Fourth of July aka Independence Day aka America's Birthday!!! I made a ton of skits for this occasion to make up for the lack of them recently-

America, looking in the fridge and sighing: I'm the only snack in the house, as always

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Britain: does anyone have any ideas?
France:
Canada:
New Zealand:
Australia:
America: I have a great idea! What if-
Britain: No.

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America, crying: look what you've done to my peonies!!
New Zealand: those are marigolds!
America: I may not know my flower but I know a bitCH WHEN I SEE ONE

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America: hey, do you want to— stop screaming— do you wanna watch Shrek with me?
Russia: IM TAKING A SHOWER
America: okay, well when you're done do you wanna watch Shrek with me?

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America: I dressed to impress today!
Britain, without looking up: America put your clothes on

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America: okay no offense but SOME OF US *looks in the mirror* need to chill out a little

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America: *takes off sunglasses to reveal another pair of sunglasses underneath*

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Australia: uhhh why are you covered in glitter?
America: why aren't YOU covered in glitter?

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America: disrespect me and I will eat your shower curtains
Germany: ...my shower has glass doors
America: then crunchity munchity bitch

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America: "garbage person"??
America: I'll have you know Canada made sure we were all 100% recyclable you BITCH

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America: Russia is playing hard to get
America: little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of

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America, drunk: you really are like a brother to me
Canada: i don't mean to alarm you, but I am accurate your brother
America: *starts panicking*

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Canada: are you okay?
America: *finger guns*
America: absolutely not!

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New Zealand, driving frantically to America's house while whispering to Australia who's on the phone with him: ask him something!!
Australia: how are you feeling?
America: fine
New Zealand: something more personal, Aussie!!
Australia: have you ever laid an egg?

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America: life is just one big 'yeehaw' and then you die

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America: bro this coffee I got is so good, I'm so alert right now. I could probably do a math problem.
Britain: correctly?
America: I don't know

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Canada, on the phone: are you in my house?!
America, on the other end: pshh no, I haven't snuck into your house in weeks!
America: which reminds me, you're all out of peanut butter

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America: they say god only tests you with what he knows you can handle
America: so when I die, I'm not going to "pass away." I'm not going to pass at all.
America: I'm going to fail away, like an idiot who forgot to study

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America: God built me different and not in a good way.

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America: People hate me because I'm rich, but I worked hard to get where I am today. I had to be born, and keep living, and not die. It's exhausting!

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America: Anyways, I'm gonna go cry in the bathroom.
America: Peace out, homies.

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America: Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji?
America: To show that I'm unhappy but still cool

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Canada: Are you drunk?
America: No
Canada: Good—
America: I accidentally took ecstasy though

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America: Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse, that's what I always say.
Canada: You should probably say something else.

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America, reaping: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!!
America, sowing: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

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America: My head hurts.
Britain: That's your brain comprehending its own stupidity.

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America: If there are any spirits here tonight...does this sound like Shakira? Lelelolelole~

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America, cucumbers on his eyes, bathing in grape Koolaid: The human life is a strained and tense one. I envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach... warmed by the sun... unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life...
Australia: ...do you need to talk?
America: I wish I was a croissant

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America: Sleepy
Canada: Then sleep
America: No fuck that

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America: Caffeine is stored in the me
Canada: Hey are you okay?
America: It's midnight and I can't sleep.
Canada: ...It's three pm.
America: Stupid is also stored in the me.