Adam wouldn't stop apologising.

Even after I stopped hyperventilating, he was still telling me how dumb he was to say those things.

"I just needed you to get it out of your system."

"I know, Adam."

"I didn't want you to do... well, that."

"I know, Adam."

"I can't believe I caused that. It was my fault, Eli."

"I know- wait. That's not true."

"Yes it is!" He protested. I was still wrapped in his arms, only now we were sitting on the pool tile, leaning up against the concrete wall. I rested my head on his shoulder and kept my breathing even with his, which was getting slower and calmer by the minute.

"I mean, technically it was, yes. But if it didn't happen with you, it would've happened at home, but it would've been even worse. Nobody would be there like you were for me, and I couldn't have stopped myself before things got bad."

He looked down at me, and I looked back up at him. "It usually gets bad, then?"

I sighed, but I didn't pull my eyes away from his. "Sometimes. When it happens, I feel like I'm blackout drunk. I do things I don't even feel or think about until it ends."

"When does it end?"

"Depends on the day. When I was younger and my mum first took me to the doctor, it's because they would happen daily for hours on end. Now, they don't last more than an hour or so and it isn't every day."

"Christ, Eli," was all he could say.

"It is what it is," I mumbled without even meaning to. My dads catch phrase had sort of always stuck with me, no matter how much I was against it.

Adam leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. "I'm still sorry."

"You meant well."

He yawned. "Still. Hey, Eli?"

"Yeah?"

"D'you want to go home?"

"Not really."

"Me either."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall next to his. His arm was wrapped around my shoulder tight, almost protectively, as he drifted quickly off to sleep. He wasn't as used to staying up as I was.

I'm okay.

After an hour of failing to fall asleep, I opened my eyes and looked around. The pool at night was still scary, yes, but I felt comfortable. I could still see the little things that played tricks on my eyes, and every sound made me jump a bit, but I wasn't alone. And for once, I didn't feel alone.

I looked up at Adam to see if he had woken up while I tried to sleep, but he was out like a light, his laboured breathes tickling my cheeks. Even though I always saw him as a carefree boy, he never looked this calm unless he was listening to music. I never really noticed much about his face. Yes, I saw his almond eyes that were almost always covered by wisps of black hair that fell from his backwards hat (he was the only guy I knew who could wear one without looking like a dickhead), and I saw his thin pink lips that were usually pulled into a lopsided smile.

But I never saw the very faint freckles that dotted his cheeks and nose and connected to make constellations all over his face, or how his eyelashes were so long, girls would be jealous if they saw him this close. I never noticed how perfect his tan skin was, or his strong jawline that was sharp enough to cut. My eyes darted around his face as I tried to take in everything that was Adam. I wanted to remember him as I saw him at that moment: relaxed, close up, and perfect. The first word that came to mind was beautiful, which I guess was true.

The funny sensation in my chest started up again— like a heart attack and nervous butterflies all at once— and it quickly dawned on me what was happening:

I was realising that I really like Adam Chang.

<><><>

Oh boy big things are happening for Elijah.  :) I'm excited and I hope you guys are too :)))))). Any predictions?

School is so hard holy shit. Right before I posted this, I found out a bombed a chem quiz. Yay. How are all your lives?

Anyway thanks soooo much for reading! Lots of love!

~Teddy