"If you won't tell me your past, how am I going to help you. You need to share it with me," my therapist said for the tenth time.

"I don't think I can share it with you."

"Maybe you can write it down and then I can help you."

I shook my head.

"Then I can't help you if you don't want it."

I shut the door of my car loudly showing my anger. I did not want any therapy. I had told my parents again and again but they were so persistent.

"I swear if you take me to another shrink, I would never ever set foot in that shitty college and then you can do the hell you want," I told my parents after reaching home.

After my foul language usage, more harsh words were exchanged and then everyone had gone to sleep in their distressed state.

At the age of eighteen, I had got admission in one of the prestigious medical government institutes that ranked third in the province.

Everyone was on the moon especially my parents. Their dreams had been fulfilled and I thought I had nailed it. I had achieved my aim and I was at the top of the world.

Well, as contrary to my expectations, med school was not easy. Gone were the teachers that silver spoon-fed us. Lost were the friends that were amiable and loving and gone was the freedom that I had dreamed of so much.

In medical school, I got teachers who did favoritism on daily to an hourly basis. My acquaintances were selfish and superficial. My freedom was lost as 75% attendance was the criteria.

The lack of understanding from my parents, the huge barrier between me and my siblings and my resident of heart, Envy did not make things easier for me so I fell in a vicious cycle of sadness and hopelessness.

At twenty-one, I was diagnosed with MDD ( major depressive disorder) with obsession syndrome.

I had anxiety issues. I could not get close to people because I was afraid that I will be envious of them all the time. If I could not do good to others, then it is better if I leave them alone. I did not want to feed my envy anymore.

But even if you don't aggravate the poison, it remains in your body and it starts killing you slowly.

Envy is that disease of heart which led the Shaitan (devil) not to prostrate to Hazrat Adam (AS) because he thought that he was better than Hazrat Adam (AS) as he was made of fire.

Envy is that evilness that lead to the killing of Abel by Cain.

I was afraid of myself because I was afraid of Envy. I had reached the diagnosis long ago but I had not found its cure. This had ultimately led me to my downfall and despair.