Chapter Forty Seven

It was bizarre to wander around the house with no one to talk to and nothing to do. THe appointment with their respective legal teams was growing ever closer, and Lizzie had to admit that she was extremely nervous. For all her postulating and posturing, she was in effect shitting herself. Suddenly she was about to face the man who had the ability to break her, not once, but twice.

She looked around the house, every inch reminded her of Nate, his chubby-handed paintings stuck to the fridge, the five of six footballs that littered the house, the Paw Patrol beakers...then there were the photos. Of him. Him and his mother...the three of them.

But she's recently added a snap of her with both Oscar with Nate, taken at a restaurant back in New York. The three do them were smiling at the camera, a large ice cream in front of each of them. She remembered how happy they'd all been that day, after sightseeing and a lovely meal. Before everything got so complicated, before they muddied the waters and changed everything.

She wished she could teleport back to then, when the future was so much more simple. When she could have all that she wanted and her heart was still in one piece.

Then her eyes cast over a picture of Janis. There were loads in the house, but the one her eyes had landed on was the first one of Janis and Nate in this house, just days after they arrived, out of the blue. She sighed, reaching out to run her fingers over the image of her sister. She'd marched into her house, taken over everything, thrown her whole life upside down - bled her dry of both time and money, only highlighted more obviously her disastrous relationship with her parents, yet despite all that she'd give everything for her to be back there. Janis had never given her advice, she'd been away for years, but she still managed to leave a huge gaping hole in Lizzie's life, and she wanted to fall into that hole. She wanted to be anywhere but there...waiting for a huge meeting with legal people that would mark her future life permanently.

She was scared.

Terrified.

She got the bus into town, she couldn't cope with parking and the stress of the traffic, instead she slipped on her earphones and lost herself in music. Cheryl Martin's office was across town, overlooking a small park. As Lizzie sat in the waiting room, she watched a mother try to control two small children in the park, both running in opposite directions, making the woman tear her hair out. She couldn't help but smile. Nate was bad enough in that situation, let alone another one. She was still smiling when Cheryl's assistant called her through to the office.

Cheryl was sat behind her desk on the phone nodding frantically as she jotted equally as frenetically on a large jotter pad. She glanced at Lizzie and gave an awkward half smile half grimace, gesturing to a seat. It wasn't the boardroom that she was expecting, the high powered meeting across a table...instead she was perched across the desk from a legal representative who was struggling to hold things together seemingly.

She relaxed back into the seat and studied the blonde woman; she was everything that Lizzie wasn't. Confident, glamorous, and successful.

Lizzie had slumped into the seat when Cheryl finally ended the call; she gave a dramatic sigh, then shrugged.

"Well, if that wasn't the strangest conversation. That was Max, Max Phillips. He's representing Mr Wicker...Nathan's biological father..." She glanced at the pad in front of her, "well, the 'alleged' biological father. Sorry Lizzie, this is all rather strange."

Lizzie knew her mouth was hanging open, "what's happening?"

Cheryl called out into the hallway, "Margaret, can we get come, coffee please?" Then leaned back in her chair. "Well I was expecting Mr Wicker and his team to be here to discuss Nathan's paternity and custody issues." She smiled apologetically, "I know this must be hard for you. But, that was his solicitor on the phone, they aren't attending. His client has refused to perform a DNA test, a stipulation for any custody discussion, and has actually withdrawn any claim of paternity." She shook her head, "all a little strange, but it seems that custody is well and truly back with you, Lizzie."

Lizzie was gasping for air, she knew that. She also knew that she'd lost the thread of the conversation somewhere within the first few sentences. Either the temperature had risen by ten degrees in the last few moments, or she was struggling to deal with the shock of it all.

Cheryl was staring at her, asking her something, but she couldn't hear her for the pounding in her head.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

Cheryl smiled as her assistant placed a tray of coffee on her desk, when the door closed, she replied, "you look a bit stunned...but this is great news for you, and stability for Nathan."

She tried to pull herself out of the bewilderment of her mind and respond appropriately, because, yes - this was exactly what she had always wanted, security, confidence that Nate would always be in her life. But she didn't know why. And that is what confused her.

"It's definitely unusual."

Cheryl chuckled, "it's a lot of things...but Max..." she blushed, "I mean Mr Phillips has assured me that this will not be reneged on, the rug won't be pulled from under you."

Lizzie laughed to herself, this Mr Phillips had obviously charmed Cheryl, typical of Oscar to have a solicitor who caused chaos with his female opposites, but that wasn't the funniest thing. Cheryl believed that this was legally binding...and that was the most ridiculous thing. Oscar was playing a game, and he could pull the 'father' card at any time in the future and she could never relax. Oscar may look as though he was giving her what she wanted, but he was just lulling her into a false sense of security.

Cheryl, meanwhile, was gushing, stacking the papers on her desk, preening as though she'd done something world beating herself, Lizzie knew different, this had Oscar written all over it.

