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Chapter 39

       It had been hours since Terif had escorted me back to the castle and practically locked me in the King's room. My nerves grew with each passing minute. There had been no sight of Adranus or Eirik and it only made the unease inside me grow. He was okay, I knew he was, I could feel that he was- but that didn't stop my worry.

       And Adranus... he had left as fast as he appeared. That white-hot lightning bolt of awareness that shot through me at his presence had completely disappeared, even though the stone pressed against my chest strummed with warmth.

       "What is happening?" My voice came out as an airy whisper as I let out a long, tired sigh and slowly lowered myself into the armchair in front of the fireplace.

       A servant had entered when Terif first locked me in the room, but I had waved them off. I was way too anxious to sit comfortably in a fire's warmth. I hadn't even changed out of my shredded and mud-soaked dress.

       Aeyron had been waiting for us at the entrance of the castle when we returned, a terribly worried frown plastered on his face, one that eased some when he saw us. He and Delos had stayed behind in case I managed to return before the others had found me, and I was beyond relieved at the fact. That was three Generals I knew were okay, which only made my nerves for Eirik grow.

       Where was he?

       I was exhausted and sitting down only made matters worse. The weight of the day was pulling heavily at my shoulders, and all I wanted to do was curl up in the comfortable chair and sleep for days.

       But Eirik wasn't back, and I wanted to be awake when he was. Adranus had promised to find him, but I knew that look in his eyes when he turned from me, a look of pure sadness. He wasn't coming back, and my heart didn't know how to handle the fact.

       The room was cold, and darkness shown from the clouded windows. The ominous apprehension of the space matched the ache in my chest. And I was so very tired...

       "Emrie."

       The voice was soft in my ear, nearly as gentle as the warm caress on my cheek. My heavy eyes blinked open. A warm orange glow shown slightly from the fireplace in front of me, heating the cold numbness that had fallen over my entire body.

       Eyes bluer than any sea gazed carefully over at me, their owner crouched half-naked in front of my curled, tattered form on the chair. The hard ball of stress and anxiety that had weighed heavily in my stomach even as I slept instantly eased.

       "Eirik..." Relief swamped through me, though his eyes were soft and his touch gentle, there was a disgruntled frown pulling at his lips. But I didn't care, I was too relieved to pay much attention.

       "You're alright." I exclaimed in sheer happiness and couldn't stop myself from quickly reaching over and throwing my arms around his thick neck.

       For some reason, unknown to me, tears filled my eyes and he sighed into my hair as my arms squeezed tighter around him. Large, bare arms wound slowly around my back and rubbed soothingly down my tattered dress.

       "Yes, I am alright." He grumbled into the crook of my shoulder, strong fingers curling tightly into the ends of my hair as his other hand continued to soothe along my back. He, thankfully, was wearing cotton pants, though my eyes were mainly drawn to the quickly healing scars on his chest and back. He had gotten hurt.

       "I was so worried about you." I breathed into his shoulder, those rotten tears trying to clog my throat as I buried my face into his skin. The heat from the fire was nothing compared to the warmth he radiated. He let out a dark, unamused, nerve bringing chuckle, one that didn't settle well in my stomach.

       "Let's not talk about who was worried about who tonight. It will not end well for you." The water in my eyes slowly faded, even though a small frown took their place as I pulled away from his inviting embrace, though those arms of his wouldn't let me get very far.

       "Do not be mad at me, this wasn't my fault."

       Those blue eyes narrowed, that soft look hardening as his hands wrapped around me once again. He let out a disgruntled scoff before pulling me back into his chest, the ruby humming loudly between us.

       "I am not mad at you." He grumbled into my hair before squeezing me tightly and slowly pulling me from the armchair. His voice was dark and gruff, but that didn't stop him from pressing a soft kiss to my neck or stop the hot floating feeling from surging through me.

       "Just at the situation. I'm beyond relieved that you are alright." He sighed into my ear, his tone easing as those arms tightened around me. I didn't even realize that I had reached up to let my fingers run through his dark, matted hair until he buried his face into the crook of my shoulder.

       I held onto him tightly for another moment, curling my fingers into the hard skin of his shoulders. I never wanted to let go of him again, but I had to. There was so much I needed to as him, needed to know. I eased slowly away from him, despite the small growl pulling at his lips.

       "Where were you? I knew you were in the clearing, but I couldn't find you. I was so worried!"

