[ no update for several days — seeing Sabrina Carpenter in Nashville tomorrow and have to travel for it and then will be exhausted. my friends suck at driving so I'm stuck as the driver and crying over it

and I was too lazy to proofread this ]

✵︎

CAN WINONA STAY WITH YOU?

[ season 1 — episodes 9, 10 ]

IT had been a horrible, no good, very bad week for Bambi Crowder. Those were the only words she could think of except for maybe fucking disastrous when her father was released from prison three and a half months early.

Bo was released early on account of Sheriff Mosley being his arresting officer, meaning his retrial was thrown out since he was so close to getting out anyway. He, along with several other criminals from Harlan were let out onto the streets before their time was done.

Bambi didn't go anywhere. She went from her house to the school and back again every day, opting to pay one of her neighbor's young boys to get her groceries and bring them to her when needed. Johnny had called her a few times to check in on her since she hadn't been by the bar, but knowing he was under Bo's thumb, she didn't want to be around in case her father made an appearance.

In a way, Bambi felt like a ghost, like her father was ruining her life. But she just couldn't see him — she hated how easily it was for him to use fear to control her. But she was better than that. She was better than Boyd and Bowman and Johnny.

So, there Bambi was on her Wednesday night, grading at home instead of Johnny's with a pizza in the oven and an episode of Cheers on the boxy television set she had because she couldn't quite afford one of those fancy flatscreens yet. And the very last thing she expected was for a knock on her door to sound.

Bambi swallowed thickly, fearing the worst — she never got visitors, so clearly, it must have been her father. It must've been.

So, she steeled herself and straightened her University of Kentucky sweatshirt before going to answer the door, as mean a look as she could muster on her face.

Only for it to fall in confusion when she saw Raylan — a bruised and beaten and hatless Raylan — with a beautiful blonde woman around his age just half a step behind him.

"Raylan?" Bambi questioned, a frown on her face. "Jesus, what happened to you?"

"It - it don't matter," he said quickly while looking over his shoulder. "I had to get Winona out of Lexington. Somewhere safe. And frankly, you're where my mind went."

Bambi's blue eyes slid to the woman, who smiled timidly at her. Then she looked at the gun in Winona's hand. "Winona, your ex-wife?"

"Yes," Raylan sighed. "And Bambi, I will give you an explanation so thorough that you will be throwing graded paper at my head, begging me to shut up by the time this is all over. But for now, can Winona stay with you?"

"Of course," Bambi said, not even thinking it over. She'd do just about anything for Raylan given all the good he'd done for her and Ava.

"Great," Raylan sighed. "You got a gun in the house?"

"Do I look like I keep a gun in the house?" she asked a bit sarcastically.

He looked at her, completely befuddled. "You're a goddamn Crowder, Bambi."

"She's a Crowder?" Winona asked, her eyes wide. "Like Ava and Bowman Crowder?"

"Just get inside, both of you. I gotta find Gary," Raylan muttered. "Winona, Bambi's gone protect you. And Bambi, Winona's gone protect you."

"From who?" Bambi asked, crossing her arms. Only to get a pointed and impatient look from Raylan. "Right. Exhausting explanation to come." Then she looked at the blonde, smiling at her. "Come on in, Winona."

"Thank you," Raylan told her as Winona entered the house. Then he looked at his ex-wife. "I will bring Gary back to you. Just stay put."

Winona just nodded, and both women watched as Raylan jogged back to his car and pulled out of the driveway, speeding down the road. Bambi then shut the door tightly and locked it behind her. Finally, she turned a bit awkwardly to Winona, who was studying her in her plain, pink, plaid pajamas with one of the pink Care Bears on the chest pocket — Winona didn't recognize Love-A-Lot Bear.

"Um, I have a pizza in the oven if you like pepperoni," Bambi ended up offering.

After a moment, Winona, who was emotionally exhausted and realizing for the first time that she hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning, nodded. "That sounds delicious."

✵︎

Five minutes later, Bambi was back on her couch, her children's school work forgotten for the time being. Winona was seated in the rocking chair, a can of soda next to her on the end table.

"So," Winona said, eying the incredibly young girl. "Raylan called you Bambi?"

"Oh! I didn't even introduce myself!" she sighed before smiling. "I'm Bambi Crowder. I think you're met my sister-in-law. Ava Crowder?"

"Briefly," she said with a nod. "And you know Raylan how?"

"Oh, we've just run into each other a bit. Hung out a few times — got held up by criminals once," she said, giggling a bit. "I'd call us friends, but well, with Raylan, I don't know. I could just be an acquaintance on his part."

