I opened the door to the cabin slowly, not knowing what I should expect to see when I walked inside. Rick had been sure to warn me that Rowen may not be in the best of moods and that I would need to be on my guard. Struck by a sense of unease, I glanced back to watch Rick drive off down the road, leaving me on the porch by myself. It was now or never, I told myself, looking back at the door.

As I stepped inside, I surveyed the room for any sign of life. "Rowen? Are you here?" I called.

There was no reply. I walked into the living room to see him slouched over on the couch, hands over his ears. The TV was on and playing some news station, but all the lights were off. The light from the TV cast a sharp glow around the room that made Rowen look more silhouette than man. 

Cautiously, I circled around to the front of the couch. As I approached, I could see several empty bottles of beer on the coffee table and a half-empty one still dangling loosely in Rowen's hand. His eyes were glazed over emotionlessly; he didn't seem to notice my presence. Despite my wariness in my chest growing by the second, I mustered up my courage and said, "You shouldn't drink so much in one sitting. It's bad for your health. Why don't you go to bed?"

At the sound of my voice, Rowen finally seemed to realize I was standing there. He shifted his eyes up towards my face. Then he sighed and looked back down at his feet, his eyes closing slowly. "This is the last time I play pretend..." he murmured to himself. "I can't keep doing this..."

His words were a mystery to me and I hesitated to touch him. "Rowen, you're drunk. You need to sleep it off," I insisted.

He gripped his bottle and tilted his head back for another drink of beer. As he did so I noticed his shaking hands. Forcing my feet to move, I walked over, gently taking the beer away and setting it on the coffee table. "That's enough," I said. I slung his arm over my shoulders and began to get him up off the couch. "Let's get you to bed," I said. "If you need something to drink, I'll get you some water, but no more alcohol."

He stumbled on his drunk legs as I helped him to the bedroom and into his bed. When I got him to lie down, he stared up at the ceiling with such sadness that I almost felt bad about leaving him there. But I wasn't going to stay. I would sleep in the living room like I always did. We could talk in the morning when he was sobered up.

I pulled a blanket over him and walked back out of the room. I went and got a glass of water from the kitchen before going back to Rowen. He was still staring at the ceiling when I came in. I set the water on his bedside table. "If you need anything, I'll be in the living room, okay? If you need to talk, I'm here to listen," I said, remembering what Rick had told me.

He rolled his head to look at me, and I could see a deep sadness in his eyes. "You're... just gonna leave...?" he asked, seeming genuinely confused.

I shook my head. "I'm just going to be in a different room," I said. "I'm not going to leave."

Before I knew he even had the motor skills for it, he reached out and grabbed my wrist much tighter than one would have thought possible for a drunk person. "Please, don't leave," he begged. "I don't want to be alone anymore..."

The next thing I knew, I was dragged onto the bed. Flustered and panicked at how strong Rowen was even while intoxicated, I resisted his pull. "Rowen, stop. You're just drunk, you need to sleep-"

I didn't get to finish before Rowen yanked me down on my back to tower over me. I bit back the insult on my tongue when I saw the look on his face. It wasn't like any expression I had ever seen on him before. 

"I wait all day just so I can be with you... I don't want to wait anymore," he said. His voice didn't match his actions. It was too apathetic, too lost. 

His hand released my wrist to roam down, down, finding it's grip again on the waistband of my jeans. I flinched as his fingers grazed the skin under my shirt. "Rowen...!" I gasped, trying to scoot out from under him, my hands only sinking uselessly into plush mattress. "That's enough! Let go of me," I snapped, trying to avoid sounding as distressed as I felt.

His hand was down my pants, pushing past fabric to get at the sensitive softness just a few inches lower. Rowen had never touched me like this, he hadn't dared to. But with so much alcohol in his system, screwing up his brain, it was like he didn't realize how far he was going. 

I kicked my head back and he groaned with relief when the palm of his hand finally found my cock. He squeezed almost painfully as he kissed my neck and ran his other hand through my hair, tugging gently on the blonde strands. "God, you're so beautiful..." he murmured.

I barely heard him. All my attention was focused on the hand down my pants. "Rowen, you have to stop!" I pleaded as tears started to drip down my face.

The pressure of his grip eased and Rowen's face showed remorse. "Please, don't cry..." he said, looking distressed on my behalf. "You always cry..."

Confused, my tears took a momentary pause. What did he mean by "always"? This is the first time this has ever happened. I opened my mouth to ask what he was talking about, but hardly had time to stutter out the first word before Rowen began pulling my pants all the way off.

I knew I couldn't stop him, but I could get away while he was distracted. As soon as I had kicked my pants off in his hands, I scrambled off the bed and ran for the bedroom door. I had to get out of the house or this wouldn't stop until it had gone too far. 

I was grabbing the handle and pulling the door open when a hand slammed the door closed again. I looked at Rowen, shocked and afraid of the look on his face. He grabbed my arms and threw me back on the bed, pinning my down with both hands. He didn't say a word, but I knew he was pouring over his options at the back of his mind, looking at me and then away, unsure how to proceed.

