Ontario: Out of all the drinks you could've picked, why milk?
Nunavut: I refuse to have a weak skeleton for the Skeleton War
Ontario:
Ontario: I keep telling myself not to ask you questions and yet here I am

~~~

Alberta: There's a special section in hell reserved for you.
Quebec: That's good, I'd hate to wait in line.

~~~

Quebec: new live laugh love sign but it says 'hubris, heresy, horseshit'

~~~

British Columbia: You're my family and I love you, but you're terrible, you're all terrible.

~~~

Saskatchewan: i want. a cicada on one arm and a crayfish on the other
Saskatchewan: tattoos i mean. i'm not like, taking a couple of invertebrates out on the town
Nunavut: you should. i bet they would have a lovely time.

~~~

Nunavut: The early bird gets the worm but the late bird gets a slightly worse worm. There are worms everywhere. Who cares. Sleep late. Do not let the worms decide your lifestyle.

~~~

Ontario: Have any of you heard of the trolley problem?
British Columbia: No.
Ontario: So you're driving a runaway trolley.
Alberta: Why am I driving a trolley?
Saskatchewan: The better question is, how much am I getting paid for it?
Ontario: That doesn't matter. Let's move on. There are two tracks you can go on. One has one worker on it and the other has four workers on it. The trolley will run over and kill whoever is on the track it's running on. Which track do you go on?
British Columbia: Who has the better lawyers?
Alberta: The better question is, how good are our lawyers?
Saskatchewan: Can we even pay for lawyers? We still don't know how much we're getting paid!
Ontario: You know what, forget it.

~~~

Newfoundland: What would the ocean be without the occasional sea monster?

~~~

British Columbia: I knew you wouldn't approve it, so I went over your head.
Ontario: I'm the leader.
British Columbia: Oh, that's right.
British Columbia: So I went behind your back.

~~~

Yukon: you know how when you go out in the middle of the woods, your phone loses internet service? that is because the trees naturally protect you from the evil dark energy rays generated by influencers and twitter opinions.
Yukon: follow for more information about the beauty of nature

~~~

British Columbia: I need irl subtitles.
British Columbia, to Quebec: What are you even saying?

~~~

Ontario: Americans are always saying shit like garbage disposal and I-95.
Saskatchewan: Those are good names for a pair of orange cats.

~~~

British Columbia: so what's for dinner?
Alberta: I can't tell you, it's a soup-rise!
British Columbia: is it soup?
Alberta: I soup-pose it could be, ha.
British Columbia: stop that.
Alberta: stoup what?
British Columbia: making soup puns.
Alberta: no.
Alberta: soup.
*later*
British Columbia: ..i can't believe it's fucking tacos.