Jack reacts immediately, all but flinging Lee off him in his desperate attempt to get to the door. Lee isn't too far behind, stopping only to toss on Jack's shirt and a pair of dirty shorts from his bag before rushing out too.

"Jax!" Jack shouts, and Lee's stomach drops even more, rolling out of his bare feet and splattering down the hall. Because Jax is fearless, the bravest person Lee knows...and if she's screaming, it can't be good news.

The half-open door reveals a sight he never thought he'd see---Jack's father with his one fist balled as he stands protectively in front of Jack's mother...and a man in the entrance, one burly arm slung across Jax's throat.

The man is tall, taller than Jack's father and just as broad. He wears a black blazer over matching trousers and a button-up shirt, his expression set in a mask of stone.

And worst of all, Lee recognises him. Recognises him from family dinners long ago, back when his parents were still a happy unit who loved him more than the stars, back when his house was still a home, back when his mother wasn't...dead. He wears the family name over every inch of his face, from his dark hair to his aquiline nose to his imperious stare. So much like Lee's father, and nothing like Lee himself.

"I'm here for Leroy," his father's brother declares. Around Jax's chest, his arm slackens, and Jax takes the opportunity to wriggle out of his grip and run into her mother's open arms. There's terror---no, pure, undiluted fear---in her usually fiery eyes, and Lee's stomach sinks all the way into the ground. He mentally thanks the heavens that James isn't with them---probably in his room, safe from whatever hell Lee's accidentally inflicted upon Jack's family.

"You're not here for shit, especially after assaulting my kid, you sick fuck," Jack's father snaps. "Get off my property before I fling you into next year."

Lee turns, locking eyes with his something something. Jack shakes his head. Don't do anything stupid. And don't go out there, his stare screams, even though his hands ball themselves into fists.

Why not? Lee asks back, passing the silent message between their intertwined gazes.

You'll only make things worse. And for a moment, the old Jack is back, hissing through clenched teeth as he writhes beaten on the ground and unknowingly cleaves Lee's chest in two.

"I apologise for laying my hands on your daughter," Lee's uncle says. He has the same careful evenness to his tone that Lee's father has---so perfectly poised, so crisply intoned, as if they're merely discussing about what to have for tea. They speak with dollar bills stapled to their tongues, each monochrome inflection dry as stone. Empty men with empty hearts. "I did not intend to, but I couldn't just sit back and let her attack me."

Jack's father jabs a pointed finger into the man's chest. "She attacked you because you showed up at our doorstep unannounced to do your employer's dirty work."

Lee's uncle doesn't even flinch. "I'm here to claim my nephew."

It's then that Jack's father attacks, throwing himself at Lee's uncle like an assault rifle. He is a bullet, arm scything through the man's face like he's made of paper---and yet, Lee's uncle barely reacts. Lee stands behind Jack, frozen in place...until the terror in Jax's eyes pierces through his mind once more.

"Stop!"

Lee flings himself in between the two men, narrowly missing a well-aimed punch. He faces Jack's father, hands pressed against his broad chest to keep him at bay. "I'll go with him. I'll go. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't---" ---didn't want to cause trouble...

His throat seizes. His tongue runs dry.

His uncle's brow raises, and he bends down a little so his dark eyes pierce right into Lee's own. "Hello, Leroy. It's been a while. I really didn't think we'd meet again like this."

I remember you, Lee thinks. I remember how you always used random visits to town as an excuse to bring me presents. I remember how you always used to tease Mom for pampering me so much. I remember how you snuck me alcohol once I turned thirteen, and how you stopped coming over after the divorce. And you were always the cool uncle. I always thought it was neat, you being a private investigator and all.

(Lee's thoughts tend to come back to bite him in the ass.)

"Hi, Uncle Andy," Lee says flatly.

If Lee's uncle senses the bitterness in Lee's voice, he doesn't let on. "Glad you still remember my name. Let's go. I'm taking you home."

Where is home? Lee wonders.

"You're not going anywhere," Jack's father insists, placing his hand on Lee's shoulder and pulling him back. Jack steps forward, nodding in agreement as he grabs Lee's other shoulder and glares at Uncle Andy.

