The next day, I dragged myself out of the room in a loose black tunic, jeans and dark sunglasses. I sat at the opposite end of the table from Seth for breakfast and we both barely spoke.

Everybody else was quiet and tense. They knew but they were being polite about it.

I hated ruining everyone else’s weekend but there was not much neither me nor Seth can do about it.

When we boarded up the RV, I sat the back and Vivi sat close to me so we can casually talk every now and then. I think she worried I won’t utter a single word throughout the entire trip back home. 

I barely glanced Seth’s way as we drove home. I busied myself with a book. The other girls chattered like usual and I could tell Amanda was satisfied with herself. I didn’t want her to win but I didn’t want to be Seth’s toy either. 

Five and a half hours later, we arrived at Patrick’s house. 

“Hey, Ali. We can drop you off,” Patrick offered as I hauled my bags off of the RV. 

“We can too,” Vivi said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Or if you’re not too tired, we can go out for coffee.”

I smiled and shook my head. “It’s okay. I’ve already called for a cab. I think I’m going to call it a day.”

Vivi pouted but nodded in understanding. “Alrighty then. I’ll call you, okay? We’ll hang out some time.”

I could tell them there was no point in trying to be nice to me. Seth and I were no longer dating and they didn’t have to trouble themselves but Vivi can only be sincere and Patrick truly looked concerned so I just smiled and shrugged. “Sure.”

Ten minutes later, after my awkward yet quick goodbye to everybody, I made my way to the front gate after my cab driver called to say he was on his way. I had just put my bags down on the ground when I heard footsteps behind me.

“Ali.”

I turned around and saw Seth walking down the front steps, his expression still grim.

“I’ll drive you home,” he said, fishing for his keys from his pocket. “I told your family I was going to bring you home myself. I don’t want to disappoint them.”

I barely smiled. “It’s too late for that now so don’t even bother. I’m a big girl, Seth. I can get home on my own.”

He seemed undeterred. “I insist.”

“And I don’t care,” I answered wearily, craning my neck around for any sign of the cab that now seem to be taking forever to get there.

“What do you want from me, Ali?” he asked in a voice soft with emotion, a first since he went stone cold on me during the fight last night.

I looked up to him and all I could see were his green eyes, darker than I’ve ever seen them before. 

My heart fluttered but my brain went into an instant rewind of the reasons I was walking away today. My heart stiffened in its resolve. “Everything you obviously can’t give me, Seth. I don’t know why, for a minute, I thought you could.”

The yellow taxi appeared from the corner and I raised my arm to flag it. I picked up my bags before making one last glance at him. “Goodbye, Seth.”

***

My family didn’t even say anything when I got home and saw my face. They knew and I hoped they understood that I wasn’t going to talk about it. 

Monday came and life for me resumed like normal. Liam couldn’t resist asking but reluctantly gave up when I didn’t budge at all. Classes came and went. Work dragged on and Dana kept me busy with the design of the costume she was wearing to that dance exhibit on her birthday. She was kind enough to not say anything but like everyone else, she just seemed to know. It’s weird how people can tell from a mile away that your poor heart was ripped in shreds and you were hanging on to every last piece with whatever dignity you had left.

Luckily, the campus was huge and I actually managed not to run into Seth. He didn’t show up for our Asians Civilizations class and skipped a couple of the meetings for the Children’s Play Day that was happening that weekend. 

On Wednesday, Vivi called to schedule lunch for us later that week and asked if I’ve talked to Seth yet. I bluntly told her no and that I was not interested in speaking to him ever again. On that Asians Civilizations class though, he showed up, sitting at the last row in the back, a good distance from where I was and I happily ignored his presence. That afternoon though, when I was on my way to the meeting for the fundraiser, I spied him talking with Katherine in one of the picnic tables, her hands all over his arms. A sledgehammer hit me right where it hurt the most and I quickly ran off before they could see me.

He showed up for that meeting for the fundraiser, just as boxes of the event shirts were being carried in. 

