It's Addie's father's birthday.

Every year, Addie and Diesel skip work for this. Pero ngayon, imbes na hindi pumasok totally ay maaga lang silang umuwi dahil ayaw nilang pa-absent-in si Nadia. After picking her up at the elementary school, they all headed to the cemetery.

Yanyan is seated beside Nadia in the backseat. Addie's at the front seat holding some flowers, a box for a small cake, and a picnic basket full of snacks. Like always, she's looking out the window. And she probably doesn't notice it the way Diesel does, but her index finger won't stay still; it keeps on tapping and tapping and tapping her knee. She's always like this whenever they go to visit her father's grave on his birthday.

Ilang taon na nang mamatay ang tatay ni Addie, at ilang taon na ring sumasama si Diesel sa kaniya para dumalaw rito tuwing birthday nito pero hindi pa rin niya magawang maging magaan ang loob sa biyenang lalaki. Frankly, Diesel still doesn't like him. He knows he's not exactly in the right position to decide whether to forgive him or not, but he just can't get rid of the anger he has for him, no matter how useless it is to harbor negative feelings for a dead man.

But he's here, holding a huge picnic basket in his left hand and carrying Yanyan with his right arm, both equally heavy. Nauna na sina Addie at Nadia na pumunta sa mawsoleo. Habang silang dalawa ni Yanyan ay sumaglit muna sa nagbebenta ng ice cream sa entrada ng sementeryo. After getting four ice cream sticks, they follow Addie and Nadia.

Diesel puts Yanyan down with a grunt. He then sits down beside her and puts the picnic basket next to him.

He watches Addie light up a candle. Nadia's crouching beside Addie, and Diesel smiles to himself when he sees Nadia clamping her mouth shut with her fingers. She's probably doing that to not put the candle light off.

Diesel sighs, calling Nadia over to give her her ice cream. Lumapit naman agad si Nadia sa kaniya. He tears the chocolate ice cream stick wrapper before he hands it to her. Imbes na pabalikin ito sa tabi ni Addie ay pinaupo na lang niya sa kabilang tabi ni Yanyan.

Diesel had learned to stay quiet for the first half hour of visiting Addie's father's grave. Like what she has been doing for years, Addie sits on her heels and stares at her father's tombstone.

It has always been like this. Addie would light up a candle, sit on her heels, and then stare at the tombstone. Sometimes she would touch the carved letters, but Diesel had never seen nor heard her speak. He knows she prefers to be alone, so he makes sure to keep the kids busy and quiet. It's the reason why he gets ice cream first before following Addie to the mausoleum.

Diesel could have cared less about the dead man's birthday. He could have just gone to work and gone home a bit late like usual. But this is Addie's father we're talking about. Diesel loves her, and his love for her comes with respect to her choices. The least he could do is drive her to the cemetery, keep the kids occupied, let Addie pay her respects, then give her a hug after.

Choosing to be with her means choosing to be with her people, too—her father included. Besides, it's only for a couple of hours once a year. Kayang-kaya naman niya iyon.

Since Addie lost her father in an airplane crash and his cremated remains were at the columbarium nearest to where Addie's mom is staying, the burial vault in the mausoleum only has his favorite suit and tie. Diesel once offered to return the ring Addie gave her since it was originally for her father, but Addie refused. He kept that ring in its box in their bedroom beside their wedding picture.

Diesel also told Addie that he's willing to drive to Casa, where her mom is, so they can all go to the columbarium. Pero dahil tatlong sunod-sunod na taong tumanggi si Addie noon, hindi na siya ulit nag-offer.

He's still wondering why Addie and her mother never celebrated his father-in-law's birthday together. Despite being married to her for years already, he never dared to ask. It just . . . feels wrong to ask. So he had long decided to just wait for the time when Addie would celebrate together with her mom. And he'll make sure to be there, keeping their kids entertained.

"Papa," Yanyan whispers beside him, tugging on the belt loop of his shorts. Diesel raises his brows and leans his ear over to hear Yanyan more clearly. "Yanyan din," she adds, pointing at what her Ate Nadia's eating.

"Okay," Diesel says, nodding.

He opens another chocolate ice cream stick for Yanyan and a pinipig one for him. He gets some tissues from the picnic basket and wraps the popsicle stick with it before handing it to Yanyan. He then fishes for a handkerchief from the pocket of his shorts and wraps one side around the neckline of Yanyan's shirt for a make-do bib.

Sigurado naman si Diesel na iyong ice cream ang itinuro ni Yanyan, but for some reason, she's still looking at him as if waiting for something else. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. Binalot naman niya ng tissue ang popsicle stick dahil alam niyang ayaw ni Yanyan ng nadudumihan ang kamay. He's not sure what else is missing.