       His eyes were soft again, though his grip remained firm as he kept me from stepping away. I enjoyed the contact, I truly did, but I was way too anxious to stand still. "I was trying to get to you." The blue in his gaze turned icy, his grip hard as his attention seemed to waver back to the battle only a few hours ago.

       "But there were more of those demonic fucks than I had thought." He paused for a moment, his eyes scanning my face as his thumbs rubbed soothing circles into my arm. "I knew you were okay though." He murmured softly, the color in his eyes darkening despite the warmth radiating from them.

       He always left me more confused than ever, but I knew he was talking about Adie. He knew the god had found me, had saved me. Like always, he somehow knew. I wasn't so sure how that made me feel.

       I bit at the corner of my lip and glanced away, a thousand rather depressing thoughts ran through my head. Had Adranus found him? Had they actually spoke? Why hadn't he come back for me? He left me- again.

       He always does, but Eirik was here and the thousand loving emotions I had for the wolf-borne king overloaded my heart. It was infuriating being torn in two completely different directions.

       "Where... Where's Adranus?" I stammered a silent moment later, too afraid of the expression on his face to meet his gaze.

       It was honestly pointless having hope for the god. The more my memories of the life we had once shared returned to me, the more I became aware of that promise he always made. The one he was never able to keep. He would always find me.

       He lied.

       North was silent for a moment after that, his thumbs ceasing their gentle circular path on my arms. I wanted to flinch as his hands pulled away, at the absence of his warmth. It was only a matter of time before he got irritated at the connection I had with the god.

       "He's gone."

       I didn't want to look up into his eyes, to see the look there when I asked what he meant by gone, but I didn't have to. The unspoken answer was reflected in his tone. For good. Adranus was gone for good.

       "Oh..." Was all that would pass my suddenly dry lips, my stomach dropping to my feet. The ruby heated against my chest, and my heart wanted to cave in on itself.

       I knew he would leave, no matter how many times he promised he wouldn't. Even when he threw away his place in the heavens to find me, it mattered little when he actually did.

       What was... What was wrong with me? There had to be something. Something about me that always drew him away. He left me in the heavens, in the cave, at the clearing- it was a constant.

       "Emrie..." I nearly jumped at Eirik's voice, and my eyes widened in surprise as his hand reached over to run soothingly down my arm once again.

       I had been so lost in self-pity I hadn't noticed the deafening silence that had fallen over us. I finally raised my eyes to his bright gaze, only to meet a blue washed in such a pitying sorrow it tore at my heart more.

       Eirik... D-Did they actually talk? Was that why he left? If he figured out about the ginormous fucked up mess inside my head I wouldn't blame him for leaving. Hell, I wanted to disappear half the time too.

       "Don't cry, little Emrie."

       I hadn't actually realized I was until he mentioned it, the tears small and silent though his voice came out as sad as I felt. I stood still as his large hand reached over and wrapped into my hair, pulling me into the safety of his chest.

       I curled into his warmth, relishing in the solid man. He might not have loved me, or wanted to be around me, but he always came back. And I could not help the love I felt for him, no matter how upset he made me.

       "Am I not enough for you?" He suddenly murmured into my ear, his voice hoarse even though his touch was soft as he rubbed down my back. "Can you not be happy living a long life with me?"

       I forced that ridiculous sadness away, forced the tears back down my throat as I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, my face buried into the crook of his neck. "For a while that was all I would ever dream of. The hope that one day you would love me as much as I love you."

       I didn't care about admitting my feelings out loud just then, too much had happened to make a big deal of it. And I was worn out, exhausted and dirty. I didn't have the mental capacity to beat around the bush. His whole body tensed, his hand stopping that soothing stroke along my spine before easing me slowly away from him.

       "And now? Do you not want the same thing?" His gaze was hard as it searched mine, his jaw tense as I tried to run my fingers through my knotted hair.

       "I want... I want..." I stammered miserably as I tore my gaze from his, my tongue licking my dry lips as I wound my arms tightly around my waist. Those blue eyes stared holes into the side of my face, begging me to look up at him just long enough to fall under his spell. There was no point in hiding the truth now.

       "I never want to live without you."

       His blue eyes flashed in the dimly lit light of the fireplace. That sadness from before had completely disappeared from his gaze, and I wanted to smile at the small one tugging at his lips, but there was too much turmoil raging through me to manage one.