"I'd say he must think you're at least a friend or he wouldn't have brought me here," she said softly. "But Raylan don't have many friends, so you must be a good one."

"Well, I'd like to think, but that ain't hard to be given my family's reputation," she said, not doubting for a moment that Winona didn't know who the rest of her family was aside from Ava. "You know, um, you ain't gotta tell me, but you mind me askin' what's going on?"

Winona hesitated a bit before looking at the innocent school teacher in pink pajamas who didn't even have the smarts to keep a gun in the house — she was harmless.

"My... dumb husband has gotten involved with some loan sharks," she said, summarizing it into something so simple. "Or something like that. Real dangerous guys. They've been making threats to us."

"They gonna break his legs like in the movies?" Bambi asked curiously.

"Think they're thinking a little more along the murder lines than leg breaking from the way Raylan makes it sound," she said, shaking her head.

"And Raylan's..." Bambi gestured to her face. "They did that to him?"

Winona actually snorted at that. "No, the dumbass got in a bar fight."

Bambi winced. "Did he at least win?"

"At his age? Hell no," she laughed again. "Left him lickin' his wounds in the parking lot. Though I think them stealing his hat hurt more than all the punches."

"Well, I'll be sure to pick at him for losing," Bambi said with a smile. "He's always so cocky. Needs to be knocked down a few pegs."

"I like how you think," she said before sipping her soda. "The man sure knows how to enjoy a vacation."

"God, he should be in Tahiti or something with Ava," she said, shaking her head. Then her eyes went wide, not realizing if Winona knew about him and Ava. "Sorry."

"It's... okay," Winona said gently. "I sort of figured as much." Then she laughed a little nervously. "I bet you think I'm just the devil, since he's dating your sister-in-law and all."

"Not the devil," she said, laughing at her dramatics. "Besides, Ava and Raylan... that ain't gone last."

"Why do you say?" she asked curiously.

Bambi just shrugged and picked a pepperoni off her plate. "I don't know. Between the history between them and this whole Boyd trial and Raylan's shooting case. It ain't a good idea — Raylan told me that himself before they started fooling around. He's gone remember that it's not a good idea eventually. Especially if it screws with his job."

"Sounds like you're smarter than the both of them," she said with a little smirk. Then she glanced at the coffee table. "But I'd expect no less from a teacher."

Bambi smiled and nodded. "I'd hope I have some common sense," she said. "Raylan's missing out in that department, but don't tell him I said that. He's under the impression that I'm a sweetheart."

"Oh, I think you are," she said kindly. "You're lettin' a stranger stay in your home just because a friend asked it of you. A stranger with dangerous people after her. You are a sweetheart, Bambi."

"Well, knowing Raylan, you won't be trapped here long," she said. "But assuming you're gonna be sleeping here, hate to say I don't have a guest room. But I've got spare sheets and pillows for the couch. I don't really have guests much."

"Then I'll try to be a perfect one. You know, except for the whole brining a gun into your home," Winona said with a chuckle. "And I can't believe you live in Harlan without one—"

A knock at the door interrupted Winona, and Bambi frowned, wondering if Raylan came back. But he would've called Winona, surely — tonight made him realize he didn't even have Bambi's number.

"Just a second," Bambi told her, getting up.

"No, it might be the man after Gary," Winona said, standing up and grabbing the gun. "I'll go with you."

"You stay out of sight," Bambi instructed, narrowing her eyes. "Give me the gun."

"Do you even know how to shoot a gun?" she asked her, raising an eyebrow.

Then another knock sounded.

"Best shot in the county," she assured her quickly. "Could give Raylan a run for his money if I wanted, I bet. Come on. I gotta keep you safe."

Winona huffed and handed the gun over to Bambi, who looked ridiculous holding it in her cute pajamas, putting the weapon in her waistband. Then Bambi went to answer the door, only to freeze.

It wasn't the man after Gary. No, it was her father.

And because of the little window in her door, she couldn't turn around and pretend she wasn't there, knowing he could see her just as well.

"It's fine," Bambi said to Winona who was eagerly waiting around the corner. "It's my father. I'll send him away."

Winona, nosey as ever, hung around the corner, listening intently as Bambi opened up the door.

Bambi looked up at her father timidly, doing her best to appear unbothered — she failed.

"What are you doin' here, Daddy?" she asked.

Bo Crowder scoffed playfully and put his hand to his chest. "Break your old man's heart, why don't you? I can't wanna see my baby girl? It's been five years."

