just become another irrelevant thing in the back of their heads.

jeno knew he had to at one point. that he'd tell renjun, jisung, chenle, mark, and donghyuck. that one day, he'd be able to tell jaemin without expecting anything in return once he did.

this would've been so much easier if he actually tried moving on when he was away. but some things just don't work out the way he'd want them to. especially because he's head over heels in love with this someone.

"so anyway, dejun right?" lucas begins while he shoves a california roll into his mouth much like yeeun did earlier. "renjun and i were talking about this earlier today and i thought it'd be beneficial to tell you."

"how???" jeno asks while he looks at lucas, unamused. "why would i wanna know more about the boy my ex boyfriend is dating?"

"DATING?" yeeun nearly spits her drink out and jiwoo too chokes on her piece of sushi. "SINCE WHEN?"

"well, i'm not exactly sure." jeno adds, quietly. "i'm just assuming from what i've seen and observed. plus, i hear him on the phone at night every now and then and honestly, i'm get tired of it. it's like he's doing it on purpose."

"does he still think you're with minseo??" jiwoo asks once the food goes down her throat.

jeno purses his lips and shrugs. "i'm not sure." he answers truthfully while he takes a drink from his bottle. "and how can i still be with someone i was never with in the first place? god—isn't incest illegal?!"

"that moment your ex thinks you're going out with your cousin cause he doesn't wanna bother listening to what you have to say hearteyes." lucas huffs with a roll of his eyes.

everyone looks at each other. and for a second the only video jeno could think of was the one with quackity and doja cat.

while they all try to find words to say, lucas is suddenly reminded of what he was talking about. "oh yeah, shit, okay so renjun and i were talking, right?"

"sir are you high?" yeeun asks quietly and the tall basketball player's jaw drops. "ma'am no, what the fuck?"

"ANYWAY." lucas glares at yeeun who's snickering. "so he told me that he, jisung, chenle, renjun, donghyuck, and mark all followed jaemin and dejun to that seven eleven, right? and they're all eavesdropping on their convo. but renjun and chenle pick up on all the small things dejun mutters in chinese and they all correlate to what jaemin says?"

"didn't they say dejun didn't know korean?" jiwoo asks curiously and lucas nods. "they did! jaemin did! he's been giving this whore korean lesson when he
doesn't need them cause his bitchass is fluent."

cue the quackity doja cat video.

"AND FOR WHAT???" yeeun exclaims as if she was stressed over the situation, downing the rest of the contents of her cooler. finishing the bottle and placing it to the side. "what is he gaining getting tutored in korean by someone who can barely speak mandarin? if anything, renjun or chenle should be tutoring him."

jiwoo nods in agreement while she reaches over for another drink since lucas had brought the cooler to the bedside. "this is fucked up on dejun's side. how much do you gotta like someone to the point of lying to them so they like you back?"

"cause dejun know jaemin thinks it's cute he doesn't know any korean." jeno grumbles. "i came back here from japan and i'm not speaking japanese, now am i?"

"you know—"

"no way."

"did you look over the folder i had jaemin give you y the way?" lucas asks out of the blue and jeno nods. "yeah, i've been taking it into consideration."

"yesss leader number thirteen gotta go back onto the court." yeeun grins and jeno rolls his eyes.

there's a couple more conversations that happen within the span of 4 hours meaning that if they came over at 11, it was most definitely 3am now. yukhei having the highest alcohol tolerance out of everyone while yeeun had the lowest. jeno was in the middle along with jiwoo.

but that didn't mean they weren't all not drunk.

yeeun passes out first, falling asleep sitting up having to have jiwoo push her down on the ned gently while she gets comfortable on her side. yukhei falls asleep on the edge of the bed snuggling into jeno's arm, and jeno is letting yukhei do that while he stares up at the ceiling, caught up in his drunk thoughts again.

he wonders why jaemin hasn't come back yet. maybe he was spending the night with his friends. or maybe he was with dejun. maybe he was getting treated right at the moment.

maybe jaemin was truly over him. that he was definitely over him. no more strings that connected them, and even if jeno truly believed in the red string of fate, he figured that maybe his and jaemin's weren't really connected after all. that jaemin's ending was with dejun and that his was no where to be found.

dejun. there's another fucking name that crosses his head.

"that asshole." he mutters under his breath, talking to no one in particular. "pretending he's stupid to get jaemin to fall for him. it's not even cute— HE'S not even cute."

there's a small shuffle on the bed and jeno realizes it's yeeun who was damn near close to pushing jiwoo off of the bed.

gently removing yukhei's limbs off of him, he sits up and stumbles off of the bed, picks jiwoo up to the best of his ability, and carries her over to the other side of the bed that of which yeeun wasn't occupying.

he then falls onto the floor knowing that he had successfully saved his friend from busting her head open, and leans back onto jaemin's bed, feeling something hit the back of his wrist.

jeno raises an eyebrow as he moves his hand to feel around for it, getting a tight grasp on it and pulling it out of it's place under the bed.

it was a shoe box.

a shoe box that has his name on it.

now, sober jeno would never snoop through jaemin's things. it was an invasion of privacy, and what good would it do him to even look? but drunk jeno. drunk jeno was a different person.

with a small hum, jeno pops the box open and is confused to what he sees.

a cup noodle charm? what—

oh.

there's a pang in his chest when jeno realizes what it was and why it was there. he had noticed jaemin wearing the bracelet he gave him, but never noticed his charm wasn't on it. funny since he was the one who even got him the bracelet.

the next thing he sees are a collection of notes jeno used to slip into his locker every morning. there are a couple other things, but a small collection of sticky notes with dates catches his attention.

