Thirteen.

Years.

Long, endless... where you've been away from the Sanctuary. Cursed...because you've been away from me.

Then I didn't understand why you were hiding in the mysterious and distant tower of Jamir, and I confess... I hated you because I thought you were a traitor.

A traitor to Athena?

No, I never believed those rumors. I even had doubts about Aiolos...

I felt betrayed. How could you deprive me of your sight for 13 years?

It's ironic, isn't it? I, who always kept my eyes closed to control my cosmos, in my short life I had opened them only for you...and I would have continued to do so...if only you had given me your presence.

Now it goes without saying that you were right, you were always right. And you still have it...damn it!

Twelve.

All of us. The Saints of Athena. Her elite...

What have we been since the goddess brought us back?

Nothing more, nothing less, than young men. Like so many young men living in Rodorio. The difference between them and us is that we know everything about death and are always ready to embrace it, while they are focused on life. They want it...hard, ungrateful, sometimes unpleasant...but they want it because it can also be sweet, lovable, fruitful in wonders.

Once upon a time I didn't even consider them. Ever since I found you, Mu of Aries, I feel exactly the same way as these young men.

Eleven.

Always us. Since you left.

Once again...you left again.

I thought what we did would dissuade you from leaving again. And yet...you did.

This time, however, the fault is only mine...of my jealousy, of my possessiveness...anyway mine. I know, it's strange for me to say this. I, the man closest to the gods, the most arrogant person in this shrine, am admitting I was wrong.

The fact is, no matter how close I am to the divine, I am still a man. And mind you that I have never considered myself a fool, anything...I think I am very intelligent, and without useless and false modesty I consider my intellect far above the average of this same Shrine.

That is why I fully understand that I acted like an idiot.

Ten.

At the very least... the times you warned me that my fears would hurt us.

But what can I do?

I'm afraid...that someone will take you away from me, because, deep in my heart, I always knew you were better. Even me.

To me you are like lavender, whose fragrance only inebriates me because it reminds me of you. Delicate, fresh, pure, sweet. Everything in my temple smells like lavender, but only to be able to delude myself that I always have you near.

Nine.

The temple of Sagittarius. The place where the tragedy began, and no, this time Aiolos has nothing to do with it.

Or rather, to the extent that he chose the wrong boyfriend...

No, forget it, it's my anger talking... Aiolos chose to be with the man he loves, doing the most sacrosanct and beautiful thing in the entire universe.

He knew how to forgive, heal the wounds of Shura to help him forgive himself, and he did it with dedication, with love, with the nobility of great men.

In many ways, Aiolos looks like you.

Celebrating their union was the most normal thing they could do, because they gained their happiness.

The problem was the owner of the heart who, in all this, remained behind since not reciprocated... Saga.

And why did you have to be the shoulder he cried on?

I know. You would have done it for anyone. But really for anyone, even a stranger.

Eight.

The minutes of silence you dug in after my jealous outburst.

I swear I counted them.

I remember them all, because every second was worried about reminding me of the idiocy I'd just committed.

At least I had the good taste to wait to be alone...but only because I know your discretion and I know you will not tolerate our life becoming a gossip.

Our life...do we still have Mu?

Seven.

The missions we've been doing together since the goddess brought us back.

Hard or simple, my concern is always one...

It may sound ridiculous, but even on the easiest missions, I've always been afraid of losing you.

I've never felt this attachment for anyone or anything, and I shouldn't feel it...

You know exactly what our religion is about, but yet it's stronger than me. I don't care if the outcome of the mission is good or bad...the only result that matters to me at the end of every task is to feel your breath against mine, as I hold you in my arms.

Six.

The sixth house. Mine.

Dramatically empty.

Until some time ago I loved the emptiness of my temple. It instilled in my mind peace, quiet...I had finally found in my solitude the harmony I had always sought after your departure.

How?

Simple...I had completely emptied my heart, depriving it, for better or worse, of any kind of feeling, and relegating it to a mere existential mechanism.

But now things have changed.

The problem is, you filled the void of my house with all of yourself. I look around and there's nothing in here that doesn't bring your touch, your essence, or even something of you.

My gaze wanders over a corner of the temple, where a bouquet of dried lavender adorns that otherwise forgotten place.

Snort nervously scratching my scalp. Was that really necessary?

Five.

The plans of the Jamir tower.

I hate it...I hate the place you've locked yourself in because it keeps me from seeing you.

