Chapter Eleven

Exhaustion. Lizzie realised she'd never known the true meaning of the word until she got home. The funeral had been whilst Nate was at school. There was no need to complicate his life with it; a funeral wasn't a place for someone so young. Marcus her neighbour had collected him from school, and he'd taken him to the local soft play afterwards.

She'd been in the house after the funeral and several glasses of wine when they got home. Oscar was there too, he'd been a bit of a limpet to her side all day. Not that she meant that as a complaint. He had been amazing, supporting her emotionally and often physically until her parents had got into their car and headed back to their bubble. They hadn't suggested seeing Nate, and hadn't enquired what was happening now his mother was gone. But she hadn't expected anything else.

"Hey champ, how was your day?"

Oscar's question dragged the youngster's attention off of her, which had to be a good thing as she knew she looked like death. She mentally pardoned the pun, then after hugging Marcus and thanking him for his invaluable help, she headed to the kitchen to make coffee. She needed something.

She could hear Nate out in the garden, whooping and laughing with Oscar. For someone who had no experience as a father, he was doing great. Janis would be pleased.

She groaned, that would be true if her sister hadn't purposely avoided including the man in her son's future. Legally he'd been excluded, ignored, and until Janis died no one knew that she actually knew the identity of his father. If Lizzie had heard the directions in the will before she'd found Oscar's name, then things could have been so different.

But she didn't want that, it was right for Nate to have Oscar in his life, and he was proving to be a good choice. Maybe she should call the solicitor on Monday, start the ball rolling in recognising Oscar as Nate's father.

But that caused a lance of pain to her chest. She would lose him, Nate, and she wasn't ready for that, not yet.

It was dark early, so the two males couldn't spend that long outside, by the time they came in, she'd made food for Nate, and had drunk several mugs of coffee, which was helping.

The next hour was spent talking about Nate's day at preschool and what their plans were for the weekend. Oscar was there, part of these conversations, but not overtaking or dominating, she was grateful for that. Saturday morning was swimming lessons for Nate, and she still intended to take him to that. Otherwise there was very little else in the diary. They could relax a little, take stock, and for Lizzie, try to plan what the future would bring.

Oscar appeared from Nate's bedroom, he was the go-to bedtime story reader these days, and smiled at her.

"You were great today Lizzie, hope you realised that."

She grimaced at that, "cos I didn't breakdown in public?"

He shook his head, "you made the funeral a reflection of your sister...her life, her spirit...when others would feel resentful you pulled it out of the bag. I may have only known you a couple of weeks, but I can't tell you how proud I felt today."

These weren't words or sentiments that she wanted to hear, she needed to keep her distance, push him away, that was how she was going to survive. Instead, he was burrowing under her skin, saying and doing things that no one had ever graced her with before.

Stepping back she gave an awkward smile, "you flatter me, I'm thinking of myself really in all this."

He shook his head, "that's not true."

She bit her lip as she stared at him; the tears were only ever a step away. "We need to talk."

Oscar nodded, "we need to talk a lot, but not now. Today is all about you...and Janis. Ok?"

"You're going to take Nate away; I need to work out what that means."

Reaching out he gripped her upper arms gently, "that is not where we need to go tonight, honestly. The last two weeks have been hard, really hard for SO many reasons. We need to tread carefully, ok? I need to go back to the States, free some things up. I ran off leaving my life in limbo, and I need to deal with that...but I don't want to upset Nate, abandon him."

She sighed, "but it means you can come back for longer...he'll understand that."

"When I come back, I want him to know who I am."

Gulping she swallowed the lump in her throat, when Nate knew that, it would all be over for her. Nate craved a man's influence, he needed his father, she had until he returned to make the most of her time with him. Nodding her agreement she hated feeling the tear roll down her cheek when she was under his close scrutiny.

Lifting a hand he used his thumb to swipe at the tear, "I don't want to hurt you."