"Uncle..." Lee swallows. "It's okay. I'll go." He attempts a smile that slips right off the skating rink of his face. "I knew I'd have to go home eventually, anyway."

"Lee---" Jack starts, eyebrows still furrowed with rage, but Lee holds up a hand to stop him.

"It's fine, Jack." Lee swivels around to Jack's parents and bows quickly. "Thank you for having me. I'm so sorry for the trouble."

"It's no trouble at all, dear," Jack's mother says quickly. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? You can, if you want to." Say yes, her eyes scream. Tell us you want to stay with me and we'll get that man out of here.

Lee swallows, hard. "I'm okay, Aunty. I should talk to my dad, anyway." It's a lie. He doesn't want to---doesn't think he needs to, honestly. And he wants to stay so badly it hurts. But Lee has come to realise that in the cosmic infiniteness of the universe, some things don't matter. Like him, and what he wants.

Jack's father frowns. "Lee..."

"It's fine, Uncle. Thank you for all that you've done for me. I'm so sorry I was so much trouble. Thank you for having me." Lee bites his lip, stomach churning. Jax runs to him and wraps him in a blisteringly tight hug that he instantly returns. His heart falls out of his chest and smashes on the ground. "I'll go get my things now."

"Wait, Lee..." Jack starts. Lee turns.

Jack grabs him by the shoulders and crushes their lips together, eliciting a tentative wolf whistle from Jax and a mumbled, I knew it, from Jack's father. Lee tastes copper on his tongue, silver on his teeth, gold from the fire that Jack had ignited in his bones barely ten minutes ago. Sparks fly between their lips, forged out of rusted ivory and a thousand burning suns. For a second, Lee is alive, kept afloat by the lightning crackling through Jack's mouth as he kisses him---kisses him like he loves him.

Then he's gone, and Lee is a living corpse again, ice lining his skin where Jack's fire had once blazed.

"Hey," Jack orders, strong hands still gripping Lee's shoulders tightly. "Don't do anything stupid, okay? And take care of yourself."

Lee manages a wan smile. "I'll try."

Jack pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, burying his face in Lee's shoulder. "You'd better, you idiot."

Lee allows himself to stay in the moment for a little while longer, breathing in the scent of hot chocolate and sea salt and laundry detergent. He drowns himself in Jack's hurricane, letting the wild wind lift his dreams to the sky. And when he finally pulls away, Jack's hand lingers on his arm, threading the red string of fate between their intertwined souls.

"What about your t-shirt?" he asks, fingers curling around the soft white cotton.

"Keep it. It looks better on you."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, for now, anyway. Not sure if Mom would appreciate me giving away my shirts like this, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind a loan."

"Of course. I'll bring it back eventually." Lee allows the slightest chuckle to escape his lips, so tight it scrapes his tongue raw. "I'll come back to see you later."

"Promise?"

His hand touches Jack's, a light tap as soft as gossamer blossoms in a spring breeze. "Promise." Then Lee swivels around to his uncle, his gaze growing hard as he stares down at the man who's ripped him away from paradise, a devil's aide waiting to accompany him into hell.

"Fine," Lee spits, the word full of venom, poison in his stare. "Let me get my stuff, and we'll go."

But Uncle Andy doesn't gloat about it. He doesn't even look like he's won. He just stares at Lee with a sad, sad look in his eyes, the ocean swallowing Lee whole as he lets his uncle lead him to the black doom ahead.

٩( ᐛ )و

The drive back to Lee's house is a long one.

Lee stares out the window the whole time, eyes lost in the tangerine horizon. The setting sun flickers through his blurred vision, as if spelling out his doom in crimson and gold. It drips blood over his uncle's face, casting vermillion shadows over the high bridge of his nose and the somber tilt of his chin. His dark eyes glint like the blade of a knife.

"Was that your boyfriend?" Uncle Andy asks, never taking his gaze off the road. The car smells as rich as Lee knows his uncle is, like fresh pine and cold, hard cash.

He hates it. He hates all of it.

Lee huddles further into the rich leather seat, tucking his shoulders into his sides. His uncle had promised to come back later for his Camaro, but promises are meant to be broken. Lee knows that all too well. "No," he replies sharply. And because the word feels like a disservice to Jack and the fluttering peril he's caused in Lee's chest, he swallows his words. "Not yet. How's the husband?"