       I had to glance away before speaking again. I didn't want to see the expression that would fall over his face. It would only make this harder. "But that does not mean I can stop caring for Adranus." I whispered miserably to the floor, my chest squeezing impossibly tight around my heart.

       "Can you live with that, Eirik?" I asked softly, my hands ringing nervously together before I dared to glance up at him. "Can you try and fall in love with me knowing that he will always have a place in my heart?"

       His smile faded, just as I feared it would, and his eyes flashed in that unnatural light that always made my stomach churn in nerves. What would happen if he turned away from me? I could not go back to the village, it was never my home. I never had a family, a place.

        Would I even want to try without him? I lost Adranus a long time ago, and now I would lose the closest person I had to a family. Was there really a point after that?

       "Emrie." North's voice was hard, his gaze icy as his head lowered to mine, his jaw clenched impossibly tight. My eyes widened at the look in his, and I had to stop myself from stepping away from him as he lowered his head to mine.

       "You keep talking as if I do not already love you." I gasped when those strong fingers of his reached up and gripped tightly at my chin. "I know that is my fault, but it's really starting to piss me off."

       "Eirik I-" But I couldn't say anything else, I was too shocked at the sudden proximity to form any rational thought.

       Blue eyes flashed in the darkness, and his grip on my chin tightened as his free hand pulled me back into his embrace. I had to swallow a gasp when his lips brushed just barely over mine. It wasn't a kiss, but it was the closest thing to one he had ever given me.

       "You have owned my heart for an eternity, Emrie. I have always loved you. I will always love you."

       I barely had time to process what he was saying, to relish in the words I had been dying to hear for months now, before that grip around my waist pulled me flush against him, and those lips that had only ever kissed my forehead or hand before, fell over my own.

       I was so surprised I could only stand there in shock as his arms wound tightly around me, his grip moving to my hair. The bright electric tingles that shot from his lips to mine and throughout the rest of my body made me question any doubts I had ever had about us.

       I just started getting used to the fact that he was kissing me, my eyes finally closing and my mind turning into absolute mush, when he pulled away, those bright, blue, unearthly eyes three shades darker. I couldn't say anything as he pulled away, my head was spinning far too much.

       "There's something you need to see." He murmured softly before reaching for my hand. I could only nod in a daze as he lifted my palm to his lips and pressed a warm kiss there. Then he stepped away from me, that smoldering look in his gaze quickly turning to one of worry as he held tightly onto my hand.

       "I really do love you, my little Emrie. More than anything." His voice was so sure, so confident, that I almost missed the anxiousness falling over his gaze. He was getting nervous.

       He gave my hand one last squeeze, his eyes almost sad, before letting go and taking a step away. I frowned as he walked around the armchair towards the darkness radiating through the large windows. That worried look in his eyes only grew.

       "Eirik?" I asked softly as he paused at the window sill, his large hands visibly shaking at his sides. The daze his kiss had put me under was finally lifting, but unease was quickly taking its place. "What's going on?"

       He ignored me though and glanced out the window towards the sun finally starting to rise along the edge of the Mountain. I watched nervously as he licked those lips of his and let his hand run through that thick, dark hair.

       "He will never leave you alone. Adranus... He will never go away." He seemed to murmur more to himself than to me, but his eyes still flickered back to mine.

       His words made my heart drop to my stomach. I had lost Adranus, a long time ago. He had made it quite obvious how he felt about me, what he wanted from me- nothing. Eirik did not have to worry about him.

       "You're wrong. He's gone, you said so yourself. He doesn't want me."

       North let out a humorless scoff and rolled those blue eyes as if my words were nothing but nonsense. "He wants you. Believe me." He snorted, and I narrowed my eyes.

       "Do not mock me, Eirik. I can't handle that right now."

       "I would never mock you."

       "Then don't pretend to know what he wants." It seemed like such a dumb matter to be upset over, but I lost a part of me every time Adie left and knowing that everything we had once shared could never be again- hurt, no matter how much I loved North.

       "I am Adranus."

       "I said don't!"

       I wasn't myself right then, it had just been an incredibly long and stressful day. I never would have snapped at him normally, but now I was furious and did not want to discuss Adranus.

       North knew how I felt, knew this would take time for me to get over, I practically told him that, and yet he thought it was funny to throw that in my face. Just because a part of his soul was Adranus's, didn't mean he understood what was in the god's head.

