He goes to see Socks the next morning. Jack follows him, wringing his hands out in the passenger seat of Lee's Camaro as they make the drive to Yumeko's house in near-complete silence, save for Harry Styles' Music For A Sushi Restaurant blasting from his car radio. He leaves the radio on when he leaves Jack in the car. It's a distraction, if anything.

The moment Yumeko opens the door, Socks charges out and leaps into Lee's arms, licking everywhere she can reach. Lee laughs and rubs his dog's head, giving his best friend a grateful smile. "Thanks for taking care of Socks. I'm sorry I haven't been able to take her back for so long."

Yumeko waves her hand dismissively. "It's no problem. You can let me keep her for even longer, in fact. It's been nice having company while you've been gone." She absent-mindedly scratches Socks behind her ears, eliciting an appreciative bark from Lee's dog.

Lee bites his lower lip. "I may have to. Jack's home is...kind of small."

"You're staying with Jack?" Yumeko elbows him, the hint of a grin teasing her scarlet lips. "You sly dog, you. Already getting into his pants."

A loud laugh escapes Lee's mouth. "Don't worry, Yu. You know you're the only one in my heart."

"Sure." It's only then that Lee notices the dark circles ringing Yumeko's eyes, waning purple under the morning sunlight. Her brow seems a little too tight, marked with lines that hadn't been there before.

He pauses. "Yu, are you...alright?"

"Never been better. Just peachy, as you would say, old man."

"You sure? You look..." Off. "Is it Socks? I can take her back if she's being a---"

"No," Yumeko replies abruptly. She sighs, pushing her heavy bangs out of her face. "Listen, it's not Socks, okay? Your dog's been an angel. And honestly, she's been really helpful. Lots of moral support there. Maya and I are just having some extremely small problems right now. That's all. Just a passing storm cloud. The road to true love never runs smooth and all that shit. Nothing to worry about."

"I've never heard you speak that many sentences in such a short amount of time. There's obviously something to worry about."

"It's literally nothing, Leroy."

"Who's the big fat fucking liar now?"

The dark eyes that pierce holes into him are filled with both annoyance and dry amusement. "Touché. Guess we're both big fat fucking liars, then."

"Hey." Lee flicks his best friend's forehead lightly. "I'm the liar here. You're supposed to be the bitchy one, and the bitchy ones are always genuine."

"You can be the bitchy one if you want. You've got the personality for it."

"Oh, definitely. I just didn't want to leave you jobless."

"You'd never be able to fill my shoes, especially with those big-ass feet of yours."

"True. You're one of a kind." Lee chuckles, before bending down to place a kiss on the top of his best friend's head. "I missed you."

"I haven't. It's been so much more peaceful without you around. And I get to keep your dog." Yumeko smirks thinly when Lee fake-pouts. "Just kidding. How have you been?"

"Around."

"You know what I mean, you fucking donkey."

"Tell me how you've been, and I'll tell you how I've been."

"Asshole."

"Two-way street, honey," Lee taunts.

Yumeko harrumphs a bit, brushing her skirt down irritatedly. "Fine. I've been good. Now will you tell me how you've been?"

"Oh, I've been fine. Splendid, in fact. Positively perfect."

When Yumeko glares at him, Lee shrugs. "What? I thought we were having a lying contest."

His best friend gives him a hard shove, sending into a chuckling fit. "Idiot." Then her gaze softens ever so slightly, revealing the human underneath all the bark and bite. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm about as okay as you are."

"So, you're doing terrible?"

Lee tries for a smile, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah," he admits softly. "I guess I am."

They stand there for a while, Yumeko on the stoop and Lee on the ground, the inches between them still glaringly obvious. The silence seems to roll a blanket of bubble wrap around their twin forms, shielding them from the mad world outside.

Lee pops it, like he always does.

"I'll talk to you again sometime later. Jack's waiting for me in the car, and I don't want him to blow a gasket before I get back." He gently places Socks down on Yumeko's front stoop, heart twisting at the melancholy whine his dog lets out. "You sure you don't mind taking care of her for a few more days?"

"I love your dog more than I love you, Lee," Yumeko retorts flippantly. "If I can take care of you, I can definitely handle Socks." She hesitates, fingers lingering in the space between them, before reaching out and pulling him into a tight hug. "Stay safe, okay? And don't listen to what your dad says."

Lee's grin is even smaller than it had previously been, so wan he's not sure if it counts as a smile anymore. "I never do."

٩( ᐛ )و

To Lee's surprise, Jack doesn't complain when Lee finally gets back to the car. Instead, he swivels around to Lee and sighs, "I'm sorry."

