[hello hi this is an update to cover all your needs. It's short and very dramatic? oops early spoiler. thank you for the reads, thats super cool. i love you all. i'm not sure when i will be updating, i'm planning on fixing previous chapters, so i might just get that done first and stuff. (you dont care) BUT YA ENJOY THIS UPDATE VOTING IS COOL AND NICE, YOU CAN DO THAT IF YOU WANT. bye i love you.]

I didn’t throw up, and that in itself was a minor achievement. My hand shook at my lips, refusing to leave its place in the fear that I would throw up all on the bed. Even though I was sitting so close to Harry, he didn’t once turn to look at me. His eyes, however, remained glued to the video on his phone. The video I didn’t want to see, but couldn’t look away from.

It was a video of me.

The proof of it happening was right on the screen, but the memory of this happening was completely gone. Whilst in Canada, upon my saddest and lowest point, I had taken the drugs that were offered to me, and whoever was with me believed it would be perfect publicity for me and videotaped it. The video was now online, and it was just a matter of minutes before it blew up, and soon every website would have it.

All of this happening scared me. Just the thought of what people would think, what Harry would think, sent me on edge. The video lasted for a couple of minutes, and throughout the whole time I could see Harry’s chest rising and falling faster.

From the hit of the bong, to the hallucinations and uncontrollable laughter, it was all there. All of it was in low quality, music blasting behind my intoxicated laughter. I was so embarrassed by myself, and the feeling only grew as I stared at the video longer. The faces in the video, other than mine, were blurred out. I couldn’t believe that the girl in the video was actually me. It sickened me to think that my sadness had gotten so bad that I turned to partying and experimenting just for some minor relief.

I was feeling a every sickened emotion at this point- but the emotion I searched for during my hopeless act was far from present.

The video ended but Harry didn’t move; He still looked down at the phone. I watched as the screen timed out, fading my photo out to a black screen.

“Amelia,” He said, still not moving. “What the fuck was that?”

Sick was now rising, and I was at a loss for words. My mind rushed for an answer, but I knew that nothing I said could patch up what he had just uncovered.

“Amelia.” His voice rose.

“Harry, please.” I whimpered.

I was scared. I began to panic when I saw just how mad Harry was getting, and I grew mad myself. My breaths were shaky, my hands were the same. My hand still pressed my trembling lips together; tears grew in my eyes as I held my breath.

Harry finally tore his eyes off the screen, and now I was his main focus. His eyes were raw; all emotion was drained from his loving eyes. A hard green replaced the soft green I grew to know. My anxiety only grew when Harry scanned me up and down, his lips pressed into a thin lnke. The air in the hotel room was thick, and I felt threatened by his hard glare.

“What were you thinking?” Harry’s voice lowered, but wasn’t any softer than his shout.

I shook my head as I looked down at the sheet between us. My tears ran down my face, some making their way down to the white duvet. I was so ashamed and scared, I was so scared.

“Harry, listen to me, please.”

“I’m listening.”

I still refused to look at him as I tried to arrange my thoughts logically; the tear drops on the duvet became my focal point.

“I was really sad, and I just needed an escape. I-,” I was sharply cut off.

“Did you realize that this escape could cost you your career?”

I looked up at him again, but when my mouth opened to explain myself further, he seemed to have more to throw at me.

“That is disgusting.” He shook his head at me. “When were you going to fucking tell me?”

“I wasn’t going to tell you.”

Harry inhaled quickly, clenching his jaw as he looked at me. I watched as he cracked his knuckles, bringing both hands up to his head after his phone was thrown to the ground. His face was already red from the sun burn, but I was positive if it wasn’t there because of the sun, it would have made an appearance anyway.

“How could you, Amy?” He said, tightening his jaw again after speaking. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you stupid?”

My stomach clenched as he spat his words at me, they were hard and heartless. I felt vulnerable and attacked under his judging gaze.

“No, Harry. I don’t think you understand-,”

“If I don’t fucking understand, why don’t you explain it to me?” Harry stood up and began pacing.

I scoffed, “Maybe if you let me finish my sentences, then I could explain everything.”

Harry turned around, now looking at me in a way I had never experienced. “Go on.”

“I needed physical and emotional relief.” My voice was low, slightly raspy from the emotions choking my breaths. “I didn’t know what else to do; I didn’t have anyone to lean on. I just- I needed something to make me forget for a little while.”

