My head is buried in my phone. Tracking a few more packages. Texting Jane. Writing vows.

Actually, not writing them. I'm staring at the screen - stumped.

I need to figure out what to promise to the man I've agreed to marry, even though I've only known him for a few weeks.

Following a recent pattern, the rest of today flashed by in a surreal blur. I woke up this morning, thinking to myself, "I'll be Amelia Covington by bedtime." Now I'm standing on a curb, three blocks from my office, a bottle of champagne cradled in the crook of my arm and weeping onto my shirt, waiting for the car to pick me up which will bring me to my wedding.

In between these points I didn't have a moment to stop to think about the fact that I'm going to be a different person by the end of the day.

I juggled all my responsibilities for Eric, while surreptitiously answering texts from Fin and Jane about the plans for tonight. Seemingly a thousand little things that other people do over those months (or years) long engagements, all crammed into a few hours. Like Fin wanting to know if I had any food allergies. Or Jane asking if I wanted to wear false eyelashes.

No and No.

I should have asked Fin about the vows. But with Miranda peering over my shoulder half the day and growing increasingly suspicious about my already half-distracted behavior, I didn't want to open that can of worms at the office.

Since Fin is an actor I'm guessing he'll happily recite the traditional vows, and while I don't think he'll expect original vows from me, I usually prefer not to let other people put their words in my mouth.

Unless it's Beckett.

Mike opens the door of the Escalade before I've even realized the SUV has stopped in front of me.

Jane smiles from the leather seat furthest from the curb. "You can stop texting me now that I'm right in front of you."

I climb into the car and give her a kiss on the cheek. "You're a lifesaver Janie! Seriously I would not survive today if I didn't have you by my side. Thank you again for taking the day off to be my impromptu wedding planner!"

"Well, don't speak too soon. The day's not over yet." She narrows her eyes at me.

I do the same back. "True enough."

Then Jane's face cracks into a smile and we both burst into hysterical laughter.

The release of the tension I've been holding onto since I saw Jane at lunch, is just what I need. Something inside of me clicks and I'm crying now. My hysteria switching into something else that I can't quite put my finger on. The tears are definitely not from the laughter alone anymore.

Maybe I'm starting to mourn whatever changes my marriage will bring to my relationship with Jane. I'm not naive enough to think that it won't bring changes. While the last two years I've lived with her have been hard in ways, they've also been wonderful. I had roommates in college, but that was different. As an only child, moving in with Jane truly cemented the fact that in my heart, she's my sister.

I know she was right earlier when she said that I'm going to have to move out sooner, rather than later, if my marriage is going to have a chance at lasting. But I'm going to miss having her just a bedroom away.

And yet I'm not crying from sadness exactly. There's a potent cocktail of emotions coursing through me.

Fear. Doubt. Excitement.

Anticipation.

That old Carly Simon song pops into my brain and while I used to think it was corny when my Mom sang along with it, I totally get it now.

I'm on a precipice. Even though I've been working hard my whole life, it feels like I've been waiting for things to happen. This moment isn't about spinning my wheels to get to someplace in the future, or waiting for somebody else to fall in step with my plans.

Today is about today.

It's like, leaping for the trapeze bar, knowing there's no net below and placing trust in the years of training put in. Or peering from the edge of a plane's door for that first solo dive, and jumping out even though there's always the risk of a parachute malfunction.

I need to focus on living in the here and now.

As Carly sang, "These are the good old days."

Jane is teary-eyed too now. She reaches out and clutches my hand. "Just remember, like I said earlier, no matter what happens I'll always be by your side."

We catch our breath and wipe our eyes, just as Mike says, "We're here."

"Here" is Pier 36 on South Street, between the Manhattan and Williamsburg Bridges.

I turn my eyes to look out the window at a massive yacht docked there. "Holy shit!"

Jane dives across my lap to gape out the window too. "Oh my God! This is like some Bravo channel 'Below Deck' level shit!"

"It seriously is." I rub my eyes and the massive boat is still there. It's not a figment of my imagination. "This is too much. I mean... this was what he was going to do for our first date? It's crazy!" I shake my head.

"I'm beginning to like Fin more and more." Jane wiggles her eyebrows at me. "In fact, I've officially decided I'm going to like you married to him."

I roll my eyes. "Sure you will, if it means you can live out some of your reality tv fantasies. I'm going to burst your bubble right now and tell you that he doesn't know a single member of the Kardashian-Jenner family."

"You have your dreams, leave me mine. Okay?" With a little huff, she starts gathering her purse, and a garment bag from the backseat.

I chuckle. "Sure thing. I suppose he could always meet one of them on his next trip to L.A."

Jane smiles. "That's better. Now get yourself together, and let's go get you married!"

Mike opens my door. Deckhands begin unloading the bags from the back. I put my purse on my shoulder and grab the bottle of champagne.

"Full steam ahead!"