[this is the caalllmmm before the storm bye. thank you to my friend for writing a brief draft for Harry's p.o.v! you;re a star ily x12. "haha"]

I found myself back in Canada, in the middle of a crowded frat house. My old friends gathered around me, drinks in each of our hands as we laughed and talked together. Smoke surrounded the room, slowly leaking out the opened windows into the dark night. It had to be at least two in the morning by now, and I had to admit, after three hours of drinking, I was almost forgetting how to walk.

I wasn’t complaining about my physical state. I was having far too much fun to be worried about that,or to even allow it to enter my mind for long.

“Who wants to sesh?” My old friend John shouted.

“Sesh!” The group shouted back, clapping and laughing together.

Our circle of friends took to the stairs, following John up to a random room. I wasn’t sure about getting into doing drugs with them again; I had been there many times before in high school. I felt out of place, thinking about some escape tactics as I followed the group of people I once knew up the stairs.

“You’re doing it too, right Amy?” My friend Kate asked.

I looked around, spotting john on the bed, setting everything up. “I don’t know if I-,”

“Come on, Amelia.” She pressed. “Just like old times!”

“Old times.” I laughed, remembering what we did together.

My mind jotted down every reason why I shouldn’t give in to this, listing each and every point. But the greater list of reasons why I should do this, ruled it out almost immediately. I thought about how it made me feel, how it made me calm. I thought that this one act would combine with all the alcohol in my body, and put me at ease.

This would lift the sorrow off my shoulders.

And so, without a second thought, I agreed.

*

Somehow, my blurred thoughts managed to call Alyssa to pick me up. She was mad from what I remember, but I really needed to leave. I didn’t know how many drugs I had taken, how much I had drank, who I was with, or what I did- all I knew was that if I didn’t get out of here soon, things wouldn’t end well for me. I stumbled out of the house alone, holding my dress down as I went to sit on the curb to wait for Alyssa.

I could honestly say I felt better mentally than I did before. My mind was almost numb from thoughts, and my body was the same. I enjoyed this, I needed this. I told myself that every time I wanted to not give in, every time I thought of leaving earlier.

I needed to feel good, even if I wouldn’t feel so good in the next twelve hours. I was an adult, and as an adult, I was obligated to make my own decisions. So I had to be right, I wasn’t the least bit wrong for wanting to feel good for a little while.

Bright lights, and slow break screeches filled my senses moments later. Alyssa got out of the car, and walked over to me.

“Oh, Amelia.” She sighed, taking my hand in hers and helping me up.

I walked slowly to the passenger door, being sure not to stumble and fall, waiting for her to open it for me. Things seemed to be moving slowly as I watched her reach to the door, pulling it open beside us and helping me in. I attempted to do up my belt, but when failure came, Alyssa was there to assist me.

She slammed the door and ran to the driver’s side, getting in quickly before driving off.

“So,” She started. “Tell me what you did, did you have fun?”

I nodded slowly, “Yes.”

Alyssa laughed, pushing my loose hair out of my face. “Tell me what you did.”

“I did alcohol, and some mysterious stuff.” I slurred.

“You smell like weed.”

I wiped my face before opening my eyes, “I did some of that.”

“I’m not too sure Harold will be too pleased to know about this.” She said, carefully turning the corner onto my mother’s street.

“Who said he has to know?” I questioned. “I’m on tour; I can do what I want.”

She laughed, “Tour life, huh?”

I reached my arm out to her shoulder, “Look at me, look at my eyes.”

She turned her face to look at me as she stopped at a stop sign.

“Aren’t my eyes fucking beautiful?”

She laughed loudly as she drove down the road, trying her hardest to concentrate. She had assured me that they were beautiful, and that I should shut up when we got to my mother’s house.

“Okay, wait here I’ll open your door.”

I think I fell asleep while I waited for her to go around the car and open my door. The next thing I knew I was inside my mother’s house and on my bed, surrounded by my mother and Alyssa. My mother sat with her hand on my lap, tucking the sheets in around my cold body.

“Hey mom!” I greeted.

She smiled, “Hi baby, are you okay?”