As she was gathering her things, preparing to leave, Cheryl's assistant once again entered the room.

"This has just arrived by courier..."

She handed the envelope to a most ecstatic Cheryl, who turned to Lizzie and gushed, "he said it would be here at this almost exact moment! He must be extremely in control."

She almost purred as she opened the envelope, then thrust the paper victoriously in front of her. Lizzie took it and read slowly, her mouth falling further open with each line. It was a signed affidavit, confirming that Oscar wouldn't change his mind, wouldn't seek custody of Nathan again.

Lizzie couldn't fathom it. He was abandoning his son, was that what this was? Suddenly it was distressing, the thought that Nate, and indeed she, wouldn't see him again. He seemed so enthralled with his son, she couldn't see him walking away, not seeing him...but he'd ruled out any chance to take him, to take up the role of father. It didn't make sense.

Cheryl was crowing in some sort of anticipated victory...even though she hadn't done anything in reality, and Lizzie just needed to escape, get some fresh air, some space.

Smiling she stood, "it's a lot to take in Cheryl, but thank you for your help. Can we discuss things further in the week?"
Cheryl nodded, "do you want me to look at adoption papers?"

Her heart surged, adopting Nate? That made her pleasure bloom in her chest and her breath catch. It was everything she wanted, everything she needed...before Oscar. Even if it wasn't going to work between them, she knew that Nate needed him, after losing his mother she wasn't sure he'd cope with Oscar walking away.

Giving an apologetic shrug, she moved to the door in a daze, she wasn't sure that her legs were moving at the pace she expected, she wondered if she might end up face down on the floor...instead, she found herself facing a bank of lifts. Pressing the button, it was a mere second before the doors parted and she almost fell into the mirrored box.

The ground floor foyer was empty, bar the reception desk that flanked the right hand wall, Lizzie was glad that no one could see her struggle to function so simply.

"Miss Breen?" the voice was more questioning than assured and it took a moment for Lizzie to register the man rushing across the marble floor towards her. "Are you Lizzie Breen?"

When she nodded mutely, the aging security guard thrust an envelope into her hands. Glancing down she saw her name scrawled in a rather elaborate handwriting on the front.

"It was left here for you miss."

She shook her head, the confusion deepening, "thanks."

On a bench in the park she'd viewed from the office window, she thumbed at the gummed down opening. Suddenly fear was overwhelming Lizzie.

With a deep breath, she pulled out the paper and unfolded it.

"Hey Lizzie.

I suppose that I've shocked you a little, I bet you're tied between hating me and wondering what the hell I'm playing at. But it's quite simple. I've told you what I want. You. And Nate. I don't want you as a package, one to get the other, you are not a convenience, nor are you someone I can use to have easier access to my son.

The last few months have been the wildest of my life. Yes becoming a father is strange...but it's more than that. Everything I never thought I'd see, or that I'd have...I've found. And it feels amazing. Yes, I have a wonderful son, someone I can be proud of, and I hope feels proud of me. But it's so much more. I found you too, someone who challenges me, pushes me, makes me laugh, makes me feel that maybe I deserve a future, that maybe I can do forever.

Until I blew it. You've been so guarded, so wary...and I get that, BEFORE I met your parents. From the moment I met you, I've had all the cards, the job, the money, the alternative life across the Atlantic...but also a biological link to Nate that I know you feared I'd use.

But today I give you that. You are the parent he needs and should be around; I am the wannabe that takes guidance for your every move. I know that you don't trust me, that you think I'm planning things; even now you're looking for the hidden warnings and intentions in these words. I can't blame you, I'm not sure I trust myself. Life has always been so easy, so unchallenging, and so bloody boring. And I've been selfish, indulgent and very unreliable. But not you. You do right by everyone, seeking the best for people before yourself. I don't doubt that, not really. Me doubting you was a blip, a scared moment when I think I tried to pull back for my sanity...because you dominate my every thought.

But really, this thing...the meeting you've just had. I want you to know that I trust you. That I know that I can rely on you to do the right thing. I don't need a piece of paper to get access to my son; I know that you...his legal guardian will give me all that I need.

I don't know how else to say sorry, how else to make you realise that I am serious, DEADLY serious about how much I want you. I'll risk everything to show you that my life is in your hands."

Lizzie swiped at tears as the words blurred in front of her eyes. This...this was more than she could have ever expected him to do to prove himself. She wanted to cry, wanted to run and find him in equal measure. But she had to read the rest of the letter first.

"So, that's about it, Lizzie. I am hoping that you don't read this as an empty gesture or a scheme of some description. This is me being as honest as I can. I've got to fly to LA this afternoon, I told Nate this morning. I'll be about five days, I will miss you every moment, but I am sure that this time will help us both decide what we want. I won't call or bother you, but I'd love it if I could speak to Nate regularly...but as his guardian, that is up to you. I know you'll do the right thing.

I want to say things that I've never said before...but a letter isn't the right medium. I will be back, and we WILL talk.

Until then, I remain yours,

Oscar."