“These look pretty cool,” Andy, the lead event coordinator, said out loud to everybody as he rolled out one of the shirts to show to the group. “We have Ali and Seth to thank for this awesome design. In fact, you two get over here and hand them out to our volunteers. Do us the honors.”

I glanced at Liam for help but he just shrugged. I smiled awkwardly at Andy. “I don’t really think it’s necessary—“

But Seth already got up and started his way to the front. “Ali, come on.”

I exhaled sharply and dragged my feet behind me as I walked up to Andy who handed us a clipboard with everybody’s names and sizes so we can call them out. 

“When you’re all done getting your shirts, please go to your different committees to get updates. We’ll all gather back here in an hour, okay?” Andy yelled out loud over the sound of feet bustling and chairs moving as people started getting up to go to their groups. 

“You’re doing awesome, guys,” Andy told us with a wink before walking away, leaving me and Seth all by ourselves.

I sighed and glanced at the list of about a hundred fifty people. “Okay, I’ll call out the name and I’ll tell you the size so you can take it out of the box and hand it out.”

“Sounds good to me,” Seth said as he separated the boxes that were grouped according to size. “Start the roll call.”

We worked peacefully, without any distractions, until we were on our twentieth person. Her name was Aida and she was a petite, chubby girl with curly hair and nerdy glasses. 

“This is so cool, you guys,” she said as she held up the shirt to look at it. “I love the paint splatter background. Who thought of it?”

I smiled and shrugged. “Well, it was nobody’s idea at first really. We accidentally spilled the can of paint on the shirt because we were…”

I caught myself before I finished the sentence and I could feel Seth’s eyes on me. My cheeks flushed.

Aida didn’t miss a beat though. Her mouth dropped open and then turned into a big grin. 

“Oh, you two were doing something naughty, weren’t you?” she said conspiringly. 

Horrified, I shook my head. “No. No! Jeez, it’s not what you think.”

She shrugged casually. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with that when you’re dating. I heard all about it and I think it’s the sweetest thing. Like a modern Cinderella story. Seth’s of course the prince charming who falls for a simple girl—“

“Aida, stop!” I snapped but her eyes were dreamy and she just ignored me.

“—and despite the world of difference between them, they still love each other—“

“Aida, stop it!” I grabbed her by the shoulder and started shaking her. “Stop it, okay? We’re not together. We’re not—“

Aida suddenly focused on us, her expression now disappointed. “You’re not? Why? What happened? You two were perfect for each other.”

I sighed and I remembered every memory with Seth—the day we spent at his house, the kisses we shared, the fun we had together, the boat ride at sunset—they reminded me of how brief and happy that time was and how it would never ever happen again. 

My heart broke all over again and tears stung my eyes.

I dropped the clipboard and ran out and through a blur of tears, found my way to an empty, single-person washroom where I let the tears fall again for the first time since we left the villa. 

I hated it. I hated how weak I was to the memories. I hated how I can’t seem to hate Seth more than I love him. It was not fair.

I’ve always been a silent sufferer. But then, I’ve never had a broken heart.

Ten minutes later, the tears ebbed away and I pulled myself together. I had responsibilities and a broken heart was no excuse to avoid them.

When I stepped out of the washroom though, I found Seth standing against the wall right next to the door, staring into space.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked.

He glanced at me, his face kind. “I could hear you cry.”

“That’s great,” I muttered. “Do you want to see me break down too? Do you want me to give you a full-on description of how it feels? Do you want me to tell you it still hurts?”

“No. I want you to tell me how I can fix it,” he said gravely. “What we had was so good together before—“

“Before the truth came out,” I interrupted acidly. “Just leave me alone, Seth, okay? I’m better off without you.”

“You’re not,” he argued, his voice rising slightly. “We can both see that.”

“Do you love me?” I don’t know where the question came from but it was burning in my throat, needing to be spewed right out in the open.

“That clears it up,” I said bitterly when he didn’t answer. “I’m not one for games, Seth. I want it all or nothing.”

Then I brushed past him, heart in pieces.

I had a sinking feeling I knew what he was going to choose and that it was not going to be me.

***

I looked up from my book when a shadow fell over me and Vivi stood there with an almost constipated expression on her face. 