She whimpered, "but you will."

Oscar watched her retreat, knowing she needed some time to regroup, but he had no idea how to make this better. They were coming from polar opposite positions, and one of them was going to lose out, they both wanted what was best for Nate, but that wasn't going to be easy. He could no more move here, than they could move to him, they all had lives, responsibilities...and never the twain shall meet, as the old adage said.

He could leave, walk away, leave her to her grief, but he didn't want to, he wanted to be there, reassure her that he wasn't about to make things harder than they had to be. They had to work this out, even though there was no easy solution.

Picking up his phone, he called a local pizza place and ordered them some food, he knew that she loved jalapenos and spicy beef on hers, so he added to it and ordered a large one, plus chicken wings, and stuffed jalapenos.

When she finally emerged from her bedroom, he opened a beer and slid it along the table to her. She grabbed it and took a long drink before inclining her head as a thank you.

"Thought you would have left."

He studied her for a moment, he'd never known someone like her, she was on the verge of breaking down, he could tell that, hell he couldn't blame her. But she stood there, chin lifted, fighting that. He wasn't lying earlier when he said he was proud of her. He was. She took everything on the chin, dealt with whatever life threw at her. She was an inspiration.

The pizza arrived and she moaned appreciatively as he opened the box. But they didn't revisit the difficult conversation. Instead he watched her eat enthusiastically, despite the trauma of the day, she was eating, and that pleased him more than he could have imagined.

"When do you leave?"

Her voice was unexpected, and he shrugged, "nothing set in stone, but I need to go soon." His mind was over active and he seemed to speak before he had thought through the consequences, "why don't you come with me? Both of you. Could be a break..."

She stared at him for a long moment, "you want us to come to your home in the US?"

Did he? Suddenly it didn't sound so ridiculous. Having Nate at his home, spending time with him, with Freya and Coop, that would give him a chance to see if this would work, how they could sort this out. It sounded perfect. So he broke in to a beaming smile.

"Of course, a change of scenery for you both, a holiday...Coop - my brother in law, he has like a granny flat at the back of his place, you could both stay there, you can have a look around, meet my sister...and have a little fun?"

Lizzie stared at him for what felt like ten minutes, but she was unable to respond. She had just attended her sister's funeral, and now the man she'd met just two weeks earlier was suggesting she leave the country with her nephew. Who was his son...and stay with his family. It was crazy and ridiculous...but then he may end up moving there, at least she'd know where it was, who he was with.

She finally found words, "we couldn't...I'm not his legal guardian yet, and we don't have Visas."

He shrugged, "nothing can be that hard. Can't you speak to your sister's lawyer? If you apply online then visa applications can be really quick."

She shook her head, "I don't know...this is all..." She swiped at her eyes as they prickled with unshed tears, "It's too much. I need some sleep."

He gave her a sad smile, "I'm sorry to spring this, I didn't plan anything. This was a spur of the moment thing...sleep on it, let me know in the morning?"

She nodded, "I'll call you."

With that she walked out and left him in her kitchen.

But sleep eluded her, that was typical as she'd never felt so exhausted. She'd been in bed around an hour when her phone buzzed.

"I don't want you to think I planned this, but I HAVE to go back and I'd love it if you both came with me. I hope you think about it. It's a nice town, lots to do and you'll love Freya, my sister - you are so alike. But that's not pressure."

Lizzie smiled; he was quite sweet in his own way. He didn't try to push her, but he was persuasive.

"It all sounds a little perfect. Life isn't like that Oscar."

She could imagine him laughing at that, because to him anything was possible. He was that type of guy, life always dealt him a decent hand.

"Bet you think that I think that's a lie, I know it isn't easy Liz, but this is a good idea. You deserve a trip, plus you can see my life what it's like. How does that sound?"

She groaned loudly, then replied.

"Like I'm looking on my phone at immigration details for the US?"

"Good choice!"