Tw: swearing, kys/kms, anxiety ig -

I don't feel like anyone likes me.

I get yelled in the face to the point where I have mental breakdowns.

"Stop playing victim."

I have friends that leave me the second they get what they want.

"Your so naive."

Forced to hangout when my mental state isn't that great and I don't have the energy to hangout.

Forced to go to skateboarding lessons in 100 degree weather in black equipment.

Forced to obey.

Forced to do everything.

I feel like a fucking puppet.

Told "I have no expectations to follow"

Then another thing to do

Another thing to say

Another thing to worry about

Another chance

Another yelling fit.

Another fight.

Repeat.

I keep getting blindsided by everyone.

Family.
Friends.
Enemies.

Does anyone fucking love me? At all?

"Stop acting like your the victim."

"So immature."

"Who raised you, a pig?"

"You're so fat and ugly, you'll barely make it out of middle school."

Words hurt, again and again.

I wish I could respond but the more I try

Is the more I'm silenced.

Am I just someone's plaything?

If I wasn't alive,
Would anyone notice?

Would anyone comment and say

"Hey, where'd she go?"

"Did she die?"

Would anyone notice if I ran away?

Would anyone notice if I couldn't breathe?

As long as I get what other people want done, right?

I've noticed a habit that worries people.

A few actually.

I've never really noticed until they point it out.

1. I say sorry a lot.

2. I worry so much that, when I annoy someone the tiniest bit, I start crying like I murdered someone.

3. I flinch like someone is going to hit me a lot. Even if someones grabbing peanut butter from above my head.

4. I zone out a lot. Like, to the point where, if you try to snap to recenter myself, sometimes I'm lost so badly in my own thoughts that I'm trapped in them.

5. I have attachment issues.

6. I'm nervous and shy in public by myself.

7. I get angry a lot. Like I just want to scream and shout and beat up something, even if nothing annoyed me.

I probably have more but, it wouldn't make a difference.

I'm a freak.

I'm just a freak people use as their plaything to get what they want.

That's all I am.

Bye for now.

                          ~ Crystal/ Sky.