Ariana Grande's Sometimes is playing, her sultry voice wrapping around them like a warm hug. Lee blinks. "What?"

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted yesterday. Before we slept. It was unfair of me." Jack's eyes are unfocused, distant. "I really thought you knew and were just fucking with me."

Oh. "Come on, Pref, you know I'm dumb as hell. I wasn't fucking with you. I'm just stupid."

"Yeah." Jack exhales. "I'm sorry."

Lee pouts. "Did you just agree to me being stupid?"

"For fucks' sakes, Lee," Jack grumbles exasperatedly. "I'm trying to apologise here."

"You can apologise by telling me what the hell you were going to say last night," Lee declares petulantly as he pulls out of Yumeko's driveway, a little too eager to be let out of the dark.

"Cause we're collecting moments, tattoos on my mind..."

Jack turns away slightly, resting his head against the window. The soft, delicate thump of skin hitting glass echoes through the car, and the sour, oh-so-familiar tang of disappointment curls Lee's chest into a ball. "Maybe another day. I...I don't think I can say it right now."

"I ain't even think of leaving sometimes, I ain't even think of letting go..."

It's Lee's turn to sigh. "Always getting my hopes up, Pref."

"Not even sometimes..."

"I know. I'm sorry." Jack wrinkles his nose, before pointing at a little red booth a few feet ahead of them. "Hey. Stop."

Obediently, Lee does. He frowns at the booth---a phone booth, vividly scarlet in the morning grey, one he's passed many times before but never paid much mind to. "A phone booth?"

"Yeah."

"I thought I was old. Those things are ancient."

"And untrackable." Jack hesitates. "Call your mom."

"What?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean it that way." Jack grits his teeth, sucking in a deep breath. "I didn't mean your mom herself. You said she hasn't picked up. Does she have relatives in Spain? Relatives that can contact her?"

"I mean, my cousin's there, but I haven't talked to her in years, and she probably doesn't even use the same number anymore, and---"

"Call her." When Lee stiffens, Jack draws back. "Sorry---I didn't mean to order you around. It's just that...well, you want closure, don't you?"

Lee wants to deny it. Wants to say that he's better off being in the dark forever, never knowing what truly happened, believing his mother woke up one day and decided she didn't want him anymore. Wants to keep running from a ghost that keeps catching up to him, whether it's in the sadness on his father's face or the reflection in his vanity mirror. Wants to say that he doesn't want to, that he can't. But something in him recoils at the idea of lying to Jack, especially when they both already know the truth.

"Yeah, but---I mean---"

"Then call her. Call your cousin and ask her if you can speak to your mom." In the sun-spotted gleam of the car window, Lee catches sight of Jack's reflection, all worried eyes and tight-knit brows. His hands lie folded in his lap, veins jutting out, knuckles white. "If you're comfortable, that is. It's your choice, Lee."

And it is. So Lee makes his choice, taking an impulsive leap across worlds, finally bridging the gap. He walks across the road to all the answers he's yearned for, all the years of longing and waiting and wishing on stars mixing together in a giant melting pot of this, here, now. His hand reaches for the door lock, a quick click---and he is on the pavement, sprinting towards the dilapidated phone booth, the wind that had always lifted his mother's ebony curls carrying him away.

It takes a few tries to figure out how the phone works, but Lee learns quickly. He drops in a quarter, types in the ten digits of his cousin's number, and waits.

Miraculously, someone picks up.

"Hello?" echoes a girl's voice from the other end, so rich and yet so frail. Lee recognises it immediately. The British accent his cousin had picked up from her family's frequent travels around the world lingers on the cusp of her tongue, smooth as honey. She sounds like petty cash and love letters, all the gifts she'd given Lee from her hospital beds---moving around so much had never quite agreed with her lungs---flooding his head with memories. "Who is this? If you're another one of those scammers, you can go fuck yourself, because I'm not going to---"

"Hey, Allie," Lee says, words soft, barely a whisper. "It's Lee."

A pause. For a moment, Lee's terrified she's forgotten who he is. Then, "Lee?" A bark of laughter. Her chuckle is similar, a loud wheeze of air that seems to rattle her bones, but so different at the same time. She sounds different, too. Older. Mature. Grown-up. But then again, Lee supposes they've all grown up, one way or the other. "Damn. Haven't heard from you in years. How are you?"

"Because I haven't called in years." He conveniently ignores her question, replacing the answer with a pause. "Hey, Allie, uh..."

"Uh oh. I should have known this wasn't just a friendly call to check up on how I'm doing. What do you need? Does your big cousin need to bail you out of jail or something? Heaven knows I've got the cash for it. Though you must be pretty desperate if you're calling me."

