Because of course

Characters: Russia, America, Ukraine, Canada, Belarus, Japan, Philippines

Russia: Hey buddy, you wanna go?
America: Yeah, I wanna go. Let's go.
Russia: Alright, let's go out!
America: Wanna go on a date?
Russia: Yea, come on, let's go on a date!
America: Do you wanna have kids?

~~~

America: You are so annoying.
Russia: Then stop holding my hand.
America:
America: No.

~~~

Russia: I hate you
America: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that must be untrue

~~~

America: My heart is telling me yes, but Russia is telling me no.

~~~

America: How do I know you aren't just marrying me for my money?
Russia: Because you only have $50.

~~~

America: *hugs Russia*
Russia: What is this?
America: Affection.
Russia: Disgusting.
America: *goes to pull away*
Russia: I NEVER SAID TO STOP!

~~~

America, winking: I guess you could say I fell for you
Russia:
Russia: You literally just fell down an entire flight of stairs, how are you still alive??

~~~

America: It's not healthy to bottle up negative emotions!
Russia: Yeah! That's why I bottle up all my positive emotions too!
Russia: Then they cancel each other out! :D
America:
America: nO--

~~~

Russia: I'm proud to identify as a moronsexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Once someone asked me what the spanish word for tortilla was and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
America: What kind of animal is the pink panther?
Russia, already in love: God you're such a fucking idiot
—
America: Apparently at some point when Russia and I were flirting with each other but not quite in a relationship, he asked me how I felt about pet names, to which I replied, "Well you have to call them something."
America: The fact that we have managed to end up in a relationship is really a testament to his patience.
Ukraine: Russia is moronsexual.
America: Please don't call my boyfriend a moron :(
America: Wait.

~~~

America: *hugs Russia from behind* I love you
America: *whispers in Russia's ear* but if you eat my leftovers again I WILL destroy you

~~~

America, with his head on Russia's lap: tell me I'm pretty
Russia, lovingly stroking his hair: you're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are

~~~

America, pointing: May I sit there?
Russia: That's my lap
America: That doesn't answer my question, Russia.

~~~

Russia: I'm older.
America: I'm younger.
Russia: I'm taller.
America: I'm shorter.
Russia: I'm smarter.
America: I'm... not falling for that!

~~~

Death: *grabs Russia*
America: Hey! No!
America: You put HiM bAcK rIgHt NoW, oR sO gOd HelP mE.
Death: *Gently puts Russia back down*

~~~

America: Hey, Russia. Knock knock.
Russia: Who's there?
America: Kiss.
Russia: Kiss who?
America: Kiss me.

~~~

America: Ok, your turn
Russia: When's my birthday?
America: ... Umm...
Russia: *raises eyebrows*
America: *unsure and drawn out* ... June... 20th...?
Russia: No. July 12th.
America: Oh.
Russia: I can't believe you don't remember. *shakes head*
America: Well, when's my birthday then? *folds arms*
Russia: July 4th.
America:
America: Ok.

~~~

America: Yes, fine, I had a little crush on Russia. Okay. I said it. Are you happy?
Russia: Exactly. And at one point I had a crush on America but that's all in the past.
America: Exactly. Wait when did... you ...when did you... what.. you... yeah...no. Never mind because if....even if we... because it... with the timing and everything. So you get it. So stop. *laughs nervously*
Canada: he didn't know.
Ukraine: Do you still love each other?
Russia: What...we never...we've moved on.
America: Uh huh. And you know it doesn't matter because, you know, I'm with, you know, I'm with, um...
Philippines: Phil.
America: Yes, Phil, obviously I know your name.
Japan: This is amazing.

~~~

Russia: could you see us as being more than friends?
America: YES, I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED! I could totally see us as being dragons! Here, let me find this picture I drew.
Russia:

~~~

America: I'm ignoring you
Russia:
America: I said I'm ignoring you!
Russia:
America: Don't ignore me ignoring you!

~~~

America: want to hold hands?
Russia: no.
America: ok

~~~

America, texting: WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU
Russia, responding: I'M FUCKING
Russia: GETTING [not delivered]
Russia: FOOD [not delivered]
America: Ok.. nvm then...
Russia: WAIT [not delivered]

~~~

America: Look at us, both in the same room again...
America: Fate just keeps throwing us together.
Russia:
Russia: Meri, we've been married for three years.
Russia: This is our house.

~~~

Russia: I have no feelings
America: *does something stupid*
Russia: what is this... Are these...Feelings?

~~~

Russia: Okay, yeah, I love America! I have loving feelings for America. But does that mean I'm in love with him? No──
Russia: Oh my god. I'm in love with America.
Russia: Why didn't you guys tell me?
Belarus: We thought you knew...

~~~

Canada: Okay, that's enough! No more talking about Russia!
America: But you told me to get it out of my system...
Canada: I had no idea how much you had in your system!

~~~

Russia: So America pissed me off yesterday so I changed my phone background to another man's picture
Ukraine: come on, you really think America is that insecure?
America, yelling from the other room: BABE! WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?

~~~

America: It was love at first sight, I knew my life would never be the same without him.
Russia: He's an idiot, and apparently I find that attractive. Seriously, I don't know how we made it this far.

~~~

America: Russia asked me to be his fake date to his cousin's wedding so he could avoid the usual "Are you seeing someone?" questions.
Japan: I've read enough fanfics to know this will end with you two declaring your undying love for each other.

~~~

Waiter: how old is your child
Russia: oh no he's not—
Waiter: kids eat free
Russia: ...this is my son, uh... he's 12.
America, under his breath: I will kill you
Russia: hush young child of mine this is cheaper

~~~

America: every time I'm around Russia, my heart rate spikes, my breath shortens, and my temperature skyrockets
America: I think I'm allergic to him

~~~

Russia, under his breath: идиот.
America: did you just call me an idiot??
Russia: no, it's just a Russian word, you must have misheard me.
America: oh. What does it mean?
Russia, with a smirk: idiot.

~~~

America: Share a coke with the omnipresent, indescribable pit of dread in your stomach
Russia: I prefer pepsi

~~~

Russia: *staring at a mirror*
Russia: Hi. America. Wanna go out with me?
Russia: Nah, that's too lame. HEY, LET'S HANG OUT!
Russia: He will just be scared if YOU START SCREAMING! Meri, hi Meri. You are beautiful. Care to join me on a-
Russia: Stop, he'll just laugh at you. MERI, GO OUT WITH ME!
America: Hey, Russia.
Russia: *screams*
Russia:
Russia: did you..
America: see the whole thing? Yes I did.
Russia: ...this is not what you think it is, okay...
America: Oh, so you weren't asking me on a date? Too bad... I was gonna say yes...
Russia: WAIT- Yes it was exactly what you thought!
Russia: Please go out with me

~~~

America, passing Russia a slip of paper: hey, can you read this for me?
Russia: uh... sure.
Russia, reading: i- i do?
America: *suddenly in a suit, pulling out a ring*
Canada, appearing from nowhere: maN AND SPOUSE-
Ukraine: *throwing flowers*
Russia: wha-