Almost as if on autopilot, Uncle Andy's thumb flies to the fourth finger of his empty right hand, reaching for a memory that's long escaped into the night like a spirit on the way home. "Divorced."

"Ah." Lee knows he should say he's sorry, even though he doesn't know what he's sorry for, but what comes out instead is, "Everyone seems to be."

"I suppose so. But that's life for you." A pause. "You know, back in my day, we called the people we kissed our significant others."

"Back in your day, your fucking bloodhound of an uncle didn't hunt you down and kidnap you as a favour to a dad who doesn't even give a shit about you," Lee snaps.

For a while, Uncle Andy is silent. Then, "If your dad didn't care about you, why would he hire me to find you? He hired me, you know. I'm not doing him a favour."

Lee shrugs. "Because having a runaway kid would ruin his reputation?" And to Dad, we all know reputation is everything. Not the kid he hasn't even seen in weeks. I don't even matter. He's used to it---being the loose end, the weak link, the missing puzzle piece...but it stings anyway, like a phantom limb raking translucent nails across his weighted shoulders. "He doesn't care about me. He doesn't even want me around. He's made that very clear."

His uncle sighs. "I told him so."

"Told him what? That his kid's a fucking trainwreck and he should just get rid of it?"

"No. That he should treat you like nothing happened. Because that's what you do when you have a kid. You love them the same way even if your other half leaves. In fact, you love them enough for two." Uncle Andy's gaze darts towards the horizon, towards the blood-red sun dipping beneath the zenith of the sky. "But my brother never listens to me."

"Because you didn't try hard enough," Lee spits bitterly, every word acid on his tongue. "You never came over anymore after Mom left. And you just ripped me away from a family that actually wants me to please the brother that never listens to you."

To his credit, his uncle doesn't even flinch. "I suppose I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Fucking hell, show some kind of emotion for once. Like you used to. You used to be so fun," Lee snaps, slamming his knee up against the dashboard and relishing the heavy thud that echoes through the car. "But now, you're exactly like him."

"You used to be a lot more fun," whispers Allie's voice, a ringing bell inside Lee's mind. He grips the sides of his head as if pulling apart his brain will stop the demons invading his mind, but it's no use. Even as invisible blood spills from his ears and mouth, he still hears the sirens berating him for being the child no one ever wanted, tasting the sharp tang of iron on his tongue until it slices through his bones.

The steering wheel twists. "I'm sorry," Uncle Andy repeats.

"But you're not. Because it's your job."

The silence is loud. Lee's anger is louder.

"Mom's dead," Lee mumbles, folding his arms over his chest. The words feel hollow, rattling around in his throat like broken teeth. He doesn't know why he's telling his uncle this---as if revealing her secrets would ever bring his mother back to life. The air around him seems to drop by several degrees, freezing him to the very bone. Fractured snow spreads across every inch of his skin, leaving trails of pale azure behind, a map of all the shattered pieces that comprise the creature he's become.

It is then that Lee realises that he is no longer Leroy Hiew, but simply the kid with the dead mom. And fuck, it hurts like hell. So much that he wishes he could die too.

Uncle Andy's eyebrows shoot up to the sky, touching the tips of his perfectly-combed dark hair. He's changed more than Lee remembers. All neat and pressed where he used to be wild. About thirty pounds heavier. There's worry lines marked next to his eyes and across his brow---whether they're from stress, divorce, or age, Lee has no clue. Then again, everyone's changed. He supposes he has, too, more than he'd like to admit. And as he touches his protruding ribs through the thin fabric of Jack's shirt---when had he become so skinny?---he thinks about how the earth keeps revolving, but his own world's long stopped.

"Do you mind me asking how?" his uncle enquires.

"Yes," Lee snaps.

There's no answer. Just the dying purr of the engine as it screeches to a halt, the tyres jerking as one of them scrapes against the nearest curb. And then his uncle's arms encircle him in the embrace Lee's always wished his father would give him, warm and comforting and familial.

Uncle Andy doesn't say he's sorry like everyone always does. He doesn't ask him if he's going to reveal the truth to his father. He doesn't inquire if he's okay. He just wraps Lee in that awkward, loving heat, an action that says more than a million words ever could as Lee lets a saline waterfall trickle down his face, where it dissolves into stardust.