8/16/16 
a boy named jeno bought me coffee uwu because i burnt my hand and he probably felt bad. not cause he liked me or saw interest in me TT

"oh god, these date back to when we first interacted." he mutters before he snorts reading it again. "idiot, i bought you the stuff cause i was interested in you."

he flicks through the rest of the sticky notes and snorts at most of them.

8/17/16
jeno bought me pocky h e ck

8/18/16
so, jeno got me oreos today :) but he forgot his chopsticks and i feel bad because i didn't tell him before he left.

"when he's stupid hearteyes." jeno mutters when he reads the next two.

8/23/16
lmao how do i tell jeno i don't like chex mix¿

jeno's jaw hangs open at this one. "he seemed to like them though???? i'll have to keep this one in mind."

8/26/16
jeno got me a hersheys dark chocolate bar and i gave half of it to jaehyun hyung and the other to taeil hyung when i got home because they're both crying over each other. how do i tell them they basically shared a chocolate bar.

"oh god, not taeil hyung and jaehyun hyung." he groans remembering all the drama those two put themselves through. that was not a fun time.

every day when jeno would go over to taeil's house with jaemin, the man was always crying. jaehyun too when he was at the convenience store.

it's the last note in the pile that catches him off guard though.

8/29/16
today august 29, 2016 is the day jeno got me a cup of ramen and banana milk (uwu i love banana milk) and! not only that, but it's also the day i realized i'M TRIPPING OVER MY OWN SHOELACES FALLING FOR HIM.

jeno reads the sticky note over and over again. "and yet you didn't confess to me until november?" he asks softly with a small bite of his lip. "you were in love with me for this long?"

"yeah he has, and i don't think it's any of your business to be going through jaemin's stuff, jeno what the fuck."

the voice makes jeno nearly scream before the person slaps a hand over his mouth. "shut up. he sent me here for a charger." jeno's eyes look at the hand, and then at the person behind him.

donghyuck.

oh.

jeno removes his hand from his mouth, "what???"

"we were watching a movie and his phone was dying, but we ran out of chargers." hyuck mutters while he plucks jaemin's charger out of the wall.

"we?"

"mark, jisung, renjun, jaemin, chenle, and i? hello?"

jeno's heart drops even more at that.

"by the way idiot, before you jump to conclusions," hyuck stands up properly and looks down at jeno who was almost beginning to cry. "we tried to invite you over, but your phone couldn't be reached so we just thought you were busy. try turning your phone on next time."

and just like that, hyuck was gone. leaving him, yukhei, yeeun, and jiwoo in the room by themselves.

jeno sticks the box back under the bed, and crashes on jaemin's bed when he gets up.

he didn't know what to think after that.

at least it wasn't hopeless, right?

jeno cries himself asleep not long after that.

- 🍒 -

the sight jaemin's eyes beheld when he got home the next morning was definitely not what he was expecting.

jeno's friends on jeno's bed, and jeno in his own.

"jeno..." he mumbles while he drops his bag on the floor and walks over to him, kneeling in front of the bed and frowning when he saw how tired his face looked. not to mention the tear stains on his cheeks.

he wipes them off with his thumb gently, "fuck, have i been causing you this?" he asks, knowing he wouldn't get an answer.

the blankets shift quietly and jeno's hand is over his, holding it in place, "mmm, no nana." jeno mutters half awake, half asleep. "mm just sad."

jaemin bites his lip, "about?"

"you mostly." he responds while his eyes flutter open, they make eye contact for the first time in what seems like years. "but it's not your fault."

"i just realized how much i miss you every day."

jaemin thinks jeno's still drunk. but then again, drunk words are sober thoughts, right?

"how much i wanna hold you in my arms again and stuff... but i know dejun does that for you already, so i have decided i wanna find my own happiness too."

"wait jeno what?? i'm not— shit wake up??!" jaemin whispers quietly as jeno falls back asleep. he runs his free hand through his hair while he feels his heart racing.

what the fuck did he mean by find his own happiness?

was this it? was this how it ended? fuck.

jaemin's eyes are suddenly opened to a whole new point of view.

if he wasn't ready to listen to what he had to say, he definitely was now. no way was he gonna lose jeno. not again. he'd drop everything and everyone in this world for him.

😁😁😁😁

i'm good at updating i say as it takes me 7 months to update this bs again.

anyway hello🧚🏼‍♂️🧚🏼‍♂️

how have y'all been. enjoying quarantine? i remember at the beginning of this pandemic i told myself i'd be able to update more and it just never happened cause i either 1. forget or 2. i hate it here cause i have writer block

✨stan list✨

anyway i lost inspiration for this book. so idk where it's really going anymore. but i'm trying to make it make sense, and still have it correlate to the main story.

my writing has gone bad <3 so i'm probably gonna practice writing one shots and shit a little more cause truth be told, i hate this chapter lmfao.

but, thank you for being patient. i swear i'll try to update more often.

here's the dejun polaroid pic i was talking ab😁

anyway gay little sehun

gay little doyoung singing the ballad ver of poker face to win student council president and lost to a boy w abs.

be back soon mwah mwah

i love you chingu daddy oppa saranghae😍😍