Chapter Four

Fortunately there was school for Nate the following day. After calling work and telling them she wouldn't be in for a while, she took him to school and met with the head teacher. As he played in a room adjacent to his office, Lizzie explained all that had happened, but that whilst Nate was showing signs of being upset, most of the time he was fine.

"I feel that him being home, doing something different will make it worse, make it harder on him. Don't you think?"

The man smiled, "I agree completely. In school we pride ourselves on being a family. What I will do is call in his teacher to this conversation so that we can all be on the same song sheet if or when he gets upset. If that's ok?"

She nodded eagerly, and after giving Nate a kiss goodbye, he trotted off to class, and she welcomed his class teacher in his place.

The meeting went well, the representatives from the school being extremely helpful and supportive. Just what Nate needed. She was worried that he was going to be overwhelmed with everything that was happening. When she left, she felt confident that he was at least in a stable environment for him.

Jumping in her car, she drove across town to her sister's lawyer. Another situation that seemed almost too painful for words.

Cheryl Malone was someone that Lizzie had come across professionally; they were a similar age and had started out as bottom feeding legal eagles as roughly the same time. Lizzie had specialised in corporate law, and Cheryl had moved into family law. She'd become a partner in the small company she worked at quickly, and her office was on the top floor of a docklands office block. She was nowhere near as far up the ladder as this woman was, but that was corporate law...or rather her company. Lizzie had repeatedly begun to think that she'd made a lot of wrong choices, seeing the interior of the office she was shown to, only reinforced that.

"Lizzie." Cheryl rose from behind the desk, she was a petite brunette, yet had an imposing presence, what she lacked in height she compensated with a sense of authority.

Lizzie smiled, "nice to see you again Cheryl."

"I just wish it was under better circumstances."

Lizzie took the seat she offered and sighed, "it was a huge shock. But I'm amazed that Janis wrote a will. Someone who is..."she gulped on the emotion of that. "Sorry, she was, so disorganised, she lived day-to-day. It's not like her to be organised, to actually forward think."

Cheryl sighed, "she didn't do it that long ago. She was nervous about what would happen to Nathan."

"What do you mean? She wasn't ill."

The lawyer shook her head, "no, but she was worried about what would happen if exactly this scenario. Before I tell you all that she said, she left me this."

She passed a sealed envelope across the table, and Lizzie glanced at it, spotting her name in that familiar loping scrawl. She stifled a sob that appeared at the back of the throat. When she lifted her eyes to the other woman she gave a sympathetic smile.

"Are you ready to do this? We can do this later in the week."

She didn't answer; instead she took the envelope and slowly opened it. As she did Cheryl stood.

"I'll give you some time alone."

It took her a long moment to actually read the letter. And when she did it was through a haze of tears.

To my dearest Lizzie,

The fact that you are reading this means something has happened to be, before Nate is old enough to look after himself. A devastating thought. But as you are all we have, then we have to think about this scenario.

I've not been the best sister, I'm a selfish cow and I abandoned you for far too long. Anyone else would hate me, resent me. But not you.

After years away, I turn up with a toddler, and you just open the door to your home, without question. I can never tell you what that meant to me. I came home heartbroken, I'd met up with Nate's father a couple of times, he never knew about him until he was almost two. We hooked up a few times when he stayed in the hotel I was at. When he turned up after finding out about Nate, I hoped it would mean something. But he promised to do whatever I needed for Nate, but he made it clear he wasn't interested in me. Janis. Call me selfish, call me a bitch (I am all of those things and more), but it broke me. Suddenly no one likes a single mother...so I came home tail between my legs.

And you were happy, pleased...and you've done SO much for Nathan. You're more of a mother to him than I am. That's the truth.

So that brings me to the purpose of this letter. If anything happens to me, I want Nate to stay with you. His father isn't involved, has never been. I want you to be his mother; I want you to be the one who keeps him on the straight and narrow. I know it's a lot to ask, but I know that you already feel that way about him. This is a huge ask, but not as big as letting you take us on for however many years this has been.

I love you, little sister. I can't tell you how much. I know that our parents made your life hell, and I hope that when you read this you've found what you want in life. You hate your job; you seem to live through obligations. Promise me, that if you haven't already, that you'll start to live your life. As the kids say YOLO. Take that sentiment as I'm obviously not able to any more.

Don't grieve me, Lizzie. I have loved my life at the expense of so many people. If I die the day after writing this then I'll have lived a fulfilled life. I will miss you, and Nate. But I've done well, girl.

Sending you a million hugs, half for Nate, or maybe two thirds.

Janis, xxx

She felt SO many emotions as she read the words. The pain of hearing her sister in every word, that she could sum things up so astutely in death, yet never say those things in life, and of course the grief at knowing she'd never come back. Then there was the optimism that she wanted Nate to stay with her...but then the anger of the way she'd cut Oscar out of everything.

"Bloody hell Janis..." she hissed under her breath as the tears still coursed down her face. "You can't make me make this decision."

She didn't want to lose Nathan to his father, but then Oscar wasn't the stay away father that she'd been led to believe. Could she honour her sister's misplaced and almost deluded choice and snub the boy's real parent? But could she bear to lose him too?

She'd barely spoken to Oscar, she had no idea what he wanted from this, and she had no idea if he had room for Nate in his life anyway.

A tap at the door made her swipe at her tears, and she looked up to see Cheryl approach with a mug of tea.

"You OK?"

Lizzie nodded, "as I'll ever be. Janis was the best at making me feel bad..."

Cheryl smiled, "she wants you to have her son."

"Is that the right thing to do?"

"He's all you've got. Janis said she had no contact details for his father, that he lives overseas. He doesn't know about him, is that right?"

