I sat in my car, staring up at the familiar cabin in front of me. The memories were fresh, like I had only experienced them hours prior. Most of them weren't good memories, I thought dismally. A selfish part of me kept me rooted in my seat, wondering if I should just leave. Rowen had hidden himself away for a reason. Maybe he was still on the run, or he was trying to start over. I shouldn't meddle. Plus... I was scared. What would he say? Would he be angry with me for coming here? I didn't know if it was the right thing to do.

However, as much as I wanted to keep from confronting him, as much as I wanted to turn my car around and drive away, I knew I had to do this. Taking a deep breath that felt more like lead than air, I got out of my car and made my way up to the front door. I knocked firmly on the door before I had a chance to slink back to my car. After a moment of silence, I called, "Hello? Rowen?"

There was no response and I wondered if he wasn't home; I wished he wasn't home. But his car was in the drive. Unless he was on a walk, he was home. I stepped down from the porch and walked around to the back slowly, searching for signs of life. I found many.

As I walked towards the trees, I was met with a beautiful sight. A garden, hidden just a few yards into the woods. There were roses, lilies, dandelions; it was amazing. Dedication shimmered on everyfreshly watered petal. But what made my heart jump the most was the person crouched in the corner with their back to me as he dug around in the dirt. The sun glinted off his sweaty back, defining muscles, scars, and olive skin. It was a sight I had missed.

"Damn thorns..." Rowen grumbled to himself as he clipped some leaves from the rose bush.

I stepped forward and the words came out before I could stop them, floating across the garden's expanse. "Hey, Rowen."

Instantly, Rowen stopped digging and his back went rigid. He didn't turn to look at me. He just sat hunched there, almost as if trying to blend in among the red and green of the rose bushes. However, when I didn't retreat, he stood slowly and looked over his shoulder at me. "What are you doing here?" he asked; he still wasn't facing me.

His words were not what I had been expecting. The little voice in the back of my mind said it again: This was a mistake.

I tried to ignore it, but it was getting louder.

"I don't know how you found me," Rowen said, collecting his gardening tools, "but you should leave."

I stared at him. "What? But, Rowen-"

"Really," he cut me off. "You should go. It's not a good time."

He walked past me without another word and started for the house. His words were cold, clear-cut, and unarguable. He wanted me to leave and he wasn't giving me an option. It was like we didn't even know each other.

But I wasn't about to let him walk away. Not again, and certainly not like this. I turned and grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at me. "Not a good time? Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked.

At first, Rowen looked ashamed, and he ducked his head to get away from my gaze. He pulled his arm away. "I'm not kidding," he grumbled. "This isn't a good time. I'm... working right now."

"Do you know how long I looked for you?" I asked, ignoring his excuse. "Do you know how many nights I lay awake, wishing I knew how to call you? Or just talk to you?"

"I didn't want you to," Rowen blurted. He wouldn't look me in the eye. "It's better this way..." he said.

"Better?" I asked incredulously. "Better than talking things out like adults?" I gave his chest a furious shove, glaring at him now. "You are one selfish son-of-a-bitch."

Rowen took the shove wordlessly, stepping some feet away.

I exhaled slow and hard to ease my anger. "I didn't sleep for days after you left. You left me broken. Miserable," I said. "Did you really think I just wanted you to leave?"

"What else was I supposed to do?" Rowen finally snapped.

"For starters, you could've let me answer you!" I hollered back relentlessly.

Rowen stormed several steps away, rubbing at the back of his head with both hands and refusing to face me. We stood in tense silence as the world lef us behind to catch up.

I sighed, reining my anger back in. "Rowen... That night in the hospital, You wanted me to say yes, but I had my family and school to think about. I had responsibilities and restraints," I said. "I couldn't say yes."

Hating the reminder of that night, Rowen scowled back at me before moving to the back porch to put his things away. As he hung hand rakes in their place and stored fertilizer to avoid looking at me, I moved closer. Cautiously, I wrapped my arms around his waist. "Rowen," I said.

He stiffened. 

"I couldn't say yes..." I told him, "but I didn't want to say no..."

