Ch 2 - "I will protect you"

A/N: This chapter contains triggering theme as self harm. Read at your own risk

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" Karofsky? Who's that?" Blaine asked, even more confused now than he had been a second earlier.

I didn't say anything, instead I just turned around and walked the other way. I didn't care if Blaine followed me or not. The only thing I cared about was getting out of here. As I walked with a faster pace, the sound of Blaine's voice quickly died out.

~

The school day was finally over, and as I came home, I went straight to my bedroom. My body fell onto the bed as if it had been shot, except from all the blood that would've been there.

I was frozen. My body was paralyzed... in a way. My head was screaming.. it was loud and nosy. My thoughts was ripping me apart, tearing me up ... slowly killing me. My tears was streaming down my face, and I didn't even know why. They just kept falling and I couldn't do anything to stop them.

I wiped my tears away, pulling myself up into a sitting position. I went over to the mirror and looked at myself. The image reflecting back was not a delightful sight. On contrary, it was sad and depressing. I was sad and depressing.

As I was about to pull off my shirt, the door to my room opened once again. This time it wasn't my father bursting to wake me up, but it was my step-brother Finn.

" Hey buddy... how you doing?" He asked me, seating on my bed. I just looked at him and shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing what to say.

" How was school?" He then asked

" Ok" I said, of course cutting out the part where I got slusheed and the little encounter with Karofsky.

" That's good... ehm. Is it okay for you if Rachel comes over tonight?" I nodded to give him my answer.

Rachel Berry was my friend. Shwas the one person I always trusted. She was the one person I told everything to, and she told me everything. We were like yin and yang. But this all changed as soon as I changed . Or should I say since I got fucked up. From the moment I started to isolate myself more and more, the more distant she became. When I then tried to confront her about it or talk to her about my problems, should would just withdraw herself. This all ended it making me push her away from me... and here we are. She's dating my stepbrother, Doug well in school and Glee Club, while I'm stuck here in this self made tornado.

" Great! She'll come after dinner time. If there isn't anything you need I'll go downstairs and play some CoD or something" He said and left my room. I laughed at how nerdy my stepbrother could be at times. But he was kind and charming that's probably why Rachel fell in love with him.

When I had made sure Finn was out of sight, I walked over to the door and locked it. I then grabbed my iPod and earphones before I sat down on the floor.

On my phone I scrolled through my newest playlist... a playlist with sad songs. Don't take me wrong Okay. Sad songs was the only thing that could describe how I felt... and helped in a way. As the song 'Perfect' by Pink played, I found the small box I had hidden underneath a loose wooden plank in my floor. In there was something very precious to me.

Something that I was happy and ashamed of at the same time. Something that hurt but helped at the same time. Something I could throw away easily but didn't. My razors.

I rolled up my sleeve, and looked down at my forearm. My left forearm was covered in scars. Most of them was old.. looking like brown scratches... but there was also  some new and fresh ones, where the redness of it hadn't disappeared yet. They still hurt. I grabbed the sharpest razor of those I had. I looked at my arm and drew the razor across my arm. The pain stung, and I could feel the tears build up in my eyes. But it felt good. Too good.

One cut. Blood. Two cuts. More blood. Three cuts. Lots of blood. Paper. Repeat.

This went on for another minute or so, at least until my arm was almost all covered in newly opened flesh and blood spilling out of it. It stung, but I couldn't help feeling kinda proud. I was making art. I painted with silver and it came out red. It was art.

There was a light knock on the door, and my body froze, before I remembered that I had locked the door. As I found the paper and started cleaning up the mess I could hear Carole, my step-mother, talk to me.

" Kurt... would you like some dinner?" She asked with a rather concerned voice .

" I'll be down in a minute" I said. I grabbed some band-aid, out over the wounds and  rolled down my sleeve, before I walked downstairs.

"Hi Kurt" Rachel said with an uneasy voice.

" Hi" I simply said. It was awkward.. everything was so awkward between us. It was as if we were total strangers.

" Let's go into the dining room." Carole said

The dinner went by, and the others were often engaged in various conversations, talking about everything and nothing. I on the other hand, wasn't participating as much. In fact I didn't really eat as much as the others either. While the others was serving themselves the second- third - some even a small fourth portions of Carole's wonderful dishes, I still remained on the first one. Not even halfway through  it. I played with the food with my fork, pushing it all to one side, squeeze it, doing everything I could to make it look less. To make it look like I had eaten. After a while, when I was sick of sitting by the table, I said something.

" Can I please go from the table?" I asked Carole

" But you haven't eaten anything" my dad said, pointing at my rather disgusting looking plate.

" I'm not hungry .." I simply said. I saw in the corner of my eye Rachel looking at Finn. They both wearing a worried look. " Guys, don't worry... I just had a really big lunch today Okay?" I said

" Fine, if you're not hungry we can't really make you sit here ..." Carole said

" Thank you" I said and got up from the table.

As I got up to my room, I heard Finn come running up behind me. He turned me around and stared at me. Then he flung his arms around, hugging me tight. He then let go of me.

" Finn ... what was that for? " I asked

" Kurt... I just wanted to tell you that I know somethings going on with you... I don't know what or why... but I know there is something... and for as long as I'm here, and as long as you are my brother, I will protect you. Okay Kurt? " Finn said and gave me a smile. " No matter what's happening in your life, you will always have my back"

I gave him a smile and hugged him again. And for once, in a long time I felt like Finn finally was my brother.

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A/N: So this was chapter 2 Guys!! I hope you still enjoyed it. I updated three times today wuuut!! But I just wanted to get some of it out so you could get a feeling of what the story will be like. And I also hope you enjoyed the chapter enough to want to continue it❤️ comments and votes are well appreciated ❤️❤️

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