"Yeah, and whose fault is that? Don't say Sheriff Mosley," she said, huffing.

"Can I at least come in?" he asked her.

"No, I've got company," she said, not offering up who was over. "So, please, make it quick. What do you want?"

No stared at her for a moment before sighing. "I want us to be a family again, Bambette. One boy is dead and the other is in prison. You're all I've got. All I need."

"Funny," she muttered. "I wasn't all you needed five years ago. No, you needed your little business. Well, must feel so horrible to have that kicked out from under your feet. You can fuck off, Daddy."

"Just give me a chance, Bambi," he tried again. "Let me show you that I deserve to be your father. Things around Harlan — they're gone be changing now that I'm out. You wouldn't want to be cutting me out of your life. Wouldn't want to be cutting certain protections out."

Bambi swallowed thickly, knowing what he was implying. If she really and truly wanted nothing to do with him — if she wanted him to fuck out of her life and die — then he would. And that meant she'd be a deer in open season for anyone that had a vendetta against the Crowders.

The girl talked big about not needing her family when around Boyd, but was she really ready to test that? When they hadn't replaced the Sheriff — and there was no guarantee that they'd be uncorrupted — and Raylan and the other Marshals were all the way in Lexington. When she didn't even have Ava in town any more and at her side.

Bo could see the doubt and fear that flashed across her face, and he grinning twistedly because of it.

"What's say you and I have breakfast tomorrow before you go off to school? At the diner?" Bo offered. "Just a father catching up with his daughter that he's missed so much."

"That... sounds nice," Bambi said, forcing the words out. "Real nice."

"Great. I'll be here at six-thirty," he said with a smile. "I'll let you be getting back to your friend. Goodnight, Bambi."

As soon as Bo turned his back, Bambi slammed the door and took in a shaky breath. Her eyes welled with tears, but before any could fall, she clenched her eyes shut, willing them away. Then, she forced a smile on her face and went back to the living room where Winona was pretending to not have overheard.

"Sorry about that," Bambi told her, sitting back on the couch and grabbing her plate of pizza after handing the gun over. "And hey, not sure how you feel about scary movies, but I was gonna watch Sorority Row before you showed up. You up for it? Might take your mind off this loan shark business."

"Um, sure," Winona said, eying her curiously. "Sounds like a good night."

✵︎

It was six in the goddamn morning, and usually, Bambi might have complained about Raylan coming back for Winona so early. But that meant he wouldn't be here when her father got there, which sated her nerves.

He wasn't alone. There was an unfamiliar man with him, who Winona ran to hug. Clearly, it was Gary, and his face was just as beaten and bloody as Raylan's, but Bambi knew that it wasn't because he was in a bar fight.

"Any issues?" Raylan asked Bambi as the husband and wife reunited. His eyes scanned her form, taking in her pretty sundress and the way her curls hung down her back — she didn't wear her hair completely down much but thought she looked nicer when she did.

"None," Bambi said, leaving out her father's arrival. "She was a perfect houseguest. Did everything go okay with you two?"

"Oh, yeah," he said, nodding his head as he shoved his hands in his pocket. "Just a shoot out right at sunrise in a loan shark's office."

"Oh, wonderful," she said flatly, an amused smirk on her face. Then she eyed Raylan. "Winona told me what happened to your face. You got your ass handed to you."

Raylan groaned in shame as she giggled. "Don't kick a man's ego while it's already bruised."

"I won't," she said, putting her hands up innocently. "Real amusing to think about though. Might call Boyd up in prison just to give him something funny to think about."

"That reminds me," Raylan said, snapping his fingers. "I'm gone need your number. It was mighty rude to show up unannounced last night. But I didn't have a way to warn you."

"I'm sure I could make that sacrifice, Marshal," she told him with a smile. He matched it and handed over his cellphone. "And it wasn't rude. You know me. No friends and no visitors. Winona kept me from dying of boredom."

"Come on now," he scoffed. "We're friends, ain't we? Or are you about to hurt my feelings?"

Bambi beamed, and his chest felt a little off from the sight of it. "Yeah," she said, glad to finally have the confirmation. "Yeah, we are friends, Raylan."

"Good," he nodded as she handed his phone back. He quickly hit dial even though she didn't have her phone on her so that she'd have his number as well. "Don't hesitate to call if you ever need me. Whether it's a dangerous situation or you just finally decide to let me fix that floorboard."

"Well, friends don't shake down other friends for free manual labor."