I nodded my head, shutting my eyes again. I heard them shuffle around before some weight was put on my bedside. My drunken thoughts were no different from my sober ones, sad and confused. My sudden hurt came onto me like it had many times before, and my need for Harry ached in my heart.

“Mom?” I whispered, feeling around for her hand. “I’m sad.”

“Shh, sweetheart.” She held my hand. “I know you are, it’s all okay.”

My mind blanked from what I was about to say, forgetting about my thoughts for a split second as I became aware of my physical state.

“I’m going to be sick.” I mumbled, not wanting to throw up on my duvet.

I slid myself off the bed, and did the best I could as I walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I emptied my sadness into the toilet, allowing it to be flushed down with my dignity. The last thing on my mind was Harry.

HARRY’S P.O.V

Five days after leaving Amy, I felt completely deprived of her. I often wondered about what she was doing, how she was doing, who she was with- and I hoped she did the same with me. Upon leaving her, I had been kept very busy with tour plans. We were set to kick off tour in three days, and that only meant I would be that much further from Amy.

My world seemed to revolve around this girl.

It was always a battle not being in constant contact with her after so long. Parts of me knew I had to let go, leave her to herself for a little while. The other more prominent parts of me knew I couldn’t mentally or physically be away from her. Thoughts of her always came crawling back; chewing through the thick skin I had formed but failed to fully keep.

I really needed her.

It now being half past eight in the morning, I was well aware that it would be very early in Canada. I would at least call Amy and leave her a voice mail, seeing as I haven’t talked to her in nearly two straight days.

I pulled my phone off the bedside table, now lying on Amy’s side of the bed while she was absent. I couldn’t help but crave something as minor as her scent. Her strawberry shampoo lingered through my senses as I flopped back down onto her pillow, swiping my phone open and going straight to my contacts.

Her contact was at the top of the list, making it easier for me to call and hear her voice. Without a moment to spare my phone was on my ear, the ring tone buzzing through.

I wasn’t surprised as it continued to ring, but I was surprised to hear that she had actually answered.

“Hello?” Her voice was raspy on the other line.

“Hello, love.” I greeted. “Are you alright?”

She cleared her throat, “I’m alright, yeah.” She mumbled.

“Why are you up so early?”

She laughed lightly, “I was at a paartyyy.”

I groaned as I took the phone away from my mouth, being sure she couldn’t hear what I had just done. “Are you drunk?”

She giggled, “I think I might be kind of drunk.”

“Kind of drunk,” I repeated her, “Did you enjoy yourself?”

I felt almost uneasy talking to her while she was this drunk; I had never witnessed it in person. Amy was never one to drink.

“Yea-ah.” She confirmed.

I face palmed, “How much did you drink?”

“I don’t know, like a lot, I just threw up all my organs.” She yawned. “The floor is cold; I don’t know where my sock went, it’s gone.” She whined as she searched for her missing sock.

I sighed, “Listen, baby, you need to get into bed.” I pressed. “Change your clothes and get to bed, you need to sleep it off.” I attempted to persuade her.

She listened to me, placing her phone down as I heard her walk away to get dressed. No longer than two minutes later I heard Alyssa walk in, laughing moments after.

“Are you stupid?” She laughed. I had never heard her laugh so hard. “Oh my God.”

Amy groaned at Alyssa’s reaction, cursing at her before walking back to the phone and talking to me again. I heard Alyssa help her into bed, saying she would spend the night with Amy instead of returning to her parent’s home. I was thankful for that.

“Harry?” Amy mumbled into the phone. “I miss you a lot, I’m so sad.” She almost cried.

I hushed her, “It’s okay, my love. I miss you too, but you need to sleep.”

“I need to throw up, fuck.” She slurred.

The phone shifted as I heard it hit the covers, accompanied by Alyssa’s sigh.

“Harry, I’m going to go help her and I don’t think you want to hear her throw up for twenty minutes.” She informed me.

“Is she throwing up, again?” Amy’s mom asked.