And through his tears, Lee wonders if there's more to them than the empty shells they've all become. The drowning man, the broken heart, and him---the bare blisters of humanity, scraped raw by the nail called love.

٩( ᐛ )و

His father is waiting for him at the door.

He looks...perfectly put together, as always. White shirt. Gold cufflinks. Gelled hair. As if he's been typing away at his office computer with his girlfriend on his lap instead of waiting for a wayward child to come home. It irritates Lee, the knowledge that his father hadn't even cared enough about him to fake looking distressed making his blood boil.

"Leroy---" his father manages to get out before Lee's pushing past him, not missing the sigh his father lets out as he turns to his uncle in quiet discussion---something about payment rates and bringing Lee's Camaro back in the morning.

Lee drops his bag on the ground, hoping any dirt on it stains the perfectly-polished floor before instantly feeling bad for the wish---after all, it's not his father who cleans the place, and he really doesn't want to give the maids extra work. He glances around at the eggshell-white walls and the custom furniture, bright and shiny and so, so foreign. Walking into what he'd once considered a home feels like visiting a stranger's house even though he hasn't even been away for a week. Unfamiliar. Depressingly so.

In many ways, he supposes it is a stranger's house. After all, his father's a stranger to him now. Because Lee keeps trying to know him, to learn the ticks and tocks of the man he's become, but he always comes up short---reaching for a light that keeps moving away, faded in the apex of Lee's tunnel vision.

The clock ticks. Ten minutes pass. His father closes the door and walks over to where Lee's still standing in the middle of the living room.

"Don't you want to take a shower?" he asks.

Lee bites back a snarl.

His father sighs. "Sorry. That...I mean, it's good to have you back."

"Can't be good to have me back if you never wanted me in the first place," Lee snaps. "And I didn't fucking come back because I wanted to. I came back because you set your fucking bloodhound on me, who by the way, gave me more love in twenty minutes than you've given me in years."

There's a pause. Another sigh escapes his father's lips, and some morbid part of Lee wishes he'd exhale all the oxygen from his lungs and asphyxiate to death. He watches as his father settles himself onto the couch, leaning back against the pristine cream cushions. It's not the armchair. Lee's thankful for that. He's not sure if he could handle his father sitting where his mother---his dead mother---had once been, even though he knows his father's never been able to bear sitting in her seat. "Your school called. You have a classmate named Michael, don't you? Did you beat him and his friends up?"

Oh, fuck. Mike. That fucker ratted on me. I'm going to break both his legs next time. Lee rolls his eyes. "Listen, I can explain---"

"You've been expelled."

The words take a moment to sink in. Once they do, they slam into Lee like a truck. "What?" he whispers. And then, as if it'll make the statement any less true, "WHAT?"

(Even though it's the second time this has happened.)

"I bribed them again." Beads of sweat pool on his father's forehead. Lee hates this---the violent apprehension, the knife-thick tension, the faux facade of care. The fact that his father's trying to parent with his checkbook instead of his heart. He hates it. He hates this. He hates him. "I managed to bargain for a two-week suspension for you instead of expulsion. It'll still be on your permanent record, but at least you'll be able to graduate this year without having to relocate, and---"

Lee slams his hands on the coffee table, effectively cutting his father off. Everything is buzzing and numb at the same time, a fire that flickers through Lee's veins and roasts him alive, an electric shock that never quite goes away. He shoves his marked elbow in his father's face, relishing the shock that flashes through his usually-calm expression. "Do you see this? Do you fucking see this?" he snarls, unable to help the tremours that creep into his voice, because fuck, his own father's never noticed his burn until today. The venom of his words burns a hole through his tongue, and yet, the pain's nothing compared to the agony of his porcelain heart. "That's what they did to me, Dad! That's what they did to Jack too!" His eyes burn. "I couldn't let them get away with it! Don't you understand that? You shouldn't even have had to bribe them in the first place, because I shouldn't have been expelled! But that doesn't fucking matter, because the first thing you talk about when I get back after literally running away is your stupid fucking checkbook!" His breaths are coming out in pants, sharp gasps that scrape his throat raw. "No one cares about who you bribed, Dad! Especially since you couldn't bring yourself to give a fuck about me!"