Yanyan tears her gaze away from him and transfers it to her chocolate ice cream stick. Diesel sighs with relief when Yanyan finally eats her ice cream. He always makes sure to take note of the little things his wife, and most especially his kids, like and don't, pero minsan, pakiramdam niya kulang pa rin ang alam niya.

Nakakaisang kagat pa lang si Diesel sa sariling ice cream nang kalabitin ulit siya ni Yanyan. "Mama?"

Diesel shakes his head. "Mamaya," he whispers. Addie is still sitting in front of her father's tombstone. Tatawagin naman siya nito kung puwede na itong kausapin ulit. "Bakit?"

He wipes the chocolate along the corners of Yanyan's mouth. His daughter refuses to answer his question and only shakes her head.

Diesel doesn't ask further. He just watches as Yanyan holds the ice cream in between her knees, her head bobbing to the swinging of her feet. Nang mapansin niyang hindi nito pinapansin ang natutunaw na ice cream kahit nakikita naman nito ay saka siya nagtanong. "Ayaw mo na ba?"

Yanyan cranes her neck to look at him. He takes another bite of his ice cream.

Yanyan seems to have thought about her answer for a moment before shaking her head and going back to eating her melting ice cream. Akala ni Diesel, okay na. Akala niya, nalamigan lang masyado ang ngipin nito kaya biglang umayaw.

Pero bigla na lang itong umiyak at panay ang tawag ng mama kay Addie.

Diesel shoves the remaining pinipig ice cream in his mouth, not minding the cold, before carrying Yanyan off the concrete bench and onto his lap. Dahil hindi palaiyak si Yanyan puwera na lang kung masaktan nang sobra, hindi niya alam kung paano ito patatahanin. Hindi niya kasi alam kung saang banda ito nasaktan, bukod sa naisip niya kaninang masyadong nalamigan ang ngipin nito sa ice cream.

He stands up, carrying Yanyan in his arms, and attempts to head out of the mausoleum, but Yanyan only cries harder, still calling for her mama.

"It's okay," Addie says, standing up. She takes Yanyan in her arms. She looks up at Diesel and reassures him with a smile. "Okay lang. Hayaan na. Bata e."

"Sorry, di ko alam kung bakit umiiyak," Diesel replies, ice cream stick still in his mouth. He takes one of Yanyan's tightly closed fists and brings it to his cheeks He then gets her bottle of water from the picnic basket and hands it to Addie. Pagkatapos, lumabas saglit ang mag-ina niya.

"What happened?" Nadia asks when Diesel sits back down beside her. Nagkibit-balikat lang siya at kinuha kay Nadia ang popsicle stick na sinisipsip na lang nito kahit wala nang ice cream. "Can we eat cake na po?"

He pulls Nadia closer and throws an arm over her shoulders. He shakes his head and pulls out the ice cream stick from his mouth. "Hintayin natin si mama mo."

"Okay . . ." Nadia mumbles. "Did you greet Lolo happy birthday na?" she asks, looking up at him.

Hindi siya agad nakasagot doon. He wraps his and Nadia's ice cream sticks in tissue papers before keeping it in the picnic basket. 

Nadia takes his silence as a no and asks him to sing a greeting with her. He almost refused, but he doesn't have the heart to reject Nadia. 

He sighs before singing along with her.

For Nadia.

* * *

Kumalma na si Yanyan pagkatapos maubos ang isang boteng tubig niya. Tutok na tutok ang mga mata niya sa mga maya na naglalakad sa damuhan.

"Ano'ng gusto?" Addie asks, tucking Yanyan's hair away from her face and behind her ears.

Yanyan doesn't take her gaze away from the birds when she answers. "Want Yanyan pig."

"Pig?" Addie's eyebrows furrow. Bukod sa nagtataka siya kung saan nanggaling ang sinasabi nitong pig, hindi niya rin maintindihan kung bakit ito iniyakan ni Yanyan. "Anong pig?"

"Want Yanyan pig," Yanyan repeats, seemingly frustrated. Her hold on her empty milk bottle tightens before she turns her head to face Addie. "Papa bite pig."

"Teka, teka," Addie says, shaking her head. She walks to the nearest wooden bench and sits there, placing Yanyan on her lap. "Anong pig nga ang want ni Yanyan?"

"Papa bite 'yung pig," ulit muli ni Yanyan sa sinabi niya kanina. Sinaway siya ni Addie nang mukhang balak na nitong ibato ang botehang hawak dahil sa frustration. Yanyan whispers a sorry before hugging her baby bottle. "Want Yanyan pig."