I dropped my arms to take his hands in mine, resting my head on his back. His shirt was damp with sweat and smelled of dirt. I pressed closer. "When you told me about your feelings, I didn't know how to answer you because I was afraid. But at the same time, I had never felt happier."

Rowen was twitchy and his skin felt clammy in my hands. I could hear his heart beating fast when I reached my hand up to touch his chest, right over his heart. "You told me this was in my hands..." I murmured. "But then you left. You just disappeared."

I made him turn to look at me, still gripping his hands tightly. Part of me feared he would try to run away. "I had so many questions. 'Why did you leave?' 'Where had you gone?' 'Would I ever see you again?'" I stared into his eyes. "But after a while, I realized none of that really mattered. There was really only one question I cared about..." I lifted his hands like he had done with mine that night in the hospital, and together, we stared at them. "'Is it still mine?'"

Rowen seemed to be at a loss for words. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes showed a mixture of things. As the silence stretched on, however, I started to panic. Had this been a mistake? Was he seeing someone else? My eyes drifted over the garden. This place would've taken time and dedication to grow. Had he made it for a partner? Was he married? Questions got stuck in my throat and I struggled to breathe. As the situation became more apparent, I let go of his hands.

This was a mistake.

Without a word, I turned to leave, content to run away and forget I ever came back here, that I ever saw his face again. But Rowen grabbed my hands. While I gawked in confusion, he pulled me into him, his strong arms wrapping around me tightly, securely. I opened my mouth to speak, but Rowen spoke first. "Forever and always..." he whispered into my hair. "It'll always be yours."

In an instant, all of the pain and the fear of rejection that had built up over the past year came bursting out all at once. I buried my face in his chest, too shaky to look him in the eye. He held me as I pounded his back with my fists. "Damn you...!" I choked out. "I hate you!"

Rowen laughed softly, just as overjoyed as I was. "Yeah..." he said, "I know."

We held each other for many long moments, soaking up the love we had been missing. However, the longer we stood there, the more awkward I felt about it until I finally pushed him away to scrub the salt off my face. Rowen seemed to be expecting more and was surprised when I trudged back around the side of the house towards my car, eager to avoid the awkwardness of innocent affection.

"Where are you going?" Rowen asked, following me. 

"I've said what I came to say, so now I'm going home," I said, dodging his gaze.

"What? Why so soon?" Rowen asked teasingly.

"I have work and university stuff to take care of," I mumbled. It was a lousy excuse, but then again, all of the excuses I had ever given to Rowen were lousy.

As I reached for the handle on my diver's side door, Rowen grabbed my hand, spinning me around so he could see me. "So? It can wait," he said, pushing my hips against the car. My heart was in my throat as he leaned down with heavy eyes. "You love me don't you?"

I swallowed nervously as my eyes drifted towards the house, the drive, the trees, anything that wasn't Rowen. But the feeling of his breath on my neck brought my eyes back. "I-I love you..." I said, eyes locked. "But you have work too... and the garden... and... other stuff..." I trailed off as he moved close; his lips were only a few centimeters away from mine. They were utterly tantalizing.

"I don't care..." he whispered.

He teased me by almost kissing me several times, but never making full contact. If I leaned back, he would go in as if to kiss me, but if I leaned forward, he moved away just enough to stay out of reach. All the while, a sly smile played on his lips. Finally, having had enough of being avoided, a whole years' worth, I grabbed his collar. "I swear, if you make me late for my first day of class, I'll kill you," I said. Then I dragged him forward into a kiss.

Rowen hummed against my lips as if he had been expecting this reaction all along. Waiting for it. Teasing me just enough to get what he wanted. Rowen always knew how to push my buttons. Normally, that thought would have sent me storming off into the woods to get away from him, but now I couldn't think of a single reason why I would want to leave. 

I found myself being pulled away from the car and towards the house, lips still connected. We stumbled up the porch steps and into the bedroom, both of us laughing as Rowen fell back on the bed with a little bounce. He pulled me on top of him as he drew me in for another kiss. This time it was my turn to tease, and I sat back, gazing down at him with hooded eyes. Rowen's arms went around my waist as he sat up to meet me.  It had been so long... too long. A year was a long time to wait for love. Cupping his face in my hands, I kissed him hard as the world melted away around us.

*******

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