"Leroy---"

"Don't Leroy me, Dad!" Lee screams, the words something rotten in his chest, something evil.

Fine. If I'm the villain now, so be it.

"Let's make this clear. I fucking hate you," Lee spits, savouring how his father's face crumples as if he's just been shot. "I see you maybe once a week if I'm lucky, not because you're busy but because you're too busy burying yourself up to your stupid neck in work and playing around with your little girl toy, and when I do see you, you're trying to buy my love with your dumbass money instead of loving me like you're supposed to!" He can feel the veins popping in his neck, every cell in his body fuelled with rage. It burns, each breath scorching like hell, and yet, Lee's not sure if any hell could be worse than the personal one he's created for himself on earth. "You rip me away from somewhere where I'm actually happy, and for what? To feel good about yourself? So you don't have a runaway son on the loose, because of course, that would ruin your stupid fucking image?"

"Leroy, I'm trying---"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" Lee screams, punching the coffee table so hard he's surprised it hasn't shattered yet. "You don't get to fucking try, because you never have! I tell you I hate you and you say we'll talk about it later! I run away and you hire a bloodhound to sniff me out and then act like I never even left! I get expelled and you pull out your trusty checkbook to pretend nothing happened in the first place! Who the fuck does that?" And oh fuck, he's crying now, hot tears burning tracks down his cheeks. "Why can't you care about me for once? Why did I suddenly become a burden once Mom left?" Lee howls, an anguished wail that pierces through the sky. Everything hurts, hurts, hurts so badly, and he just wants to die--- "I'm still your kid, Dad!"

"Leroy, I'm sorry---"

"No! You're not! You're not fucking sorry! I stopped existing to you after Mom left!" Lee's voice is a shriek now, ringing in his ears. His hands are shaking, legs hardly able to hold himself up anymore as stinging liquid spills down his face. "I dyed my hair so I wouldn't look so much like her, because I thought maybe you'd love me again if you didn't see her every time you looked at me! I tried to be more manly and shit so you would see me as the son you had instead of the wife you lost! But I can't do it anymore, Dad! I can't fucking do this anymore! It's not my fault I look like her, and I know she hurt you, but I'm still your kid!" His knees give out from beneath him, and Lee collapses into a sobbing heap, face pressed against the cold glass of the coffee table in a desperate attempt to feel something other than the agony coursing through his veins. "Why don't you love me, Dad? Why can't you just love me?"

His father reaches to him, recoiling when Lee flinches away. "Leroy, I'm sorry. I had no idea you felt this way. I do love you, so much---"

"Liar!" Lee screams. "If you love me, you should have fucking shown it!" He slams his head into the table until his father grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him back. He's trembling all over, thrashing in his father's grip. "You don't know shit about me, Dad! You don't know that I've been trying so hard to not get into fights but ended up in one anyway! You don't know that those guys held a fucking cigarette to my arm until I wished I was dead! You don't know that I like boys, and that I'm not really a boy! And---" Lee's shaking now, bruised forehead buried in his hands as he cries into his palms. For a second, his father's hand glances over his head before withdrawing, as if unsure whether he can touch Lee---whether he has the right to. The anger wavers, ebbs, evaporating from his veins and leaving nothing but the sadness behind. Lee's skin no longer burns---instead, it is ice-cold, a thousand sorrows marked into his scarred knuckles. "A-a-and you don't know that..." He sobs, slumping to the ground. "Mom's dead, Dad. She's gone."

All the colour drains from his father's face, and he lets go of Lee's shoulders. "What?" he whispers, voice small, curled up in the expanse of his chest. He looks like he's just been punched in the face. There's something far worse than anguish in his expression---disbelief, almost, but not quite. As if he's suspected all along but won't---can't---accept it.

Everything is numb. Everything is numb numb numb.

"She..." The word hurts, scraping the skin off Lee's tongue like liquid sandpaper. "She died last year. Pancreatic cancer. She---she didn't leave us because she wanted to. She left because she was sick. And---and she didn't---didn't want us to see her like that." He lets out a rough, raw sob. Why couldn't you have stayed, Mom? Why couldn't you have given us a few more years with you? Why couldn't you have told Dad that it wasn't my fault you left? Why didn't you tell him to love me after you walked out? Why didn't you love me enough to stay?