"Allie, I can't chat now, there's a guy waiting---"

"Ooh, a boyfriend? It's about damn time---"

"Allie."

"Sorry, sorry. Damn, you've really changed. You used to be a lot more fun."

Lee's breath hitches. "Ah---I'm still fun, I promise." Just not right now. "Sorry. We can talk more another time. I swear I'll call. Just---bear with me, okay? It's important."

"Figures I'd get special treatment, huh? Bet you're more fun with the boyfriend." Another raspy, wheezing chuckle. "What's up? Why'd you decide to randomly call your big cousin out of the blue, and what's so bad that you need help all the way from Spain?"

"Have you talked to my mom lately?"

A gasp echoes over the line. The sound of a pen hitting wood---a table, probably---rings in Lee's ears. "Aunty Cheryl?" Panic suddenly floods Allie's voice, wiping away all her earlier good cheer, and something icy twists a knife between Lee's ribs. "You mean...Oh God. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. They haven't...told you yet?"

Jagged glass digs into Lee's stomach, puncturing invisible holes in his skin, and he's freezing, so cold it hurts. A bullet lodges itself in the back of his mind, nagging at him, picking away at his sanity with fragments of shrapnel and soot. "Told me what?" His voice comes out sharp, high, shriller than he'd prefer it to be.

"Fuck," Allie bursts frantically, breath coming out in sharp pants. "They didn't tell me. Oh, fuck, they didn't fucking tell you. Lee, I'm so sorry. We didn't---didn't mean---"

"Didn't mean what?" Lee shouts, the phone booth rattling with his frustration. Goosebumps prickle his skin, penetrating the surface and killing every cell he has inside, turning his blood to ice in his veins. That niggling little thought in his head grows bigger, louder, angrier. He crashes, falls, breaking his limbs, snapping every bone in his body. The lost boy. The drowning man. "What's going on, Allie? What happened to my mom?"

"Oh God," Allie wails, words punctuated with gasps for oxygen. "Oh God. Lee, I'm so---so so so so sorry---"

"Allie! What's happening?" It's so cold, so, so cold, panic filling his lungs instead of air, and Lee can't hear, can't see, can't fucking breathe---

"I'm so fucking sorry, Lee. Oh, fuck, I'm so sorry. Aunty Cheryl---she's gone, Lee. She died last year."

fun fact! chapter 15, 16, 17, AND 18 were all supposed to be just one chapter! but Lee + my writing style held me in a mental chokehold and told me to make them longer. so here we are with 4 chapters instead of just 1!

oh yeah also Lee's mom is dead 🥰 cause we've finally reached the point in the book where i can start killing off characters! make sure to turn in your votes on who i should kill next, because i love brutally murdering my characters ☺

i'm really sorry if this book's quality is like going downhill! it's just a temporary dip until after my exams, when i'll be able to polish my chapters better! (hopefully) so i'm really sorry >_< i'm doing my best! (but unfortunately my best isn't enough T_T)

take a shot every time Allie calls out to God, i mean you won't be drunk but you'll def be tipsy, this girl went through the 5 stages of panic in like 1 second lmao

also my crush has a pretty fat ass apparently---i didn't notice that before yalls cause this guy is s k i n n y but he's def got some dump in the truck if ykwim WAIT IS THIS HARRASSMENT??? if i talk about my crush's ass as an Ass Man is it harrassment---

anygays so like i'm tryna study for my Physics exam today and this dude be walking back and forth and i so happen to glance at him walking and suddenly i'm like. hol up. this mf PACKING IN THE BACK and then i can't focus on my Physics for the rest of the twenty minutes because this MF keeps WALKING and i am going through the 5 stages of gay panic because i CANNOT stop staring at his arse AND I'M TRYNA STOP MYSELF BECAUSE THIS IS HARRASSMENT BUT WTF WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE BEFORE

he also tried to help me with my books when i dropped them so uh that was nice of him (tried being the key word lmao, he was too far away to reach)

so apparently i have a thing for skinny guys with big asses...it's weird but the exact same thing happened like a few years back (ogs will remember) when my classmate (who's a skinny guy) bent down and like. holy frick. i was never even remotely attracted to him before that moment but omg that ASS. so like smth like that has never happened again until today and i was like. frick. so i may have a thing for this.

(it's a problem, pls send help yalls like i am GENUINELY trying to stop but 😭😭😭 pls i am dying in gay i need SEVERE help)

anygays as always, lmk what you thought of this chapter! (and pls point out any mistakes you see HAHA i swear i edited like 3 times ok) i love to hear your feedback and thoughts, even though i can't reply to it atm because of my exams 😔

hope everyone is safe and healthy, and ily guys ❤

xoxo, Alex