VIANA

The wail of my third baby echoed around the labor room, it made me chuckle tiredly.

'The last of my triplets' I weakly said in my head.

Sweats have damped my hair, face, neck and even my hospital dress. The iron scent of my blood was surrounding the four walls together with the hospital hygiene. "It's a boy! Congratulations, Miss. You did a very good job." the doctor huffed against her mask and the nurses offered their compliments as I panted.

I could see them beaming, and of course, I appreciated it.

"Thank you... Oh god..." a tear finally slipped from my eyes when I saw my baby being carried away to be cleaned.

My legs trembled from all the strength that I emitted from pushing my children out of my womanhood every other 5 minutes, and that could've killed me to be honest, but I won't give up on them. Not now, not ever. I have already loved them even before they were born.

I closed my eyes to regain myself, breathing heavily as I listened to the clatters around me. "Here they are." a soft voice with a thick Italian accent spoke and I saw a blonde nurse with my angels in their bassinets.

"My loves..." I breathed as my voice broke at the sight of them, healthy and peacefully sleeping and is already cleaned, "Thank you" I smiled at her.

She nodded; I could only see her eyes, but they were smiling. My own eyes travelled down to where my first child is sleeping, the nurse handed me my eldest to me as if she read my mind.

"Hey there, handsome." I whispered lovingly as I held him in my arms. He moved a bit and yawned adorably; I chuckled kissing his nose. I only gave him that warm greeting as the instructions I received from the doctor, I handed him back to the nurse as she laid him on his space and handed me my middle child next.

Finally, the daughter he once dreamed of.

"My princess." I kissed her forehead softly and her whimper surprised me, "Shhh... it's Mommy, baby." she calmed a bit as I rocked her slowly, it made me sigh in relief. The nurse offered a caring look at me as she gave me my youngest after taking my daughter and placing back on her spot, gently.

"They are beautiful, Miss." she said, genuinely complimenting my children. I thanked her and she just softly chuckled.

"Ah... my third one, aren't you feisty?" I breathed a laugh, remembering how he pushed himself out of me. I could feel him kicking my insides, confirming it when the doctor complimented him and joked about how he so eagerly wanted to be out of this world.

I kissed his nose and finally let him sleep again back on their crib.

Sadness suddenly controlled my emotions as I watched them, longing for a support. If he was here, would he be smiling the same way as the first time we kissed? Would he be tearing up in joy? Would he faint like the fathers I've seen on the internet?

Would he love them? Would he even..

I sighed because of the continuous thoughts swirling in my mind and dropped my head on the pillow when I felt myself draining. I can feel everything now, the tiredness and the pain. My vision became blurry, and the people around calls for me, their voice that echoed was the last thing I remembered before losing consciousness.

~

I jerked and breathed heavily, waking up from another nightmare, and as usual, I would feel the familiar discomfort. I'm not even sure if these nightmares are connected to whatever memories I had before.

It's happening a lot lately and sometimes it had me crying so much, I don't even know if it's still a work of my brain. I couldn't see their faces vividly, I couldn't remember anything, but their voices are clear as crystal.

Like a forgotten memory.

I looked beside me and sighed in relief upon knowing that I didn't disturb my children. I gently took Sanvi's hand, unhooking it from my arms as he clung on me like a koala. I just smiled, my worries slightly leaving my senses. I fixed the blankets and tucked them, kissing their foreheads as I successfully stood up, stretching my arms before going to the bathroom, checking the time at the process.

I turned on the faucet and splashed some water on my face then stared at my own reflection on the mirror in front of me. The sadness sparked from my eyes felt real, it felt really... familiar.

'This had been going on... it hurts.' I huffed.

"Mommy?"

I didn't notice someone following me which the sudden tiny voice made me flinch, I held my throbbing chest and looked down at the opened door where I met the frowning face of my youngest. I'm so grateful that I had fraternal triplets, it never gave me a hard time recognizing which one is which.

I smiled at him, taking a towel then wiped my wet face before giving a response.

"Yes, Xavon?" I kneeled in front of him to meet his height. Brushing his messy hair using my fingers, I smiled sweeter.

He's so cute! His morning face is so cute!

"I'm worried." He said, light gasp escaped my lips as I blinked stupidly.

"What, baby? Worried about who?" I replied softly, giving him a hug.

I don't even know what kind of comfort he needs because I have no idea what makes him worried the moment he wakes up. Has he been in trouble? Bullied?!

"Because it kept on happening every morning. I'm worried about you, Mommy." he mumbled as he buried his face on my neck, wrapping his arms around it.

Oh.

I halted from caressing his head as he said those words. He's worried about me. About me!

Oh... my sweet boy.

Among the three, he had always been the observer and I could feel the maturity in him at their age of five. The other two are the opposite of him. Totally opposites.

Has he noticed my after-reactions from these dreams... everyday?

"Why are you sad, Mommy?" he asked softly and pulled away, yanking me out of my thoughts.

With the thoughts of calming him down and not to make him worry anymore, I gave him my bright smile and rubbed his cheeks using my palms that made him pout and grumble. I laughed a bit, kissing his adorable nose.

I can't believe I'm so lost in my thoughts while my child's clearly concerned right now.

"I'm not sad, baby. It's just the bad dreams but Mommy's fine. I blew the bad dreams away for my little kittens. Don't worry anymore, okay?" I said, using my usual tone and I'm sure it masked the discomfort that I had earlier. I can't see them worrying about me.

He scanned my face for anything negative before nodding his head and returned the smile.

Xavon would rather hold a book and read all day than tire himself with toys, unlike his siblings. He likes to study and read a lot while Dria and Sanvi are always energetic duo, likes to joke and play around with their toys with the other kids within the area. These three were inseparable though, no matter what. I made sure of that, my heart will never take it if I would ever see them fighting each other.

I sighed and picked him up, placing him on my hip. As he yawned and rubbed the sleep off of his eyes, I carried him out of the bathroom, then closed the bedroom door, leaving his siblings who are still sleeping adorably.

They love each other's company, there are few teasing, but the bond they have for each other is strong enough to drive away any misunderstanding, and I'm very much proud of how they might grow up.

I made him sit on the kitchen counter as I planned to start making our breakfast. I listened to him talk about the book he was currently reading. I enjoyed talking and listening to him, he's so passionate about it.

It had always been like this with them. I wake up early for the breakfast and would ready them later for school. I struggled painfully raising them alone for the last five years after flying back from Italy, where I met their stupid father. I sought jobs that would pay me well enough for us and did part time jobs after leaving them with a babysitter whenever their classes are over. Being a Single Mom is tiresome but every time I see my kids being happy and healthy and not starving, I'm more than inspired to work harder and sooner will give them the life they deserved.

My family's not particularly poor but not so rich either, though it had never been a bother to me. I haven't told them my situation yet. Yes, I hid the fact that I am a mother now. After college, I flew oceans away from them to follow my dreams of being a flight attendant in my dream country, Italy. But my plans died down when I found myself 3 weeks of being pregnant. I lied to them that I didn't get the job because of some complications that I obviously made up.

It has been years already since the last time I saw them physically. And now.. I'm not sure how to tell them everything. Still waiting for the right timing. If ever there was such a thing for my situation.

"Breakfast is now ready, go and wake your siblings up now, baby." I said while turning off the stove, then kissed Xavon's cheek after placing him down. He gave me a small nod before running upstairs to do what I asked.

I huffed a sigh.

This got to be another long, usual day for us.