At the same time I love it, because it is also the place where we run away when we want some tranquility.

Or rather, a little discretion, because you, Mu of Aries, in spite of your angelic figure, you have nothing at all...behind closed doors, in the privacy of our homes, the element that governs your sign comes out in all its greatness.

In the tower then, you are liquid fire...even the small remore due to the proximity of the other temples are less, and then you shout my name groaning without modesty and offering you to me in all your wonderful impudence.

You offer me a beautiful and sensual show, Mu...maybe you never noticed, but, when we make love, I am completely mesmerized by everything you do.

The allusive look, the half-open lips waiting to be devoured, the provocative gesture with which you move your hair to the side, that erotic bow that your back draws when I touch your most sensitive point...

Ah... Mu!

Four.

The weeks that have passed since your departure. Although they seem more...because days are long when remorse gives you no respite.

I can never forget the emptiness that Shion's words caused in me when, in the aftermath of our fight, he summoned us all to tell us that you would spend an indefinite period in Jamir to restore some old armor, And that we should only look for you if absolutely necessary.

We live in times of peace...how the hell can I ruin my armor?!

Not even rushing against the wall of the sixth temple would get some results...and know that I thought...seriously.

Three.

The nefarious house. I've been looking for you like crazy everywhere.

And to say that you didn't hide anything, in fact...I remember your exact words before leaving the engagement party of Aiolos and Shura... Shaka, I'll take Saga to her temple because he's not well, if you want to meet me at home or you can meet me there...

That doesn't sound like a perfect loyalist.

In fact, you're not. But seeing Saga's face drowned in your hair, in the hollow of that neck that I...and only I...have the right to claim, has driven me out of my mind.

I tried to stay calm, but when we got home I threw the mask...saying things I should never have said.

I will never forget your disappointed look...yes, seeing the disappointment in your eyes has awakened me from my momentary madness...when you told me that I do not trust you.

I trust you...I trust you completely.

It's Saga I don't trust.

And the half smile he gave me when I practically dragged you out of his temple only supports my thesis...that he's a bastard!

Two.

You and me. What we were before we found each other.

One.

We.

Now. All the time.

Like an automaton I rise from the lotus of stone in which now I meditate day and night, moving around the house like a ghost. I go to the kitchen...I think a tea will help calm my nerves.

Of course, I must be very worried not to have noticed what I would normally smell at a distance...in my distraction, I attributed the responsibility to the damn lavender bouquet that I can not even look without feeling a hole opening in my stomach.

The amber and sweet liquid slips down my throat giving me some warmth...I really need it. Even though we are almost at the beginning of summer, I often find myself having cold, especially in the evening. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am not feeding well because I devote almost all my time to meditation...perhaps it is due to the fact that usually in the evening we spend our time glued to each other. Whether it's for reading, watching television...or doing something else...

I shake my head slightly to open the images that come to mind, especially the last...the real risk is that my eyes fill with tears for the umpteenth time, making me company in a sleepless night. Which would just be the last in a long line.

Only Buddha knows how much I need to sleep...I look like a wet rag thrown into a corner to mold. I need to rest, or at least I would like to try, just gently stretch my limbs to give the body some rest, since everything in my mind is a little more complicated.

With very little enthusiasm I head to the bedroom. To be honest, in recent times I frequent it as little as possible...obviously, in that place everything reminds me of you, and your shadow destroys me because seeing it without being able to grab it's owner wears me out.

My mind must be in total short-circuit not to notice what is increasingly evident...

Arrived in front of the door of the room, I lazily put my hand on the handle, while a deep breath swells my sore chest...the last night I had spent in that room had been the one that had preceded the disaster, along with the love of my life.

At this point I deliberately decide to hurt myself and close my eyes thinking about the atmosphere you create in the bedroom when you want to give me a gift... soft and sensual music harmoniously invades the air...the aroma of sandalwood, intense and attractive, mixed with the soft scent of lavender, pure and inviting, passes from the nostrils inviting reason to give in, to abandon itself to temptation...

For a moment I feel all this, and my heart tightens to the thought that my mind is deceiving me in such a subtle way.

Hold on a second...

Maybe right now, I'm not the clearest person in the world, but...I'm either freaking out, or something's going on here!

In a few moments my heart starts pumping blood faster than it should, while my hand still leaning against the door handle starts shaking slightly.

Can't it be...or...can it be?!