Why did you leave, Mom? Why did you have to die?

But his mother isn't around anymore to answer his questions, so Lee buries his face in the table and cries, tears pooling over the sweat-stained glass and dripping off the edge. When he shoots his father a backwards glance, his father is still on the sofa, stock-still and mute. Only the slight tremble of his shoulders betrays the emotions undoubtedly warring in him. Except he doesn't crumble like Lee had. He stays, frozen in time, frozen in place, and Lee wonders if he hadn't really managed to save himself back then. Maybe he'd drowned the moment Lee's mother walked out the door. Maybe he's drowning now---or maybe he's long dead, merely a phantom in a broken body.

It is dark when Lee finally picks himself off the floor and heads to his room, tear tracks turned to ice on his cheeks. It is dark when he leaves his father on the sofa, lost in something deeper than just grief. It is dark when Lee finally stops feeling.

anddd we're BACK, baybee! that's right! crackerbox is FINALLY off hiatus (although i myself still am not lmfao, still got a few papers to go ✌) i wrote half this chapter before the hiatus and half the chapters after, which is why it's so...weird? idk, i'm still tryna get the flow of things, haha. been writing nothing but fanfiction recently 💀 (speaking of which, shameless self plug: if you wanna check out a Junji Ito-inspired horror fic, head over to my 'GOOD 4 U' reading list and click on Midnight Train! it's a Sookai fanfic, but you don't need to be a TXT fan to understand it since it's a high school AU, haha. it's a oneshot about spooky trains...and the ghosts that come with them. so check it out if you're into that! <3)

(also whoaaa we went over 70k words yalls i think i can actually hit 80k on this book)

i wrote this chapter in a fit of extreme rage after a fight with my own dad, so that's why it's so...messy? i threw in a lot of my own emotions so it's slightly all over the place, haha. sorry about that! it was written super fast too because i wanted to get everything down before all those angry feelings faded lol.

how's everyone doing? i haven't been super active, so sorry! i'm in the final week of my exams, and then after that, i'll hopefully be more active! (i'll def reply to comments at least xD) lmk how y'alls are doing because we haven't chatted in like, forever :(((

lil life update: things are...normal. i'm gonna be officially graduating high school next week, so that's scary. exams are...uh. idk i think i kinda fked up my science papers lmfao---i've been writing A Lot of fanfiction (look out for yet another Sookai fanfic coming at Christmas!) and unconvered some of my old notebooks from like 2018, so i might do some revamping because there's one or two ideas there that i think can be salvaged. (there's one i really like called The Murder Club, where a guy forms a club that people with murderous thoughts can join in order to get it all out and calm themselves down. except people start getting actually murdered. it's a teenfic-type murder mystery and tbh i'm loving it)

and now for the one everyone's been waiting for: CRUSH UPDATE (ok ik no one was actually waiting for this, but hey, gotta dial up the drama bit lol) cute boy is still cute boy. cute boy is also still going to prom with me. cute boy is also somehow ending up alone in empty classrooms with me for several hours. (maybe that's because my friends instantly abandon me once they see i'm hanging out with him and make the sex eyebrows at me from outside the windows like these are actual HOMIES man) no, we have not done anything. no, we are not seeing each other. no, we are not together, despite what the entire standard seems to think. i feel like there's a lot of progress and possibly *gasp* some mutual attraction but i also feel that i'm delusional lmfao, like ik he cares a lot about me (he always sends me study notes and frets when i don't eat and shares his playlist with me and shit like that) but that's probs cause we've been friends for 11 years. anygays idt he's gay but idfk yalls

OKAY so i have been talking for Way Too Long even tho it is really good to be back so i'll shut up now. as always, please point out any mistakes you find! i try to edit as best as i can but i'm blind af. also, lmk what you think of this chapter as always! constructive criticism, feedback, and comments are always appreciated <333

p.s. to those still here, thank you so much for sticking with CB! we've got just 6 chapters left! (4 story chapters, 1 bonus, and 1 trivia chapter) i hope you'll stick around for the conclusion <333

as always, stay safe and healthy, and i love you guys!

xoxo, Alex