Ella

I wake up in Dean's arms for the second time in the past two days, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. We're always so up and down, I don't want to go back to being in that place where we're arguing, especially since we seem to be getting along once again. I also can't just throw everything between us, under the bus, despite how much healthier it would be. You can't forget how someone's treated you, no matter how nice they become. You always wonder when the time of them going back to that place is going to arrive, and it's scary. Terrifying almost.

I'm being quiet. I'm not giving a silent treatment, but as I pack up my bag after eating my breakfast and drinking a bit, I wonder if they think I am going back to being silent. Sometimes, the quiet is welcoming. I don't want to waste every second with noise. There was too much noise in my town, all the factories and automobiles running, the quiet is like a vacation. Despite the silence, I'd do everything in my power to get my town back to where it was before.

As I was lying in Dean's arms last night, I couldn't help but feel as if I was betraying someone that I didn't know. I may sound stupid, but I can't get Brad out of my head. It's crazy, after all I've gone through, I'm still not so sure I would have the courage to talk to him if he was indeed alive. Apparently it wasn't meant to be anyway, since it wasn't him to survive. I wonder what it would have been like if it were Brad instead of Dean. Would Brad have held me in his arms? Yelled at me? Been completely awful yet completely sweet? I'm not sure, I didn't even know the guy, and that makes me almost want to laugh.

I want to laugh, and so I do. I laugh because it seems like I have not really laughed in a while, and it's well deserved. Mark, Carol, and Dean all look at me like I'm crazy, but I don't even care. For once, I don't care if Dean thinks something odd of me, and it feels pretty good. "What's wrong with you?" Carol rolls her eyes, and I have the notion to spit in her face. This causes me to laugh even harder.

"I was just thinking," I shrug, "about how really stupid I am, and it seemed to amuse me."

"About time you figured it out," she huffs under her breath that I'm almost sure no one else heard her.

"Yeah, and I wish you'd figure out how much of a pain you are." I retort after a moment.

"Why are we going back to this?" Dean questions, not appearing too thrilled.

"She told me it was about time I figured out how stupid I was, so I told her I wish she'd figure out how much of a pain she was. No need to intervene, Dee, I can fight my own battles, remember? I'm a princess." I laugh even harder, and soon Mark joins in and we're laughing like a bunch of nuts. I think the heat has finally gotten to my head.

"Alright, alright, we had better get traveling instead of laughing," Dean mutters, but the smile on his face tells me that he's not exactly at odds with having a little fun.

Standing up, I brush the dust off my ripped pants, before slinging my bag over my shoulder. We begin to walk, and I find myself walking next to Dean while Carol and Mark walk side by side behind us. "Where did this Dee thing come from?" He asks shrugging, acting as if he doesn't really care.

"I don't know, it kind of just came out." I feel my cheeks heat up, and I look away. What is wrong with me? I can't get our conversation out of my head, the one where he inspires me slightly to draw, and for some reason it's bothering me right now. Especially since I've just given him a nickname.

"I like it, I've never had a nickname."

"Never?" I question, being surprised since he had so many people love him back home.

"No, Dean's a short enough name already, what would be the use of one?" He looks down at me, and I find myself looking away.

"Ella is a short name too, but I have one."

"Your name has the potential to have one, what are you going to call a guy named Dean?" He dryly laughs, and I shake my head.

"They could have called you Rick."

"What?"

"You know, Schloric? They could have shortened that to Rick." I catch him smiling in the corner of my eye, and it takes all my will power not to smile along.

"That is actually really good. I never even thought of that. You might be smarter then me, Son, just by a little."

"Son?" I laugh.

"Aye, I might still be smarter," he grins. "And it's for Henderson. I thought you'd catch that."

"Wow, I didn't. I thought it was some joke that I didn't understand."

"Well, if you think about it, it kind of was." This time, I don't try not to smile, but it goes away as fast as it came. What is this? Are we friends? Are we enemies? I don't hate him anymore, but that doesn't mean we're buddies. I don't know what we are, and I don't know what I want to be.

"What are we, Dean?" I ask, letting the question slip out before I could keep it in.

"What do you mean?" He mutters, and I realize that Mark and Carol are no longer talking behind us. Nosy.

"What do you mean, what do I mean? What are we? Are we friends? Are we enemies? Are we pals? What is this? And be honest with me, if you speak on your anger and it's something ignorant, I won't be able to do this friendly thing anymore. I can't take anymore mean words, so tell me what this really is." We're no longer walking, and it seems as if nothing matters but what Dean's about to tell me. I don't know what I want him to tell me, but I know that I don't want him to tell me that we're not friends. That he despises me, that he doesn't care. I don't think he'll say that, not after how much he's trying to get me to see that he does care, but I never know with him. He always lets his other side speak for him when it comes to me, and I'm tired of that. I don't want that side of him, I want the side where he holds me at night and talks to me and is kind. I like that side of Dean, it reminds me of the side I thought I was going to know when I first seen him. I thought he would be kind, and maybe we would get along, and maybe I was wrong about his species, but no. It all crumbled after his first few words with me, and for some reason, that makes me really sad.

"I don't know, El, I honestly don't," he sighs, before running a cut up and sunburned hand over his face. "I just know that I don't want to go back to where we were, and I'm trying here. I know I say crap, and I know you've heard this speech a thousand times, but I say stuff I don't mean, and I'm trying to move on from that. I'm trying to be better, okay? But when I say I don't know what this is, I really don't. Maybe it's good that we don't know whatever this is that's between us, because if we don't know it'll make us want to, and we might get along better. I want to be there, arguments drain us, but friendliness fills us." His yellow eyes are so tired, and I want to hug him. I want to, and so I do.

I hug him, and it startles him at first, but as I stand there with my cheek pressed against his chest, my gaze out towards the desert we have yet to travel, his arms eventually wrap around my body and he holds me tight. I like being like this, in his arms, listening to his heartbeat. I never realized how much this Norovian meant to me, until the idea of never having him entered my brain just now. Without him, I wouldn't be here. I owe him everything, and he'll never even know, because I don't really ever plan on telling him.

He's my friend. I know that now, despite everything we've gone through together, he's my friend. And maybe my best friend, I'm not exactly sure yet. But what I am sure, is that I never want to lose him, and if we make it to this base, I don't want to part from him. Even if we do find new families among our species, I don't want to tell him goodbye.