Amy’s mom was there, and that made me mad. She allowed her daughter to get so extremely drunk that she could barely communicate properly. I listened further as she comforted Amy, telling her that it was okay and that she would be better by morning. If I was there, I would probably be scolding her for such actions. This worried me, that’s the only reason why I was so mad about it.

“Alyssa?”

She coughed, “Yeah?”

“I’ll let you go help her; I’ll talk to you soon.”

And with that, we exchanged good byes before hanging up.

I threw the blankets off my body, walking over to gaze out the window, looking out into the darkness of the winter morning. My lip had been bitten by my teeth as I nervously thought of what Amy is doing to herself.

I have kept it together for a while, I’ve dealt with everything by bottling my emotions up to stay strong for Amy at times she most needed a shoulder to cry, but, I can’t control how I feel about her decision to get so drunk. I look away from the window, now looking down at my phone with bitter disappointment. I slide my finger across the screen, deciding not to lose my temper, but, to instead talk to someone who’s capable of being more rational than Amy right now.

Her mother.

I dial her number, pressing the phone to my ear, anxiously waiting for her to pick to.

“Hello?” Her sweet and soft motherly voice answers the phone.

“It’s Harry.” 

“I know, I have caller ID.” She chuckles, the sound of shuffling echoing through the phone.

“Look, is Amy alright?” 

“She is.” Her mum coolly replies, making me suddenly feel something within me that snaps.

“What the happened? Where did she go?” I let out.

“Harry.” She pauses with a sigh, “She just went out, had a little fun with a friend, that’s all.” She tries to calm my hectic voice.

“That’s all? You’re saying it as if this is normal.” 

“It is fine Harry. She let her hair down and had some fun; she’s allowed to have fun.” 

I try to explain to her that it is okay for her to be free, to have fun and be happy. But I try and narrow down on how her becoming this bad isn’t good, all while trying not to yell.

“Calm down, okay?” Her mum soothingly instructs, “She’s alright, Harry she’s mourning. This is how she’s dealing with things, she lost-” 

“I’m quite aware of what she lost.” I mutter, feeling my stomach drop at the reminder of that was taken away from us.

“Then just let me handle this.” 

“I am mourning too, but I’m not getting drunk, and doing irrational things.” I lower my voice, my heart strings tugging, and the thought of the baby pulling me down.

“Everyone’s different, she’s fine, okay?”

“Are you okay with this?” I gasp, a little annoyed by how calm she is. It’s her daughter that’s currently drunk, and she seems perfectly fine with it all.

I hear Alyssa in the background, “You’re so stupid, why did you do this to yourself?” Alyssa exclaims seeming just as pissed as I am right now about the situation.

I sighed, “I know you’re her mother, and you’re going to stand by her, but please, this can’t be acceptable.”

“She’s twenty-one years old, Harry, she isn’t ten. You need to just calm down and let me deal with things. You keep yourself together, and let me be a mother.” 

“But-” 

“Harry, I know how to handle my own daughter.” She assures me, keeping her tone low and calm.

I tell her about how Amy being in this state worries me as I pace around the room, mustering up the right words to say, that don’t include cussing and overdoing it.

“She’s grieving, just let her grieve.” Her mum explains and I huff. “It’s hard for you to understand-” 

“No, it isn’t. I understand she’s grieving, so am I. I lost a child too; it hurt me as well. Maybe not physically but emotionally it did.” I snap, and her mum sighs, before I hear her soothing Amy,

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Her mum soothes, I assume probably rubbing Amy’s back as she endures the effects of alcohol.  “Listen Harry, I’m going to let you go. I have things under control but you can’t snap at her like this, at least not when she’s in this condition.”

“I understand.” I say as I stop pacing; now running my hand through my hair. “Just- could you just tell her I love her?”

“I will, Harry.” She says. “I promise.”

I thank her, hanging up the phone before throwing it onto the bed. I wasn’t sure if I was mad, but I knew that I was concerned beyond belief. If this was Amy’s way of dealing with her pain, this had to stop faster than it started. And I knew that I had to help her, even if I was thousands of miles away from her.

I thought about the beautiful, broken girl who was so far from me- so far away yet so close I could almost feel her here with me.