"Hey, check this out!" Amethyst yells as she flips forward to wheel herself forward into the advancing lines of tiny Ruby soldiers, their teeth gritted for impact and their fists clenched and swords drawn to prepare for their revenge.

            "Amethyst! No!" Pearl wails, her eyes wide and saucer-like while her spearless hand covers her mouth in horror. The shimmering egg on her forehead remains motionless, the Mega Stone on Steven's wrist still lightless and silent. No majestic bird Pokemon will be summoned today. The spinning purple whorl hurtles forward toward the line of glistening, glinting red blades. It's too late: she's unstoppable.

            "Am-e-thyst!!!" The word scarcely leaves Steven's mouth before she impacts with the front line of swords, bowling them aside only briefly before the second row makes contact. She poofs instantly. "Amethyst!"

            Her name is drawn out in slow motion as a mass influx of eaten food and useless shit flows like a fetid fountain of fury from the spot that she disappeared. The Rubies fly backward, forward, upward, sideways, and down into the ground from the extraordinary force, mass, and acceleration of the shit that had been concealed in Amethyst's bottomless pit of a stomach. The army scatters – those who hadn't been poofed on impact fled in every direction, to escape both the sickening sea and its dolorous odors.

            Dozens of bags of soggy Doritos, bottles of prescription pain killers, the Chipotle burritos from this morning, two bicycles, a garden hose, a microwave, all of the hotels from a game of Monopoly, a Spanish textbook, a bottle of weed killer, seven pounds of expired and spoiled roast beef, an industrial-sized jar of mayonnaise, ten thousand staples, a dilapidated recliner, a ten-gallon aquarium with fish skeletons and a Spongebob castle, a pair of sparkly feather handcuffs, a motorized golf cart, a Cookie Cat alarm clock, a melted pool of what everyone hopes is chocolate and maple syrup, three of Vidalia's more explicit porn-tings, a He-Man action figure with a rainbow sticker on its cheeks, a tiny dog crate, three-hundred pounds of hollow chicken and beef bones, a life-sized Queen Elsa doll with sixteen tiny unclothed Annas glued together to form a terrifying crown, a snow cone machine, a blood pressure cuff, a pink squishy flashlight-thing, a freight box of indigestible Twinkies, and a somewhat larger Dorito with an umbrella sticking out of the top of it all exploded out of her digestive tract when she poofed herself.

            Garnet adjusts her visor and merely sighs, slowly walking forward to retrieve Amethyst's disembodied gem and to bubble the fainted Rubies for EXP.

            "She really needs to get her kinks under control."