"Oh, I was gone make you pay me with pie," he said, only partly joking. Then he glanced at Winona and Gary. "I'd better get them back. And I'm sure you got stuff to do before school..."

Raylan trailed off as an old Buick drove up the gravel driveway, and Bambi shut her eyes tightly, knowing who was driving. And rather than just sit in the car and wait for her to come to him, Bo just had to get out of the car and come over, his curious eyes on Raylan, who was very tense all of a sudden.

"Well, well, Raylan Givens twice in one week," Bo said, shaking his head at the man. "Didn't expect you here."

Raylan chuckled humorlessly. "I could say the same about you," he said before looking at Bambi almost accusingly, who stared at her shoes self consciously.

"Well, it is my youngest child's house," he said in an innocent tone. "Bambi, girl, are you ready for breakfast?"

"Yes, Daddy," Bambi mumbled, keeping her eyes off Raylan. "I'll see you around, Raylan. Tell Winona that it was nice meeting her."

Raylan watched, fuming as Bambi moved to her father's side. And when Bo put his hand on her shoulder to guide her to the car, she flinched, which made him see red. But rather than do anything, all he could do was watch as Bo Crowder led Bambi further and further away from him and from the safety he provided.

✵︎

It was one more week before Raylan saw Bambi again and could confirm that her father, in fact, had not killed her and buried her deep in the woods. That was because he sought her out on a Tuesday afternoon at her school, waiting in the parking lot by her green Honda.

"Hey, there," Bambi said, not expecting him to be waiting, leaning casually against the hood of his car with his cowboy hat perched on his head. "And his famed hat has returned."

Raylan grinned, glancing up at the brim of his hat. "Yeah, it found its way back to me."

"What can I do for you, Raylan Givens?" she asked. She moved to set her supplies in her car, but he was quicker, taking her bag from her and doing it for her.

"Well, Bambi Crowder, you know anything about the whereabouts of your brother's little church?"

Bambi held back a groan at the mention of Boyd. As if Bo getting released wasn't bad enough, Boyd was let out. And it was all Raylan and Ava's fault. Given that they were now involved and the DA had proof of it, their testimonies couldn't be used against Boyd for the night of the shooting, meaning he went free.

And now, he was building a goddamn church in the middle of the woods with other supposedly "reformed" convicts and felons and drug-addicts. It was absolute bullshit and nearly as bad as the white supremacist crap he peddled before getting shot.

"Yeah," Bambi sighed, rubbing her forehead tiredly. "Yeah, I know where he is."

✵︎

"So," Raylan began as he and Bambi started walking through the woods. He'd followed her car through Harlan until they reached the edge of the woods, where they had to abandon their cars and brace the cold weather.

Bambi didn't know why Boyd couldn't use something civilized like a heated building.

"So, what?" Bambi asked when Raylan didn't continue.

"How was breakfast with your father?" he asked carefully.

Bambi released a big sigh, her breath clouding around her. "Civilized. Just asked about college and my teaching job. Seems proud of me. Went on about wanting us to be a family like we were."

"And you believe him?" Raylan questioned doubtfully.

"I believe he wants to be a family. Just not the kind I'm interested in," she said, shaking her head. "But he's... dangerous, Raylan. I can't just get away from the most powerful and feared man in town when that man is my daddy."

Raylan narrowed his eyes, tensing up. "Has he threatened you?"

"Not like that or nothin'," she said to keep him calm. "Look, all I know is that he's still gone keep me out of his business. And I'm safe as long as I don't ice him out."

"If you ever do — if you wanna run, I'll help you," he told her softly. "I'll get you to Lexington with me or anywhere else on the map. They're mighty desperate for teachers all over."

But Bambi just shook her head. "I love teaching here, Raylan. And the kids need teachers that care about them. I ain't running just because my daddy's out of a cell."

Rather than argue with her, Raylan just nodded and accepted it. And in the silence as they walked, they could hear Boyd talking — preaching — to his amassed followers.

It wasn't much of a church, Bambi thought. There were a few tents and camping supplies for the ten or eleven men that he'd recruited. Each of them had their full attention on Boyd, who was going on about vegetables.

"The carrot that we offer in this church is a purpose, a reason for being much greater than any of you have ever known," he said before hearing leaves crunch.

Boyd turned and his face lit up when he spotted Raylan and Bambi making their way toward him. "Why, U.S. Deputy Marshal Raylan Givens played a pivotal role in my story. And while we don't have saints in our church, if we did, he would be the first Saint Raylan. For he worked a miracle in my life and was the agent of my salvation."