Fear invades every fiber of my muscles. I am afraid...that I have imagined everything and that reality makes me sink into an abyss of pain and loneliness worse than what I am already living.

But I'm a gold knight, and even though I've never been trained or prepared to love, I can't be a coward.

I take a deep breath and with what remains of my conscience, while I can count the beats of my heart pounding furiously against my throat, I open the door...

For a moment I demand that my reason consider the darkness that reigns inside the room normal, but my claim is short-lived. The glimmer of light that the moon casts from the window illuminates the desolation of my empty bed, and there I can no longer resist...tears descend profusely, turning my face until they get lost in the angular line of my jaw.

Now I am alone, I do not run the risk that someone can hear me while crossing my house. I can't take it anymore.

In the discretion of loneliness, weeping remains the only revealing sound of a human presence within that desolately empty and damned cold space.

The painful moans shake me until my stomach aches, and I can no longer keep myself standing...I try with difficulty to approach the bed to support myself, but I feel my legs fail.

I'm about to fall. If it wasn't dramatic I'd laugh at how grotesque I feel.

Virgo Shaka, the knight with the most powerful cosmos, the man closest to the gods, grounded by the one thing that cannot control...love. And to think that I was the first to judge the emotional torments of others, relegating them to mere weakness, to matters of little importance...as I was foolish!

I'm about to fall, kneeling to the inevitability of something I recognize as being stronger than me. Much stronger.

However...I did not fall.

Two strong, warm arms, known, embrace me in a firm and delicate grip at the same time...

I only know one person who can do this with absolute ease.

I'm terrified to turn around and be disappointed for the umpteenth time...now, for several days, I seem to feel your presence around me, except then realize that it's just my mind playing tricks on me. So I don't do anything, I don't move, I even avoid breathing...so the pain won't hit me the moment I realize that this time it's all in my head.

But you're better, because you understand all of this and you keep me from hurting myself any further...

- Cry no more, my love... -.

Five words...and I feel the warmth slowly returning to my body. How it is possible, within a few seconds, to go from a state of total despair to one of complete well-being, will remain a mystery for me...but so much so.

I turn around to finally look at you...you're not my fantasy, you're not a hallucination, you're...beautiful...even more than I remember.

- Mu, listen to me, I... - but you won't let me talk. Your fingers are gently resting on my lips, asking me to shut up.

- I love you Shaka of Virgo...I love you more than you can imagine...I love you more than I could imagine... -.

My eyes are wide open, I don't want to miss anything...every expression of yours is worth more to me than anything else, and I can't lose it.

- I hate it when we fight and I hate the fact that you yell at me...but - my gaze must tell you more than I can - the regret of arguing with you is nothing compared to the pain of being away from you... -.

Your hands move gently along the lines of my face with care, the one that only you can have.

- The fact is that I love everything about you Shaka... -.

- Even my faults? - I finally find the strength to talk...actually I would like to tell you that I love you like crazy, that I did nothing but think of you and call myself an idiot for having driven you away from me...but I also have to know...

I need to know if you can accept that it bothers me if someone else approaches you, if you can accept that I'm not always reasonable...

- I missed them terribly - and the beautiful smile that lights up your face confirms that it's true.

I can't wait any longer...

With the determination of one who would break down any obstacle that had the misfortune to come between us, I approach you whispering I love you like a mantra, and when our faces are inches apart, I grab your lips with mine like my life depends on it, and... well...that's what it is.

I hold you tight, so much is the fear that you can vanish in my arms at any moment, but you do not, indeed...stay and answer with my own need. My hands arrive wherever I have desired in these last weeks, and you too do not make you pray...replay every gesture with the same passion with which I am claiming you.

I lift you with ease and you do not hesitate to cross your legs around my life, while our tongues continue to quench their thirst in the urgent need for refreshment. Cheeky Aries!

Ah Mu...I will never be able to explain how much I missed you! But I can prove it to you, and I intend to do so...

Despite the position, I will guide you safely to our bed. I love to call it that...actually, in the past I liked the idea of having all the space for me, but after experiencing the emptiness of your absence, I realized that the only space that interests me is the one, aside from me, that gently lowers under your weight.

I lay you down carefully and for a moment I stop to look at you...you are so beautiful Mu of Aries...your hair scattered on the bed and your angelic face make you more like a celestial figure than a human.

That, of course, won't stop me from making you my own.

And the impertinent way you open yourself to me, you seem to understand perfectly what's on my mind...