Dean

We've been in this town for over a day. After we seen the Norovian with the pipe sticking out of her, Ella wasn't in the mood to find any more supplies, or do anything else for that matter. We decided to just camp and eat some of what we had, which consisted of peanut butter and what was left of the box of cereal I found. While she slept, I tried to find more despite the darkness and cold, and came across a jar of pickles. Every little bit counts.

After we woke up, we searched more and I found about seven bottles of water which was almost like finding the holy grail. Ella found a can opener after a lot of digging, and we have only been drinking the water from the pipe, so we can keep our bottles for traveling. I feel so much better just after the little bit that we have drank and eaten, and I would like to finish scoping out the town so we can move on. I want to find living breathing souls, not dead ones that you can smell the flesh rotting off of them. I'm still not used to this foul smell, I don't understand how Ella is so nonchalant about it. I don't understand how she seems to be nonchalant about everything. After her episode yesterday and my comfort, she hasn't spoken one word. All she does is busy around and try to find things, and shares with me what she finds, but no words come out of her mouth. I want to reassure her that it's not her fault. She could not have done anything to save that woman no matter how much she might have tried. I want to tell her it'll be okay, but I don't know if it will be. Even if we do find others that are alive, nothing will be the same. We definitely won't be the same. After everything we've been through, it'll be a miracle if we don't lose our minds.

We're camped out in a house that isn't completely fallen down, and it's nice to get away from the wind for a bit, even though the coldness seems to seep in through the cracks in the corner. The moon is hidden behind a mess of clouds, and as I stand in front of the window--still being surprised it's not shattered--I wonder if there is anything left out there. If there is anymore life that hasn't been taken, or if it is just Ella and me. I used to hate that idea, just her and me in this big bad world, but it doesn't sound so awful. At least we wouldn't be completely lonely, but I know she wouldn't be happy. She wants the people that always loved her and never teased or tortured her to be the ones she spends her time with, not me. I would rather have my family and being surrounded by Norovians instead of her as well, but we need to be practical. She has no family or friends left and I'm not too sure if there are anymore Norovians left since our numbers are so small, so it might actually just be her and me. But there are, I'm almost positive, humans still out there. They'll take her in, she's one of them. She won't be alone.

I can here her shuffle around in the corner, as she sets up for the night. I want to talk to her, to tell her that everything is going to be okay, but as I said earlier, I can't. I'm almost happy it wasn't a human that we found half dead, I can't even imagine how much more messed up she'd be if it were her species. She's so quiet and calm, and it's rather bothersome. What else is bothersome is that I can't seem to get the fact that I'm slightly worried about her, out of my head. I want to knock some sense in me, but with all the blisters and bruises I already have, it's not as if it would help in any way but cause more pain that I just don't need.

I turn around and face her, and at the same time she looks up and our eyes meet. "Are you okay?" I ask for the first time in a day. She hasn't spoken, and neither have I.

"Yeah," she mutters, and lays her head down on her backpack, her voice sure and hard.

"You're lying," I accuse. She scoffs, and looks up at me, no emotion whatsoever in here eyes, it's as if they're hollow and worn.

"Don't. What do you want me to say?" Her voice sounds so much better, it's no longer croaky and rough. "That I have this dread inside that won't go away? That I can't take pictures out of my mind that I would do anything to erase? That I want my life back, I don't want to do this anymore? Is that what you want to hear, Dean?" Her walls have finally crumbled, her voice has softened, and she's now the Ella that I know.

"Yes, if it's the truth, then yes. I want to hear how you feel, because it's only going to make you feel worse if you lie and keep it inside." I sit down in front of the window, putting my back to the wall despite feeling the cold seeping through my clothes from the cracks in the wall.

"You're not my shrink, so please don't pretend to be." She runs a hand over her face, and pushes the brown hair that has fallen, out of her eyes.

"I'm not. I'm not pretending to be anything but truthful. You haven't spoken in a whole day, I want to know why." I lean my head against the wall too, feeling slightly uncomfortable in this position, and silently hoping the wall doesn't fall down upon us.

"Why?" She asks, before sitting up. "I want to forget everything. I want to forget digging my dead mother out of our house. I want to forget all the nasty things we constantly say to one another. I want to forget the last words I shared with my brother. I want to forget watching the asteroid shield the sun and plummet toward my planet. I want to forget all the blood and death I've seen. I want to forget everything." She's exhausted, I can hear it.

"Don't forget, if you do, you won't be the same person you are today," I mumble, not good at this whole comfort thing.

"And what person is that?"

"You. Everything you've gone through has made you the person you are today, and don't try and change that, it's not as if you could anyway." I shrug, and she almost looks angry.

"I don't like the person I am today, it's not the person I was over a week ago when none of this happened. The person I was then is the person I want to be, not this survivor that has guilt and hate inside of her."

"That's right," I almost laugh. "You're a survivor and yeah, it's a shame how you became one, but that's made you stronger. You're stronger then you were a week ago, and you should be proud because of it." I don't know if I'm making any sense to her, but coming through the same situation, plus losing my planet altogether, helped me understand what that means. It makes you harder, and it helps you despite how much it ruins you.

"I don't want to survive, Dean, I want to live. I want everyone to live, I'm sick of death and smelling death every time I breath. Lives have become so important to me, human and Norovian, and it's become this hole inside of me that I can't seem to mend or close. It's just there, and it's always going to be there." She sighs, and I find myself doing the same thing.

"You care so much, don't try to dwell on it, push it the farthest from your mind that you can. It helps, despite how hard it sounds." I want her to push the pain away, she won't feel so sad and she'll feel more like herself. That's how you get through tough situations, you push it away.

"I can't stop caring, it's just who I am. And pushing it away isn't an option for me, it's never been. I couldn't push it away no matter how hard I tried, and I hate that. I hate how inhuman I was just days ago, believing that the humans were more important then your species. That's one of the things that is beating me up the most." She looks down at her hands, and I can tell she's ashamed.

"Stop beating yourself up over that, it'll only make it worse and that is literally the least of your worries. I still don't like your species."

"Yes," she says and looks up. "But you said you wouldn't want them dead, right? I feel the same, you aren't my favorite people, but I don't want you dead or gone."

"You used to wish us dead?"

"No!" She exclaims, realizing how bad that sounded. "I just wished there were more of us then of you. But now it doesn't matter, a life is a life, right?" I want to agree, but I can't. I'm glad she doesn't wish more humans then Norovians, but I've lost so much of my species, I can't say the same. I want to find more Norovians, but I don't say that, though. I don't want an argument rising, especially not now.

"If your family were like you," I say before I even realize what I'm doing. "They were good people." I never complimented a human, but I don't dare say that or she'll accuse me again of her being my experiment. I said it anyway, without thinking, but it was the truth. No matter how annoying and awful she is at times, she really does care.

"Thank you," she half smiles, before looking down once again. "If your family were like you, they would have been pretty good too."

"Are you saying that, just to say that?" I tease, but silently hoping she's not.

"No," she whispers and looks up. "I'm not. You're a jerk at times, and I can't really stand you the other times, but I think your intentions are good, for the most part." There is a silence between us, and she lies down, with her back towards me. I want to tell her again that I'm sorry for the things I've said and how I was in school, but there isn't any use. "Goodnight, Dean," she mutter.

"Night," I whisper back, before lying down on my back, almost wishing she was near me to keep me warm throughout the night, but then I push that thought away and close my eyes, hoping that a good night's rest will come over me.