Got bored and couldn't think of anything so I asked my friend who he wanted me to make incorrect quotes about and he said Poland Ukraine and Belarus with a hint of Kazakhstan and I said ok so yeah that's what we have here

Belarus: Picking locks is my specialty
Belarus: *Throws brick through window*
Belarus: Let's go

~~~

Ukraine: name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety
Poland: you and me!!!
Ukraine, tearing up: ok

~~~

Belarus: So you know those powdered cheese packets you find in macaroni boxes?
Poland: Yeah...?
Ukraine: And you know how there's that powdered lemons stuff and it comes in orange flavor too?
Poland: Guys? Anything you'd like to admit right now?
Kazakhstan, from the other room: What is wrong with this macaroni!?!?
Poland:
Ukraine:
Belarus: Do you see our dilemma?

~~~

Belarus: My criminal record is absolutely killing it on the dance floor!
Belarus: just kidding, I have killed a man.

~~~

Ukraine: wow this is the longest I've slept in a while! I'm so refreshed! I can feel myself getting healthier already!
Poland: how long did you sleep?
Ukraine: a full nine minutes! :D

~~~

Ukraine: *sniffs*
Belarus: Ukie? You okay?
Ukraine: yeah, it's just the onions
Belarus, to the onions: what the FUCK did you say to my sister?

~~~

Belarus: apparently you're supposed to present yourself as "feminine" or "masculine?" Well that's stupid. I'm presenting as a "fucking idiot"

~~~

Belarus: papa didn't raise no quitter!
Belarus: actually, papa didn't raise me at all
Belarus, flipping Poland off: which is why I'm quitting

~~~

Poland: haven't you ever heard of picking your battles?!
Belarus: yeah
Belarus: I pick all of them

~~~

UN: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Poland: Shit.
Belarus: Wait, three?
UN: Yeah?
Ukraine: OH MY GOD KAZAKHSTAN FELL OFF!!!