F I V E
Garden of Death

THE MOONLIGHT SHONE with perfect iridescence against the grounds of Hell, allowing the pavements of stone to shimmer whenever a side had caught its glow. After Fabian's disappearance, I had decided to continue on my journey to wander through the castle grounds of Hell, knowing that if everything didn't go as planned, this could be the last time for me to see a beauty like this.   

Being alone had its wonders. It gives me time and space to be able to think about my emotions properly. Although I could still hear many of my past lives calling out in the back of my mind, being undisturbed and at peace was a newfound way for me to hear myself and my own cognitive thoughts louder than the voices of my past. It was almost like a sort of meditation, allowing inner peace to cancel out the havoc and noise that the outside world -- and the world within me -- and bring on a new wave of refreshing freedom.

The castle's garden looked different than it did from my memories. Though I wasn't too sure if those memories belonged to me or to Ida, there was still a striking difference. For one thing, the garden in the memories was filled with brightly colored roses, all of them allowing beautiful romantic scents to be released into the air. However, the hedges of roses were gone. The green stayed but the beautiful flowers were no longer there, all withered away to leave walls of thorns.

On the grass below my feet, there was an occasional flower. It's familiar and famous yellow and white combination dotting the grounds, scattered with no particular pattern. Along the way, a vibrant pink chrysanthemum flower stood out against the rest, blooming just half way though the colors were already so vivid. Picking it up, I twisted the flower in my hand, simply examining each petal though they looked almost exactly the same.

"I see you've found a rare pink one," a voice behind me said. I didn't even take half a second to think before I already who was speaking. After all, Dimitri had a voice that both haunted and blessed my dreams.

"They aren't that rare," I smiled, smoothing the petals. "It's just the yellow ones are more commonly seen and used."

"The white ones are my favorite." Squatting down to the ground, Dimitri swiped a single hand over the grass, allowing more flowers to bloom at this touch. After he was done, he stood back up, touching a single finger against the petals of the chrysanthemum flower I held in hand. Immediately, it stretched to a full bloom, its colors deepening even more to a fuchsia pink.

"It's beautiful. More so than the roses," I mumbled under my breath. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dimitri scrunching his nose in confusion for a second though he kept his silence about what I said.

Instead, he asked, "why aren't you asleep?"

"I can't sleep. It's like there are so many different voices in my head and they are all trying to unitedly keep me awake."

Dimitri's silver eyes gleamed in the night, shining just as brightly as the moon and the stars. He slowly assessed me, simply just looking as though I had clues of a possible solution to our problems just written all over me.

"You'll need your energy. Tomorrow's journey will not be easy."

"You seem to forget that Minnie and I had already been to Lucifer's jail cell." Quirking a small smile, I immediately dropped it when I realized that Dimitri's expression had darkened significantly. "Right. I am still sorry about that. I should've told you that I wanted so badly to go home and just see Bella again. I sometimes think that I am forgetting how my own best friend looks like. Everyone is back home. Bella, Gabriel, and even Cassiel--"

"Why is it always about him?" Dimitri cut in. His expression was one of pure fury. His eyebrows were furrowed, the edges of his lips contorted into a scowl as he took a step closer towards me. "He wasn't the one there for you a year ago, Addison. It had always been me."

"And it was also you that tried to kill me!"

"I never tried to kill you!" I took a step back when Dimitri's voice was raised, a gasp caught in my throat as my eyes widened. A few seconds of silence passed between us before Dimitri sighed, brushing his back in a frustrated manner. There was something in which he didn't tell me, I was so sure of it. A man that hid secrets was a dangerous one. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I just don't know why are you so attached to him."

"Because I liked him. At least I thought I did. He... well, you were so nice and just so charming and chivalrous that it's hard not to like you. And I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes wondering which really is the real you because the one that I met and had helped me in the boathouse prior to you changing back was one in which I..." The words couldn't leave me mouth. I knew that it wasn't time yet. After all, it might not even be love that I felt.

Love was such a complicated emotion, one that I was sure that I would perhaps never feel again after Lucius had left my side. He was, after all, my best friend and boyfriend, someone that I grew up with and thought I knew everything about. If what I had with Lucius wasn't even love, how could I be sure that what I felt towards Dimitri really is?

"And what about now?"

"Huh?" I asked stupidly.

"Now that you know me better. What are your thoughts now?"