       I turned from him and began to stomp angrily away from the sitting area and warmth of the fireplace, the heat of his kiss completely forgotten. I just needed to rest for a while and not have this discussion until I was myself again.

       "Emrie." Eirik suddenly snarled and, despite the furniture separating us, was at my side in a blink. I refused to acknowledge him, though he didn't need me to when he wrapped that heavy hand of his tightly around my arm and spun me to face him.

       "I am not mocking you, you infuriating girl." He growled in my face, his grip almost painful as he pulled me against him. "I am Adranus."

       Red suddenly flashed across his eyes, completely devouring the blue that I loved. His jaw was set in a hard line, his breathing leaving his chest in hard growls as he held my arm tightly in his grasp.

       I gasped, my arm going limp in his grip as that ruby red gaze bore holes into my own. The stone pressed against my chest flared to life. "T-That's impossible." I stammered like a fool as his grip on my arm slowly eased, the hard expression in his gaze softening.

       There was a pause, one long, tense pause before my mind completely exploded. "I... I saw you! Adranus had a completely different body a-and wolf! They were ginormous! I know it wasn't you!" I was in near hysterics, shaking my head viciously and staggering away from the supposed wolf-borne king as he let go of my arm.

       He frowned, that worried look from before coming back in full force as I stumbled backward to the nearest wall. I pressed my back against the hard wall of his chambers, at the only stability I had that moment. This wasn't- This couldn't be- I know what I saw!

       Those red eyes flashed, the sun glowing slightly outside the window darkened, and that blue energy I had once believed to be Eirik's own power swirled around him. In a blink it was gone, and so was North.

       "No... No, no, no, no, no." I was shaking my head viciously as Adranus stood barely a few feet away, that intense gaze of his gone and replaced with sad remorse as he watched my mind cave in on itself.

       He tried to step forward, to reach out for me, but I shook my head and pressed my back harder against the wall. That horribly sad look in his eyes only grew as I flinched away from him.

       "I didn't..." He started softly his large hand reaching up to run through that dark hair. "I didn't want you to find out like this-"

       "You lied to me." I gasped as he tried to take another step towards me. "You- you lied to me! For months!"

       He had known, known all along. Ever since the first moment he saw me on that rooftop. He knew who I was from the beginning, and he let me spend months going completely and totally insane.

       "I didn't have a choice-"

       "Of course you had a fucking choice!" I didn't care whether or not I sounded like a Lady at that moment. My mate, the one person who was supposed to be the world to me, who I was supposed to trust completely, had lied ever since the very beginning.

       "Oh my God!" I snapped and pushed away from the wall to pace angrily beside it. I was way too worked up to think about anything rationally, to let him explain.

       "You knew all along. You knew, and yet you watched me suffer for months!" I snapped as those red, otherworldly, eyes watched me pace angrily. "You knew everything I was dealing with and you ignored it!" I was too busy angrily pacing to notice that blue energy return and change him back to Eirik.

       "I didn't ignore it, Emrie. Please stop, let's talk about this."

       But I didn't want to stop, to talk about it, I was so furiously angry I just wanted him to feel all the hurt I had felt throughout everything. Through the isolation, the pain, the fear. All that time spent worrying about the gold-power, about going insane over all that star business, of Liberius trying to turn me against him-

       That's when a string of horrible thoughts hit me all at once, thoughts that completely tore at my heart in every possible way. He had been on the Mountain for years before I had ever woken in that cave, living as the wolf-borne King.

       A King that hardly ever left his castle unless it were matters of war of the kingdom. H-He had stopped looking for me... And not only had he stopped looking for me, he had been with other females.

       "The King does not keep his affairs around for long, much less have one of his Generals escort them. You must be something of an extraordinary bed-"

       Oh Gods- I was going to be sick.

       "You... you have been here... for all these years..." My stomach felt like it wanted to crawl out of my body and bleed on the ground, dragging my heart with it. Those blue eyes held such a strong remorse, but nowhere near as bad as I felt.

       This was all his fault.

       "I never stopped loving you, Emrie."

       Then I lost it.

-&-

I know a lot of you guys guessed it, and I'm sure a lot of your are still confused. But there's more to come so stay tuned!

Also, please refrain from giving spoilers away in previous chapters. If I catch them the comment will be deleted and I wont be your friend 😛