"Rowen, listen to me," I urged, trying to get him under control. "You don't know what you're doing. You're drunk. Just let go and we can sleep-"

A hand wrapped around my throat and I stopped, voice hitching with fear as he squeezed. "I hate sleeping...!" he hissed. "I hate it so much, I wish could just kill it."

I remained very still, eyes wide, and he slowly released my neck, attention diverted elsewhere. He moved down to get a better look at my cock, hidden just barely by the hem of my shirt. He licked his lips and my face flushed red. He dragged my shirt up with his thumbs, catching a sensitive spot and making me bite my lip to stay quiet. I wanted to cover myself, hide from his prying eyes, but he was determined to stare me down. He slid his palms up the smooth length of my thighs, fingers resting just out of reach of my cock. I didn't dare speak, but when he finally dipped his head down to suck my half-hard cock into his mouth, I stop from twisting my fingers into the sheets and groaning audibly.

He absolutely melted with satisfaction, one hand gripping the back of my knee, the other tugging my hips up to meet his lips as he swallowed me down as far as he could go. He swiped his tongue across the underside of my cock and my fingers tangled in his hair involuntarily. "R-... Rowen!" I gasped, back arching. "St-stop... Please!"

I suddenly jolted as I felt a finger rub at the soft place between my legs, pressing insistently inward. Knowing what came next, I tried to sit up, to roll over, anything that would have helped me get away, but Rowen held me down. I pushed at his hands as he searched for the best places to touch me. Finally, he managed to force one of my legs up and slowly pressed his finger inside. I shuddered at the horrible, unfamiliar feeling of intrusion, gradually losing the energy to fight back.

If he went any further, I wouldn't be able to take it, and he'd regret it too... I knew Rowen didn't want this. All of this because was just because he was drunk. He'd tear himself apart in the morning and it was all because I couldn't stop him, because I came back.

I was dragged from my tormented thoughts by the feeling of a second finger forcing its way in beside the first, and I whined with discomfort. "Rowen, please..." I begged. "We can't do this... ah!"

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead lightly. "I'm sorry it hurts," he said. 

I covered my face with my arm, tears making messy tracks down my cheeks. It wasn't that it hurt. I could take the pain. I just didn't want Rowen to wake up and see everything he had done. I wouldn't know how to face him, and he'd feel just the same. I hadn't helped Rowen by coming back; I had just made everything worse. I should have just gone home.

Rowen began unbuckling his own pants, struggling to push them down enough for his fully hard and aching cock to fall into view. I trembled beneath him. "What are you doing?" I croaked, apprehension inching up my spine.

"Just be still..." he whispered, pushing my legs out of the way. "I promise I'll be gentle. I always am."

Gripping the sheets with all my strength, I threw my head back and let out a sob of pain as he fucked into me. He cupped my face with his hand, pausing to let me catch my breath. But I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air, but none would come and in my panic, I found myself grabbing for Rowen's shoulders, trying to sit up.

He misread my intentions and pulled me up, helping me to straddles his cock as he lay facing up at me on the bed. I blushed furiously. "This-..." But I couldn't move my body. All I could do was sit there as Rowen smoothed his hands down my ribs and pressed his fingers into my hipbones. I closed my eyes and looked away as he lifted my hips and then lowered them back down, grinding his cock as deep as it would go.

"Look at me," Rowen pleaded, reaching up to caress my cheek with his palm. "See me."

I refused, pushing his hand away with my shaking one. "I can't," I whispered. "I-... I can't..."

And I couldn't. If I looked at him, it would be over. He would have me. I would lose, and he would lose, and everything would come crashing down around us. I couldn't look at him, because I couldn't bear to break us. 

At first, as Rowen wrapped his arms around me to pull me to his chest, I thought it was over with. But then his arms tightened just a little too much and I couldn't stop him from thrusting upward hard and fast, fueled by pain from my words.

"Wait- Ah!" I crumpled forward, giving in to his strength.

He held onto me and kissed along my neck, murmuring into my ear without missing a beat. "Shh," he soothed. "It's okay... I'm here."

I sobbed into his throat, gripping the sheet in my sweaty palms until I verged on tearing the fabric. Rowen wasn't satisfied with that. He pulled my chin up to kiss me, ravaging my lips with his. Suddenly, Rowen's thrusts became sloppy and his arms hugged me tighter. He broke the kiss to groan against my collarbone. 

"Rowen...! You're hurting me," I said, pulling at his arms.

He loosened his hold, but only just. "S-sorry," he managed. "God, I'm close."

With arms tight around my waist, one hand cradling my head against his shoulder, Rowen thrust in as far as he could go, stuttering out his orgasm. That same feeling of panic from before rose up in my throat, but this time there was nothing I could do to stop it. I gave in to the urge to melt into his chest, my entire body trembling.

I realized then that I just wanted to stay there. I wanted to feel Rowen's arms around me for as long as I could. I wanted to be with him while I had him... because I knew that as soon he woke up it would all be over.

*******

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