Dimitri's face was inches away from mine, so close that I could almost feel his breath fanning over me. Though my body did not sense temperature the way it used to, I thought I could feel the cold of Dimitri's body enveloping me in a loving embrace. His silver eyes stared deep into my soul as if extracting every secret I had from my own mind just by looking. My knees felt weak just by being in his gaze, a shot of longing rushing through my body before I forced myself to look away.

"I don't know. My feelings and emotions are jumbled up beyond comprehension especially after I died." Dimitri winced a little at that but I did not comment on it. "My past lives are telling me and whispering to me about what I should do, how I should feel and the way I should act. I am not sure which is the real me anymore. In all honesty, however, nightmares are difficult to erase. But then again, you had always been a rather beautiful one."

He seemed content with the answer, the briefest of smiles causing dimples to show on the sides of his cheeks. Regardless, he was a beautiful man that had a beautiful soul available to those whom he deemed worthy. What I felt for Dimitri was nowhere near what Ida clearly felt for Fabian, but I bet that it was close. It could be love, just not as strong. Or maybe it was just an attraction forced upon me by my own destiny of marrying either him or Fabian.

In that moment, it was just Dimitri and I standing under the gleaming moonlight. Silent moments passed between the both of us, the dead of the night blending in so perfectly with the spirit of death himself. It seemed as though he was in his element; a deathly silence. And it was only when silence surrounds us do our own thoughts speak the loudest. And boy was my mind telling me that Death was beautiful.

"Why chrysanthemums?" I asked, slowly taking a step down the pavement as Dimitri jogged a little to catch up with my abrupt movement.

"In some cultures, chrysanthemums are associated with death and grief. It was a flower that represented me down to the very bone and soul." Dimitri had a smile curving his lips, his eyes trailing our feet as we walked down the stone pavement. His eyes seemed to be drifting off fondly into the depths of a forgotten memory, lost in thought. "Maybe that's why. Besides, they are beautiful flowers that are never as appreciated as roses. It is a thornless flower and yet not as beloved as one that could harm your skin."

"That's because humanity craved pain," I laughed bitterly, fingers still tightly clutching the flower in hand. "And love is the strongest form of pain."

Dimitri paused, his silver eyes trained on me with so much concentration that I couldn't help but move just slightly away with a little caution.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He smiled, lips turning up in such a serene and tranquil manner that even the dead of the night seemed too robust in comparison. "Because you're beautiful, Addison. And you sometimes speak in such profound manners that seemed so very old and mature for your age. I forget that you're only just in your early twenties."

"So now you're saying that I'm too young." Teasing him, I shook my head, arms folded across my chest as I raised an eyebrow. "Is that it?"

"No, no of course not!" Color bloomed on Dimitri's cheeks as he flushed, shaking his head with his lips parted. "Age is just but a number and numbers are just part of the human imagination."

"How old are you, then?" I asked, moving further and further into the garden until a new landscape revealed itself.

Down the middle of the maze-like area was a water fountain, the sculpture of a beautiful angel holding what seemed to be a vase of water, allowing it to stream down with the other jets placed in. There were no significant features of the angel and seemed a lot like sculptures in which could be found in the human realm. So I didn't ask if the angel was in fact modeled after anyone.

"I was created long before I became death. I started out as an angel, a disciple of Lucifer along with many others. It was only when I fell..." Dimitri paused, eyes drifting far away as if entranced in his memories.

"After you fell?" I nudged him before resting on the edge of the fountain, curious to know what else he had wanted to say. Instead, he shook his head, returning back away from his memories and into reality before taking a seat next to me.

"Nothing. I became death when I fell, after nearly an entire century as an angel that helped in the gardens of Heaven. So to answer your question, I don't even know how old I truly am. Perhaps as old as time."

Dimitri's eyes held secrets, one in which perhaps I'll never learn. Though curiosity ate at me, I refrained myself from asking things in which I knew would push him away again. Everyone held secrets no matter how big or small. I myself, along with the full force of my past lives, held secrets that total up to more than possibly anyone in the world. I once read somewhere that if I did not want things about me to be revealed, I shouldn't go digging for other people's hidden memories and tales.

Karma is a full circle, and I need to learn that some things are simply better left unsaid. The truth can hurt and injure, much more than knives and weapons ever could for words were the greatest weapon of all time. So if Dimitri had things he did not want others to know, it is best to respect his decisions and keep away.

Because if I don't, the distance in which he might keep away from me might just be much more. And God knows that at this point in time, I am too far off into my oblivion to lose even Dimitri to the world of betrayal. If I did, I will lose myself as well, both emotionally, and spiritually.

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