Look I know there's been a lot of Florida recently but it's his birthday!! And I feel like I have to celebrate it appropriately

Oregon: So what do you want for your birthday
Florida: a pigeon
Oregon: I can't get you a--
Florida: I said I want a pigeon

~~~

Florida: do you trust me
Oregon: absolutely not
Florida: i'll take that as a yes

~~~

Louisiana: Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?
Florida: Isn't that the bedrock upon which our friendship is founded?

~~~

"I don't need gasoline to start a fire! All I need are these two hands and no supervision!"
-Florida, probably

~~~

Oregon: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
Georgia: I gotta give you credit, Florida. You make it look easy.
Florida: Years of practice.

~~~

Kentucky: No way Jose
Tennessee: Who the fuck is Jose?
Florida, coming out of nowhere: Andale
Tennessee: who the fuck is he?

~~~

Florida: I just looked up the stats, and the number of meaningful relationships I've formed is less than the amount of public restrooms I've screamed in

~~~

Florida, to America: I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accuse me of things i clearly did

~~~

Georgia: you're so dramatic
Florida, rose clenched in his teeth, throwing glitter around, dressed in a tuxedo, draping himself across a piano: I have no idea what you're talking about

~~~

Oregon: *traps spider under a cup*
Florida: *appears and sets down 2 more cups*
Oregon: NO—
Florida: *begins to shuffles them*

~~~

Florida: I am an emotional gangster.
Louisiana: You cried for an hour yesterday after you saw ducklings following their mother.
Florida: *tearing up* They were just lined up so perfectly and they KNEW

~~~

Florida: If I were a millionaire I would buy millions of melons so I become a melonaire.
Georgia: How do you have friends?
Florida: Because I'm a melonaire

~~~

Florida: Who has four toothbrushes, celebrities or something?
Louisiana: No, that's like, for a family.
Florida: Family? Like, a whole family and their toothbrushes all together? Two slots for the parent toothbrushes and two slots for their kids?
Louisiana: Yup.
Florida: So the parent toothbrushes can be close to the kid toothbrushes and watch over them and they can all talk about their toothbrush feelings and they can hold their little toothbrush hands when they're sad and make sure no harm ever comes to their little bristles?
Louisiana: ...Sure.

~~~

America: Florida
Florida: huh?
America: give me the recorder
Florida: why?
America: because you've been playing it for 6 hours straight and we need to sleep
Florida: alright fine *gives him recorder*
America: thank you *leaves*
Florida: *looks around*
Florida:
Florida: *pulls out another recorder*

~~~

Florida: I've never had a good thought in my life, and I'm sure as hell not starting now, on an unrelated note I got 60 boxes of snails being shipped here.

~~~

[Florida's Funeral]
Louisiana: Could...Could I have a moment alone with them, please?
America: Of course, he was your best friend
America: *leaves the room*
Louisiana: Alright listen. I know you're not actually dead.
Florida, opening his eyes: Uh yeah no shit. Come dig me up at around midnight.
Louisiana: We gonna run away together?
Florida: Obviously.
Louisiana: Sweet.

~~~

Florida: when was the last time I asked you for something?
Oregon: Yesterday. You asked me to look into your ear to see if there was a ladybug in there.
Florida: OK! when was the last time I asked you for something and IT WASN'T A MEDICAL EMERGENCY
Oregon: Yesterday. You asked me to look into your ear to see if there was a ladybug in there.

~~~

Oregon: Florida, what are you doing?
Florida: Making chocolate pudding.
Oregon: It's four o'clock in the morning, why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Florida: Because I've lost control of my life.

~~~

Oregon: How do you feel about children?
Florida: Um, they're okay, I guess. I mean, if I saw one, I wouldn't throw a ball bearing at it.
Oregon: Why would you throw a ball bearing at a child?
Florida: I just said I wouldn't

~~~

Florida: live every day like it's your last, because I'm totally going to kill you, I'm just not great with schedules

~~~

Florida: come on. When have I ever put you in a situation where you feel unsafe or uncomfortable?
Oregon: literally all the time
Florida: then you should be used to it by now!

~~~

Florida: a pessimist would take getting stabbed to be a negative. Meanwhile, me, as an optimist, prefer to look it from the angle of "oh sweet, free knife"