Bambi grinned as Raylan just raised an eyebrow. "Patron saint of lost causes, I suspect."

"Well, there already is one," Boyd informed him. "That's St. Jude."

"Well, there you go. Another lost cause," Raylan joked, making Bambi giggle.

"Well, I hope there's a story to go with that face," Boyd said, eying the cuts still healing on Raylan's face.

"Nothing dramatic," he lied.

"We weren't too hard to find, were we?" Boyd asked.

"Well, that's what Bambi was for," Raylan said, leaning a little closer to Bambi. "Your directions were about as clear as your intentions."

Boyd glanced at his men first. "Well, Flock, if you will excuse me for a moment. Let's take a walk."

"Flock?" Raylan questioned as the three of them stepped away.

Rather than answer, Boyd just kept talking as always. "Devil told me you went by to see him. Were you able to get him to testify against me? You're trying to make a case."

"Yeah, I am. I talked to Dewey, too," Raylan admitted. "Couldn't get nothing there, either. You know he gets out soon. I get the feeling he's looking forward to joining your... Boy Scout camp."

"It's a church, Raylan," Boyd said flatly.

"The old one was better," Raylan muttered.

"In your dark imaging, Raylan, what is it that you think I'm up to?" he questioned.

Raylan glanced at the men behind them. "Given the talent pool you've got here, you're gonna do what you always done. Steal money and blow shit up."

"We will not be robbing banks," he said, sounding so sure of himself.

"Could you be any more vague?" Bambi asked, letting out an unamused laugh. God, she was terrified of what he had planned.

"All of us here, every single one of us have repaid our debts to society," Boyd insisted.

Raylan looked at him, full of hate. "Not you. Not by a long shot."

"Well, out here, in our church, we can begin to repay our debts to God by righteous living, righteous action."

Raylan rolled his eyes. "Can we go now?"

"You sure you don't want a meal?" Boyd offered. "Our food is simple, but it's good."

"I stopped at a Hardee's on the way," he said sarcastically. "I wouldn't mind addressing the congregation before I went. Would that be all right?"

Bambi eyed Raylan curiously as Boyd stepped up to get everyone's attention. "Excuse me! We have us a guest speaker today. Please, have at it."

Raylan removed his hat like he was about to pray, and Bambi watched as other members of the 'congregation' did so as well.

"Dear Lord, before we eat this meal, we ask forgiveness for our sins, especially Boyd, who blew up a black church with a rocket launcher—"

Bambi's eyes went to the two African American men that were now eying each other, clearly displeased.

"—and afterwards, he shot his associate, Jared Hale, in the back of the head out on Tates Creek bridge. Let the image of Jared's brain matter on that windshield not dampen our appetites—"

And if they weren't deterred by the bombing, then they were by him turning on his cohort.

"But," Raylan went on, "may the knowledge of Boyd's past sins help guide these men. May this food provide them with all the nourishment they need. But if it does not, may they find comfort in knowing that the United States Marshal's Service is offering $50,000 to any individual providing information that'll put Boyd back in prison. Cash or check. We can make it out to them or... to Jesus... Whoever they want. In your name, we pray. Amen."

"Amen," Bambi repeated solemnly, earning a smile from Raylan and an unimpressed look from Boyd.

Raylan pat Boyd on the back before leaving. "Boyd."

"Raylan," Boyd said in parting. "Sweet Sister, I do hate that you did not invite me to the festivities."

Bambi sighed and followed after Raylan. "There were none. There never are, B."

Once they were far enough away, Raylan raised an eyebrow. "Festivities?" he questioned.

"My birthday was a few days ago. But not like I got a ton of people to invite to a party," she said, shrugging. Then she grinned, a skip in her step. "But hey! I'm twenty-one. Of course, twenty-one in a dry county, but that don't stop nobody else."

"Well, I hate I missed your birthday," he said with a frown. "I'd have gotten you something if I'd of known."

"You ain't gotta get me anything," she assured him. "But if you're just dying, you can get me a drink next time we're both at Johnny's."

"Promise," he said with a nod. "We'll celebrate the real way." Raylan then smiled. "Something tells me a girl like you can't hold her whiskey, Bambi Crowder."

Bambi rolled her eyes and shoved him a bit, him swaying as he laughed and walked. "I've been drinking moonshine since I was twelve and out drank frat boys in college, Raylan Givens. I think I'll be okay."

[ -illyrian made me a gif and I'm kicking my feet and giggling over it ]