“Are you okay?” I asked her uncertainly. We were meeting up at the university courtyard for lunch but she looked like she already ate something bad. 

“Ali, don’t hate me but I organized this lunch for a very sneaky purpose but with good intentions. I promise,” she started with her pleading doe eyes.

I groaned. “Oh God, don’t tell me you dragged Seth here.”

She shook her head. “Nope, not Seth. The problem is you’ll never give him another chance unless you find out the real score.”

“I don’t think—“

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Please, Ali. Just listen. You’ll hate them, like I hate them right now, but just listen. We’re trying to fix things up here.”

Then from the corner of my eye, I saw Clarissa, Anna and Amanda walking in our direction. None of them wore the usual smug look. Amanda actually looked tortured.

“Oh. Them.” I rolled my eyes and put my book away as they all sat around the table. “Did Seth make you come here?”

Anna shook her head. “No. We came on our own. Seth’s not talking to us.”

“Look, Ali, remember that picture I showed you?” Amanda said, her tone sounding nice for the first time since I met her.

I raised a brow. “Was it a hoax?”

“Well, not exactly. It was a real kiss,” she answered with a sheepish smile. “We all got together for dinner and Katherine showed up as planned. Yes, we planned it.”

“Really, now?” I muttered sarcastically. 

“We understand that you have every right to be angry,” Clarissa jumped in. “We were all friends with Katherine and she’s had a thing for Seth for forever and she was pretty hysterical when she came to us for help. She said she needed to win him back because this girl he was going crazy about was definitely all wrong for him and we just had to do something.”

I sighed. “And you believed her without even finding out if she was right. Well, okay, maybe she was right in some ways. I’m not like any of you, I’m not up there in Seth’s world. I don’t have a hefty trustfund and I don’t have an influential last name. It doesn’t mean I’m all wrong for Seth though.”

Anna bit her lower lip in remorse. “We know. Katherine was real desperate. It was the first time we’ve ever seen her lose it like that so we knew it was pretty bad. What we didn’t really realize was that she was actually just freaking out because whatever chance she had with Seth was fast going down the drain.”

Vivi rolled her eyes. “I think she panicked at the possibility that Seth finally found a serious relationship he was committing to.”

“Exactly,” Amanda agreed. “So we got her to show up at the dinner and Seth didn’t really mind her when she sat next to him. We go out with friends a lot and it didn’t really seem out of character for Katherine until I sneaked out my phone camera, cued her and she grabbed Seth and kissed him as I took the picture. Seth was taken by surprise and tried to push her away.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “You know this sounds like a cheesy movie, right?”

Amanda pouted. “We know. We’re so sorry.”

“You should talk to Seth, Ali,” Clarissa said. “He’s mad at us when he found out but he never confronted us or told the guys although I’m pretty sure they’ve figured it out that we’ve played a hand in this.”

Vivi nodded. “He’s avoided hanging out with the group. He’s pretty bummed. Okay, more than bummed. He’s pretty devastated. Ali, please?”

I took a deep breath and looked at them. I wish it was that simple.

“See, the thing is, this goes far beyond the whole Katherine issue,” I slowly said. “Seth can’t seem to tell me how he really feels about me. He’s always been a bit vague about it and I understand that you all believe he loves me. My problem is, unless I hear it from him, it’s not true.”

They all looked at each other uncertainly.

“I’m sure that if you give him time, he’ll eventually say it,” Amanda suggested with a helpless shrug. 

I shook my head. “Or he can also eventually tell me he doesn’t. I prefer not to waste our time unless we really want this for the right reasons.”

Clarissa rolled her eyes. “Jeez, you’re picky.”

I smiled. “I’m in too deep. I don’t want a one-sided relationship where I spend most of my time secretly hoping he’d love me back.”

Vivi raised a hand. “Wait, wait. First of all, have you told Seth you loved him?”

That caught me off guard. Four pairs of eyes looked at me expectantly.

I bit my lip guiltily. “Uhm, I’m pretty old-fashioned. I think the guy should say it first.”