Lizzie was mute, and merely shrugged. She could say 'no he's in town' and pass on the details, but instead she stayed silent. She had no idea whether she trusted this man; she had to suss him out first. Then she could discuss it with the lawyer. She couldn't stop him being in Nate's life, but she sure as hell was going to make sure that his intentions were right.

The rest of the will detailed that everything went in trust for Nate. Not that Janis had much; she'd lived to her means all her life, and was left with very little. A small pension that would give Nate a lump sum at eighteen and some personal effects. No cash or investments, and very little in her current account. Not even enough to pay for her funeral.

Back in the car, Lizzie sighed. She was fed up with crying. She had to collect the death certificate, speak to the funeral directors, and then once again speak to her parents. They could help with the funeral, both planning, and the finances, but she knew they wouldn't offer. If they did, they'd expect the funeral to be in their local church. The last thing specified in Janis's will was that she wanted to be cremated in the local crematorium to Lizzie's house and have her ashes scattered gradually on every holiday that she and/or Nate went on, so that she was always part of their lives.

Her parents would hate it...and blame her.

Looking at her phone she saw she had nine messages. Three from work colleagues offering condolences and support on hearing her news, one from the hospital explaining that the death certificate was available for her to collect. Then there was a little update from the school to say that Nate was settled and happy, just to reassure her. Then she had four awkward messages from Oscar.

"Sorry I shot off last night. Looked like you needed some space, and I was jetlagged..."

Then another one almost immediately.

"Not that that's an excuse. But I do want to spend time with Nate, and I'm sorry if I haven't made that obvious."

She wasn't overly convinced, but she did appreciate how difficult it had been the previous day. She wasn't going to stop Oscar seeing his son, but she wanted to vet him a little more before she did that. She owed it to her sister...

"I'm hoping to catch up with you both today, could you call me back at some point?"

And he did leave a number. She had driven home before she looked at it. He'd got himself a UK registered mobile, that made her think that he was definitely here for the long term...and that gave her mixed feelings. The strongest being fear.

Oscar had to wait until mid morning to start his phoning and emailing. He'd messaged his main boss the night before and explained that the situation. He knew that there'd be follow up calls, but he wasn't like this, he never took time off. He could work remotely to some extent anyway.

His jetlag meant he didn't sleep well, so he had done all that he could by ten am...and then he could do nothing to avoid thinking about the previous afternoon. He'd met his son, a brilliant, intelligent little boy...and then he'd run away.

Groaning he dropped his head to the makeshift desk in the lounge of the small house he'd leased. He knew this wasn't going to be a short or even singular trip.

As if telepathically, his phone rang. He'd left several messages with Lizzie already, he couldn't help but hope that this was her. Glancing at the phone he sighed, it wasn't her...it was his sister. He'd only just emailed her the number of his new phone.

"What are you doing up at five am?" it wasn't the greeting she'd expect, but he was fraught.

"Hello to you too!" Her voice was husky, sleepy, but he knew that she was trying to be quiet too. "You forget I have a five month old baby. They can't tell the time."

She'd repeatedly told him how good Riley was, so he wasn't sure he believed her.

"The angel child?"

She groaned, "he woke...now I'm awake cos I'm worrying about my big bro. Shoot me for being concerned."

He chuckled, "Frey, you just want to be nosey."

"Not at all. How did it go yesterday?"

He'd not really had chance to think that through for himself, but quiet introverted Freya was no more, instead she'd become the opposite, wise and almost worldly, though that seemed bizarre.

"I saw him. He's beautiful."

He heard her gasp and smiled, "have you got a photo?"

"I took a few sneakily; I'll send them to you." As he talked her messaged a photo to her. "He doesn't know who I am, Lizzie, that's his aunt, she felt it was wise...he's got a lot to deal with."

"Sensible. Be too easy to rock up all 'Luke, I am your father.' The poor mite must be so confused."

"He's not too bad considering, but he lives with his aunt, before this...so she's kept things fairly routine for him."

"Sounds like she's a sensible woman."

Before he could reply she squealed, and he could hear Coop moan from somewhere near her.

"Sorry darling," she whispered, then hissed obviously at him, "Oscar, he is the absolute image of you. Oh my God. He's beautiful..." Then she chuckled, "can't be that like you then, can he?"

That made him smile; she wasn't the type to compliment him. "He's amazing."

"So what happened?"

He told her about the afternoon, spending time with Nate, but also how he'd disappeared when his son got distressed.

Freya's chastisement was given kindly, "you can't run now Oscar. It may be different, it may be confusing. But this is real. This is your life, and your responsibility. You have to man up. You cannot run away. That poor little boy. You are it...you are his only parent. It's a steep learning curve, but you have to do this."

He blushed though no one was there to see it, "I kind of got that message...just a few hours too late. I'm hoping to go see them again later."

There was a squawking along the phone line and he could hear Freya shushing her baby boy, "Oscar, I've got to go. Call me later?"

"Of course, thanks Frey, you're the best."

As he hung up, his phone rang again, and he was rewarded with Lizzie's name appearing on the screen.

"Lizzie, thanks for calling back." he answered gratefully.

He could sense her hesitation for a moment, "I wasn't holding out on you...there's been a lot to do. I took Nate back to school today."

Damn, he hadn't even thought about that, he was so unprepared to be a father. "Shit, how was that?"

"OK, better than I thought. I just figured that normality was best..."

She knew what was best for him, that was so blatantly obvious. He was way out of his depth...then Freya's words came back to him. He couldn't run away, he couldn't back out. He had to stand up and be that man.

"I wanted to come over later, maybe take you three out for dinner."

She sighed, "I'm cooking lasagne. It'll be ready for five...but Nate gets home around four."

His heart surged, "I'll be there."