"Okay, okay . . ." Sinubukan ni Addie na hindi matawa pero hindi niya napigilan. She can hear Yanyan's frustration but still finds it funny because she doesn't understand what her daughter is saying. "Bakit nag-cry?"

"Kasi bite Papa the pig," mabagal na paliwanag ni Yanyan. Itinuro niya ang maya na tumabi sa kanila sa bench. "Bird. Yanyan want bird."

"Mamaya na 'yung bird," Addie says, tapping Yanyan's cheek, prompting her daughter to look back at her. Una, pig. 'Tapos ngayon, bird. Hindi niya ma-process kung paano bibigyan ni Diesel ng zoo ang anak nila. "Pig muna. Kailan kinagat ni Papa 'yung pig?"

"'Nina," she says. Lalo lang kumunot ang noo ni Addie. Wala pa naman silang kinakaing baboy mula kaninang almusal. Hindi niya tuloy maintindihan kung code ba ng mag-ama niya ang pig.

"Okay . . . want mo 'yung pig," Addie says. Yanyan nods. "Alam ni Papa na want mo 'yung pig?"

Yanyan takes a while to respond. She shakes her head no. "May bite na."

Addie nods. "'Pag gusto mo ng milk, ano'ng sinasabi?"

"Want Yanyan milk," Yanyan answers promptly.

Addie kisses the side of her head before whispering very good. "Sinabi mo ba kay Papa na want mo ng pig?"

She shakes her head again. "Bite Papa 'yung pig. I'on't want bite."

"Okay. . . . Dapat sinabi mo kay Papa mo na bili ka ng pig. 'Yung walang bite."

"Oh . . . hmmkay," Yanyan mumbles.

"Sabihin mo muna kasi . . . di ka maririnig ni Papa pag nag-cry ka agad," Addie adds. Yanyan nods. "Balik na tayo, ha? Sabihin mo kay Papa ibili ka ng pig."

* * *

"May sasabihin daw si Yanyan sa 'yo," Addie tells Diesel the moment she and Yanyan go back to the mausoleum.

"Ano 'yun?" Diesel reaches his arms out for Yanyan. Mabuti naman at sumama ito sa kaniya. She presses her cheeks against his shoulder and pouts. "Ano 'yun? Ano'ng gusto?"

"Pig."

Natigilan si Diesel. Oh, fuck no, he doesn't get it. He looks up at Addie questioningly, asking what the hell the pig meant. Since when did Yanyan have an interest in taking care of pigs? At saan naman siya hahagilap ng pig ngayon? He's willing to get his daughters everything, but he's not a magician.

Addie shrugs, equally confused. She expects him to know what pig means.

Diesel scratches his temple. Ayaw naman niyang deretsang sabihin kay Yanyan na hindi niya iyon alam dahil baka lalo lang ito ma-stress. E pulang-pula pa nga ang ilong nito dahil sa pag-iyak kanina. "Saan tayo bibili? Ngayon na?"

Yanyan nods. "Sa kuya ou'side."

Sigurado naman si Diesel na wala silang piggery na nadaanan papunta sa sementeryo. Ilang taon nang parehas na kalsada ang dinaraanan nila tuwing pupunta sa tatay ni Addie, at kahit minsan, walang nagbebenta ng baboy sa labas. "Sa'n mo nakita 'yung nagbebenta?"

"Outside. 'Nina."

"Nakabili na tayo kanina?"

Yanyan nods. "Bili po . . ." Yanyan says, as if reenacting something. Nagkunwari pa itong may hawak pa sa kamay, na in-asume na lang ni Diesel na pera. Tinanggap niya ang perang hangin na inaabot sa kaniya ni Yanyan. "Cho'late saka pig."

Natigilan si Diesel doon. Finally realizing what Yanyan was meaning to say, he bursts out laughing. Nadia repeatedly pats him on the arm and tells him to keep it down because he might wake her lolo up. He says an apology between laughters.

"Okay, okay," naiiling na sabi ni Diesel bago tumayo, buhat-buhat si Yanyan. Addie, who is already preparing to give Nadia some cake, throws him a questioning glance. Diesel shakes his head again, still laughing. He takes one of Yanyan's hands and kisses it before searching for some coins in his pockets. "Pinipig kasi. Di naman kasi agad sinabi na 'yun ang gusto."

That makes Addie laugh, too. Yanyan throws an arm over Diesel's nape. "Pipig."

"Pinipig," Diesel corrects gently.

"Nipipig."

Diesel chuckles. He teaches Yanyan how to pronounce it correctly on the way to the ice cream vendor outside. Not once did she get it right.