He shook his head, not taking in what I had just explained. His boots hit against the floor as he walked to the window, looking out it briefly before he quickly turned around. His hand hit against the decorations on the coffee table, sending them down to the wooden floor. I flinched as they crashed, bringing some form of noise into the room. As the room silenced again, the glass was still scattered on the floor, and Harry was still looking at me. I felt his eyes burning through my skull as I looked down at my legs, rubbing my trembling hands over the goose bumped top.

“And what about me? Why didn’t you call me when you were feeling this way?” His voice shook my ear drums, making them hurt for a split second.

“Time zones.” I answered.

He exhaled loudly, “You know, Amy, I don’t know what to do. It seems like you don’t tell me anything and I’m fucking done with it, you know that?”

I stood up, now feeling as though he was taking advantage of my vulnerability. I walked to him, shaking my head as a slight smirk came over my lips.

“You’re so inconsiderate.” I laughed lightly. “I endured more physical and emotional pain than you ever did during all that time.”

Harry’s face went blank as I spoke to him so sourly. I knew I was making him mad, but he needed to understand what the circumstances were during the time, and it seemed like he didn’t want to listen to me.

“Amy, don’t-,”

“And if you’re so done with it, why don’t you get it sorted out?” I cocked my head to the side as I looked at him. His eyes were just as hard as before, but his breathing had slowed significantly.

“Tell me something,” Harry started. “Do you remember any of that?”

I shook my head, “I do not.”

With my three words Harry turned around, running his hand over this hair as he pulled at the long locks. He paced back and forth, clearly very heated over what he had just seen. I was mad at him, I was mad at myself, I was mad at whoever exposed me in such a way. I was mad.

“I can’t.” Harry said. “I can’t.” He repeated.

I stood with my arms crossed, not making a single move as he continued to pace in front of me. I was afraid of what he would say next, but I refused to make it obvious. I needed to stand strong in front of him, even if it meant crying my eyes out after leaving his sight.

It was often that Harry’s enraged decisions were bad ones, and the feeling in my stomach had told me that this would be one of those times. I didn’t listen to my senses; I hoped Harry wouldn’t do something horrible.

“Harry.” I spoke, trying to get him out of his thoughts.

“Shut up.” Harry raised his hand up to silence me. “I can’t look at you, I can’t talk to you. I don’t even know if I want to be with you right now.”

I lowered my head as I looked down at my feet. It was hard to believe that we had just shared an amazing day together, and now, at the very end, it all came crashing down. Shattered on the floor along with the vases Harry was bound to pay for in the coming days. I broke my promise to myself by beginning to cry, silently and slowly, but still crying. I wiped my cheeks before turning around and looking up to get a breath through my tight throat.

“Just go.” Harry’s voice was low and demanding.

I turned back to look at him, but he had his back turned.

“Harry.” I whimpered again.

He didn’t flinch when my broken voice entered the room. My lip trembled as I reluctantly turned to my bag, opening it before I went around collecting all my things. I cried as I did this, the top of Harry’s sweater was covered in small speck of my tears. My things were forcefully thrown into my bag in piles, but I did anything to fulfill Harry’s wishes. If he wanted me to go, I would go.

I ripped Harry’s sweater off my body, throwing it to the ground as I retrieved one of my shirts. I dug through my bag, getting all of Harry’s clothes out and throwing them on the floor.

My heart was beating so fast my hands could barely stop shaking. My breath was shaky as my nose ran from all the tears I was releasing. I was so upset, and I, again, blamed it all on myself. If I hadn’t done what I had in Canada, Harry and I would still be cuddling on the couch, reliving our day in the sun as we smiled at each other with hopeful eyes.

Instead, eye contact was not exchanged, and the room felt colder and darker than it had before.

Upon closing my bag, out of pure spite, my engagement ring was pulled off my finger. It felt bare and unfamiliar without the heavy rock on the top, but I’d rather feel bare than carry a piece of Harry on my finger. I placed it down on the dresser, followed by the infinity ring he had given me. My fingers were bare now, and my entirety felt empty.

“Why did you take those off?”

Harry must have been watching me. He may have had his gaze on me, but I refused to look back at him. I picked up my bag, walking over to the door and slipping on my shoes.

“Because you’re ‘fucking done with it’, and so am I.”